the happiest days of our lives
title: the happiest days of our lives
author: phin
rating: pg-13ish
pairings: eleven/simm!master, theta/koschei (teenage!doctor/teenage!master)
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing. <3
spoilers: well, it's the new new doctor. <3 Assuming you know that there's going to BE one, and something about what he's going to look like, you're set. no specific spoilers for any episode. happens just post End Of Time, part 2.
author's note: is there such a genre as fluff-crack? in which the new boss is ... not quite the same as the old boss, Eleven misquotes classic rock for his own slightly nefarious purposes, and the Master doesn't even have time to properly think up a scheme before it's foiled in the bud - but strangely, things work out for everyone anyway. the duck tour spoken of is here and i've heard it's quite fun but i can't imagine either of them wanting to bother with it, can you? certainly when given the alternative? *laugh* anyway. first who-fic proper. <3 be kind.
Seattle, Washington, USA, North America, Sol III, Mutter's Spiral, Milky Way Galaxy. 2010.
Ugh. Unshielded teleport. Nasty. Good thing he hadn't eaten properly in centuries at least - nothing to throw up and accidentally get all over his suit. The Master staggered for a moment, waiting for his stomach to settle and his eyes to focus.
There.
Crowds. Seagulls. Flat, American voices ... water - huge boats - coffee shops. Food sounded like both a blessing and a curse right now.
Wait.
He'd been here before.
What, when - oh. God, then.
Lower form class trip, if he remembered correctly; Theta had spoiled the votes to make sure they'd end up on Earth, and his younger self, stunned-stupid with lust and hormones and unreciprociated need, had showed him how to hack the database in the first damn place, like a bird bringing back brilliant wriggling favors for a potential mate. The staff, determined to stuff every second with education (for fear the hormones would leak out, he suspected) had frogmarched them all on some tour of a historically-relevant computer firm that was so ludicruously quaint even Theta had to bite his fist almost bloody to keep the laughter inside, despite his ridiculous affection for humans.
When? This place was familiar, achingly so - not just the buildings and the ambience, but tricky things like the particular angle and spill of the light and certain smells in the air. What was the date?
Ah, perfect - newspaper box.
He stared at it, blinked, then stared again for nearly a full minute before he tore his eyes away.
The Master had always considered himself particularly lucky after a fashion, but this was just unreal. If he remembered correctly - and because he was a genius, that was more or less a given - his younger self should be having lunch with his future arch-enemy right ... over ... there.
Damn.
It was really quite amazing, being himself.
*
"What is this called, again?"
"Pizza."
"Is it supposed to be all - I don't know, melty and - stringy?"
The Master turned toward the conversation, watching from the middle distance. Theta in a denim jacket and jeans, sprawling on the wooden bench, all elbows, knees and windblown curly hair, that color that was supposedly brown but had highlights of gold and deep red, especially after the lengthy Gallifreyan summers. His teenaged self - dark hair swept back, mostly black clothes (as always, whenever the bastards had bothered giving him a choice - it's not as though their ridiculous robes would go unnoticed here, even those fatheads had to admit that), and a sense of protectiveness that hovered over Theta - a palpable thing all its own. He watched his younger self watch Theta's lips and tongue slurp some particularly recalcitrant cheese from his slice; more than just a twinge of reciprocal heat settled into his own stomach at the sight.
Before he could stop himself, he was walking over to the bench.
"Hello, boys, is this seat taken?"
"Of course not, sir." Theta, always polite, folded himself closed (in a reckless moment of almost-poetry that he'd never admit to, the Master compared it to a flower under time lapse photography, and then caught himself). Koschei looked like he wasn't sure what to say, if anything - he looked momentarily annoyed at having lost the thread of the moment alone between the two of them to some intruder, but then Theta's thigh brushed against his own and his eyes shot back to his lunch as though it contained the answer to Fermat's last theorem.
Theta, of course, started babbling.
"Hi! Do you live around here?"
"No, but ... I'm ... somewhat familiar with the city - are you boys touring the area then?"
"Oh, sure, we're from out of town, quite a ways. My name's Theta Sigma, this is Koschei - he's my best friend - we're here on a school trip." He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Hoping to get away this afternoon. Don't get me wrong, I love it here - beautiful place, culture's amazing, but I'm sick of all these tours and educational monuments and historical bullshit - I mean, what I really want is to get out of these restraints they've put me in and actually see what it's like to be on this planet for a little while before we have to leave, you know what I mean? Bef-" Theta would have said more, but Koschei had miraculously come unfrozen from his lust-addled haze and slapped a quick palm over his best friend's mouth.
"Sorry about him." Koschei muttered, dark eyes locking on the Master's own. "He's kind of a nutter, really. Doesn't know when to stop running his mouth - ow! Thete!"
The Master realized with a slight start that his younger self was actually attempting to hypnotize him. Adorable. "Oh, don't worry. I have a - well, I know someone quite like that. Does it all the time. No harm done. Listen, do you boys want anything? Coffee? Tea? Ice cream? My treat."
*
in orbit around Sol III, Mutter's Spiral, Milky Way Galaxy. 2010.
Right!
First things first - steady the TARDIS, prevent anything spectacularly messy or dangerous - no point in crashing and having to regenerate again so soon, talk about a waste - then second things second - make tea in that lovely little insulated cup thing that had been so handy last time - fortunately he still could, the adrenaline was still keeping him upright, but he could tell it wouldn't do for very long; things were already starting to fog and sparkle around the edges - and then third things third, collapse face first into bed for at least ten or twelve hours.
He woke up feeling positively spectacular, and the tea was still half-warm and full of antioxidants and tannins - fabulous things, insulated mugs - and he was halfway through a speculative wander through the wardrobe room when he stopped short.
"Oh bloody hell." his new, still unfamiliar voice echoed through the empty TARDIS. "Not you again."
*
"So anyway, Kosch and I were looking for something interesting to do this afternoon - it's practically a miracle they let us off with the better part of a day to ourselves, but it's not like I'm - err, we're" - here Theta glanced at Koschei nervously out of the corner of his eye, as if checking something - "about to waste it doing some ridiculous duck-themed floating architecture tour -"
"Excuse me, what?" He'd forgotten about that.
"More of the same historical educational garbage." Koschei rolled his eyes and settled a little more comfortably on the bench, brushing shaggy black fringe out of his face. "Apparently it's better with ducks, or at least the locals would like us to believe -"
Theta laughed, delighted at his best friend's humor. "And so we were wondering if you knew of anything more interesting." He slurped at the remainder of his ice cream cone, winding and swirling that long pink tongue around the base of it, and the Master only managed to make himself stare more subtly because of several centuries' experience on his younger self. From the looks of it, his younger self wanted to strip Theta naked right there and damn the audience.
He remembered those days all too well, all of a sudden.
"Well, like I said, I haven't been here for a while, but I'm probably more familiar with the area than you are. Let me think a minute." His brain was buzzing, synapses flying in overdrive, trying to come up with a plan. After all, it wasn't every day that something like this just wandered along, and if he were so stupid as to not take advantage of it one kind of way or another, he'd be kicking himself later.
And then he heard it. A familiar-yet-not-familiar voice, lilting along the wind - one of those voices that tore itself out of the crowd and made sure it was heard, as though it was meant for him alone, and as ridiculous and utterly corny as that sounded...
It undoubtedly was.
"They don't need no education, they don't need no thought control .... hey, Master?"
His attention snapped back. Only one person ever said his name quite like -
"Leave the kids alone." A tall man with an astoundingly unruly mop of dark brown hair (which was really saying something, considering his last regeneration) a tweed jacket and boots - Rassilion's tongue, tweed? at least it wasn't velvet again - stood before him, rocking back on his heels, a smirk on his face.
"Sorry." he continued. "Couldn't resist it, really. Perfect opening. Hello! I'm the Doctor."
Even Theta had stopped talking at this point. The Doctor waved, ever so slightly, and smiled at the two boys.
"I'll have you know," the Master drew himself up in as much of an an indignant huff as he could manage on his current state, "that I'm being perfectly sociable. What the hell - what did you do, steal the dry cleaning from the Oxford maths department on the way here?"
"It's a classic!"
"I like it." Theta replied with a smile.
"Thank you, Theta." The Doctor smiled back, and pulled something folded out of his pocket. "Here. Buy yourself and Koschei something nice - a few something nices. Enjoy the rest of the trip - skip the eggs in the complimentary breakfast, they're rubbish, and don't bother with the duck tour, there's some good little shops, you'll find a few things you'll both enjoy later." His eyes twinkled. "We're going to have to be off, the Master and I." He grabbed the Master by the knot of his tie and started dragging him towards the TARDIS, which had landed in a small park not too far away. "Come on, you."
"The new you is pushy and demanding. That's ... actually, that's pretty hot."
"Only for you, darling."
The boys watched them walk away.
"Thete?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you ever tell him our names?"
"Nope." They watched the TARDIS disappear.
"That last bit was just weird." Koschei slung his arm around Theta's shoulders protectively. "Ugh. Hope we're never like that."
author: phin
rating: pg-13ish
pairings: eleven/simm!master, theta/koschei (teenage!doctor/teenage!master)
disclaimer: a wandering minstrel i, a thing of shreds and patches. i own nothing. <3
spoilers: well, it's the new new doctor. <3 Assuming you know that there's going to BE one, and something about what he's going to look like, you're set. no specific spoilers for any episode. happens just post End Of Time, part 2.
author's note: is there such a genre as fluff-crack? in which the new boss is ... not quite the same as the old boss, Eleven misquotes classic rock for his own slightly nefarious purposes, and the Master doesn't even have time to properly think up a scheme before it's foiled in the bud - but strangely, things work out for everyone anyway. the duck tour spoken of is here and i've heard it's quite fun but i can't imagine either of them wanting to bother with it, can you? certainly when given the alternative? *laugh* anyway. first who-fic proper. <3 be kind.
Seattle, Washington, USA, North America, Sol III, Mutter's Spiral, Milky Way Galaxy. 2010.
Ugh. Unshielded teleport. Nasty. Good thing he hadn't eaten properly in centuries at least - nothing to throw up and accidentally get all over his suit. The Master staggered for a moment, waiting for his stomach to settle and his eyes to focus.
There.
Crowds. Seagulls. Flat, American voices ... water - huge boats - coffee shops. Food sounded like both a blessing and a curse right now.
Wait.
He'd been here before.
What, when - oh. God, then.
Lower form class trip, if he remembered correctly; Theta had spoiled the votes to make sure they'd end up on Earth, and his younger self, stunned-stupid with lust and hormones and unreciprociated need, had showed him how to hack the database in the first damn place, like a bird bringing back brilliant wriggling favors for a potential mate. The staff, determined to stuff every second with education (for fear the hormones would leak out, he suspected) had frogmarched them all on some tour of a historically-relevant computer firm that was so ludicruously quaint even Theta had to bite his fist almost bloody to keep the laughter inside, despite his ridiculous affection for humans.
When? This place was familiar, achingly so - not just the buildings and the ambience, but tricky things like the particular angle and spill of the light and certain smells in the air. What was the date?
Ah, perfect - newspaper box.
He stared at it, blinked, then stared again for nearly a full minute before he tore his eyes away.
The Master had always considered himself particularly lucky after a fashion, but this was just unreal. If he remembered correctly - and because he was a genius, that was more or less a given - his younger self should be having lunch with his future arch-enemy right ... over ... there.
Damn.
It was really quite amazing, being himself.
*
"What is this called, again?"
"Pizza."
"Is it supposed to be all - I don't know, melty and - stringy?"
The Master turned toward the conversation, watching from the middle distance. Theta in a denim jacket and jeans, sprawling on the wooden bench, all elbows, knees and windblown curly hair, that color that was supposedly brown but had highlights of gold and deep red, especially after the lengthy Gallifreyan summers. His teenaged self - dark hair swept back, mostly black clothes (as always, whenever the bastards had bothered giving him a choice - it's not as though their ridiculous robes would go unnoticed here, even those fatheads had to admit that), and a sense of protectiveness that hovered over Theta - a palpable thing all its own. He watched his younger self watch Theta's lips and tongue slurp some particularly recalcitrant cheese from his slice; more than just a twinge of reciprocal heat settled into his own stomach at the sight.
Before he could stop himself, he was walking over to the bench.
"Hello, boys, is this seat taken?"
"Of course not, sir." Theta, always polite, folded himself closed (in a reckless moment of almost-poetry that he'd never admit to, the Master compared it to a flower under time lapse photography, and then caught himself). Koschei looked like he wasn't sure what to say, if anything - he looked momentarily annoyed at having lost the thread of the moment alone between the two of them to some intruder, but then Theta's thigh brushed against his own and his eyes shot back to his lunch as though it contained the answer to Fermat's last theorem.
Theta, of course, started babbling.
"Hi! Do you live around here?"
"No, but ... I'm ... somewhat familiar with the city - are you boys touring the area then?"
"Oh, sure, we're from out of town, quite a ways. My name's Theta Sigma, this is Koschei - he's my best friend - we're here on a school trip." He rolled his eyes dramatically. "Hoping to get away this afternoon. Don't get me wrong, I love it here - beautiful place, culture's amazing, but I'm sick of all these tours and educational monuments and historical bullshit - I mean, what I really want is to get out of these restraints they've put me in and actually see what it's like to be on this planet for a little while before we have to leave, you know what I mean? Bef-" Theta would have said more, but Koschei had miraculously come unfrozen from his lust-addled haze and slapped a quick palm over his best friend's mouth.
"Sorry about him." Koschei muttered, dark eyes locking on the Master's own. "He's kind of a nutter, really. Doesn't know when to stop running his mouth - ow! Thete!"
The Master realized with a slight start that his younger self was actually attempting to hypnotize him. Adorable. "Oh, don't worry. I have a - well, I know someone quite like that. Does it all the time. No harm done. Listen, do you boys want anything? Coffee? Tea? Ice cream? My treat."
*
in orbit around Sol III, Mutter's Spiral, Milky Way Galaxy. 2010.
Right!
First things first - steady the TARDIS, prevent anything spectacularly messy or dangerous - no point in crashing and having to regenerate again so soon, talk about a waste - then second things second - make tea in that lovely little insulated cup thing that had been so handy last time - fortunately he still could, the adrenaline was still keeping him upright, but he could tell it wouldn't do for very long; things were already starting to fog and sparkle around the edges - and then third things third, collapse face first into bed for at least ten or twelve hours.
He woke up feeling positively spectacular, and the tea was still half-warm and full of antioxidants and tannins - fabulous things, insulated mugs - and he was halfway through a speculative wander through the wardrobe room when he stopped short.
"Oh bloody hell." his new, still unfamiliar voice echoed through the empty TARDIS. "Not you again."
*
"So anyway, Kosch and I were looking for something interesting to do this afternoon - it's practically a miracle they let us off with the better part of a day to ourselves, but it's not like I'm - err, we're" - here Theta glanced at Koschei nervously out of the corner of his eye, as if checking something - "about to waste it doing some ridiculous duck-themed floating architecture tour -"
"Excuse me, what?" He'd forgotten about that.
"More of the same historical educational garbage." Koschei rolled his eyes and settled a little more comfortably on the bench, brushing shaggy black fringe out of his face. "Apparently it's better with ducks, or at least the locals would like us to believe -"
Theta laughed, delighted at his best friend's humor. "And so we were wondering if you knew of anything more interesting." He slurped at the remainder of his ice cream cone, winding and swirling that long pink tongue around the base of it, and the Master only managed to make himself stare more subtly because of several centuries' experience on his younger self. From the looks of it, his younger self wanted to strip Theta naked right there and damn the audience.
He remembered those days all too well, all of a sudden.
"Well, like I said, I haven't been here for a while, but I'm probably more familiar with the area than you are. Let me think a minute." His brain was buzzing, synapses flying in overdrive, trying to come up with a plan. After all, it wasn't every day that something like this just wandered along, and if he were so stupid as to not take advantage of it one kind of way or another, he'd be kicking himself later.
And then he heard it. A familiar-yet-not-familiar voice, lilting along the wind - one of those voices that tore itself out of the crowd and made sure it was heard, as though it was meant for him alone, and as ridiculous and utterly corny as that sounded...
It undoubtedly was.
"They don't need no education, they don't need no thought control .... hey, Master?"
His attention snapped back. Only one person ever said his name quite like -
"Leave the kids alone." A tall man with an astoundingly unruly mop of dark brown hair (which was really saying something, considering his last regeneration) a tweed jacket and boots - Rassilion's tongue, tweed? at least it wasn't velvet again - stood before him, rocking back on his heels, a smirk on his face.
"Sorry." he continued. "Couldn't resist it, really. Perfect opening. Hello! I'm the Doctor."
Even Theta had stopped talking at this point. The Doctor waved, ever so slightly, and smiled at the two boys.
"I'll have you know," the Master drew himself up in as much of an an indignant huff as he could manage on his current state, "that I'm being perfectly sociable. What the hell - what did you do, steal the dry cleaning from the Oxford maths department on the way here?"
"It's a classic!"
"I like it." Theta replied with a smile.
"Thank you, Theta." The Doctor smiled back, and pulled something folded out of his pocket. "Here. Buy yourself and Koschei something nice - a few something nices. Enjoy the rest of the trip - skip the eggs in the complimentary breakfast, they're rubbish, and don't bother with the duck tour, there's some good little shops, you'll find a few things you'll both enjoy later." His eyes twinkled. "We're going to have to be off, the Master and I." He grabbed the Master by the knot of his tie and started dragging him towards the TARDIS, which had landed in a small park not too far away. "Come on, you."
"The new you is pushy and demanding. That's ... actually, that's pretty hot."
"Only for you, darling."
The boys watched them walk away.
"Thete?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you ever tell him our names?"
"Nope." They watched the TARDIS disappear.
"That last bit was just weird." Koschei slung his arm around Theta's shoulders protectively. "Ugh. Hope we're never like that."