Love and beta notes (since you asked)karaokegalJune 6 2007, 16:19:42 UTC
Sheer brilliance from the title to the ending including the German at the end. My favorite line is "disappeared in a wad a nicotine gum."
On the beta front, just a few things. I don't think there's an e in curtsy. In the Jiminy Cricket line you have conscious where I think you mean conscience. (Also in that line it might be funnier if you used "Jimmy" instead of "Jiminy" to further the point, but that's totally your call.) I know you're in the UK and your spellcheck is UK spelling based, but for US based fandoms, I think it's worth it to make the changes in words like practising and realised. It's really jarring (IMAO) to see the British spellngs instead of the American ones.
(If you ever want Full Metal Beta, including US/UK changes, I'm happy to volunteer my services.)
Re: Love and beta notes (since you asked)petrichor_fizzJune 6 2007, 16:36:13 UTC
Thank you so much! I''ll just make a few edits, and then I'll spread it around.
That was my favourite line too; I would be convinced that I'd stolen it from somebody else, except I can't imagine any other situation in which it might be used.
His cool demeanor seemed incongruous, given that he appeared to be holding a stick with a plastic star sellotaped to the end of it. - From this line on you had me, completely.
"House..." he said gently, deploying his best 'breaking bad news' tone of voice: "he's turned you into Jackie Stallone." - this is where I wanted to bear your children.
Especially at this hospital, where everybody is absurdly photogenic." - This is where I was mentally proposing marriage.
And then my brain began to melt. It's all so bloody awesome I can't pick out the bits I love the most. So funny.
Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm glad you enjoyed it. This is my favourite kind of thing to write, so I'm just glad somebody else gets something out of it, too.
It actually is a Papa Roach lyric, as I just found out, but personally I stole it from the title of a Tom Waits song.
Perfectly amusing and fitting. Especially after I googled a picture of Jackie Stallone... Enjoyed the story, ESPECIALLY the ending... the last sentence is great, but the part with the shoes was almost more special to me, tender... Anyway, I liked the fic!
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On the beta front, just a few things. I don't think there's an e in curtsy. In the Jiminy Cricket line you have conscious where I think you mean conscience. (Also in that line it might be funnier if you used "Jimmy" instead of "Jiminy" to further the point, but that's totally your call.) I know you're in the UK and your spellcheck is UK spelling based, but for US based fandoms, I think it's worth it to make the changes in words like practising and realised. It's really jarring (IMAO) to see the British spellngs instead of the American ones.
(If you ever want Full Metal Beta, including US/UK changes, I'm happy to volunteer my services.)
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That was my favourite line too; I would be convinced that I'd stolen it from somebody else, except I can't imagine any other situation in which it might be used.
Reply
"House..." he said gently, deploying his best 'breaking bad news' tone of voice: "he's turned you into Jackie Stallone." - this is where I wanted to bear your children.
Especially at this hospital, where everybody is absurdly photogenic." - This is where I was mentally proposing marriage.
And then my brain began to melt. It's all so bloody awesome I can't pick out the bits I love the most. So funny.
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It actually is a Papa Roach lyric, as I just found out, but personally I stole it from the title of a Tom Waits song.
Reply
Perfectly amusing and fitting. Especially after I googled a picture of Jackie Stallone... Enjoyed the story, ESPECIALLY the ending... the last sentence is great, but the part with the shoes was almost more special to me, tender... Anyway, I liked the fic!
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Thanks for reading! Glad you liked.
I love your icon, by the way.
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Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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Absolutely wonderful and totally ridculous, in the best possible way :D
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I'm glad you found the Jackie Stallone thing funny. It eventually occurred to me that some people might think it was cruel...
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