Comments | petite_lambda: What's Wrong With Monogamy

petite_lambda

What's Wrong With Monogamy

Feb 15, 2009 23:39

For most poly people out there, there's really nothing wrong with monogamy. Both mono and poly are valid relationship models, and everyone chooses the one which best fits them. I really wish I could wholeheartedly agree with this... however, I must admit that monogamy clashes with my ethics. And here's why:

It makes a person feel guilty about having ( Read more... )

polyamory, monogamy, ethics

Comments 9

I Agree on some and disagree on others... anonymous March 24 2009, 20:03:29 UTC

You started off right, and this is the best part "everyone chooses the one which best fits them" and not only that, we should accept it and not try to change others choices just cause they seem weird to us and against how we see life ( ... )

Re: I Agree on some and disagree on others... petite_lambda March 25 2009, 07:17:05 UTC

Thank you for your comment, you raised many interesting points!

"we should accept it and not try to change others choices just cause they seem weird to us and against how we see life... There are many aspects to life, we should accept each person for it and admire they way they chose for themselves as i'm sure it's been a journey they took to reach their own conclusions. Just as you have reached your own, someone else had different life and found a way that suits their personality. Both are Right!"

I happen to very passionately disagree with this view! First of all, it's interesting to note that expressing my disagreement was seen by you as "trying to change people's choices". Hey -- everyone has a right to choose for themselves, but everyone also has the right to argue with other people's choices! (Not only the right, mind you -- many times, it's a responsibilityAll ethical systems, by definition, specify rules for right and wrong behavior. An ethical system that accepts everything as "Right" is not an ethical system ( ... )

Re: I Agree on some and disagree on others... anonymous March 25 2009, 08:55:43 UTC

Regarding the first section, you are correct, what i meant was exactly what you wrote "Any lifestyle that doesn't hurt other people should be considered ethically valid. Since monogamy is nobody's business but the couple involved, there's nothing wrong with it!
Did I understand you correctly?" (i have no idea how you made it into italics :P ) but that is exactly what i mean, what people do in their own private life as consenting adults, is their own business and should not concern anyone else as long as no one gets hurt.

As for polyamory/swinging, i think you mis-translated what i meant here. I never said or implied that polyamory/multi-partners has no feelings in it. Heck, even regular couples have sex without feeling

Regarding last part with "wow, she's hot!" then as long as don't intent to act on our fantasies (and i'm MORE then positive that my X had loads of her own, i'm not exactly HOT!) then i see nothing wrong in fantasizing or even wanting, as long as we don't "do" it.

Re: I Agree on some and disagree on others... petite_lambda April 6 2009, 18:47:10 UTC

what people do in their own private life as consenting adults, is their own business and should not concern anyone else as long as no one gets hurt
You must have guessed that if I put words in your mouth, that probably means I have an answer prepared :-)
And, btw, italics are just usual html tags -- they work here.

I have two points:
Firstly, some beliefs and behavior can still clash with my ethics, even if they are a personal decision that does not concern anyone else. There are two types of ethical disagreements:
(a) I believe something is BAD, and the other person believes it is GOOD
(b) I believe something is GOOD, and the other person believes it is BAD
Monogamy, for me, falls in the second category -- which is much, MUCH less severe than the first. As I said, I'm extremely tolerant to such things! All behavior that harms others (or violates their freedom) falls into the first category. It's not in the same league! But still -- a slight clash exists, and it's worth pointing out ( ... )

Thread 9