when i interned at the hospital i was sent to "evaluate" a young girl, who turned out to be the same age as myself and another intern i was sent with. evaluating someone basically consists of getting a small sense of their language, speech or voice, and in some cases swallowing - well most cases in a hospital setting but for this we were aware ( Read more... )

basically - people i thought would always be in my life - are clearly not. when certain events occured the only action i thought i had to preserve my pride was to completely disconnect. that has always been my only course of action. but, truly and obviously since a few years later i am still bothered by it, that is not what i wanted to have happen ( Read more... )

i can try to deter these thoughts from my waking conscience but when they invade my subconscious & dreams i guess im helpless to fight it off. i wake up, realize it was just my dream or nightmare, and then remind myself of all the things i feel and think and try to move on. but what do you do when your thoughts keep being hindered by the dream? you ( Read more... )

welcome back peskydiva. this journal used to be a little box in the bottom right hand corner of my computer screen, not a slow moving website on my laptop. when it was a little box i could type away on while still doing a ton of other things, i used to just let everything flow and never thought twice about hitting enter at the end of my thought. ( Read more... )

I never thought I'd have the oppurtunities I had this past week come to me, at least not so quickly. I mean really, what the situation is - is more than anyone in my position could hope for or dream for. And I don't know if i have shown enough gratitude, or even had the time to feel it. because its all mixed with fear and anxiety and really just ( Read more... )

so today i got about 10 stitches in my back at the doctor for the excision of the atypical cells. i took off from work, and thought id be okay the rest of the day...i think mentally im just drained from it all. i took a little nap after and woke up in excrutiating pain. i really didnt think it would hurt this much, since ive had stitches from a ( Read more... )

basically im scared ( Read more... )

so finding out something is wrong with your own self is 90 million times less worrysome then finding out someone you care about is. i mean, last february - was way worse. i mean, who knows ...i just am less worried & concerned. i guess thats a problem. i dont feel that worried. but either way, its not the best that could happen. or maybe it is, ( Read more... )

sometimes...maybe a lot of times lately...ive just felt so lucky. like extremely overwhelmingly. maybe not "luck". i know a lot of my joy is that thing that people always say "hard work pays off" and i guess it already is. because i get a lot of joy out of what i do and where im going. so many doors have opened. and its a struggle most of the time ( Read more... )

i almost forgot my lj username...kinda crazy but i had trouble logging in and was using my facebook name. i guess i never have time or care about this. speaking of facebook, for SO long i have wanted to defriend someone just because their being makes me sick and i didnt want to give them the satisfaction of knowing i hate them, kinda a catch 22 bc ( Read more... )