FIC: Impossible (17/30)
Title: Impossible
Author: perfect_pride
Pairing: Hermione/Bellatrix
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: It goes without saying that none of the Harry Potter world or its’ characters belong to me, unfortunately. Neither do the lyrics.
Warnings: Mental and physical abuse/torture.
Summary: Bellatrix abducts Hermione and keeps her prisoner, but an ancient magic threatens to change both their lives in ways they never thought were possible.
A/N: This fic begins during the summer months at the start of Deathly Hallows and complies with the events throughout the book. The timeline has been slightly adjusted at the start but it is barely noticeable. It takes into account events from the books and the films, but mainly the books as they are my favourite and provide greater detail. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (film) wasn’t considered as I wrote this beforehand and I feel like the scenes I have written and slotted into the book version work better. I hope that makes sense, if not, please ask. Also, I have tried to keep the characters in-character despite the unlikely pairing. Feedback is welcome. :)
(1), (2) , (3a), (3b) , ( 4), ( 5) , (6), (7), ( 8), ( 9), (10), ( 11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16)
A lot of events happen in this chapter because I didn't want to re-write of Deathly Hallows... I don't think anyone particular wants to read me re-writing the book!
**
See me as I really amI have flaws and sometimes I even sin
so pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong there
Haley James Scott, Halo**
17.
Although Hermione had succeeded in sneaking back into Shell Cottage and replacing Draco’s wand next to Harry, she had not been able to find the right moment to speak to Harry and Ron about Bellatrix. It was all well and good having a reputation as a Gryffindor that she was supposed to be brave, but that didn’t make it any easier for the words to come out of her mouth. There was just no nice way of saying, “I’m in love with Bellatrix Lestrange and she might actually be serious about helping us defeat Voldemort.” It was laughable even inside her own head to think such a thing. Moreover, she couldn’t help debating whether or not she should even admit what had happened between them or if she’d be better off just sticking to the bare facts that Bellatrix was proclaiming to be on their side.
Now that they had worked out every aspect of how to access Gringotts and how to steal another possible Horcrux, Hermione was beginning to get nervous. Being Bellatrix courtesy of Polyjuice Potion and the hair she had left on Hermione was just going to be plain strange. In some ways Hermione wished they could just hurry and do it, but then the rational side of her kicked in and said it was better to have a proper plan. It was just that it tormented Hermione so much that she wasn’t sure she could pull it off.
As the date of their planned break-in to Gringotts drew closer and closer, and Hermione was left alone with Ron and Harry for a rare moment away from Griphook, the closest to a perfect opportunity to tell the boys about Bellatrix’s claim was presented to her, courtesy of Ron. “What do you think Bellatrix Lestrange is going to do when she finds out you pretended to be her to get into the vault?” he wondered aloud.
“I think she’ll be traumatised at the fact that a Muggle-born imitated a pure-blood,” Harry stated dryly. “She’ll probably go even more insane than she already is.”
“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about Bellatrix,” Hermione said, and she proceeded to relay Bellatrix’s explanation for what had happened at Malfoy Manor, and her pledge to support them from now on. Harry and Ron both stared at her, mouth agape, so shocked that apparently they couldn’t even bring themselves to interrupt.
“You can’t seriously believe her, Hermione,” Harry started, the moment she had told him she had finished talking. “I... how can you believe her?! She killed Dobby!”
“I’ve just explained that she says that wasn’t intentional,” Hermione said patiently. “It’s horrible, I know, but we have to consider the bigger picture here. The entire wizarding world is in the hands of You-Know-Who and Bellatrix who has always been one of his most faithful is saying that she will turn against him.” For me, Hermione added silently in her head.
“Exactly, Hermione, it’s what Bellatrix says. You can’t trust her!” Harry said loudly, aghast.
“I know, and that is why we have to be willing to wait until she proves it before we allow her to help,” Hermione acknowledged. “And please quieten down or Bill and Fleur are going to come bursting in.”
“Tell her Ron,” Harry said, breathing hard, though he had lowered his voice slightly.
“He’s right, Hermione. What happens if we let her know what we’re doing and then she uses it against us and runs back to You-Know-Who?” Ron said, agreeing with Harry.
“Then we don’t tell her anything,” Hermione said simply. “We allow her to prove herself in her own ways, maybe by handing us information and following that up...”
“Information that could be a trap,” Ron interjected.
“Well obviously we don’t just believe her, we investigate,” Hermione explained, trying to remain patient.
Harry stared at her, a frown on his face. “Hang on a second, you still haven’t told us how you know all this. When did you even see Bellatrix to discuss it with her?”
Hermione blushed, and reluctantly she recounted the stories of her going to Bellatrix’s home on two separate occasions. Harry and Ron stared at her dumbfounded, as she spoke, Harry shaking his head and Ron without blinking. It was now that Hermione started to worry; they were bound to ask questions about how Hermione had managed to get to Bellatrix when nobody else had. They weren’t stupid, Ron may lack common sense and Harry may behave rashly, but they were both intelligent young men when it came down to it.”
“What aren’t you telling us, Hermione?” Harry said quietly. Hermione was surprised, she was sure that a lecture was already due on the risks she had taken. Maybe Harry knew that anything said would be ignored and that it would be futile to attempt to, because normally he would be the first to judge. Or it could be that he was still feeling guilty for getting them into the situation at Malfoy Manor in the first place.
“N-nothing,” Hermione said, and her cheeks reddened more.
“Tell us,” Harry said.
“Yeah, tell us,” Ron repeated.
Hermione sighed. It was apparent that both Harry and Ron weren’t going to let this go until she told them what she was hiding, and as she was so rubbish at lying to them, her only option was to tell the truth. She watched them, wondering if they would treat her differently after her confession, wondering if they would still see her in the same light. Above all, she just wanted them to love her as they always had, even if things were a bit weird between them first. Ron was evidently going to be more complicated to deal with than Harry, but as they hadn’t actually decided they were together, or even done anything more than hug these past weeks, she didn’t see how he could get too angry. Although knowing Ron, he would be likely to.
“Bellatrix and I have a connection,” she stated. “It’s called Semper Amor.” Speaking slowly so that she wouldn’t have to repeat herself, Hermione explained exactly what it was, and how it had become obvious from their first kiss that something was between them, more than just a normal attraction. Harry’s expression was so utterly blank that Hermione wondered if he was hiding his real feelings on the matter. Ron on the other hand could only be described as looking horrified. As expected.
Harry was the first to speak. “Everything else aside, I didn’t... didn’t even know you liked girls, Hermione.”
“I don’t,” Hermione said, and then realising that didn’t make any sense, she backtracked, “Well, I suppose a part of me must but... well what I’m trying to say is that I just feel this way about Bellatrix. No other girls or women. At the moment, not even any men. Just her. That’s the whole point of the ancient magic, Harry. We were both only to love each other in this way. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I’m intrinsically linked to Bellatrix whether I want to be or not.”
“Couldn’t you have picked someone other than an insane Death Eater to fall for?” Ron sniped. He looked at her sullenly, as though she had just taken away his broomstick or favourite wizard’s chess set.
“Are you not listening? I didn’t choose for this to happen,” Hermione responded, trying not to let him anger her.
“Well, how do you know she’s gay anyway? She’s probably just messing with you,” Ron said, sounding childish.
“The connection works both ways. And whilst I acknowledge she may intend to merely take advantage of the connection and this might be a ploy of some sort, I very much doubt it,” Hermione disagreed. “If that is her intention then she’s a very good actress. And I also get the feeling that... well that I’m not the first girl she has been attracted to. Don’t ask me why... it’s just an instinct.”
“Even if she does fancy you,” Ron said, looking revolted at the thought and not troubling to hide his feelings. “How do you know she isn’t just, I dunno, buttering you up so that you give her information?”
Hermione was immediately irritated by Ron’s words, but she tried not to let him get to her. One more comment and she wouldn’t be able to control her rage, but for the moment she tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was a lot for him to take in, even without considering the way he felt for her. It was obvious what everyone would think if they knew of herself and Bellatrix, because Bellatrix was probably the most hated Death Eater there was considering the crimes she had been convicted of, even if Hermione knew her part in the incapacitation of the Longbottom’s to be based on an omission of the truth.
“I don’t think it makes sense considering that she hadn’t badgered me for information once, other than the time in Malfoy Manor which she has explained. And which now, looking back after talking to her, seems plausible,” Hermione replied. Keep calm. One... two... three...
“You’re an idiot!” Ron screamed, beating Hermione to it and suddenly exploding with rage. “Lestrange has done terrible things, Hermione! She tortured Neville’s parents, not to mention that she killed Sirius! She’s brainwashed you, and the second you let your guard down she is going to show her true colours!”
“No, Ronald!” Hermione yelled back, no longer trying to curb her anger. “She hasn’t brainwashed me, if anything it has been me encouraging her! And Bellatrix didn’t do any of what you just said. At the very least I believe her about that... she has no reason to lie! Your mother thinks so too, if you haven’t forgotten!”
“Guys!” Harry shouted. “Stop, alright? Ron, just chill out for a second. Hermione, I understand you’re upset, but we need to decide what to do about this. Yelling isn’t going to get us anywhere.”
“She killed Sirius, remember?” Ron retaliated.
Harry’s attitude surprised Hermione; she had been so sure that he would agree with Ron and let his fury take over. Apparently what Dumbledore had been trying to teach him for years before his death, that he needed to not act rashly and to listen to others, had finally began to have an effect. Hermione supposed that the main reasons Harry hated Bellatrix in the first place were her responsibility for the Longbottom’s mental state and the murder of Sirius, and if she didn’t commit those crimes, then she was just another Death Eater to him. Hated, but not despised to the point where he wouldn’t want to take advantage and use her to defeat Voldemort.
“We don’t know she did that,” Harry said, confirming Hermione’s belief. “Even your mother doesn’t think Bellatrix would lie about that.”
“Unless it’s a game,” Ron said stubbornly, clenching his right hand into a fist.
“I know you’re concerned,” Hermione said trying to placate Ron and force herself to calm down, still worried about Bill and Fleur confronting them if they overheard anything. “And I think you’re right when you say we can’t trust her but... well we should still see if she means it. She’s concerned not only for herself, but Narcissa and Draco too. I am quite willing to ignore the connection and suffer if we discover she is lying to us. I promise.”
Ron remained silent.
“I believe you, Hermione,” Harry said sincerely, meeting her eyes.
“Thank you,” Hermione said gratefully.
“What about her husband?” Harry asked, and then remembered what Hermione had told him previously. “Oh yeah, she told the house-elf he was an arse.”
“Lemmy,” Hermione said, reminding him of Bellatrix’s house-elf’s actual name.
“Lemmy, sorry,” Harry apologised.
Hermione waved off his apology, just grateful that at least Harry was being rational. “Ok, well let’s talk about this, and tell me what you think we should do...”
**
February 1967
The Black family motto that had forever been drummed into Bellatrix’s mind was simple.
Toujours Pur.
Always Pure.
It was imperative, Bellatrix knew, that she took the phrase seriously, because if she didn’t, her family would not hesitate to blast her off the tapestry. As a Black she had a certain reputation to uphold, especially within the circles of the other pure-blood families. Otherwise, how was she ever going to be considered marriage material? They would look at her as though she were dirt on their wand if she so much as put a toe out of line. Moreover, if the crime she committed was serious enough, then she would forever be an outcast, and nothing was worth that.
Was it?
Somehow, Bellatrix imagined that having sex with a Muggle-born would be exactly the sort of thing that would constitute being blown from the family tree. Even her own parents would hate her! Not to mention the fact that the Muggle-born in question was a girl. In Gryffindor. Hideous!
Except it wasn’t, not when Bellatrix imagined it. She imagined snow-white skin, chestnut hair, big blue eyes and a toothy grin that stretched across her lovely face. She imagined budding nipples, a round, perfectly formed arse, and her legs spread wide, just for her. Whenever she passed her in the corridors, the girl, Lara Smith, would stare at her head-on, unfazed by her ruthless reputation, by her notorious name. She had the confidence and gall to look Bellatrix in the eye when so many others didn’t.
It unnerved her. And turned her on immensely.
“Cissy?” Bellatrix began hesitantly. “How do you think the pure-blood families would react to the news that two wizards or two witches were sleeping together?”
“Huh?” Narcissa said, looking up from her Potions assignment. She smirked. “You mean like a freakish foursome?”
“No,” Bellatrix said impatiently, not seeing the funny side. “As in... two girls together. Or two boys, whatever.”
Narcissa frowned as she considered the question, and Bellatrix crossed her fingers that she would not start asking intrusive questions. All Bellatrix wanted was a simple answer. Thankfully, her wish was granted. “I don’t think they’d be happy,” Narcissa said finally. “I mean, I know most of the wizarding world is ok with it, but you know what it’s like for pure-bloods. We have a reputation to uphold, don’t we?”
Bellatrix knew this to be true, although it couldn’t stop her pondering further. What if she could make herself fall for a pure-blood girl? Maybe that would be more acceptable. She never paid attention to the discussions her mother and father had, and usually ignored most of what they told her. Of course, she knew the basics she was required to do; marry a decent, well-respected pure-blood gentleman and have his babies, but that was about it. Never before had she taken the time to see what her parents thought of homosexuality; it wasn’t the sort of thing that was mentionable.
“I suppose. I guess I’m just wondering... do you think it’d be worse for one of the pure-blooded girls to fall for a Muggle-born boy, or a pure-blooded girl?” Bellatrix said, trying to sound casual.
Narcissa stared. “I think both would result in disownment.”
Bellatrix swallowed hard, looking away.
“Is there...?” Narcissa began tentatively.
“No,” Bellatrix said, not even allowing Narcissa to finish the question. “Of course not.”
Later on, whenever Bellatrix even thought about walking away from Voldemort, she remembered this conversation. Voldemort was the first and only man she had ever felt an immediate connection with and had been inexplicably drawn to. Not in a romantic way, obviously, but maybe that was why she had fallen so hard for him. He was a safe choice because he would never be attracted to her, and no matter how much she loved him and wanted to be with him, it was all purely platonic. If she left him, then she would have to face a life alone (until Voldemort killed her for walking away, of course) or risk humiliation and being an outcast when everyone discovered she was a lesbian.
In hindsight, being sent to prison for supposedly torturing the Longbottom’s into insanity should have been far more of a dishonour to her family.
She just didn’t see it at the time.
**
After much discussion, Harry and Hermione (Ron was still too busy sulking) had agreed on several matters. Firstly, they would tell Bellatrix absolutely nothing. They would not induct her into the Order, they would not tell her of their plans to break into her vault, and most definitely anything Horcrux related. Secondly, whenever they found a suitable time, they were going to force Bellatrix to drink the small bottle of Veritaserum they had or allow one of the other Order members to question her under its’ influence and see if she was going to tell them her motives. Although they couldn’t rely wholly on this for Veritaserum wasn’t fool-proof, it was still going to help. Lastly, they would only agree to vouch for her to the Ministry if need be should the war end, providing she had proved herself.
With these agreements in mind, Hermione felt as though she had a weight lifted off her shoulders for the first time since their entire journey had began. Part of her was tempted to pay Bellatrix another visit, but now that Harry and Ron would most probably be keeping an eye on her, she knew it was not a good idea. Besides, Bellatrix may not have said anything, but Voldemort was no doubt extremely livid at the fact Harry had slipped away from his Death Eaters once more, and was probably plotting yet more ways to get to him or try to draw him out of hiding. Should he discover her bond with Bellatrix, then he would evidently use it to his advantage. Nevertheless, if Bellatrix was going to betray her Master then Hermione was almost certain that she was skilled enough at Occlumency to defend herself against Voldemort’s probes. As long as he didn’t suspect; Bellatrix was safe.
That was what Hermione hoped, at least. It was impossible to be sure of anything these days, especially if it directly involved Voldemort himself, as nobody really knew what he was thinking about. Harry did to a certain extent, but it was only random flashes that told him what Voldemort was doing; Hermione was fairly sure that if he was wondering about Bellatrix’s loyalty then his fury would allow Harry into his mind to be able to see what was going on. And even if she was powerless to do anything, at least she would know. Not that it was going to be any comfort if it happened, but it was better than living in constant fear of discovering from anyone but Harry that Bellatrix had been killed.
The day of the actual Gringott’s break-in was strange for all of them, but especially Hermione. Looking at her reflection in the mirror and seeing Bellatrix’s face staring back at her was plain weird, and wearing Bellatrix’s dress that she had taken from the wardrobe in her house months previously, along with robes from Grimmauld Place, meant that she looked just like the real Bellatrix Lestrange. The only sign that she was Hermione was when she looked into her own eyes; they were fearful and nervous to an extent that Bellatrix had never displayed, and it made Hermione wonder if even when Bellatrix uncontrollably showed certain emotions, there was still something inherently in her that allowed her to remain guarded no matter what the situation.
Considering the amount of traps they had to get through (not to mention the Death Eater, Travers, that insisted on accompanying them, or the goblins that they had to confund and use the Imperius Curse on... oh yes, and the fact Bellatrix wasn’t supposed to leave Malfoy Manor, something she had neglected to tell Hermione) they were immensely lucky to secure the Hufflepuff cup. Griphook doing betraying them with Gryffindor’s sword had been most unfortunate, though in fairness they hadn’t exactly been truthful with him either regarding when they would willingly hand over the sword. The only reason they managed to escape was because of the dragon freeing them from the vault; otherwise they would most likely be dead or captured by now.
Lying on the grass as they caught their breath after leaving the dragon, Hermione jerked around as she heard Harry’s gasp. Knowing that he was having another vision, she and Ron watched, terrified at whatever it was he was seeing. Hermione had always wanted him to close the connection between himself and Voldemort, but now, if there was the slightest chance that he was seeing what steps Voldemort was taking then it would be useful. Even she couldn’t deny that.
Immediately afterwards, Harry explained that Voldemort was in a rage after he discovered they knew about his Horcruxes, and was cursing everyone in sight. His awareness of the trio having possession of the cup meant he was going to visit each of his Horcruxes to make sure they were safe. Hermione comprehended the fact that this meant not only did they have to get moving to locate the other Horcruxes, but that there was a possibility of Bellatrix being in danger too.
After Harry had finished telling her story, Hermione felt that it was appropriate to ask after Bellatrix. If they were going to go to Hogwarts and try and find the last Horcrux, she may not survive to ever see her again. “What about...?”
“”I know what you’re going to ask me, and I don’t know, Hermione,” Harry said curtly. “Her and Lucius fled when Voldemort started killing everyone in sight, but whether or not they actually got hit by a curse, I couldn’t tell you.”
Terror rose up in Hermione’s chest. What if she had been injured or killed? Although... wouldn’t Hermione sense it if she had been? Wouldn’t the longing that she had been desperately trying to ignore for all this time have faded by now? There was so much that Hermione didn’t and may never understand about Semper Amor, like why her feelings only came to the surface after she had spent a great deal of time with Bellatrix and why it had even bonded her and Bellatrix at all; so would she really know if Bellatrix was dead, or would she have to wait to hear the news and then her longing would be replaced with grief?
“I know you’re concerned, but we need to focus on the Horcruxes now,” Harry said firmly, though he spoke more softly than before. “There is nothing we can do for Bellatrix.”
Hermione nodded.
Ron huffed, and fixed his furious gaze on Hermione. “Why do you even care?! I don’t understand you Hermione!”
“Well that’s evident, Ronald,” Hermione spat, holding back the tears. “Because if you understood me then you wouldn’t be asking such a ridiculous question. I’ve already explained why I care, and I won’t do it again; it’s a waste of valuable time.”
“I just don’t see how you can read a stupid book and suddenly come to the conclusion you’re in love with a Death Eater who abducted and tortured you. It makes no sense,” Ron scoffed.
“Ron, this isn’t the time,” Harry said, stepping in before Hermione could retaliate. “I know, it’s not like that, Hermione, but for now you’re just going to have to agree to disagree. There is nothing more important than finding this last Horcrux, do you understand?”
“Yes,” Hermione said reluctantly, knowing that Harry was right. Her voice was echoed by a sullen Ron.
Gathering themselves together, they all slipped underneath the Invisibility Cloak and they turned their way into Hogsmeade. And then there were Death Eaters, and they somehow were aware of Harry’s presence. After that, everything moved quickly, and the barman of the Hog’s Head ushered them all into his pub and into the upstairs sitting room. As they all watched out of the window, still wearing the Invisibility Cloak, Hermione’s eyes desperately scoured the streets for any sign of Bellatrix. Unfortunately, no matter what angle she looked from she couldn’t see her, and reluctantly after Ron hissed, “Stop moving!” at her she was forced to give up her search. As much as she worried, Hermione realised that she had to focus on the Horcrux search for the moment, and that there was nothing she could do for Bellatrix. Therefore, she did her best to put Bellatrix out of her mind.
After eating (Hermione didn’t realise how hungry she was, and she supposed all the time that she barely ate during her imprisonment by Bellatrix had had a longer lasting effect that she had previously thought) they had a brief discussion with Aberforth about their intentions and Dumbledore’s secrets. For the moment, Hermione refused to think about in too much detail as there was no time. Eventually, when they managed to drum it into Aberforth that they would not change their minds, he showed them the secret tunnel into Hogwarts so that they could complete the next part of their mission.
Everything was moving so quickly that Hermione could barely take it in. Before she knew it they were faced with Neville, and he was updating them on what had been happening at Hogwarts since he had left and telling them that others were arriving. Nothing he said really affected Hermione or shocked her, other than the fact that they had to practice the Cruciatus Curse on students that had earned detentions. Since when had torture become an acceptable punishment for everyday minor offences like not doing homework? It was horrendous. Not that if she had been in school she would have gotten detention often; she could count on one hand the amount of times that she had been forced to have detention since her first year at Hogwarts (mainly because of Harry and Ron). Then she remembered; she was a Muggle-born. A Mudblood. She wouldn’t have even been allowed to attend Hogwarts this year.
Once they had exited the passageway and gone up a flight of steps, they suddenly found themselves in the Room of Requirement. There were what looked to be more than twenty people waiting for them, and after greeting, hugs and more discussions, they learned that one Horcrux they were looking for may be the Diadem of Ravenclaw, which conveniently happened to be lost. Nevertheless, it was their best hope, and so they would have to try and find it.
Hermione and Ron were left alone after Harry announced he was going to the Ravenclaw Common Room to see what the Diadem looked like. Although Hermione understood why he needed to see it so they knew what they would looking for, she was still disheartened. How were they going to destroy Diadem, if indeed it was a Horcrux, when they hadn’t even been able to get rid of Hufflepuff’s cup yet? They no longer had the Gryffindor sword, so what could they use instead?
There was still an immense amount of tension between them, but determined to focus on the task in hand as Harry wanted them to, Hermione turned to him and said quietly so that no one else would overhear, “I don’t know how we’re going to destroy the remaining Horcruxes... we don’t have the sword anymore.”
Ron ignored her, looking ahead vacantly. Hermione was just about to tell at him that now was not the time to be childish, when he gave a shriek of joy. “Hermione... the Basilisk!”
“Huh?” Hermione frowned, not having a clue what he was talking about.
Talking in an excited whisper as though they were best friends once morewith no tension between them, Ron informed her, “Basilisk fangs can destroy Horcruxes, right? And I’m betting that there are still fangs in...”
“The Chamber of Secrets!” Hermione exclaimed, catching on. Then, realising they didn’t need anyone else finding out, she leaned into his ear and said, “We need to go now. Come on, I’ve got the cup.”
“Right,” Ron said, and he grinned directly at her for the first time since he had found out about Bellatrix. “C’mon then... let’s go.”
“Where are you going?” Ginny asked, approaching them.
“Gin, we’re just going to the bathroom a sec,” Ron said hurriedly. “Hermione’s not feeling too good.”
Ginny rolled her eyes. “I’m not an idiot, Ron, I know you’re up to something. But what with this being a life or death situation we’re in, I’ll let it pass. Just go and hurry up. Harry will be back soon and he needs you.”
With a grateful smile, Hermione squeezed Ginny’s arm in thanks as they left. She was grateful to be doing something useful for once rather than just tagging along or following Ron’s orders. Granted it had been his idea, but it was nice to feel as though they were making progress on their own rather than just relying on Harry. She didn’t envy Harry, not at all, but so often they needed him to achieve things, and helping him without needing him present too was a welcome change for her. More determined than ever, Hermione linked arms with Ron, differences forgotten for the moment, and they headed towards the second-floor girls’ lavatory.
Chamber of Secrets, here we come.
**
(( CLICK HERE for part 18. ))
Author: perfect_pride
Pairing: Hermione/Bellatrix
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: It goes without saying that none of the Harry Potter world or its’ characters belong to me, unfortunately. Neither do the lyrics.
Warnings: Mental and physical abuse/torture.
Summary: Bellatrix abducts Hermione and keeps her prisoner, but an ancient magic threatens to change both their lives in ways they never thought were possible.
A/N: This fic begins during the summer months at the start of Deathly Hallows and complies with the events throughout the book. The timeline has been slightly adjusted at the start but it is barely noticeable. It takes into account events from the books and the films, but mainly the books as they are my favourite and provide greater detail. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 (film) wasn’t considered as I wrote this beforehand and I feel like the scenes I have written and slotted into the book version work better. I hope that makes sense, if not, please ask. Also, I have tried to keep the characters in-character despite the unlikely pairing. Feedback is welcome. :)
(1), (2) , (3a), (3b) , ( 4), ( 5) , (6), (7), ( 8), ( 9), (10), ( 11), (12), (13), (14), (15), (16)
A lot of events happen in this chapter because I didn't want to re-write of Deathly Hallows... I don't think anyone particular wants to read me re-writing the book!
**
See me as I really amI have flaws and sometimes I even sin
so pull me from that pedestal
I don't belong there
Haley James Scott, Halo**
17.
Although Hermione had succeeded in sneaking back into Shell Cottage and replacing Draco’s wand next to Harry, she had not been able to find the right moment to speak to Harry and Ron about Bellatrix. It was all well and good having a reputation as a Gryffindor that she was supposed to be brave, but that didn’t make it any easier for the words to come out of her mouth. There was just no nice way of saying, “I’m in love with Bellatrix Lestrange and she might actually be serious about helping us defeat Voldemort.” It was laughable even inside her own head to think such a thing. Moreover, she couldn’t help debating whether or not she should even admit what had happened between them or if she’d be better off just sticking to the bare facts that Bellatrix was proclaiming to be on their side.
Now that they had worked out every aspect of how to access Gringotts and how to steal another possible Horcrux, Hermione was beginning to get nervous. Being Bellatrix courtesy of Polyjuice Potion and the hair she had left on Hermione was just going to be plain strange. In some ways Hermione wished they could just hurry and do it, but then the rational side of her kicked in and said it was better to have a proper plan. It was just that it tormented Hermione so much that she wasn’t sure she could pull it off.
As the date of their planned break-in to Gringotts drew closer and closer, and Hermione was left alone with Ron and Harry for a rare moment away from Griphook, the closest to a perfect opportunity to tell the boys about Bellatrix’s claim was presented to her, courtesy of Ron. “What do you think Bellatrix Lestrange is going to do when she finds out you pretended to be her to get into the vault?” he wondered aloud.
“I think she’ll be traumatised at the fact that a Muggle-born imitated a pure-blood,” Harry stated dryly. “She’ll probably go even more insane than she already is.”
“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about Bellatrix,” Hermione said, and she proceeded to relay Bellatrix’s explanation for what had happened at Malfoy Manor, and her pledge to support them from now on. Harry and Ron both stared at her, mouth agape, so shocked that apparently they couldn’t even bring themselves to interrupt.
“You can’t seriously believe her, Hermione,” Harry started, the moment she had told him she had finished talking. “I... how can you believe her?! She killed Dobby!”
“I’ve just explained that she says that wasn’t intentional,” Hermione said patiently. “It’s horrible, I know, but we have to consider the bigger picture here. The entire wizarding world is in the hands of You-Know-Who and Bellatrix who has always been one of his most faithful is saying that she will turn against him.” For me, Hermione added silently in her head.
“Exactly, Hermione, it’s what Bellatrix says. You can’t trust her!” Harry said loudly, aghast.
“I know, and that is why we have to be willing to wait until she proves it before we allow her to help,” Hermione acknowledged. “And please quieten down or Bill and Fleur are going to come bursting in.”
“Tell her Ron,” Harry said, breathing hard, though he had lowered his voice slightly.
“He’s right, Hermione. What happens if we let her know what we’re doing and then she uses it against us and runs back to You-Know-Who?” Ron said, agreeing with Harry.
“Then we don’t tell her anything,” Hermione said simply. “We allow her to prove herself in her own ways, maybe by handing us information and following that up...”
“Information that could be a trap,” Ron interjected.
“Well obviously we don’t just believe her, we investigate,” Hermione explained, trying to remain patient.
Harry stared at her, a frown on his face. “Hang on a second, you still haven’t told us how you know all this. When did you even see Bellatrix to discuss it with her?”
Hermione blushed, and reluctantly she recounted the stories of her going to Bellatrix’s home on two separate occasions. Harry and Ron stared at her dumbfounded, as she spoke, Harry shaking his head and Ron without blinking. It was now that Hermione started to worry; they were bound to ask questions about how Hermione had managed to get to Bellatrix when nobody else had. They weren’t stupid, Ron may lack common sense and Harry may behave rashly, but they were both intelligent young men when it came down to it.”
“What aren’t you telling us, Hermione?” Harry said quietly. Hermione was surprised, she was sure that a lecture was already due on the risks she had taken. Maybe Harry knew that anything said would be ignored and that it would be futile to attempt to, because normally he would be the first to judge. Or it could be that he was still feeling guilty for getting them into the situation at Malfoy Manor in the first place.
“N-nothing,” Hermione said, and her cheeks reddened more.
“Tell us,” Harry said.
“Yeah, tell us,” Ron repeated.
Hermione sighed. It was apparent that both Harry and Ron weren’t going to let this go until she told them what she was hiding, and as she was so rubbish at lying to them, her only option was to tell the truth. She watched them, wondering if they would treat her differently after her confession, wondering if they would still see her in the same light. Above all, she just wanted them to love her as they always had, even if things were a bit weird between them first. Ron was evidently going to be more complicated to deal with than Harry, but as they hadn’t actually decided they were together, or even done anything more than hug these past weeks, she didn’t see how he could get too angry. Although knowing Ron, he would be likely to.
“Bellatrix and I have a connection,” she stated. “It’s called Semper Amor.” Speaking slowly so that she wouldn’t have to repeat herself, Hermione explained exactly what it was, and how it had become obvious from their first kiss that something was between them, more than just a normal attraction. Harry’s expression was so utterly blank that Hermione wondered if he was hiding his real feelings on the matter. Ron on the other hand could only be described as looking horrified. As expected.
Harry was the first to speak. “Everything else aside, I didn’t... didn’t even know you liked girls, Hermione.”
“I don’t,” Hermione said, and then realising that didn’t make any sense, she backtracked, “Well, I suppose a part of me must but... well what I’m trying to say is that I just feel this way about Bellatrix. No other girls or women. At the moment, not even any men. Just her. That’s the whole point of the ancient magic, Harry. We were both only to love each other in this way. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I’m intrinsically linked to Bellatrix whether I want to be or not.”
“Couldn’t you have picked someone other than an insane Death Eater to fall for?” Ron sniped. He looked at her sullenly, as though she had just taken away his broomstick or favourite wizard’s chess set.
“Are you not listening? I didn’t choose for this to happen,” Hermione responded, trying not to let him anger her.
“Well, how do you know she’s gay anyway? She’s probably just messing with you,” Ron said, sounding childish.
“The connection works both ways. And whilst I acknowledge she may intend to merely take advantage of the connection and this might be a ploy of some sort, I very much doubt it,” Hermione disagreed. “If that is her intention then she’s a very good actress. And I also get the feeling that... well that I’m not the first girl she has been attracted to. Don’t ask me why... it’s just an instinct.”
“Even if she does fancy you,” Ron said, looking revolted at the thought and not troubling to hide his feelings. “How do you know she isn’t just, I dunno, buttering you up so that you give her information?”
Hermione was immediately irritated by Ron’s words, but she tried not to let him get to her. One more comment and she wouldn’t be able to control her rage, but for the moment she tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was a lot for him to take in, even without considering the way he felt for her. It was obvious what everyone would think if they knew of herself and Bellatrix, because Bellatrix was probably the most hated Death Eater there was considering the crimes she had been convicted of, even if Hermione knew her part in the incapacitation of the Longbottom’s to be based on an omission of the truth.
“I don’t think it makes sense considering that she hadn’t badgered me for information once, other than the time in Malfoy Manor which she has explained. And which now, looking back after talking to her, seems plausible,” Hermione replied. Keep calm. One... two... three...
“You’re an idiot!” Ron screamed, beating Hermione to it and suddenly exploding with rage. “Lestrange has done terrible things, Hermione! She tortured Neville’s parents, not to mention that she killed Sirius! She’s brainwashed you, and the second you let your guard down she is going to show her true colours!”
“No, Ronald!” Hermione yelled back, no longer trying to curb her anger. “She hasn’t brainwashed me, if anything it has been me encouraging her! And Bellatrix didn’t do any of what you just said. At the very least I believe her about that... she has no reason to lie! Your mother thinks so too, if you haven’t forgotten!”
“Guys!” Harry shouted. “Stop, alright? Ron, just chill out for a second. Hermione, I understand you’re upset, but we need to decide what to do about this. Yelling isn’t going to get us anywhere.”
“She killed Sirius, remember?” Ron retaliated.
Harry’s attitude surprised Hermione; she had been so sure that he would agree with Ron and let his fury take over. Apparently what Dumbledore had been trying to teach him for years before his death, that he needed to not act rashly and to listen to others, had finally began to have an effect. Hermione supposed that the main reasons Harry hated Bellatrix in the first place were her responsibility for the Longbottom’s mental state and the murder of Sirius, and if she didn’t commit those crimes, then she was just another Death Eater to him. Hated, but not despised to the point where he wouldn’t want to take advantage and use her to defeat Voldemort.
“We don’t know she did that,” Harry said, confirming Hermione’s belief. “Even your mother doesn’t think Bellatrix would lie about that.”
“Unless it’s a game,” Ron said stubbornly, clenching his right hand into a fist.
“I know you’re concerned,” Hermione said trying to placate Ron and force herself to calm down, still worried about Bill and Fleur confronting them if they overheard anything. “And I think you’re right when you say we can’t trust her but... well we should still see if she means it. She’s concerned not only for herself, but Narcissa and Draco too. I am quite willing to ignore the connection and suffer if we discover she is lying to us. I promise.”
Ron remained silent.
“I believe you, Hermione,” Harry said sincerely, meeting her eyes.
“Thank you,” Hermione said gratefully.
“What about her husband?” Harry asked, and then remembered what Hermione had told him previously. “Oh yeah, she told the house-elf he was an arse.”
“Lemmy,” Hermione said, reminding him of Bellatrix’s house-elf’s actual name.
“Lemmy, sorry,” Harry apologised.
Hermione waved off his apology, just grateful that at least Harry was being rational. “Ok, well let’s talk about this, and tell me what you think we should do...”
**
February 1967
The Black family motto that had forever been drummed into Bellatrix’s mind was simple.
Toujours Pur.
Always Pure.
It was imperative, Bellatrix knew, that she took the phrase seriously, because if she didn’t, her family would not hesitate to blast her off the tapestry. As a Black she had a certain reputation to uphold, especially within the circles of the other pure-blood families. Otherwise, how was she ever going to be considered marriage material? They would look at her as though she were dirt on their wand if she so much as put a toe out of line. Moreover, if the crime she committed was serious enough, then she would forever be an outcast, and nothing was worth that.
Was it?
Somehow, Bellatrix imagined that having sex with a Muggle-born would be exactly the sort of thing that would constitute being blown from the family tree. Even her own parents would hate her! Not to mention the fact that the Muggle-born in question was a girl. In Gryffindor. Hideous!
Except it wasn’t, not when Bellatrix imagined it. She imagined snow-white skin, chestnut hair, big blue eyes and a toothy grin that stretched across her lovely face. She imagined budding nipples, a round, perfectly formed arse, and her legs spread wide, just for her. Whenever she passed her in the corridors, the girl, Lara Smith, would stare at her head-on, unfazed by her ruthless reputation, by her notorious name. She had the confidence and gall to look Bellatrix in the eye when so many others didn’t.
It unnerved her. And turned her on immensely.
“Cissy?” Bellatrix began hesitantly. “How do you think the pure-blood families would react to the news that two wizards or two witches were sleeping together?”
“Huh?” Narcissa said, looking up from her Potions assignment. She smirked. “You mean like a freakish foursome?”
“No,” Bellatrix said impatiently, not seeing the funny side. “As in... two girls together. Or two boys, whatever.”
Narcissa frowned as she considered the question, and Bellatrix crossed her fingers that she would not start asking intrusive questions. All Bellatrix wanted was a simple answer. Thankfully, her wish was granted. “I don’t think they’d be happy,” Narcissa said finally. “I mean, I know most of the wizarding world is ok with it, but you know what it’s like for pure-bloods. We have a reputation to uphold, don’t we?”
Bellatrix knew this to be true, although it couldn’t stop her pondering further. What if she could make herself fall for a pure-blood girl? Maybe that would be more acceptable. She never paid attention to the discussions her mother and father had, and usually ignored most of what they told her. Of course, she knew the basics she was required to do; marry a decent, well-respected pure-blood gentleman and have his babies, but that was about it. Never before had she taken the time to see what her parents thought of homosexuality; it wasn’t the sort of thing that was mentionable.
“I suppose. I guess I’m just wondering... do you think it’d be worse for one of the pure-blooded girls to fall for a Muggle-born boy, or a pure-blooded girl?” Bellatrix said, trying to sound casual.
Narcissa stared. “I think both would result in disownment.”
Bellatrix swallowed hard, looking away.
“Is there...?” Narcissa began tentatively.
“No,” Bellatrix said, not even allowing Narcissa to finish the question. “Of course not.”
Later on, whenever Bellatrix even thought about walking away from Voldemort, she remembered this conversation. Voldemort was the first and only man she had ever felt an immediate connection with and had been inexplicably drawn to. Not in a romantic way, obviously, but maybe that was why she had fallen so hard for him. He was a safe choice because he would never be attracted to her, and no matter how much she loved him and wanted to be with him, it was all purely platonic. If she left him, then she would have to face a life alone (until Voldemort killed her for walking away, of course) or risk humiliation and being an outcast when everyone discovered she was a lesbian.
In hindsight, being sent to prison for supposedly torturing the Longbottom’s into insanity should have been far more of a dishonour to her family.
She just didn’t see it at the time.
**
After much discussion, Harry and Hermione (Ron was still too busy sulking) had agreed on several matters. Firstly, they would tell Bellatrix absolutely nothing. They would not induct her into the Order, they would not tell her of their plans to break into her vault, and most definitely anything Horcrux related. Secondly, whenever they found a suitable time, they were going to force Bellatrix to drink the small bottle of Veritaserum they had or allow one of the other Order members to question her under its’ influence and see if she was going to tell them her motives. Although they couldn’t rely wholly on this for Veritaserum wasn’t fool-proof, it was still going to help. Lastly, they would only agree to vouch for her to the Ministry if need be should the war end, providing she had proved herself.
With these agreements in mind, Hermione felt as though she had a weight lifted off her shoulders for the first time since their entire journey had began. Part of her was tempted to pay Bellatrix another visit, but now that Harry and Ron would most probably be keeping an eye on her, she knew it was not a good idea. Besides, Bellatrix may not have said anything, but Voldemort was no doubt extremely livid at the fact Harry had slipped away from his Death Eaters once more, and was probably plotting yet more ways to get to him or try to draw him out of hiding. Should he discover her bond with Bellatrix, then he would evidently use it to his advantage. Nevertheless, if Bellatrix was going to betray her Master then Hermione was almost certain that she was skilled enough at Occlumency to defend herself against Voldemort’s probes. As long as he didn’t suspect; Bellatrix was safe.
That was what Hermione hoped, at least. It was impossible to be sure of anything these days, especially if it directly involved Voldemort himself, as nobody really knew what he was thinking about. Harry did to a certain extent, but it was only random flashes that told him what Voldemort was doing; Hermione was fairly sure that if he was wondering about Bellatrix’s loyalty then his fury would allow Harry into his mind to be able to see what was going on. And even if she was powerless to do anything, at least she would know. Not that it was going to be any comfort if it happened, but it was better than living in constant fear of discovering from anyone but Harry that Bellatrix had been killed.
The day of the actual Gringott’s break-in was strange for all of them, but especially Hermione. Looking at her reflection in the mirror and seeing Bellatrix’s face staring back at her was plain weird, and wearing Bellatrix’s dress that she had taken from the wardrobe in her house months previously, along with robes from Grimmauld Place, meant that she looked just like the real Bellatrix Lestrange. The only sign that she was Hermione was when she looked into her own eyes; they were fearful and nervous to an extent that Bellatrix had never displayed, and it made Hermione wonder if even when Bellatrix uncontrollably showed certain emotions, there was still something inherently in her that allowed her to remain guarded no matter what the situation.
Considering the amount of traps they had to get through (not to mention the Death Eater, Travers, that insisted on accompanying them, or the goblins that they had to confund and use the Imperius Curse on... oh yes, and the fact Bellatrix wasn’t supposed to leave Malfoy Manor, something she had neglected to tell Hermione) they were immensely lucky to secure the Hufflepuff cup. Griphook doing betraying them with Gryffindor’s sword had been most unfortunate, though in fairness they hadn’t exactly been truthful with him either regarding when they would willingly hand over the sword. The only reason they managed to escape was because of the dragon freeing them from the vault; otherwise they would most likely be dead or captured by now.
Lying on the grass as they caught their breath after leaving the dragon, Hermione jerked around as she heard Harry’s gasp. Knowing that he was having another vision, she and Ron watched, terrified at whatever it was he was seeing. Hermione had always wanted him to close the connection between himself and Voldemort, but now, if there was the slightest chance that he was seeing what steps Voldemort was taking then it would be useful. Even she couldn’t deny that.
Immediately afterwards, Harry explained that Voldemort was in a rage after he discovered they knew about his Horcruxes, and was cursing everyone in sight. His awareness of the trio having possession of the cup meant he was going to visit each of his Horcruxes to make sure they were safe. Hermione comprehended the fact that this meant not only did they have to get moving to locate the other Horcruxes, but that there was a possibility of Bellatrix being in danger too.
After Harry had finished telling her story, Hermione felt that it was appropriate to ask after Bellatrix. If they were going to go to Hogwarts and try and find the last Horcrux, she may not survive to ever see her again. “What about...?”
“”I know what you’re going to ask me, and I don’t know, Hermione,” Harry said curtly. “Her and Lucius fled when Voldemort started killing everyone in sight, but whether or not they actually got hit by a curse, I couldn’t tell you.”
Terror rose up in Hermione’s chest. What if she had been injured or killed? Although... wouldn’t Hermione sense it if she had been? Wouldn’t the longing that she had been desperately trying to ignore for all this time have faded by now? There was so much that Hermione didn’t and may never understand about Semper Amor, like why her feelings only came to the surface after she had spent a great deal of time with Bellatrix and why it had even bonded her and Bellatrix at all; so would she really know if Bellatrix was dead, or would she have to wait to hear the news and then her longing would be replaced with grief?
“I know you’re concerned, but we need to focus on the Horcruxes now,” Harry said firmly, though he spoke more softly than before. “There is nothing we can do for Bellatrix.”
Hermione nodded.
Ron huffed, and fixed his furious gaze on Hermione. “Why do you even care?! I don’t understand you Hermione!”
“Well that’s evident, Ronald,” Hermione spat, holding back the tears. “Because if you understood me then you wouldn’t be asking such a ridiculous question. I’ve already explained why I care, and I won’t do it again; it’s a waste of valuable time.”
“I just don’t see how you can read a stupid book and suddenly come to the conclusion you’re in love with a Death Eater who abducted and tortured you. It makes no sense,” Ron scoffed.
“Ron, this isn’t the time,” Harry said, stepping in before Hermione could retaliate. “I know, it’s not like that, Hermione, but for now you’re just going to have to agree to disagree. There is nothing more important than finding this last Horcrux, do you understand?”
“Yes,” Hermione said reluctantly, knowing that Harry was right. Her voice was echoed by a sullen Ron.
Gathering themselves together, they all slipped underneath the Invisibility Cloak and they turned their way into Hogsmeade. And then there were Death Eaters, and they somehow were aware of Harry’s presence. After that, everything moved quickly, and the barman of the Hog’s Head ushered them all into his pub and into the upstairs sitting room. As they all watched out of the window, still wearing the Invisibility Cloak, Hermione’s eyes desperately scoured the streets for any sign of Bellatrix. Unfortunately, no matter what angle she looked from she couldn’t see her, and reluctantly after Ron hissed, “Stop moving!” at her she was forced to give up her search. As much as she worried, Hermione realised that she had to focus on the Horcrux search for the moment, and that there was nothing she could do for Bellatrix. Therefore, she did her best to put Bellatrix out of her mind.
After eating (Hermione didn’t realise how hungry she was, and she supposed all the time that she barely ate during her imprisonment by Bellatrix had had a longer lasting effect that she had previously thought) they had a brief discussion with Aberforth about their intentions and Dumbledore’s secrets. For the moment, Hermione refused to think about in too much detail as there was no time. Eventually, when they managed to drum it into Aberforth that they would not change their minds, he showed them the secret tunnel into Hogwarts so that they could complete the next part of their mission.
Everything was moving so quickly that Hermione could barely take it in. Before she knew it they were faced with Neville, and he was updating them on what had been happening at Hogwarts since he had left and telling them that others were arriving. Nothing he said really affected Hermione or shocked her, other than the fact that they had to practice the Cruciatus Curse on students that had earned detentions. Since when had torture become an acceptable punishment for everyday minor offences like not doing homework? It was horrendous. Not that if she had been in school she would have gotten detention often; she could count on one hand the amount of times that she had been forced to have detention since her first year at Hogwarts (mainly because of Harry and Ron). Then she remembered; she was a Muggle-born. A Mudblood. She wouldn’t have even been allowed to attend Hogwarts this year.
Once they had exited the passageway and gone up a flight of steps, they suddenly found themselves in the Room of Requirement. There were what looked to be more than twenty people waiting for them, and after greeting, hugs and more discussions, they learned that one Horcrux they were looking for may be the Diadem of Ravenclaw, which conveniently happened to be lost. Nevertheless, it was their best hope, and so they would have to try and find it.
Hermione and Ron were left alone after Harry announced he was going to the Ravenclaw Common Room to see what the Diadem looked like. Although Hermione understood why he needed to see it so they knew what they would looking for, she was still disheartened. How were they going to destroy Diadem, if indeed it was a Horcrux, when they hadn’t even been able to get rid of Hufflepuff’s cup yet? They no longer had the Gryffindor sword, so what could they use instead?
There was still an immense amount of tension between them, but determined to focus on the task in hand as Harry wanted them to, Hermione turned to him and said quietly so that no one else would overhear, “I don’t know how we’re going to destroy the remaining Horcruxes... we don’t have the sword anymore.”
Ron ignored her, looking ahead vacantly. Hermione was just about to tell at him that now was not the time to be childish, when he gave a shriek of joy. “Hermione... the Basilisk!”
“Huh?” Hermione frowned, not having a clue what he was talking about.
Talking in an excited whisper as though they were best friends once morewith no tension between them, Ron informed her, “Basilisk fangs can destroy Horcruxes, right? And I’m betting that there are still fangs in...”
“The Chamber of Secrets!” Hermione exclaimed, catching on. Then, realising they didn’t need anyone else finding out, she leaned into his ear and said, “We need to go now. Come on, I’ve got the cup.”
“Right,” Ron said, and he grinned directly at her for the first time since he had found out about Bellatrix. “C’mon then... let’s go.”
“Where are you going?” Ginny asked, approaching them.
“Gin, we’re just going to the bathroom a sec,” Ron said hurriedly. “Hermione’s not feeling too good.”
Ginny rolled her eyes. “I’m not an idiot, Ron, I know you’re up to something. But what with this being a life or death situation we’re in, I’ll let it pass. Just go and hurry up. Harry will be back soon and he needs you.”
With a grateful smile, Hermione squeezed Ginny’s arm in thanks as they left. She was grateful to be doing something useful for once rather than just tagging along or following Ron’s orders. Granted it had been his idea, but it was nice to feel as though they were making progress on their own rather than just relying on Harry. She didn’t envy Harry, not at all, but so often they needed him to achieve things, and helping him without needing him present too was a welcome change for her. More determined than ever, Hermione linked arms with Ron, differences forgotten for the moment, and they headed towards the second-floor girls’ lavatory.
Chamber of Secrets, here we come.
**
(( CLICK HERE for part 18. ))