Day Two: Post Two: Dr Snarky (Two)
Early in his career, a certain physician sought to augment his meagre income by writing a medical advice column.
Dr. Snarky
Honourable Dr. Snarky Sir,
If somebody ate a rat an animal, after it was dead, of course, but that when it was alive, it ate a lot of madder, what would happen to the person that ate the rat animal? -- yr humbel ob'd svnt, WB
Mr. B,
Apply to your ship's surgeon for a black draught or bolus of calomel, rhubarb, asafoetida, and sulpher. Do not venture far from the privy for the next 24 hours.
*****
To Dr. Snarky -
I recently overheard a Respected Physician speaking with his Esteemed Colleague, regarding Orchitis, a common sequela of mumps in men. How serious a condition is Orchitis? --Prof. EG
Professor G. -
Orchitis is a benign distemper, rarely if ever proving fatal. Indeed, it can leave a man in a much more tranquil state of mind than he was previously, with unimpaired intellectual powers. Its effects on the body are relatively minor, impacting only participation in coition, a trivial occupation in which a man naturally spends very little of his time. A victim of Orchitis could more nearly regard his affliction as a Blessing, than a Curse.
*****
Dear Dr. S--
My affairs frequently take me abroad, but I find myself terribly seasick aboard even the best-handled ships in the calmest weather. What course of treatment can you recommend for me? -- DV
My Dearest DV,
Your best course of action is never to venture abroad again, but enjoy all the delights of society and pleasures of life that wealth and the company of an intelligent and agreeable mate can provide. For the direction of said mate, apply at the G-- Inn in the Savoy for the Doctor.
your humble obedient servant,
Dr. Snarky
Have a question for Dr. Snarky? Send him a private message in care of alltoseek
view the previous Dr. Snarky column
Dr. Snarky
Honourable Dr. Snarky Sir,
If somebody ate a rat an animal, after it was dead, of course, but that when it was alive, it ate a lot of madder, what would happen to the person that ate the rat animal? -- yr humbel ob'd svnt, WB
Mr. B,
Apply to your ship's surgeon for a black draught or bolus of calomel, rhubarb, asafoetida, and sulpher. Do not venture far from the privy for the next 24 hours.
*****
To Dr. Snarky -
I recently overheard a Respected Physician speaking with his Esteemed Colleague, regarding Orchitis, a common sequela of mumps in men. How serious a condition is Orchitis? --Prof. EG
Professor G. -
Orchitis is a benign distemper, rarely if ever proving fatal. Indeed, it can leave a man in a much more tranquil state of mind than he was previously, with unimpaired intellectual powers. Its effects on the body are relatively minor, impacting only participation in coition, a trivial occupation in which a man naturally spends very little of his time. A victim of Orchitis could more nearly regard his affliction as a Blessing, than a Curse.
*****
Dear Dr. S--
My affairs frequently take me abroad, but I find myself terribly seasick aboard even the best-handled ships in the calmest weather. What course of treatment can you recommend for me? -- DV
My Dearest DV,
Your best course of action is never to venture abroad again, but enjoy all the delights of society and pleasures of life that wealth and the company of an intelligent and agreeable mate can provide. For the direction of said mate, apply at the G-- Inn in the Savoy for the Doctor.
your humble obedient servant,
Dr. Snarky
Have a question for Dr. Snarky? Send him a private message in care of alltoseek
view the previous Dr. Snarky column