OC fanfiction. -Observes- These annoy me most of the time. I don't mind well-written ones as much, though; and I like yours -grins- How in-character with the canon characters.
There's a bit of punctuation and capitalization that needs some working on, but it's not that bad -- I can overlook that a bit.
I like your word usage -- and your description of Michael and Thomas as Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum got me to smile xD
The dialogue is also interesting to read -- quite amusing, with a good deal of some wit. Interaction, y'know -- it tells a lot.
And how the main character is -blind- -- blind because of what happened with her mother, whom I presume to be Athena. It was a good way of introducing your story -- and it showed fascination with the goddess, and -- since Clara must've been young -- a plausible explanation for why she kept on looking despite the warning.
Aw, thanks so much for reading it if you don't like OC's! :D *They're all I deal with TBH* AND thanks for mentioning the cannonness, I do try hard with that
( ... )
British? -- cool~ That explains "flaming," I guess. Gosh, Britain's fascinating 8D And I've gotten some interest in the famous, famous guards at Buckingham Palace -- I'm on my school's armed drill team, so yeah 8D Kya~ -w- Okay, done fangirling.
I think a third-person narrative would've been interesting as well -- but first-person is much more personal, and, I feel, more powerful. Four years old...yup.
Wow you're on a drill team! That's so awesome! I'm sorry though, I've never been to London, *I know, wierd right?* I've been to Scotland's, and North and South Ireland's capitals though just not Wales, or England.
Yeah, two our of three of my LT fics, are first, but I write a lot in 3rd, it's just not published. Around chapter four of 'Blind Faith' I forgot, and switched to Third... That was annoying to fix.
Of course! Connor's in chapter two
YAY!!!
Though School is a bleep, and I descided not to post untill I've finished, so therefore no strees! :) I'm on chapter five out of sseven, though I've wrote half of chapter seven.
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There's a bit of punctuation and capitalization that needs some working on, but it's not that bad -- I can overlook that a bit.
I like your word usage -- and your description of Michael and Thomas as Twiddle Dee and Twiddle Dum got me to smile xD
The dialogue is also interesting to read -- quite amusing, with a good deal of some wit. Interaction, y'know -- it tells a lot.
And how the main character is -blind- -- blind because of what happened with her mother, whom I presume to be Athena. It was a good way of introducing your story -- and it showed fascination with the goddess, and -- since Clara must've been young -- a plausible explanation for why she kept on looking despite the warning.
And the end xDDDD Hell yeah, Connor.
-Thumbs up-
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British? -- cool~ That explains "flaming," I guess. Gosh, Britain's fascinating 8D And I've gotten some interest in the famous, famous guards at Buckingham Palace -- I'm on my school's armed drill team, so yeah 8D Kya~ -w- Okay, done fangirling.
I think a third-person narrative would've been interesting as well -- but first-person is much more personal, and, I feel, more powerful. Four years old...yup.
Connor. Yes. YES. And Travis. They. Are. WIN 8D
n_n Yup, I intend to read it.
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*blush* oops, that's my overly religious friend's influence there...
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!"
"ELLEN! Stop swearing!"
*grumbles*
Wow you're on a drill team! That's so awesome! I'm sorry though, I've never been to London, *I know, wierd right?* I've been to Scotland's, and North and South Ireland's capitals though just not Wales, or England.
Yeah, two our of three of my LT fics, are first, but I write a lot in 3rd, it's just not published. Around chapter four of 'Blind Faith' I forgot, and switched to Third... That was annoying to fix.
Of course! Connor's in chapter two
YAY!!!
Though School is a bleep, and I descided not to post untill I've finished, so therefore no strees! :) I'm on chapter five out of sseven, though I've wrote half of chapter seven.
Want a snippit of number two?
Reply
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