Comments | penways: Fic - First Few Desperate Hours

sixpences in penways

Fic - First Few Desperate Hours

Nov 12, 2009 22:31

Good grief, plot.

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing/Characters: Roy/Riza, Team Mustang
Content Advisory: Sex
Words: 5,556
Summary: Isolation breeds anxiety, and some rather rash decisions. Set after chapter 62, though a little handwavy about the timeline.

Many thanks to memories_child for beta-fu.

( The shortest possible checkmate takes two moves, but relies entirely on the opponent's weaknesses )

relationship: roy/riza, fandom: fullmetal alchemist, type: fic, character: vato falman, character: heymans breda, character: kain fuery, character: riza hawkeye, character: roy mustang, character: jean havoc

Comments 38

(The comment has been removed)

sixpences November 13 2009, 14:58:30 UTC

Thank you!

bob_fish November 13 2009, 01:17:05 UTC

Whoa. It is very late at night so this review may not be super-coherent, but just - whoa. Your beautiful prose makes me jealous, your manga!Roy is nuanced and clever and totally human. I love him sitting up with Flamel and a packet of biscuits, such a charming, humanising detail and more interesting than the usual fan staple of having him sit up with his emo brain and a glass of whisky (ironically, I am writing this with a glass of whisky next to me XD).

Your character work with Riza was equally wonderful, and the romantic stuff flows so naturally and effortlessly from the understated but intense feelings we see in canon. Loved her sneaky little jokes, and them playing footsie under the table. Now I am going to do that thing where you quote a whole paragraph you love:

He wants to tell her all the ridiculous things he still hasn't got around to telling her, about wanting to found a university and that weird story about horses from the city paper last week and how he managed to let a bit of bacon catch on fire when he'd picked up a ( ... )

anat_astarte November 13 2009, 05:00:27 UTC

I totally agree with this comment. Fantastic job author!

sixpences November 13 2009, 16:51:04 UTC

Thank you!

sixpences November 13 2009, 16:49:02 UTC

Thank you! Long comments are the best! I'm really glad Roy and Riza work so well for you here- the biscuits thing is one of my own favourite bits. I honestly can't see manga!Roy as being a big drinker- he's too disciplined. And biscuits and a comfort book is much less wangsty *g*.

The tachi are just too much love, I had fun with them (and Roy-Havoc banter is almost as good as Roy-Ed banter!).

Thread 10

xrninja November 13 2009, 01:17:32 UTC

Really subtle and beautiful. I think you captured the unspoken tension in their relationship really well. Hope you write more Royai in the future! :)

sixpences November 13 2009, 16:54:47 UTC

Thank you! They've taken pretty firm root in my brain so I'm sure I'll be writing more...

amorphic November 13 2009, 02:19:52 UTC

Absolutely gorgeous. I love the way you wrote Roy's relationship with everyone in the group, it was very real and heartfelt. The chess metaphor was absolutely perfect and you summed up their relationship beautifully. ♥

sixpences November 13 2009, 16:56:54 UTC

Thank you! I'm glad you like the chess bit- I'm terrible at chess so that was about 80% bluffing and making stuff up. Your icon is beautiful (and appropriate!).

seaweed_fma November 13 2009, 04:00:51 UTC

Wow, it is wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time, because they can't be together.
It is so well written, so very descriptive, it really pulls you in and keeps you there, and I love the little parts about all of his subordinates.

Hey, I was wondering, would it be possible to join Penways? I would love to read more.

sixpences November 13 2009, 17:09:15 UTC

Thanks so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Membership of the community is closed, as this is just a place for me to post my fic and stuff, but you're more than welcome to watch the comm!