001

[patchyatbest]

[The camera switches on, and you are greeted with an extreme close-up of Mikhail's filthy, pockmarked cheek. After a moment of crazy motion blur wobbling, he steadies it, holding the screen far enough from his face that he can give you the one eyed death glare. When he speaks, his accent sounds ridiculously over the top and his voice is all low and

Comments

[victimofnoone]

Ew. You are positively medieval.

[patchyatbest]

Excuse me?

[victimofnoone]

That's disgusting.

[patchyatbest]

All the more reason to thank me for removing it.

[lost_undercover]

Can I keep it?

[patchyatbest]

Keep what?

[lost_undercover]

The raccoon, man! That's awesome!

[patchyatbest]

[He pauses for a second, giving his chin stubble a thoughtful scratch.]

And why would I give to you a dead raccoon?

[stopthat_destro]

What the-- Stop touching that! It's got dis-- [Staaaaring at the raccoon. Absorbing the gore and nastiness.] oh, I'm gonna be sick.

[patchyatbest]

Sick? Why sick? Have you been drinking the water?

[He linefaces.]

I told you not to drink the water.

[stopthat_destro]

I didn't drink the water! It's... [Eeek. Pointing to the raccoon.] That. Could you... Could you not leave it on like that?

[patchyatbest]

[Blank stare at shoulder!raccoon and then back over to you.]

And what would you have me do with it?

[453gof_flesh]

Hey! Bakunin!

Bring me zat animal, I 'ave a use for eet.

[patchyatbest]

Have you any idea how long it took me to retrieve this?

[He pauses, casually swatting a hand at the first of many flies.]

Make me an offer.

[453gof_flesh]

I can guess quite a while.

I save you extra dinner. You get ze good stuff, eh?

[patchyatbest]

Prime selection for a week.

[greatlightother]

That's terrible!

[patchyatbest]

What, the raccoon?

[greatlightother]

Yes!

[patchyatbest]

I think you're failing to see the positive in the situation. It was contaminating water, now it is not. This--- this is a good thing.