What Could Have Been [SVU: Alex/Olivia]
DISCLAIMER: The characters of Law & Order SVU are the property of NBC and Dick Wolf. No infringement intended.
ARCHIVING: Only with the permission of the author.
PAIRING: Olivia/Alex
SETTING: Several months after episode 5.04 “Loss.”
What Could Have Been
“Every now and then, soft as breath upon my skin, I feel you come back again, and it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side, like the tears were never cried-like the hands of time are holding you and me.” Diamond Rio, I Believe
The scent of crisp fall leaves and the chill of an autumn morning assaulted Olivia Benson’s senses as she stepped off the sidewalk and headed south into the park. Early on a Saturday morning, the park was full of joggers and early-rising mom’s pushing baby strollers. There was a beauty and simplicity to it all that acted as a salve for Olivia’s battered and bruised soul. Lord knew she needed to see the beauty in the world every now and then, lest the horrific side of humanity that she saw at work each day consume her entirely.
More importantly, this weekly walk through Central Park had become a ritual for her that helped her remember. There had been a time where everything she had ever wanted and dreamed of had seemed on the verge of coming true. All that ended on a dirty New York sidewalk late one night, when her work had violently invaded her personal life, leaving it in shambles. The night that Alex had been taken from her returned every night to haunt her dreams, but her Saturday morning walk helped her remember the best of what she had lost. She could almost feel Alex next to her, could hear the sound of her lover’s voice in the whisper of the wind.
Olivia strayed off the walkway, taking a seat on a bench across from a children’s playground. She watched for a moment as chatting parents pushed their children on swings. Leaning back against the bench, she closed her eyes, giving in finally and letting the memories drift back and take her away, to another time and place….
A cool breeze wafted through the cracked open window, bringing with it the wet, clean scent of springtime. Olivia stared down at the sleeping woman in her arms, bringing her hand up to brush damp blonde hair off of Alex’s face. Leaning down, she pressed a chaste kiss against her forehead, tasting the saltiness of her lover’s sweat. Alex’s blue eyes blinked open, seeking out Olivia’s brown and smiling when their gazes met. “Hey,” she mumbled, her voice rough from sleep.
“Hey yourself,” Olivia whispered back, her hand dropping to caress her lover’s cheek.
Leaning down again, she pressed her lips against Alex’s mouth, delighting in the instant response she got from the still-sleepy blonde. Alex’s arms slid up to wrap around Olivia’s neck, drawing Olivia down to her level. Sighing at the feeling of warm skin against her naked body, Olivia pulled back to look again into Alex’s loving eyes. “You know you’re beautiful, right?” she couldn’t help but ask, wanting Alex to know how she felt at that moment, and seeking to be understood.
Alex smiled at her, and Olivia couldn’t help but grin back. “I love you,” Alex whispered, leaning in to press another kiss against Olivia’s lips.
Olivia savored the moment; the memories of Alex warm in her arms. Every now and then she could almost feel the blonde in her arms. She could taste her kisses and smell her perfume if she just closed her eyes and gave in to the memories that hurt her so much. A bittersweet victory-to be with Alex one last time, but then to open her eyes to a present devoid of the one she had loved more than anyone else.
Her brown eyes opened and she blinked, swiping at the lone tear that trailed down her face. “I love you too, Alex,” Olivia spoke to the universe, hoping that somewhere, somehow, her lost lover would get the message.
She stood and shoved her hands deeper into her coat pockets, walking away from memories of what could have been.
*~* The End *~*