Fic: I Know You Love Me, Chapter Seven (Part II)
Title: I Know You Love Me
Author: mysticaldream
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia Spencer/Natalia Rivera
Spoilers: This story begins at the end of the 8/31/2009 episode and includes flashbacks/references to earlier scenes, both canon and fictitious. This story will deviate from canon at the end of the 8/31/2009 episode.
Summary: Natalia pursues Olivia after returning from the retreat.
Rating: Will range from PG-NC17.
Disclaimer: The characters herein, including Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Matt Reardon, Maureen Reardon, Frank Cooper, Rick Bauer, Doris Wolfe and Buzz Cooper belong to Proctor & Gamble, TeleNext Media, and/or CBS. I do not own them nor am I making any profit from this work of fiction.
A/N: This story alternates between Olivia's and Natalia's POV and also sometimes between memories/flashbacks and present tense. I will do my best to make the differences clear. This is my first attempt at fanfic; constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thanks for reading and especially to those of you who take the time to comment - I appreciate it more than I can express! This is another part of Chapter Seven, which is quickly becoming the longest chapter in history. I'll post more once I get the nerve to come out of hiding after scandalizing poor Natalia.
( Chapter One) ( Chapter Two) ( Chapter Three) ( Chapter Four) ( Chapter Five) ( Chapter Six) ( Chapter Seven [Part I])
Chapter Seven (Part II) - Natalia Rivera
Natalia Rivera was tapping every spare ounce of energy she could muster in an attempt to keep every atom in her body still. Because inside she was trembling so badly she vaguely worried that she might get sick all over Olivia. She refused to let Olivia see her fear, her trepidation as she leaned forward and confessed to her that she had indeed wanted to kiss her that afternoon at the farmhouse.
Natalia was not a leader - she knew this and accepted it. She was far more comfortable to follow another's lead, to take direction, to work as a team with others. The paralyzing fear she felt at the moment was not directed towards the act of kissing Olivia. The fear was from having to be the one who would initiate it. Life would just be a whole lot easier on her if Olivia would stop being so polite and restrained.
Olivia was a sexual being, and to Natalia that meant so much more than just the number of partners she had counted or the frequency of intimate acts. Sex was simply infused into the cells of Olivia's body; she wore it like a skin-tight dress. Natalia believed Olivia's primary sense was tactile-she trusted in what she could feel, what she could touch. And she was a master of touch. She could use her hands to convey more than words could ever say. The way she held Natalia tightly when she comforted her; Natalia never needed to hear the words "I'm here for you," because it was obvious from the way Olivia rubbed her back, pulled her close. The times when Natalia worried, Olivia would clasp one of her hands between both of her own and softly stroke her palm, her fingers, and the quiet confidence that passed from Olivia to Natalia left her feeling like she could accomplish anything. And though it had happened only infrequently, in those rare moments that Olivia had touched her in an attempt to convey her love, the result had ignited feelings inside Natalia that she had never before experienced. The simple stroke of one fingertip, barely brushing along her cheek left Natalia's knees weak and her lungs suffocating. Olivia had once gently massaged her shoulders and Natalia felt like her fingers were massaging her everywhere, all at once.
Because of Olivia's innate sensuality, her somewhat legendary libido, and her unquestionable sex appeal, Natalia had been more than surprised to learn that Olivia hadn't been with anyone for nearly two years. Two years was hardly a blip on the radar in Natalia's own stretch of celibacy that spanned from the first time she'd been with Nicky as a young teenager until the second time, as an adult. But she imagined that two years was probably the longest Olivia had ever gone since becoming sexually active. Her heart clenched as she realized the sacrifice Olivia had made, and had been willing to continue to make, on Natalia's behalf. Olivia hadn't just been willing to give up sex for Natalia, she had essentially waited and waited and waited for any form of affection - a more-than-friendly hug, a lover's caress, even a simple kiss beyond the one Olivia had sprung upon Natalia in a drunken haze last January. Olivia had proven herself willing to forgo such a fundamental aspect of her identity. She chose Natalia, being with Natalia in whatever fashion she would allow, over something that was clearly important to her. That level of devotion, sacrifice, astounded her. And she scolded herself for taking it for granted. No more. She would never take Olivia for granted again, she would never ask her to be someone she wasn't, and she would never put her own issues above Olivia's.
She sometimes wondered how Olivia had even managed to reign in that aspect of her being for Natalia's sake. Olivia didn't have to try to be sexy. She exhibited it naturally, easily. Most women, and Natalia included herself in this grouping, had to work for it. They had to find the perfect dress, the accentuating shoes. A manicure, an hour fumbling with a blow dryer and a round brush, three attempts at mascara, and just the right balance of jewelry were all required. And that was just the visual aspect. They still had to master flirtation, seduction, the proper way to laugh, how to coyly tilt long lashes, how to brush against their object of desire in a manner that would tease and entice without seeming cheap. Being sexy, for the rest of the world, was just difficult.
But it wasn't for Olivia. Natalia had always believed Olivia was a beautiful woman. She felt jealous at first, especially as Olivia vied for Nicky's affection. But over time, it became familiar and she didn't notice it as frequently. When she fell in love with Olivia, it had never been about her beauty. She fell in love with her kindness, her protective nature, her intensity, her laughter, and ability to make Natalia feel special and adored. When they first confessed their love, she knew Olivia tried desperately to restrain herself. Natalia was frightened, jumpy, and Olivia was afraid if she too openly showcased her desire, Natalia would bolt. But because sex was so fundamental to Olivia's being, it began to seep out. It would be a glance that lingered a little too long. It would be a touch that was meant to be friendly, yet it felt anything but. It would be the look in her eyes, flicking from Natalia's eyes down to her lips, as she seductively slid closer to Natalia on a bench in the park. And almost immediately, Olivia's form, her beauty, her appeal came screaming back to the forefront of Natalia's mind. And once Natalia really began to appreciate Olivia's physical attributes, they quickly became impossible to ignore.
Natalia had certainly had her breath stolen on the few occasions when she had seen Olivia glamorous and sophisticated, draped in beautiful gowns for expensive benefits. But it was so much more than that. Olivia Spencer was sexy All.The.Time. Olivia in a dark, crisply pressed pant suit, hair pulled back and long, long legs gracefully perched on a pair of ridiculously expensive Louis Vuitton stilettos? Sexy. Olivia fumbling down the stairs in a satin robe and fuzzy slippers, make-up smeared and hair that belonged to Bon Jovi circa 1986? Still sexy. Olivia bouncing into the kitchen in a pair of short shorts and a tank top, her skin slick with sweat from the exertion of her run as she hummed along to her iPod? Very sexy. Olivia in the Hannah Montana jammies Emma got her for Christmas, curled up on the couch with a sleepy little girl, softly singing her daughter to sleep? Ridiculously sexy. Or Natalia's favorite: Olivia sitting barefoot on the front porch steps, a cup of coffee in one hand. Her graceful curves adorned with a pair of faded Diesel jeans and a threadbare Northwestern t-shirt from long ago. Soft, still shower-damp hair falling in her eyes as she bent over the newspaper's crossword, chewing the pencil eraser absent-mindedly as she studied the puzzle? Oh God. So, so, sexy.
And if looking sexy came as naturally as breathing for Olivia, so did playing the part. She was wildly charismatic. She had the innate ability to look at a person and make them feel as though they were the only person in the world that mattered. Her smile stopped hearts from momentarily beating. Her wit, her intelligence, her confidence that bordered on arrogance-it was all part of her charm, and it was all sensual and provocative.
Prior to her unplanned departure from Springfield, Natalia had certainly noticed these rather appealing aspects of Olivia. And she couldn't ignore the way they made her feel. But she had been afraid of the intensity of those feelings. Natalia had never been open about sexuality. She had never been an initiator; she never lusted or craved that type of intimacy. It was pleasant enough, even good once or twice, but most of her sexual experiences had been tainted with guilt and shame. She had slept with Nicky as a teenager, a sin before marriage, and she had ended up pregnant. When she found him again, she slept with him even though he was still married to Harley - another sin. And Frank, even during the act she felt burdened with regret and mild disgust. She knew she didn't love him, and conceding her body to him left her feeling shamed.
All of this had led to confusion and anxiety for Natalia as she contemplated a sexual relationship with Olivia. She truly did want one - she hadn't been lying that day when she said she wanted them to share all the things two people in love shared, including their bodies. But she had no idea what to make of the intensity of her feelings. It terrified her and the only way she knew to cope was to suppress her desires and hope that eventually, things would make sense to her.
But then she found herself at a retreat, spending weeks away from the woman she loved. And with every passing day, she missed Olivia more. She spent much of the time at the retreat coming to terms with her love, learning to not just accept it but also embrace it, celebrate it. And she knew that when she returned, she would be ready for all the expressions of love that she and Olivia would share.
Natalia was a little embarrassed at how often she found herself thinking about those expressions. It wasn't proper to daydream about your girlfriend's ridiculously appealing body all the time, was it? But Natalia was a woman not in control of her own body. The pregnancy changed not only the shape of her body, but also the experience of her body.
Natalia was a life-long, devout Catholic. She knew self-pleasure was a sin. But she was also a woman who had spent the vast majority of her adult life alone, and she wasn't so pure that she couldn't recognize that sometimes, everyone needed a little relief. As she was raising Rafe, spending long night after long night alone, she rationalized that perhaps touching herself was a lesser sin in God's eyes than going out and engaging in carnal pleasures of the flesh with some stranger or man she didn't love.
So every once in a while, Natalia found herself easing the ache. But those furtive, middle-of-the-night maneuvers were quick and silent, for fear of Rafe hearing through the thin walls of their shabby apartment. Immediately upon completion, she'd feel dirty and shameful. The only purpose of those rare nights were to finally relieve some of the overwhelming stress and loneliness that came from working two or three jobs while trying to raise a sick child as a single mom.
Natalia realized a Catholic retreat was probably the least appropriate place on Earth to explore touching herself. But she had, more times than she'd care to admit. Her thoughts began to be dominated by Olivia and as she worked through accepting their relationship, as she moved beyond her fears and apprehension, those thoughts became increasingly heated. As she moved through the second trimester of her pregnancy her hormones began to rage. Vividly sensual, sometimes explicitly sexual dreams were the norm for most women at this point in their pregnancy. Natalia's dreams were no exception, and they became exclusively focused on Olivia.
It was disquieting at first, but then Natalia, in her eternal optimism, realized that the time, the solitude, and her near-constant state of arousal were opportunities, a blessing even. As a younger woman, when Natalia had touched herself, she had been awkward, unskilled. She spent more time trying to ignore what her hands were doing, trying to stave off the guilt she'd feel creeping into her heart. She'd race to climax, just wanting to get it over with. It was quick, infrequent, and more often than not, only minimally satisfying.
But she saw her situation as a gift, a chance to learn. So during her weeks at the retreat, she began to take her time, paying careful attention to what felt good to her, what hurt, and what hurt in a way that still felt good. She experimented with variations of timing and pressure. She explored her entire body, taking the time to discover a woman's multiple erogenous zones. She learned to recognize her body's signs of impending release, and how to hurry that release, how to delay it, and how to prolong it. And all the while, she alternated between envisioning that it was Olivia's body she was bringing pleasure to and imagining that Olivia's hands were on her, in her, bringing ecstasy to her. Surprisingly, she never felt burdened with shame or guilt following the act. This was an expression of her love for Olivia. It was her learning how to give and take love in a way that Olivia understood, in a way she craved. She realized that any act designed to give voice or substance to that love could never be wrong. And the difference between these orgasms and the ones she had experienced prior in her life was extraordinary. Those were stress-relief orgasms. These were blissful moments where she felt suspended in time, caught between Heaven and Earth, feeling their love rushing through her body. If her imagination provided this degree of rapture, she had wondered on more than one occasion if she would even survive the actual act of making love with Olivia.
Natalia had a deeply rooted conviction that she loved Olivia in a way that none of the woman's former lovers ever had. Despite her inexperience, she was determined to overcome her shyness, her inhibitions, and make love to Olivia in a way that none of those former lovers had, either. She knew it was ambitious, and it would take practice and time. Natalia knew that her words to Olivia were now considered meaningless - she had made a promise and had broken it. So she would have to step up and show Olivia her love, prove it to her physically. Natalia wanted that. She was just extremely anxious about being the person who had to initiate it.
At this point, though, she knew she would have to be the one to initiate it. Olivia had tamped down her desire for Natalia for the length of their relationship, in respect for Natalia's need for time as she worked through her fears and hang-ups. And now, Olivia had little trust left for Natalia. She argued against their reconciliation. There was no way she'd make the first move now. That control had been given to Natalia, and now she needed to be brave enough to wield it. It felt awkward and nerve-wracking, but she was going to muscle through it. Olivia deserved it from her. Throughout their relationship, Olivia had so often been the one to concede. She came to Natalia, she worked on Natalia's timeline, she gave in so Natalia wouldn't have to. It was time for Natalia to meet her halfway. Or three-quarters of the way. Or however far it would take to win back Olivia's trust and her love.
But Natalia was getting ahead of herself. She had to first muster the nerve to kiss Olivia. A real kiss, too. The one at Towers had been so quick, so surprising, it didn't really count. It could have been a friendly, chaste peck. Natalia wanted a lover's kiss, one that left no doubt of her affection. As she found herself leaning into Olivia, confessing her desire to kiss her, she realized that if she was scared, then poor Olivia looked terrified.
Too soon, she realized with a mix of regret and relief. So she smiled at Olivia, tapped her on the nose playfully and said "Your turn."
Olivia finally resumed breathing, gulping large breaths of air. "What?" she asked.
Natalia pulled back slightly, still sitting closely but giving Olivia a reprieve. "It's your turn to ask a question. Question number two."
"Oh…" Olivia rubbed her temples and continued to take deep breaths. "Okay. I just, uhm… I need a second, okay?"
Natalia smiled. Seductress and aggressor were not roles that she comfortably wore, but she was pleased to see that her attempts, however awkward the felt to her, were clearly having an effect on Olivia. "Take your time," she answered simply.
"Okay, here's a question for you Natalia. If I had done this to you, if I had disappeared for six weeks with no contact whatsoever, and then I came strolling back and asking you to pretend that nothing had happened, nothing had changed, would you take me back?"
Natalia's instincts told her to scream "Yes! Yes!" but she knew that was only because she wanted so badly for Olivia to take her back. But that wasn't the game they were playing. This was about thoughtfulness, honesty. And so she took several minutes to really think through what it would feel like if she had been on Olivia's end of this entire ordeal.
After a while, Olivia whispered, "It isn't so easy, is it?" It wasn't said with anger. In fact, it sounded compassionate to Natalia.
Natalia looked at Olivia for a long time, memorizing the curves of her face and the depth of her eyes. "No," she answered. "It isn't easy. But nothing about our relationship has been very easy, has it? Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. But to answer your question, yes, I would take you back, Olivia."
Olivia quirked an eyebrow at her but said nothing.
"So I answered your question, time for my next-" Natalia said, trying to keep a straight face.
"What!?" Olivia interrupted.
"I said, I've answered your question so now I get to ask my next one."
"No, you can't just answer yes or no, not after I spent twenty minutes spilling my heart out to you over your question."
"Well you have to learn to phrase your questions better." But Natalia couldn't keep the smile from her face, and she playfully bumped shoulders with Olivia, who must've realized Natalia was teasing because she smiled, too, and returned the touch.
Natalia took a deep breath, trying to organize her thoughts. One attribute she especially admired in Olivia was her articulate nature. She was almost always clear and direct when expressing her thoughts. Natalia had trouble sometimes forming the words she needed, or saying them in a manner to convey what she really meant. She was often indirect, hoping her conversational partner would intuit her meaning. But that approach had led to some very real misunderstandings, and so she wanted to make sure her thoughts were clear as she explained them to Olivia.
"I'm not perfect. Neither are you. We are human and we make mistakes. But God graced us with the ability to learn from those mistakes, Olivia. You told me a few minutes ago that you believed all your former loves were practice, they were 'mistakes' you had to make to learn how to do things the right way in our relationship, right?"
Olivia nodded silently.
"Well, maybe this was my mistake, the path I had to take to learn how to love you completely, and honestly, and unconditionally. I think God wanted me to see what my life would be like without you, knowing that I would realize I couldn't possibly live without you. It fortified my strength and my devotion." Natalia watched Olivia, hoping for some encouraging response, but her girlfriend simply sat quietly, her head tilted down as she looked at her hands again.
"I realized a lot of things while I was away. I don't like the person I am without you nearly as much as I like the person I am with you. We make each other better. You challenge me, you believe in me, you give me strength when I'm weak, you make me feel capable of things I never imagined. No other person has ever made me feel those things. Because our love is so strong, so fundamental to who we are now, it gives us the ability to hurt one another greatly. And I did that, and I'm sorry. But it also gives us the ability to complete one another, to become more than we could ever be on our own."
She waited for Olivia to give her some sort of feedback, any indication that she was listening and that Natalia's words were making sense. Finally Olivia looked at her, giving a sad smile. It wasn't exactly the reinforcement Natalia was hoping for, but it was something, and she continued.
"I know this is my fault and I hurt you, and I left you without giving you any indication whether I would ever come back. So I know my pain is nothing compared to yours. But Olivia, I also went six weeks without you. And it was torturous for me. I ached for you, I felt so lonely and scared without you. I don't think I laughed even once the entire time I was gone. No one can make me laugh the way you do. I missed you in everything I did. If I had a silly thought, I imagined sharing it with you, making it one of our inside jokes. When I was frightened, I imagined you holding me and reassuring me. When I went to bed at night, I wanted to talk to you about our days and about Emma. I realized that I couldn't stand not having you in my life. I realized that no matter what Rafe thought, or Frank thought, or Father Ray thought, I would never survive without you again. God wants me to be happy and He knows that you are the person who brings me love and joy. So when you ask me, Olivia, if I would be able to forgive you and take you back, the answer has to be yes. Because no matter how badly you hurt me, no matter what you could ever do to hurt me, nothing would be worse than living my life without you."
Natalia watched tears fall from Olivia's eyes, splashing on her hands. She moved closer again, wrapping her arm once again around Olivia' shoulder. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't know what else I can say or do to prove that to you. Just tell me, anything, I'll do anything. I can't live my life without you. I need you." She leaned in and kissed Olivia's temple. "I need you," she emphasized, and she felt Olivia shudder in response.
"You know," she continued because she didn't know if Olivia believed her; the older woman was giving no indication whether Natalia should keep going or if her words were never going to be enough. "I feel like I was never really living until I met you. I went through the motions, day after day after day. Work, take care of Rafe, go to church. It was mundane and exhausting, but it was all I knew. When I met you, everything changed. I felt like I was finally being challenged, like my life had more meaning than just being a mom and a waitress. Even early on, when we fought, it made me feel more alive than I ever had before. I'd lay awake at night, my heart racing as I thought about how angry you made me. But that means something, right? Even back then I couldn't stop thinking about you."
Olivia finally looked at her, a small smile on her face. "I thought about you all the time, too."
"Taking care of you after your transplant, it gave me meaning. And then as you got better, and I started to help you with things at The Beacon, I felt needed and it was a wonderful experience. So often in my life, I felt like if I just disappeared, no one but Rafe would notice. My family was gone, I had very few friends, even fewer dates. I was the nameless, faceless woman who brought people coffee and sandwiches, or cleaned their rooms while they were out doing exciting things for the day. But helping you - knowing that you were relying on me - I knew that you needed me just as much as I needed you. It made me feel proud of myself. That day in the hospital, after you collapsed at Company… when you called me a superhero, I actually cried that night because I finally felt like I was making a difference in someone's life. I was making it better for someone and she was making mine better in return."
Natalia pulled Olivia tighter into her, continuing to rub her neck and lower scalp as Olivia rested her head on her shoulder. She heard a soft moan pass across Olivia's lips, and she smiled at her ability to calm her girlfriend.
"You opened the world to me, you know?" Natalia asked. "I experienced things with you that I never imagined possible. You and Emma both. I missed out on a lot of things when Rafe was young because I was always working. I can't tell you the joy I felt when we went on the fieldtrip and took the kids for ice cream, or how proud I was on family day when I realized that Emma had included me in her presentation. I had never hiked in the woods before our spa trip, and at first I thought it would be awful, but you made it fun. You pointed out different flowers and trees in the scenery; things I never would have noticed. You made the world beautiful to me."
She lifted Olivia's head so they were looking at one another, still so very, very close. "So yes, Olivia. No matter what you ever did to me in this world, no matter how horrible you could be to me, I will always forgive you. I love you unconditionally. I didn't understand what that meant before I left, but I do now. There is nothing you could do that would make it go away. I can't think of anything in this world that would be more devastating to me than living my life without you in it. I know you love me, Olivia Spencer. I just hope you love me unconditionally and can find it in your heart to forgive me, to give me a second chance to prove myself and my love to you."
Olivia nodded almost imperceptibly, and Natalia wasn't sure if she was agreeing that she loved her, that she loved her unconditionally, or if she was simply indicating that she had heard Natalia. But she chose to be optimistic, hoping that baring some of her vulnerabilities would help her earn back Olivia's trust.
"Does that answer your question a little better than just 'yes'?" Natalia asked.
"Yeah," Olivia breathed softly. "It does."
"Okay… time for question three?"
Olivia sighed. "I guess."
Natalia considered her next question, thinking through not just what she wanted to know, but also what she wanted Olivia to know. She finally decided. "In an ideal world, imagining that I wasn't pregnant with Frank's baby and I never left, how did you envision our future together?"
Olivia sat quietly, and then shrugged. "You know, Natalia, I honestly tried not to think about it too much."
Natalia was surprised. She had spent so much time imagining their future, once they told the kids and they accepted it, they'd take vacations and spend holidays together. They'd raise Emma, watch her grow and eventually leave the farmhouse. She dreamed of her perfect family, their perfect life together. Why hadn't Olivia?
"Why? I thought you wanted us to be together, to be a family again."
Olivia nodded. "I did. But I was so afraid of thinking too much about it. I kept waiting for you to figure out that I was too damaged, too much work. But beyond that, I didn't want to jinx it, and I didn't want to develop all these expectations that we could never live up to. One of the mistakes I made in the past was thinking that marrying someone was the end-all, be-all. Like it would complete my life and I'd finally be happy. Putting that kind of pressure on a relationship can only set it up for failure."
"But didn't you ever imagine a future for us?"
"Of course I did. I just tried not to focus on it too much because I never really knew where your head or your heart were. All that mattered to me, Natalia, was that we were together. Whatever shape that took, whatever path we had to traverse to get there, it was all I wanted. Ideally, yeah, I wanted for me and Emma to return to the farmhouse. I hoped Rafe would see that we made each other happy, that I hadn't brainwashed you into thinking you loved me because I had Gus' heart." She released a sad laugh. "Crazy as it is, I had thought on occasion what it might be like to add to our family. Emma is getting so big; I miss having a little one. And I knew you were such a great mom. I thought maybe this time you could have a chance to do all the things you couldn't with Rafe because I'd be able to take care of us. You could work if you wanted, but if you just wanted to stay home with the baby, join the PTA, volunteer at the school library… whatever you wanted so you could be with the baby as much as you wanted."
Natalia's heart ached. Once again, Olivia had focused her own dreams, her own goals, with Natalia's best interest in mind. "I love you," she whispered so softly, but Olivia either didn't hear it, or she chose to ignore it before continuing.
"I figured once we were all living together again, I'd surprise Emma with a kitten. I wanted us to open our home to our family and friends, have everyone over for Thanksgiving in the fall, picnics in the spring. I thought about every summer, when Emma was off school, we'd take a two week vacation. One week we'd spend traveling with her, taking her to amusement parks and landmarks and sandy beaches. And the second week, we'd let her stay with her big sister Ava and you and I could take time for ourselves - go to the spa again, or hole up in a cabin in the woods, or go soak up the sun on the Mediterranean. I dreamed about showing you the world because I knew you had never been able to travel. And I dreamed…" she paused, fidgeting. "I hoped that if one day the good people of the state of Illinois got their heads out of their collective asses and realized that love is a blessing no matter what form it takes… I hoped you'd marry me. I mean, I didn't know, with your religion and all…" she trailed off.
"Olivia, that is exactly what I would want, too," Natalia stressed.
"But that is all make-believe, Natalia. Things never work out for me that way. I'm not meant for a happy ending." She sounded so sad Natalia had to blink tears from her own eyes.
She pulled Olivia closer to her once again. "It doesn't have to be. None of those dreams are out of the question. We can have all of those things."
"But you left." She sounded like a small, scared child.
"I know. But I'm back now. And I want all of those things with you, too. I can make you happy Olivia. We can be each other's happy ending."
And much to Natalia's surprise, Olivia wrapped her arms around her, pulled her into a tight embrace. Olivia's head rested on Natalia's shoulder, and over the din of far-off traffic, fireflies and wind, she just barely heard Olivia whisper, in a terrified voice, "I want that, too."
*To Be Continued*
Author: mysticaldream
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia Spencer/Natalia Rivera
Spoilers: This story begins at the end of the 8/31/2009 episode and includes flashbacks/references to earlier scenes, both canon and fictitious. This story will deviate from canon at the end of the 8/31/2009 episode.
Summary: Natalia pursues Olivia after returning from the retreat.
Rating: Will range from PG-NC17.
Disclaimer: The characters herein, including Olivia Spencer, Natalia Rivera, Emma Spencer, Matt Reardon, Maureen Reardon, Frank Cooper, Rick Bauer, Doris Wolfe and Buzz Cooper belong to Proctor & Gamble, TeleNext Media, and/or CBS. I do not own them nor am I making any profit from this work of fiction.
A/N: This story alternates between Olivia's and Natalia's POV and also sometimes between memories/flashbacks and present tense. I will do my best to make the differences clear. This is my first attempt at fanfic; constructive criticism is always appreciated. Thanks for reading and especially to those of you who take the time to comment - I appreciate it more than I can express! This is another part of Chapter Seven, which is quickly becoming the longest chapter in history. I'll post more once I get the nerve to come out of hiding after scandalizing poor Natalia.
( Chapter One) ( Chapter Two) ( Chapter Three) ( Chapter Four) ( Chapter Five) ( Chapter Six) ( Chapter Seven [Part I])
Chapter Seven (Part II) - Natalia Rivera
Natalia Rivera was tapping every spare ounce of energy she could muster in an attempt to keep every atom in her body still. Because inside she was trembling so badly she vaguely worried that she might get sick all over Olivia. She refused to let Olivia see her fear, her trepidation as she leaned forward and confessed to her that she had indeed wanted to kiss her that afternoon at the farmhouse.
Natalia was not a leader - she knew this and accepted it. She was far more comfortable to follow another's lead, to take direction, to work as a team with others. The paralyzing fear she felt at the moment was not directed towards the act of kissing Olivia. The fear was from having to be the one who would initiate it. Life would just be a whole lot easier on her if Olivia would stop being so polite and restrained.
Olivia was a sexual being, and to Natalia that meant so much more than just the number of partners she had counted or the frequency of intimate acts. Sex was simply infused into the cells of Olivia's body; she wore it like a skin-tight dress. Natalia believed Olivia's primary sense was tactile-she trusted in what she could feel, what she could touch. And she was a master of touch. She could use her hands to convey more than words could ever say. The way she held Natalia tightly when she comforted her; Natalia never needed to hear the words "I'm here for you," because it was obvious from the way Olivia rubbed her back, pulled her close. The times when Natalia worried, Olivia would clasp one of her hands between both of her own and softly stroke her palm, her fingers, and the quiet confidence that passed from Olivia to Natalia left her feeling like she could accomplish anything. And though it had happened only infrequently, in those rare moments that Olivia had touched her in an attempt to convey her love, the result had ignited feelings inside Natalia that she had never before experienced. The simple stroke of one fingertip, barely brushing along her cheek left Natalia's knees weak and her lungs suffocating. Olivia had once gently massaged her shoulders and Natalia felt like her fingers were massaging her everywhere, all at once.
Because of Olivia's innate sensuality, her somewhat legendary libido, and her unquestionable sex appeal, Natalia had been more than surprised to learn that Olivia hadn't been with anyone for nearly two years. Two years was hardly a blip on the radar in Natalia's own stretch of celibacy that spanned from the first time she'd been with Nicky as a young teenager until the second time, as an adult. But she imagined that two years was probably the longest Olivia had ever gone since becoming sexually active. Her heart clenched as she realized the sacrifice Olivia had made, and had been willing to continue to make, on Natalia's behalf. Olivia hadn't just been willing to give up sex for Natalia, she had essentially waited and waited and waited for any form of affection - a more-than-friendly hug, a lover's caress, even a simple kiss beyond the one Olivia had sprung upon Natalia in a drunken haze last January. Olivia had proven herself willing to forgo such a fundamental aspect of her identity. She chose Natalia, being with Natalia in whatever fashion she would allow, over something that was clearly important to her. That level of devotion, sacrifice, astounded her. And she scolded herself for taking it for granted. No more. She would never take Olivia for granted again, she would never ask her to be someone she wasn't, and she would never put her own issues above Olivia's.
She sometimes wondered how Olivia had even managed to reign in that aspect of her being for Natalia's sake. Olivia didn't have to try to be sexy. She exhibited it naturally, easily. Most women, and Natalia included herself in this grouping, had to work for it. They had to find the perfect dress, the accentuating shoes. A manicure, an hour fumbling with a blow dryer and a round brush, three attempts at mascara, and just the right balance of jewelry were all required. And that was just the visual aspect. They still had to master flirtation, seduction, the proper way to laugh, how to coyly tilt long lashes, how to brush against their object of desire in a manner that would tease and entice without seeming cheap. Being sexy, for the rest of the world, was just difficult.
But it wasn't for Olivia. Natalia had always believed Olivia was a beautiful woman. She felt jealous at first, especially as Olivia vied for Nicky's affection. But over time, it became familiar and she didn't notice it as frequently. When she fell in love with Olivia, it had never been about her beauty. She fell in love with her kindness, her protective nature, her intensity, her laughter, and ability to make Natalia feel special and adored. When they first confessed their love, she knew Olivia tried desperately to restrain herself. Natalia was frightened, jumpy, and Olivia was afraid if she too openly showcased her desire, Natalia would bolt. But because sex was so fundamental to Olivia's being, it began to seep out. It would be a glance that lingered a little too long. It would be a touch that was meant to be friendly, yet it felt anything but. It would be the look in her eyes, flicking from Natalia's eyes down to her lips, as she seductively slid closer to Natalia on a bench in the park. And almost immediately, Olivia's form, her beauty, her appeal came screaming back to the forefront of Natalia's mind. And once Natalia really began to appreciate Olivia's physical attributes, they quickly became impossible to ignore.
Natalia had certainly had her breath stolen on the few occasions when she had seen Olivia glamorous and sophisticated, draped in beautiful gowns for expensive benefits. But it was so much more than that. Olivia Spencer was sexy All.The.Time. Olivia in a dark, crisply pressed pant suit, hair pulled back and long, long legs gracefully perched on a pair of ridiculously expensive Louis Vuitton stilettos? Sexy. Olivia fumbling down the stairs in a satin robe and fuzzy slippers, make-up smeared and hair that belonged to Bon Jovi circa 1986? Still sexy. Olivia bouncing into the kitchen in a pair of short shorts and a tank top, her skin slick with sweat from the exertion of her run as she hummed along to her iPod? Very sexy. Olivia in the Hannah Montana jammies Emma got her for Christmas, curled up on the couch with a sleepy little girl, softly singing her daughter to sleep? Ridiculously sexy. Or Natalia's favorite: Olivia sitting barefoot on the front porch steps, a cup of coffee in one hand. Her graceful curves adorned with a pair of faded Diesel jeans and a threadbare Northwestern t-shirt from long ago. Soft, still shower-damp hair falling in her eyes as she bent over the newspaper's crossword, chewing the pencil eraser absent-mindedly as she studied the puzzle? Oh God. So, so, sexy.
And if looking sexy came as naturally as breathing for Olivia, so did playing the part. She was wildly charismatic. She had the innate ability to look at a person and make them feel as though they were the only person in the world that mattered. Her smile stopped hearts from momentarily beating. Her wit, her intelligence, her confidence that bordered on arrogance-it was all part of her charm, and it was all sensual and provocative.
Prior to her unplanned departure from Springfield, Natalia had certainly noticed these rather appealing aspects of Olivia. And she couldn't ignore the way they made her feel. But she had been afraid of the intensity of those feelings. Natalia had never been open about sexuality. She had never been an initiator; she never lusted or craved that type of intimacy. It was pleasant enough, even good once or twice, but most of her sexual experiences had been tainted with guilt and shame. She had slept with Nicky as a teenager, a sin before marriage, and she had ended up pregnant. When she found him again, she slept with him even though he was still married to Harley - another sin. And Frank, even during the act she felt burdened with regret and mild disgust. She knew she didn't love him, and conceding her body to him left her feeling shamed.
All of this had led to confusion and anxiety for Natalia as she contemplated a sexual relationship with Olivia. She truly did want one - she hadn't been lying that day when she said she wanted them to share all the things two people in love shared, including their bodies. But she had no idea what to make of the intensity of her feelings. It terrified her and the only way she knew to cope was to suppress her desires and hope that eventually, things would make sense to her.
But then she found herself at a retreat, spending weeks away from the woman she loved. And with every passing day, she missed Olivia more. She spent much of the time at the retreat coming to terms with her love, learning to not just accept it but also embrace it, celebrate it. And she knew that when she returned, she would be ready for all the expressions of love that she and Olivia would share.
Natalia was a little embarrassed at how often she found herself thinking about those expressions. It wasn't proper to daydream about your girlfriend's ridiculously appealing body all the time, was it? But Natalia was a woman not in control of her own body. The pregnancy changed not only the shape of her body, but also the experience of her body.
Natalia was a life-long, devout Catholic. She knew self-pleasure was a sin. But she was also a woman who had spent the vast majority of her adult life alone, and she wasn't so pure that she couldn't recognize that sometimes, everyone needed a little relief. As she was raising Rafe, spending long night after long night alone, she rationalized that perhaps touching herself was a lesser sin in God's eyes than going out and engaging in carnal pleasures of the flesh with some stranger or man she didn't love.
So every once in a while, Natalia found herself easing the ache. But those furtive, middle-of-the-night maneuvers were quick and silent, for fear of Rafe hearing through the thin walls of their shabby apartment. Immediately upon completion, she'd feel dirty and shameful. The only purpose of those rare nights were to finally relieve some of the overwhelming stress and loneliness that came from working two or three jobs while trying to raise a sick child as a single mom.
Natalia realized a Catholic retreat was probably the least appropriate place on Earth to explore touching herself. But she had, more times than she'd care to admit. Her thoughts began to be dominated by Olivia and as she worked through accepting their relationship, as she moved beyond her fears and apprehension, those thoughts became increasingly heated. As she moved through the second trimester of her pregnancy her hormones began to rage. Vividly sensual, sometimes explicitly sexual dreams were the norm for most women at this point in their pregnancy. Natalia's dreams were no exception, and they became exclusively focused on Olivia.
It was disquieting at first, but then Natalia, in her eternal optimism, realized that the time, the solitude, and her near-constant state of arousal were opportunities, a blessing even. As a younger woman, when Natalia had touched herself, she had been awkward, unskilled. She spent more time trying to ignore what her hands were doing, trying to stave off the guilt she'd feel creeping into her heart. She'd race to climax, just wanting to get it over with. It was quick, infrequent, and more often than not, only minimally satisfying.
But she saw her situation as a gift, a chance to learn. So during her weeks at the retreat, she began to take her time, paying careful attention to what felt good to her, what hurt, and what hurt in a way that still felt good. She experimented with variations of timing and pressure. She explored her entire body, taking the time to discover a woman's multiple erogenous zones. She learned to recognize her body's signs of impending release, and how to hurry that release, how to delay it, and how to prolong it. And all the while, she alternated between envisioning that it was Olivia's body she was bringing pleasure to and imagining that Olivia's hands were on her, in her, bringing ecstasy to her. Surprisingly, she never felt burdened with shame or guilt following the act. This was an expression of her love for Olivia. It was her learning how to give and take love in a way that Olivia understood, in a way she craved. She realized that any act designed to give voice or substance to that love could never be wrong. And the difference between these orgasms and the ones she had experienced prior in her life was extraordinary. Those were stress-relief orgasms. These were blissful moments where she felt suspended in time, caught between Heaven and Earth, feeling their love rushing through her body. If her imagination provided this degree of rapture, she had wondered on more than one occasion if she would even survive the actual act of making love with Olivia.
Natalia had a deeply rooted conviction that she loved Olivia in a way that none of the woman's former lovers ever had. Despite her inexperience, she was determined to overcome her shyness, her inhibitions, and make love to Olivia in a way that none of those former lovers had, either. She knew it was ambitious, and it would take practice and time. Natalia knew that her words to Olivia were now considered meaningless - she had made a promise and had broken it. So she would have to step up and show Olivia her love, prove it to her physically. Natalia wanted that. She was just extremely anxious about being the person who had to initiate it.
At this point, though, she knew she would have to be the one to initiate it. Olivia had tamped down her desire for Natalia for the length of their relationship, in respect for Natalia's need for time as she worked through her fears and hang-ups. And now, Olivia had little trust left for Natalia. She argued against their reconciliation. There was no way she'd make the first move now. That control had been given to Natalia, and now she needed to be brave enough to wield it. It felt awkward and nerve-wracking, but she was going to muscle through it. Olivia deserved it from her. Throughout their relationship, Olivia had so often been the one to concede. She came to Natalia, she worked on Natalia's timeline, she gave in so Natalia wouldn't have to. It was time for Natalia to meet her halfway. Or three-quarters of the way. Or however far it would take to win back Olivia's trust and her love.
But Natalia was getting ahead of herself. She had to first muster the nerve to kiss Olivia. A real kiss, too. The one at Towers had been so quick, so surprising, it didn't really count. It could have been a friendly, chaste peck. Natalia wanted a lover's kiss, one that left no doubt of her affection. As she found herself leaning into Olivia, confessing her desire to kiss her, she realized that if she was scared, then poor Olivia looked terrified.
Too soon, she realized with a mix of regret and relief. So she smiled at Olivia, tapped her on the nose playfully and said "Your turn."
Olivia finally resumed breathing, gulping large breaths of air. "What?" she asked.
Natalia pulled back slightly, still sitting closely but giving Olivia a reprieve. "It's your turn to ask a question. Question number two."
"Oh…" Olivia rubbed her temples and continued to take deep breaths. "Okay. I just, uhm… I need a second, okay?"
Natalia smiled. Seductress and aggressor were not roles that she comfortably wore, but she was pleased to see that her attempts, however awkward the felt to her, were clearly having an effect on Olivia. "Take your time," she answered simply.
"Okay, here's a question for you Natalia. If I had done this to you, if I had disappeared for six weeks with no contact whatsoever, and then I came strolling back and asking you to pretend that nothing had happened, nothing had changed, would you take me back?"
Natalia's instincts told her to scream "Yes! Yes!" but she knew that was only because she wanted so badly for Olivia to take her back. But that wasn't the game they were playing. This was about thoughtfulness, honesty. And so she took several minutes to really think through what it would feel like if she had been on Olivia's end of this entire ordeal.
After a while, Olivia whispered, "It isn't so easy, is it?" It wasn't said with anger. In fact, it sounded compassionate to Natalia.
Natalia looked at Olivia for a long time, memorizing the curves of her face and the depth of her eyes. "No," she answered. "It isn't easy. But nothing about our relationship has been very easy, has it? Nothing worthwhile is ever easy. But to answer your question, yes, I would take you back, Olivia."
Olivia quirked an eyebrow at her but said nothing.
"So I answered your question, time for my next-" Natalia said, trying to keep a straight face.
"What!?" Olivia interrupted.
"I said, I've answered your question so now I get to ask my next one."
"No, you can't just answer yes or no, not after I spent twenty minutes spilling my heart out to you over your question."
"Well you have to learn to phrase your questions better." But Natalia couldn't keep the smile from her face, and she playfully bumped shoulders with Olivia, who must've realized Natalia was teasing because she smiled, too, and returned the touch.
Natalia took a deep breath, trying to organize her thoughts. One attribute she especially admired in Olivia was her articulate nature. She was almost always clear and direct when expressing her thoughts. Natalia had trouble sometimes forming the words she needed, or saying them in a manner to convey what she really meant. She was often indirect, hoping her conversational partner would intuit her meaning. But that approach had led to some very real misunderstandings, and so she wanted to make sure her thoughts were clear as she explained them to Olivia.
"I'm not perfect. Neither are you. We are human and we make mistakes. But God graced us with the ability to learn from those mistakes, Olivia. You told me a few minutes ago that you believed all your former loves were practice, they were 'mistakes' you had to make to learn how to do things the right way in our relationship, right?"
Olivia nodded silently.
"Well, maybe this was my mistake, the path I had to take to learn how to love you completely, and honestly, and unconditionally. I think God wanted me to see what my life would be like without you, knowing that I would realize I couldn't possibly live without you. It fortified my strength and my devotion." Natalia watched Olivia, hoping for some encouraging response, but her girlfriend simply sat quietly, her head tilted down as she looked at her hands again.
"I realized a lot of things while I was away. I don't like the person I am without you nearly as much as I like the person I am with you. We make each other better. You challenge me, you believe in me, you give me strength when I'm weak, you make me feel capable of things I never imagined. No other person has ever made me feel those things. Because our love is so strong, so fundamental to who we are now, it gives us the ability to hurt one another greatly. And I did that, and I'm sorry. But it also gives us the ability to complete one another, to become more than we could ever be on our own."
She waited for Olivia to give her some sort of feedback, any indication that she was listening and that Natalia's words were making sense. Finally Olivia looked at her, giving a sad smile. It wasn't exactly the reinforcement Natalia was hoping for, but it was something, and she continued.
"I know this is my fault and I hurt you, and I left you without giving you any indication whether I would ever come back. So I know my pain is nothing compared to yours. But Olivia, I also went six weeks without you. And it was torturous for me. I ached for you, I felt so lonely and scared without you. I don't think I laughed even once the entire time I was gone. No one can make me laugh the way you do. I missed you in everything I did. If I had a silly thought, I imagined sharing it with you, making it one of our inside jokes. When I was frightened, I imagined you holding me and reassuring me. When I went to bed at night, I wanted to talk to you about our days and about Emma. I realized that I couldn't stand not having you in my life. I realized that no matter what Rafe thought, or Frank thought, or Father Ray thought, I would never survive without you again. God wants me to be happy and He knows that you are the person who brings me love and joy. So when you ask me, Olivia, if I would be able to forgive you and take you back, the answer has to be yes. Because no matter how badly you hurt me, no matter what you could ever do to hurt me, nothing would be worse than living my life without you."
Natalia watched tears fall from Olivia's eyes, splashing on her hands. She moved closer again, wrapping her arm once again around Olivia' shoulder. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I don't know what else I can say or do to prove that to you. Just tell me, anything, I'll do anything. I can't live my life without you. I need you." She leaned in and kissed Olivia's temple. "I need you," she emphasized, and she felt Olivia shudder in response.
"You know," she continued because she didn't know if Olivia believed her; the older woman was giving no indication whether Natalia should keep going or if her words were never going to be enough. "I feel like I was never really living until I met you. I went through the motions, day after day after day. Work, take care of Rafe, go to church. It was mundane and exhausting, but it was all I knew. When I met you, everything changed. I felt like I was finally being challenged, like my life had more meaning than just being a mom and a waitress. Even early on, when we fought, it made me feel more alive than I ever had before. I'd lay awake at night, my heart racing as I thought about how angry you made me. But that means something, right? Even back then I couldn't stop thinking about you."
Olivia finally looked at her, a small smile on her face. "I thought about you all the time, too."
"Taking care of you after your transplant, it gave me meaning. And then as you got better, and I started to help you with things at The Beacon, I felt needed and it was a wonderful experience. So often in my life, I felt like if I just disappeared, no one but Rafe would notice. My family was gone, I had very few friends, even fewer dates. I was the nameless, faceless woman who brought people coffee and sandwiches, or cleaned their rooms while they were out doing exciting things for the day. But helping you - knowing that you were relying on me - I knew that you needed me just as much as I needed you. It made me feel proud of myself. That day in the hospital, after you collapsed at Company… when you called me a superhero, I actually cried that night because I finally felt like I was making a difference in someone's life. I was making it better for someone and she was making mine better in return."
Natalia pulled Olivia tighter into her, continuing to rub her neck and lower scalp as Olivia rested her head on her shoulder. She heard a soft moan pass across Olivia's lips, and she smiled at her ability to calm her girlfriend.
"You opened the world to me, you know?" Natalia asked. "I experienced things with you that I never imagined possible. You and Emma both. I missed out on a lot of things when Rafe was young because I was always working. I can't tell you the joy I felt when we went on the fieldtrip and took the kids for ice cream, or how proud I was on family day when I realized that Emma had included me in her presentation. I had never hiked in the woods before our spa trip, and at first I thought it would be awful, but you made it fun. You pointed out different flowers and trees in the scenery; things I never would have noticed. You made the world beautiful to me."
She lifted Olivia's head so they were looking at one another, still so very, very close. "So yes, Olivia. No matter what you ever did to me in this world, no matter how horrible you could be to me, I will always forgive you. I love you unconditionally. I didn't understand what that meant before I left, but I do now. There is nothing you could do that would make it go away. I can't think of anything in this world that would be more devastating to me than living my life without you in it. I know you love me, Olivia Spencer. I just hope you love me unconditionally and can find it in your heart to forgive me, to give me a second chance to prove myself and my love to you."
Olivia nodded almost imperceptibly, and Natalia wasn't sure if she was agreeing that she loved her, that she loved her unconditionally, or if she was simply indicating that she had heard Natalia. But she chose to be optimistic, hoping that baring some of her vulnerabilities would help her earn back Olivia's trust.
"Does that answer your question a little better than just 'yes'?" Natalia asked.
"Yeah," Olivia breathed softly. "It does."
"Okay… time for question three?"
Olivia sighed. "I guess."
Natalia considered her next question, thinking through not just what she wanted to know, but also what she wanted Olivia to know. She finally decided. "In an ideal world, imagining that I wasn't pregnant with Frank's baby and I never left, how did you envision our future together?"
Olivia sat quietly, and then shrugged. "You know, Natalia, I honestly tried not to think about it too much."
Natalia was surprised. She had spent so much time imagining their future, once they told the kids and they accepted it, they'd take vacations and spend holidays together. They'd raise Emma, watch her grow and eventually leave the farmhouse. She dreamed of her perfect family, their perfect life together. Why hadn't Olivia?
"Why? I thought you wanted us to be together, to be a family again."
Olivia nodded. "I did. But I was so afraid of thinking too much about it. I kept waiting for you to figure out that I was too damaged, too much work. But beyond that, I didn't want to jinx it, and I didn't want to develop all these expectations that we could never live up to. One of the mistakes I made in the past was thinking that marrying someone was the end-all, be-all. Like it would complete my life and I'd finally be happy. Putting that kind of pressure on a relationship can only set it up for failure."
"But didn't you ever imagine a future for us?"
"Of course I did. I just tried not to focus on it too much because I never really knew where your head or your heart were. All that mattered to me, Natalia, was that we were together. Whatever shape that took, whatever path we had to traverse to get there, it was all I wanted. Ideally, yeah, I wanted for me and Emma to return to the farmhouse. I hoped Rafe would see that we made each other happy, that I hadn't brainwashed you into thinking you loved me because I had Gus' heart." She released a sad laugh. "Crazy as it is, I had thought on occasion what it might be like to add to our family. Emma is getting so big; I miss having a little one. And I knew you were such a great mom. I thought maybe this time you could have a chance to do all the things you couldn't with Rafe because I'd be able to take care of us. You could work if you wanted, but if you just wanted to stay home with the baby, join the PTA, volunteer at the school library… whatever you wanted so you could be with the baby as much as you wanted."
Natalia's heart ached. Once again, Olivia had focused her own dreams, her own goals, with Natalia's best interest in mind. "I love you," she whispered so softly, but Olivia either didn't hear it, or she chose to ignore it before continuing.
"I figured once we were all living together again, I'd surprise Emma with a kitten. I wanted us to open our home to our family and friends, have everyone over for Thanksgiving in the fall, picnics in the spring. I thought about every summer, when Emma was off school, we'd take a two week vacation. One week we'd spend traveling with her, taking her to amusement parks and landmarks and sandy beaches. And the second week, we'd let her stay with her big sister Ava and you and I could take time for ourselves - go to the spa again, or hole up in a cabin in the woods, or go soak up the sun on the Mediterranean. I dreamed about showing you the world because I knew you had never been able to travel. And I dreamed…" she paused, fidgeting. "I hoped that if one day the good people of the state of Illinois got their heads out of their collective asses and realized that love is a blessing no matter what form it takes… I hoped you'd marry me. I mean, I didn't know, with your religion and all…" she trailed off.
"Olivia, that is exactly what I would want, too," Natalia stressed.
"But that is all make-believe, Natalia. Things never work out for me that way. I'm not meant for a happy ending." She sounded so sad Natalia had to blink tears from her own eyes.
She pulled Olivia closer to her once again. "It doesn't have to be. None of those dreams are out of the question. We can have all of those things."
"But you left." She sounded like a small, scared child.
"I know. But I'm back now. And I want all of those things with you, too. I can make you happy Olivia. We can be each other's happy ending."
And much to Natalia's surprise, Olivia wrapped her arms around her, pulled her into a tight embrace. Olivia's head rested on Natalia's shoulder, and over the din of far-off traffic, fireflies and wind, she just barely heard Olivia whisper, in a terrified voice, "I want that, too."
*To Be Continued*