fic: I Know You Love Me, Chapter Two

[mysticaldream]

 
Chapter Two - Natalia Rivera

Natalia braced herself against the heavy door to Olivia’s suite, tipping her neck back gently to rest her head against the thick panel as her dark eyes remained focused on the elevator. The numbers above the entrance illuminated in descending order until they stopped at the lobby. She took deep, soothing breaths to calm her conflicting emotions. She was frustrated that yet another attempt to spend time with Olivia had been thwarted. She felt cold from the rejection and hot from both the anger she felt toward herself and her hormonal body's reaction to seeing Olivia dressed to the nines in that stunning dress. The combination was disturbing and she felt a familiar prickling in her eyes, as though she could shed the emotions through tears and somehow regain a sense of equilibrium. She blinked repeatedly, trying to hold them in but they were too overwhelming and fell quickly down her soft cheeks.

She knew Olivia had done this to purposefully hurt her. It certainly did hurt, but not as much as she believed Olivia wanted it to. The stinging was soothed to some extent by Natalia’s certainty that Olivia wasn’t attracted to Matt in the least; they had joked about his flirting with both of them and his seeming inability to recognize that neither woman was into him. And so the rejection bothered her but it wasn’t enough to discourage her. I will not squander this opportunity. Our love is great, and powerful, and it can prevail over the damage I have done if we are both willing to allow it.

She loved Olivia, she knew Olivia loved her, and she knew with unwavering conviction that eventually they were going to be reunited. It probably would not be tonight, it might not be tomorrow, but soon enough they would be together. She had spent long hours meditating and praying at the retreat where God had answered her prayers. He had assured her that the love she shared with Olivia was good and virtuous. He had blessed them with this friendship, this love, this devotion. It was His will that they would spend their lives united, bringing one another joy as they raised their family. Natalia had faith.

She refused to let Olivia’s actions deter her. By all means, Olivia had every right to exact revenge for the pain Natalia had caused. She had been so happy to be coming home to Olivia that it hadn’t occurred to her at first that her girlfriend wouldn’t embrace her with welcoming arms. The more she considered it, the more she realized she should have known better than to expect Olivia to wait patiently for her. Olivia had a temper, a need for control, and a fierce sense of self-preservation. She thrived on attention and basked in affection. And though she didn’t show it to most of the world, she had a need for reassurance, an underlying sense of insecurity, and an overwhelming desire to be loved and accepted. Natalia knew her cowardly six-week absence must have broken Olivia’s spirit. Why didn’t I realize that before I came back? Why didn’t I realize that before I left? So Natalia had stood there, metaphorically taking her medicine, as she watched the devastatingly beautiful woman in the perfectly cut dress disappear behind the elevator door.

I promised Olivia I would be patient and I will never break a promise to her again. Natalia desperately wanted to apologize and explain herself to Olivia. She believed that she could make her girlfriend understand how sorry she was for leaving and how certain she was in her commitment to their relationship. She had tried on several occasions, but Olivia continually rebuffed her efforts.

So Natalia tried harder. She found any plausible excuse to enter into Olivia’s orbit. It was difficult to be patient when she felt like she was racing against time. Olivia was stubborn, and the longer she evaded Natalia, the more steadfast she would be in her decision to deny her advances and hopes for a future together. It seemed that every time she was nearing a breakthrough with Olivia, her girlfriend shut down emotionally and the next time it would be even more difficult to convince her to open up about what she was feeling.

When Natalia had first arrived back to Springfield, Olivia had been forthcoming and willing to talk. She had gone out of her way to find someone to watch Emma so they could meet at the gazebo to talk. She was at times distraught, at times furious, but no matter the reaction, it was intense. That was all Natalia needed to see to know that Olivia still deeply loved her. But as the days went on, Olivia grew colder and more distant; their conversations mirrored those of mere acquaintances, superficial and trite. Instead of being willing to meet, Olivia had begun to ask Natalia to give her space. As Natalia pursued, Olivia retreated.

Equally pressing was the fact that she was desperate to have Olivia and Emma back in the farmhouse, living together as a family, before the baby arrived, and she certainly wasn’t getting any less pregnant. She wanted do it right this time. Granted, ‘right’ probably wasn’t the word to describe how she had found herself in love with her best friend but pregnant with a baby formed from a union with a man that she didn’t love. Natalia was pretty sure there was no word in the English language that could describe that situation, at least not one she was willing to let cross her lips.

Natalia had toiled and struggled her entire adult life to provide for Rafe, but she had always been haunted by ghosts of inadequacy and feared that someday Rafe would resent her for being unable to provide a two-parent household for him until he had been nearly a grown man. The more guilt she felt, the more determined she was to love him twice as much as any normal parent, as though that could compensate for a missing father. During her reflections at the retreat she began to wonder if all her doting and babying of her son had let to his recent propensity for selfish and angry outbursts. Rafe had time and again demanded that Natalia bend to his will regarding her relationship with Olivia. He had raged and escaped when she refused to embrace his view of what was acceptable behavior for his mother. And why wouldn’t he expect her to do what he asked? Natalia had spent his entire life desperate to have a good, loving relationship with her only family; she had willingly given in to him in an effort to keep him happy and to assuage her guilt about being a single parent who was barely clawing her way above the poverty line.

But this time she was going to give her baby all that she had wanted to give Rafe. Two parents living together in a beautiful home, with siblings and pets, and acres of lush grass to run around and roll upon. It would be a house overflowing with love and happiness, a place friends wanted to visit because the atmosphere was warm and inviting. The picture in her mind was crystal clear: She and Olivia would be cuddled together on the couch, sipping cocoa as a fire warmed the room and gently illuminated the curvature of their entwined bodies. Emma would be sitting on the floor, laughing and playing with an adorable baby, beaming with pride at her ability to make her little brother or sister laugh and coo. Rafe would come to visit, sneaking in the room to surprise his younger siblings, sweeping Emma up into his arms as he tickled her and she struggled to gasp for air amidst all her laughter. They wouldn’t be a traditional family, but they would certainly be a real family, united by love, respect, and happiness.

It was a foregone conclusion in Natalia’s mind that this baby belonged to Olivia as much as it did to her, and more than it did to Frank. In a convoluted fashion, she had conceived this baby from her love for Olivia. It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t honorable, but it was the God’s honest truth. She knew it wouldn’t be right to deny Frank the opportunity to be active in his child’s life, but in her mind she and Olivia would be full and equal parents, and Frank would be… well, something else. She hadn’t quite figured that out yet.

All of this weighed heavily on her mind while her growing body weighed heavily on her swelling feet. Between chasing Olivia through Springfield and fretting over Rafe’s anger and his decision to join the army, she was exhausted. She needed to rest, to regroup, to think strategy for the next phase of Operation Olivia. She slid down the door and sat on the coarse industrial carpet that covered the hallway floor.

She heard a soft humming noise coming from down the hall, and she watched with hopeful anticipation as the numbers above the elevator once again illuminated, continually rising until they stopped on this very floor with a soft ‘pong’ noise. Her heart fluttered. Maybe Olivia had changed her mind. Maybe she had never intended to leave the hotel. Maybe the date was a diversionary tactic and Olivia had simply retreated to the lobby or her office for a few minutes and was now returning, believing Natalia would have left by now. She slowly stood and watched the doors with growing anticipation.

She released a disappointed breath when she saw Josh exit the elevator.

“Hey, Natalia,” he offered a warm smile as he greeted her.

“Hi Josh.” She continued standing in front of Olivia’s suite door, and Josh furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Um… whatcha doing there?”

She sighed again. “Olivia and I were supposed to go shopping together. She was going to help me find maternity dress clothes for my new job as Alan’s assistant. When I got here, she gave me some excuse about going on a date and left me standing here.”

“Oh.” Josh gently scratched at his goatee, studying Natalia. She couldn’t be sure, but he appeared uncomfortable, which surprised her. Josh had always been very friendly and kind to her. She wondered how much he knew about her recent transgressions against his ex-wife.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you seen much of Olivia lately?”

Josh considered the question, searching Natalia for some clue about what that vague question was really asking. There were a lot of ways to interpret it, and he didn’t want to cause any trouble for Olivia. He opted for as ambiguous an answer as he could think of, hoping it would prompt Natalia to offer a little more guidance. “Yeah, a little.”

Natalia didn’t get angry, so that eliminated one of the possible meanings he had considered. In fact, her face seemed to relax and she stepped closer to him.

Natalia knew Josh and Olivia were close, and that she might have turned to him for support while she was away. If it turned out that Olivia hadn’t told him about their relationship, Natalia would explain. She was finished hiding her feelings and she was willing to ask for any ideas as to how to win back the woman she loved. “Josh, I need your help. She’s so angry and hurt. She won’t talk to me. I don’t know where she’s at mentally or emotionally.”

“Look, Natalia, I like you. I gotta tell you, Olivia had a very difficult time when you left. But I don’t know what you want me to say here. And I don’t want to betray any confidence she put in me. She’s not a person I want to cross, you know?”

Natalia smiled at him as she considered his answer. “Josh, you’ve known Olivia a long time, haven’t you?”

“Of course, you know that.”

“I want you to think about the Olivia you met ten years ago, the Olivia you were married to, the Olivia you’ve known up until she got Gus’ heart. Can you do that for me?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Now I want you to think about the Olivia of the past year. What are some of the differences you see?”

He considered the question for a long moment. “Well, let’s see. She has calmed down a lot.”

“What do you mean?” Natalia prodded.

“She doesn’t seem so angry and cynical all the time.”

“Yep,” Natalia nodded. “What else?”

“I don’t see her at the bar as often!” he laughed.

“True. After the transplant she was drinking less and she stopped bringing home any random guy who paid her an ounce of attention. Keep going.”

“She seems happy. Genuinely happy. For a long time I thought I could make her happy, but seeing her last winter and spring…” he trailed off. When Natalia didn’t respond, he continued. “I realized that she was never completely happy with me. She was never content just to be.”

“Anything else?”

“I see her out and about more, especially with Emma. She always worked too much back then. She seems to take more time to enjoy the simple things in life.”

“Josh, these changes… do you think they’re good for her?”

He smiled. “Of course I do. I want her to be happy.”

“Josh, I’m not presumptuous enough to believe that all of those changes were because of me. I know Olivia doesn’t change unless she wants to. But we did that together, Josh. I taught her to slow down and she taught me to aim higher. All I had ever been was a waitress or a housekeeper, and now I’m Alan Spaulding’s personal assistant! Together, she and I created a happy home. We loved being there with Emma. There was no reason to go out searching for fulfillment when we already had it at home.”

He nodded almost imperceptibly.

“I’m good for her Josh. I made a mistake, a terrible mistake. But I want to make it better. You have to help me. Please, Josh.” Her eyes were wide, and sad, and Josh couldn’t bear to see her so distraught.

He pulled her to an upholstered bench in the hallway and sat down with his body angled toward her. “How much do you know about Olivia’s past?”

“Some… not a lot, really. She doesn’t talk about it much. She told me Philip kidnapped Emma.”

“No, further in the past than that.”

Natalia thought for a moment. “Well, we haven’t talked a lot about those times. We are still getting to know each other. She told me she grew up on an island. I know she gave birth to Ava when she was still a teenager and she gave her up for adoption. She told me that later Ava came back and she tried to have her killed before she realized she was her daughter.”

“Okay.” He paused, trying to figure out the correct way to phrase the next question so it wouldn’t give anything away if Natalia didn’t know the answer. He wanted to help Natalia, but he was terrified of exposing Olivia’s rape if Natalia didn’t know. It had taken a very long time for Olivia to open up to Josh about that horrific evening and its aftermath. She had trusted him and he didn’t want to disregard that. “Did she say anything else about Ava? About why she gave her up for adoption?”

Natalia mentally scrolled through her memories, searching for any conversations about that time in Olivia’s life. Had Olivia ever mentioned a teenage crush, or her first love? Natalia had never given much thought to the circumstances, so as she sat with Josh, she imagined Olivia’s story was probably quite similar to her own. Olivia probably had a boyfriend and as teenagers they must’ve gotten caught up in raging hormones and a desire to be loved and needed. Olivia had told Natalia once that she had been raised Catholic, a revelation that had taken Natalia by surprise. She guessed now that Olivia’s parents must have pressured her to give the baby up for adoption, just as her own parents had done when they discovered she was pregnant with Nicky’s baby. Maybe the Spencer parents had threatened to kick Olivia out, too. Of course, this was all speculation and assumptions on her part. Try as she might, she couldn’t remember Olivia ever saying anything about that time in her life.

“No… I can’t remember her saying anything about that. Why?”

Josh avoided answering Natalia’s question. “What about her parents? Her mom? Has she talked about her?”

“Not really. My parents disowned me when I was sixteen. I don’t talk much about them so I guess the subject just never came up between us. Why, Josh? What do I need to know?”

He reached out and held her hand, speaking softly. “Natalia, Olivia… well, she has been through a lot in her life. She has some issues, some really deep and painful issues.”

“Josh, you’re scaring me, why can’t you just tell me?”

“It isn’t my place to tell you. When she is ready I’m sure she’ll tell you. You just need to know that she’s survived some very, very difficult times in her life.” Josh paused briefly before continuing. “Olivia, she seems indestructible, right? She rolls with the punches and never stays down for long. She’s a fighter, a survivor. But underneath all that, she’s soft and she’s scared. She’s got that big scar running across her heart, you know, from the transplant?”

Natalia nodded.

“It isn’t just the skin, Natalia. That is inside, too.”

“I know she is very different from her reputation. I’ve seen her scared and I’ve seen her weak. She was so upset after the transplant.”

“I don’t doubt that. I’m sure you’ve seen some of the scars I’m talking about, but I don’t think you’ve encountered all of them yet. Olivia has been abandoned time and time again in her life.” He averted his eyes, ashamed of what he was about to say. “I was one of the people who abandoned her. It isn’t right for one person to endure so much. Given her history, she has very legitimate reasons to feel as though you betrayed her in the most hurtful way possible.”

Tears formed in Natalia’s eyes as she realized she didn’t know everything about Olivia’s past, but she didn’t need specifics to understand that Josh was serious. She hated that the world had battered and bruised a woman who was only doing her best to be loved.

“Josh,” she sniffled. “I want to make it better. Please, tell me how I can make this better for her.”

“I’m going to be honest with you, I really don’t know if you can. She suffered when you left, Natalia, she suffered terribly. I didn’t realize at the time how much she was struggling, and I thought maybe it was because of Jeffrey. But looking back, all the signs were there. She was falling apart. And trust me when I tell you, no one can self-destruct on the same grand scale that Olivia can.”

Natalia shook her head vehemently. “No. It doesn’t matter. I refuse to believe that I can’t fix this. She and I, we belong together. I once brought her back from death and built a life with her piece by tiny piece. I can do it again.”

Josh squeezed her hand. “I hope that’s true.” He stood and she followed in kind. They stared at one another for a moment, and then Natalia awkwardly embraced him.

“Thank you, my friend.”

“You’re welcome.” He turned and started walking toward his room as she began toward the elevator.

“Hey,” he called after her. She turned around to face him. “Listen, no one has ever really put Olivia first on a real and consistent basis. If you want to prove yourself to her you are going to have to show her that there is nothing more important to you than she is. I don’t know what you need to do to illustrate that for her, but I know that you’ll never get anywhere unless you can make her believe that again.”

Natalia smiled at him. “Thank you for the tip.”

“Olivia is my friend, a very dear friend. I want her to be happy, and I believe you could make her happy in a way that none of us guys ever could. Good luck, Natalia.” He gave a little wave and disappeared behind the door to his hotel room.

Natalia considered the things Josh had told her and wondered about all the things she didn’t know about Olivia. She felt the tears swell in her eyes once again.

Natalia knew she wasn’t as widely experienced in the ways of the world as Olivia was; her life had always been simple, quiet, unassuming. She believed if she worked hard and devoted her life to being a good Christian, she would be able to withstand whatever obstacles God and the world presented to her. So from her good-hearted point of view, she wondered what could be worse than trying to kill your own daughter? Her girlfriend readily admitted to that; she threatened to kill Philip without batting an eyelash or breaking a sweat; she had slept with married men and abandoned ones wishing to become married men at the altar. If there were ghosts in Olivia’s past that she found to be more atrocious or damaging than those things, Natalia worried she personally wouldn’t be able to deal with learning those. She feared that if she found out what horrors had broken her dear Olivia, she’d never be able to get the images out of her mind; she knew she could easily become crippled with the guilt and sadness she would feel for her love. Righteous fire burned in her belly, searing through her veins at the thought of people using or hurting Olivia.

She had long suspected that Olivia had suffered some horrific elements in her past, a fear Josh had just confirmed. In Natalia’s eyes, children were perfect images of God. They were full of joy and innocence, hope and wonder at the miracles they saw in the world around them every day, miracles that adults overlooked or took for granted. What had Olivia endured in her youth that led her to become the flawed, broken, yet unbelievably kind and generous woman that Natalia had fallen in love with? How many times had she, as a hopeful and excited youth, been let down by the people who were supposed to care for her? Had those disappointments led to Olivia’s fear of trusting others? Who had taken advantage of Olivia, left her with unfulfilled promises that led to the biting cynicism that defined her? What had her eyes seen, what had her heart felt that led her to feel such anger because it was the only alternative to fear? And why was Olivia so afraid to show these vulnerabilities, these human characteristics, to others? Why had she so carefully, so completely braced herself for these disappointments that she ended up carrying around a heavy, oppressive, nearly inpenetratable armor?

Oh God. I did that. I left her, I let her down, I broke the promises I made to her. I am no better than anyone else who shattered Olivia’s heart along the way. Natalia’s hand flew to her mouth as she covered a sob, leaning against the wall for support.

She knew now was not the time for self-flagellation; she needed to focus on Olivia. She needed to continue on her path, the clock was ticking after all. So she tried once again to decipher the somewhat cryptic messages Josh had shared with her. Flashes of different possible events that he could have been referencing danced around the edges of her mind, and Natalia felt conflicted about whether to devote the necessary brain power to further pursue them.

On the one hand, she desperately wanted to understand Olivia. If learning of these events in her past could help her make sense of Olivia’s reactions then it was certainly worth pursuing. Natalia hadn’t realized how little she did know of her girlfriend’s past. Is that accidental or by design? Are there things she doesn’t want me to know? If so, why? Or are they things that she simply cannot bear to think about herself, let alone risk the vulnerability it would take to share them with me?

On the other hand, Natalia didn’t want to think about what types of things had happened to Olivia that had been so traumatic. Natalia was rather convinced that she had been born with an overactive empathy gene. Sometimes it was a blessing; one of the reasons people were drawn to her was because she was so understanding, so caring. She was genuinely happy when other people received blessings and she deeply hurt when someone she cared for was upset. Other times though, her intimate emotional reactions felt like a curse. It was often times impossible for her to stop obsessing over thoughts and feelings that, in actuality, belonged to someone else.

I can’t do this right now. I have to focus on one thing at a time. I am not making this any better sitting here. If Olivia wants me to know her past she’ll tell me one day, once I prove my worth to her again, once she can trust me.

She was adamant that she need to see her girlfriend again; the sooner the better. The problem was, she was running out of ideas for how to get alone time with her. Dinner invitations had been declined. Shopping excursions were cancelled. Olivia refused to employ her at The Beacon. What else can I do?

Natalia hated the thought of resorting to Emma, but at this point she was becoming desperate. She needed quiet, alone time with Olivia in an environment where Olivia couldn’t escape. If she got them to the farmhouse, Emma would almost certainly dash off to play with her toys that remained there or rush outside to see her beloved ducks. She could be alone with Olivia, who certainly wouldn’t leave without taking Emma.

Natalia considered the idea. She had run into Olivia and Emma at the park last week; Emma had asked her to join them for dinner. Natalia couldn’t, but she promised Emma they would all have dinner together soon. She wondered if Emma was pestering Olivia about that. The beautiful girl was clever and persuasive, just like her mother. No one was immune to her innocent charm. Olivia loved to believe she was The Boss, but everyone knew there was nothing she wouldn’t do for her daughter. If Emma persisted, eventually Olivia would give in. And then maybe they would have a chance to talk. But how long until she gives in to Emma?

She glanced at her watch; it had been about 25 minutes since Olivia had left. She pressed the call button for the elevator, convinced Olivia wasn’t coming back any time soon. When the car came, she stepped in and took it to the lobby level. Walking across the entryway she wondered how the ‘date’ was going. Suddenly, an idea struck her.

I’ve got to make it impossible for Olivia to ignore me. I’m going to have to interrupt her date. Every time she had found herself alone with Olivia, she had been sent away. But Natalia believed Olivia would be different if approached in public. Olivia still loved her and knew Natalia was a very private person; she’d respect her enough not to make a scene.

Admittedly, this plan was a far stretch from Natalia’s comfort zone. She had never been intrusive and she was very rarely rude to others. But she smiled, knowing that she had no lingering inhibitions about publicly pursuing Olivia. If tonight didn’t work, she’d follow her other places. Either Olivia would sit and listen, or she’d be furious but would eventually meet with Natalia if only in an effort to convince her to stop.

She felt her heart rate quicken and realized that she was excited about this new plan. Olivia still believed Natalia was scared and maybe a little ashamed of their love. One gesture wasn’t going to prove to Olivia that she was ready for all their relationship would entail, but it would be a step in the right direction. It would show her girlfriend that she chose her over fear or doubt or public opinion, just as Josh had suggested she try to do.

With a renewed sense of purpose and direction, Natalia confidently strode out of The Beacon. She looked up and down the street, trying to ascertain which direction Olivia had likely taken. Company? No, she knew Olivia had taken to largely avoiding the diner, tired of being subjected to snide, underhanded remarks by Frank that went unnoticed by others because they were so blinded by his ‘good man’ reputation. She knew Olivia would definitely not show up there with Matt. Frank had informed her that Olivia pushed him to pursue her again, to do the 'right' thing and marry Natalia. But she knew that wasn’t what Olivia wanted. If she were to show up at Company with Matt, Frank would immediately call Natalia and smugly boast that he had been right about Olivia all along. He’d tell her that her girlfriend had grown restless and bored and sure enough was back to her old habits, pursuing the thrill of chasing a man. Olivia would never give Frank the satisfaction of being right or the ammunition to ruin her relationship with Natalia.

So Olivia and Matt definitely hadn’t gone to Company. Natalia consider Farley’s, but quickly rejected that idea. Olivia was far too well dressed for the dive of a bar. Other than her foray into Ladies’ Night there several months ago, Olivia generally avoided the place. It was too low-budget for her highbrow tastes, and there was rarely anyone important or interesting there.

So that left Towers. Thank God this is a small town. There aren’t many places to go! Natalia considered getting her car from The Beacon’s parking lot but decided against it. She was pregnant but a little walking never hurt anyone. Towers was only a few blocks away. I can use this time to think about my entrance and what I’ll say to make her listen. She took off westbound on Main Street toward the high end restaurant/bar.

When she arrived at Towers, she waited briefly outside, collecting her thoughts and her courage. Three blocks ago this had seemed like a really good idea. Now she wasn’t feeling so confident. She had always been very receptive to Olivia’s thoughts and could read her girlfriend like a favorite, worn old novel. But things were different now, and she had no way of knowing exactly the extent of those differences. Since Natalia's return, Olivia had been unpredictable, at times volatile. She could normally predict her girlfriend’s responses, but Olivia had changed the rules lately. No, I changed the rules. This is my doing. Natalia hated how her self admonishments made her feel, but she knew it was important to remember her mistakes, to pay penance no matter how uncomfortable it made her. She already knew with certainty that she’d never run from Olivia again, but she still felt required to remind herself of how much damage she had done. It was only through hard work, hard penance, determination and unconditional, uncensored love that she would win back Olivia’s heart, and ultimately, she hoped, the older woman’s trust.

But that still left her worried about what would happen if she walked in and interrupted Olivia’s date like she planned to do. Sometimes Olivia got depressed when Natalia tried to reach her, other times fury ignited as Olivia raged. I’d feel a lot more confident going in there if I had at least some idea about how she’s going to react to this. Maybe I can scope out her mood before I approach her. Natalia knew Olivia was a chameleon; she was able to effortlessly slip into any role she needed for nearly any situation. Olivia could probably win an Academy Award for her ability to manipulate and school her persona into whatever was called for. But sometimes, when Olivia didn’t think anyone was watching, when she stopped thinking about expectations and just lived in the moment as Olivia, Natalia had become rather adept at reading her girlfriend’s demeanor based on body language, facial expression, and the eyebrows-of-a-thousand-emotions. It’s worth a shot. I need any advantage I can get if I’m going to make her believe me.

Natalia gazed through the large picture windows gracing the front of Towers. Peering closer, she spotted Olivia and Matt sitting at a table near the bar. Matt was talking animatedly; Olivia was gazing slightly to the side of him, nodding absent-mindedly while her slender finger traced the edge of the wine glass. Natalia knew Olivia was daydreaming; she had seen the look on her face many times before. Olivia had enough tact to nod along to conversations and even interject a comment or two where appropriate, but she wasn’t paying attention.

....

Natalia had been angry the first time she thought she grasped what that far-away look meant. They had been in a particularly lengthy staff meeting at The Beacon, where it seemed everyone was quibbling over nothing of any importance. When she saw Olivia’s hazy eyes looking somewhere beyond her employees, her fingers running through her blond streaked hair distractedly, she originally thought Olivia was making of point of demonstrating cold indifference to her staff. Natalia was going to talk to her about it later; remind her that all of the employees were important and all deserved the opportunity to make their concerns known. Every person’s thoughts had value and should be carefully measured to determine the merit of their arguments. Olivia shouldn’t ignore them just because they aren’t as powerful or as rich as she.

Natalia considered a quiet cough, or perhaps a gentle nudge to the shin under the table to bring Olivia’s thoughts back to the present. But as she watched she found herself unable to move at all. Olivia looked stunning in that unguarded moment. A small smirk played on the corners of her mouth, her hair was tousled and softly lined the graceful curves of her neck and jaw. Her expensive power suit, crisply pressed and tight against her flawless frame, made her appear powerful and overwhelming; the look on her face made her soft and sensual. Watching her was almost uncomfortable for Natalia. As she stared her own heartbeat began to gallop and she could feel it pulsing through her body; her stomach tingled in a way that made her feel as though she couldn’t breathe.

When someone sitting near Natalia coughed, Olivia shifted and glanced around the room. Her deep emerald eyes quickly fell on Natalia. The younger woman’s blood flared under her skin, surging to her face and upper chest, embarrassed at being caught looking at her boss. True, at that time she was more than just her boss as they had recently admitted their feelings for one another. But Natalia was still nervous and shy, and she had just been caught in a staff meeting intently gazing at Olivia instead of paying attention. Olivia smirked, lowering her eyes in what was the most smoldering, sultriest, unabashedly erotic look Natalia had ever seen. Natalia silently gasped as realization dawned on her.

Olivia wasn’t blatantly ignoring her staff; her mind had simply drifted elsewhere. Natalia had a good idea of what Olivia must’ve been thinking about. As she watched, Olivia’s tongue slipped past her lips and grazed gently across them; Natalia could see them glistening. She shamelessly raked her gaze slowly down Natalia’s body, which currently had tremors erupting in her stomach and sweat breaking out at the back of her neck. Natalia’s eyes widened as she frantically looked around the room to see if anyone noticed - how could they not? She swore she felt the electrical charge of the room shift in an instant and wondered why Fred from maintenance was still droning on like nothing was happening.

She turned back to Olivia and saw lustful eyes retracing their route back up Natalia’s body and locking with her own for several intense seconds. When Natalia began to uncomfortably squirm under her intense scrutiny, Olivia turned off her magnetic charm and a genuine grin graced her full lips. Her eyes danced and twinkled and she snuck a quick wink. She was teasing Natalia! And based on the shallowness of her breath, her inability to process oxygen, and the thundering of her heart, it had certainly done the trick.

That had been a turning point, an ‘aha!’ moment for Natalia. They had only recently confessed their love to one another, and Natalia was still making sense of what that meant. She knew that she loved being near Olivia. She felt butterflies when Olivia hugged her tightly or held her closely. There had been moments, like that night she had dropped her at her door after dinner at Towers, when she believed Olivia was going to kiss her and she anticipated it with excitement. Prior to that staff meeting she knew what she felt was romantic love but she didn’t have a lot of understanding about what would happen next. She wasn’t naïve, she knew what it meant to be romantically involved with another person and she believed that one day that would probably lead to… interactions of a more intimate and physical nature. But that was where she got a little lost. She didn’t exactly know what would come at that point.

Honestly, though, she didn’t really worry much about it. She knew she wanted to be with Olivia and was certain that nature would take its course when the time was right. Olivia was strong, confident, sexual; Natalia had the utmost faith that Olivia would know exactly what to do when the time came. She thought for sure walking Olivia to her door following their dinner at Towers two weeks before the staff meeting would indicate to Olivia that she was ready for the next step - probably not sex at that point, but a kiss certainly. She asked demurely, “What happens next?” and was taken aback when Olivia only grasped her hand and whispered, “We say goodnight.”

But that moment in the boardroom, with Olivia’s eyes slinking down and then back up her body, her desire and hunger apparent, Natalia had an epiphany. She suddenly knew exactly what came next and her body throbbed with want for it. Images flashed rapidly through her mind, causing her deep blush to further intensify. The visions were incomplete, but she saw Olivia’s hands softly caressing the sides of Natalia’s own toned stomach; Olivia poised above her as the slick skin of her body pressed into Natalia’s own, sultry eyes staring into hers as her lover whispered promises of love, commitment, affection, and passion to Natalia. She saw her own hands raking over the toned curves of Olivia’s back and hips. She saw Olivia's eyes drift shut as she gasped for air, her muscles shuddering. Fire erupted below her belly as she tried to calm her racing imagination. In those brief moments, she knew that Olivia not only loved her, but wanted and desired her; she knew that she not only loved Olivia but she ached and hungered for her as well. And she had a rough idea of how they would eventually show those desires to one another.

....

Pulling herself back into the present, she refocused her eyes back on the scene unfolding before her, through the glass. She glanced skyward, said a quick prayer to God, thanking Him for Olivia and asking Him to give her strength and courage and persistence. She held her head high and walked confidently into Towers.