Meta: Never Expect Others to Make You Happy (Supernatural)

[partly]

I've read a lot of commentary that Sam is just setting down boundaries and rules on the relationship that he has with Dean... and watching the episode, I can see why people say that. Only, he’s doing so by demanding changes in Dean and predicating your own happiness on the changes in other people NEVER WORKS. As in, not ever. Never ever. NEVER

Comments

[juppschmitz]

Thank you!

I am struggling so hard to get Sam, and I rarely come across meta that makes sense to me regarding Sam.

This is one of those rare gems.

And seeing as how this makes so much sense to me, I wholeheartedly agree.

The only way to find happiness is to base your happiness on things that YOU CONTROL.

Good real life advice there, too :)

[partly]

Advice I try hard to follow in my life that's full of obligations to and pressures from others!

[felicia_angel]

I agree that one of Sam's major character flaws is how he views the world and his own problems, and that he feels he doesn't have any agency in it. He wants to be in control, because to him, being out-of-control or unaware of something is a horrible thing. If he doesn't know something or have something there for him to see, then it either a) doesn't matter to him or b) is not something he has to focus on, unless it somehow affects him. His problem right now is that, in his mind, Dean took away his agency (which he did with Gadreel, not with the church/Trials because that was on Sam to say yay-or-nay to) and so he has to establish boundaries again. It's what makes it possible that he doesn't/didn't notice a lot of Dean's problems, or that, for someone who argues for a more grayscale view of monsters, he seems to have a very black-and-white outlook on people and 'human' monsters.

[partly]

for someone who argues for a more grayscale view of monsters, he seems to have a very black-and-white outlook on people and 'human' monsters.I've never thought of it this way, but it's true

[felicia_angel]

The main problem is that Sam does have a very odd focus on himself as the outlier, as either a solution or a problem. A lot of that comes from him being the focus of Dean and, probably, their dad but as the one to keep 'safe'. He seemed to be in the dark about a lot of things, and he felt betrayed by John and Dean at various points for not letting him be 'normal' or for not telling him the full truth. Sam seems to believe that he has to get the full truth without giving back the same thing, or by telling 'the truth' as he sees it, which has to be because he's obviously that much smarter then his father or Dean. (sorry, i'm running on coffee and sarcasm

[kitap]

It's not I think that he doesn't think Dean's issues are big enough to worry about but that yeah you have issues Dean and when you do exactly as I say they'll be gone. Depending on your point of view that's either creepily abusive or it's Sam drawing the line in the sand.

In neither case, as noticed so well by partly, is he letting Dean have a say. An opinion. Anything. You could be forgiven for thinking that Sam's reaction to "Bad Boys " was 'of course Dean gave up everything to continue to raise me. Duh. That's what he's here for.'

And we can also say like father like son. John didn't understand his sons but probably more Dean. Sam doesn't get Dean either.

[borgmama1of5]

Very good analysis. Thank you.

[ladykorana]

One hint of something that Sam seems to actually want out of life: he was putting out feelers to take more college courses back at the beginning of season 8. Dean found the evidence on Sam's laptop and was very pissy and dismissive about it.

I would love it if Sam took some online courses on the side. Even if he never got a career in any field other than hunting, I think he would enjoy the process.

[partly]

I don't think taking classes just to take them would be good for Sam. He needs a goal. He needs a purpose, one that he actively chooses, not just one that he allows to be pushed on him

[ladykorana]

This brings up another issue (and kinda circles back around to your original post).

If Sam cannot and should not try and change Dean, and the burden is on himself to take action, then the only thing that would prevent Dean from taking away his agency and potentially violating him again if Dean thought the situation called for it, would be for Sam to leave. But we wouldn't have a show. and he would be crucified by fandom for abandoning Dean and running away again. (Though its iffy where the line between actively removing yourself from a dangerous situation crosses the line to running away. )

[metallidean_grl]

WOW! I have had this sitting in my email inbox now for awhile, and just now got around to reading this. THANK YOU! so much for this wonderful insight. I am having a hard time with the brothers' disconnection, and it is taking me in places and feelings about the show I never thought I would be. Being an avid Dean!girl, I am really struggling with Sam's behavior and comments toward Dean. I do understand why he has said what he has said, but I haven't really agree with much of it. But your analysis here, spot on. I hadn't thought of it this way, and I don't know why, but it is obvious. I lived this way exactly - trying to get my brothers to change and act the way I WANTED them to, but was met with frustration after frustration, until one day, I just let it all go, and I have never been happier. Sam really does need to recognize this in himself and LET IT GO! He needs to accept Dean for who he is and what he does, and change himself accordingly, and control what he can control, because trying to control Dean and his actions is only going