Feel again
Title: Feel again
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: (Luke’s POV, he’s typing in his online diary
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Feel again (2-14-2014).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
previous chapter
Despite my hangover I was up early on Sunday. My stomach didn’t accept my sandwich very well and my head was still throbbing, but I almost felt like a butterfly, freed from my suffocating harness. I looked outside my window and had to squeeze my eyes because of the sun, but I could see again, the forest around me, the small birds that were eating the peanuts I had pinned on the porch.
It was wonderful to feel that I was changing, but it was also a bit scary. Being a little depressed was a state in which my feelings were gone, and it made my life bearable. I didn’t think of him so much, and when I did, I didn’t feel anything. Now I notice how my muscles are tensing when I think about what my grandmother said. She was right, as always. And it makes me feel so much that I can hardly stand it. Why did I lose myself when I was with him? Why was I trying to make it work for such a long time, although I didn’t love him anymore?
With Reg I had sex, just that, and a lot of fun. And with a few others too. I was young and just enjoying life. I worked hard and went out a lot. I had to find that back, that feeling of being free to do what I wanted. I was free.
I have made a long walk through the white, cold forest, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees. I even saw a few deer, eating the straw I put in the manger that my father has made for me. It was such a lovely sight, their furs glowing in the sun, that I felt a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I am an emotional wreck.
The rest of the day I spend working on my computer. I had uploaded the floor plan Chris has send me of the hospital and I have been looking at it for a long time. The new design has to be efficient, but it also has to add something special: I want to try to make the hospital a bit more homey. Not as sterile as it is. Why should all the walls be white? Why do patients see so little daylight? And why isn’t there a room on every floor where you can sit and talk. A cozy one. With a coffee machine that serves good coffee.
My drive to change the whole place for the better made that I forgot to eat, it was already half past 8 when I looked up and saw that it was dark outside. I didn’t have the energy to cook a meal anymore, so I looked for my keys and drove to Al’s. I sat down at a table instead of ordering take-out, using Henry’s Wifi to send the concept I made to Scott and my grandmother for some feedback.
When I had done my administration as well, Henry still hadn’t showed up, so I looked around if he was even in the house. I saw him sitting at a table in the corner, across from a red head man. They were having an emotional conversation, because Henry grabbed the man by his arm and looked at him while he tried to convince him of something.
I tried not to eavesdrop, but Henry and the guy were whispering so loud that I couldn’t miss their conversation. They were talking about alcohol. Henry didn’t want to serve the guy a drink. That could only mean one thing.
I waited a while till the guys would stop talking, but when my stomach started to hurt, I realized that I was starving, so I walked to their table. “Henry, can you please make me a hamburger. With fries. And a beer. I’m sorry for interrupting, but I need to go home”.
The guy with the red curls shot daggers at me, but I didn’t care, so I lifted one eyebrow. “What?”, I asked. “I am here to buy some food, if you need Henry’s advice or help, you should consider making an appointment when the restaurant is closed”.
Henry stood up and pulled me into a hug. “Ah Luke, you’re right, I am sorry that I didn’t see you, I’ll make it extra raw this time”.
The guy at the table was still pissed. “Red meat is bad for his health Henry, it’s worse than smoking. Or drinking. Don’t kill your costumers”.
I observed the man for a while, swallowing a sneer. What the fuck? Why was he belittling Henry like that? And me? I didn’t ask for his health advice. Who did he think he was? Who was he anyway?
I turned around and walked back to my table without saying anything to the guy. I typed on my laptop to prevent myself from looking up, although I still felt his gaze on me. He didn’t seem dangerous or violent, so I didn’t have to be afraid that he would come my way and grab me, but somehow his stare was also very intimidating.
When Henry brought me the food, I whispered to him: “who is that guy?”.
Henry tried to look busy when he whispered back:”that’s doctor Oliver, he is going to be the new chief of staff now Bob is gone. He needed my advice on something”.
“I see”, I said and put some fries in my mouth. “Somehow he doesn’t seem to be a good candidate for the job to me with all the anger in his eyes, but hey, I have to trust Bob in this, he must know what he is doing. What a jerk”.
Henry smiled and slapped me on my shoulder. “He’s not Luke, don’t judge him so fast. He needs a chance to prove himself, can you give him that?”.
I looked at the man and shivered. He was still staring. And pissed. I couldn’t picture him in Bob’s chair. He was an ass. He would be gone in no time with an attitude like that, people here in Oakdale were friendly and considerate.
“Can I sit in your kitchen while eating?”, I asked Henry.
The owner of the restaurant looked at me and smiled. “Of course Luke, I’ll bring it to my living room, you can sit there. Is doctor Oliver giving you a hard time?”.
Doctor Oliver. The same name my grandmother had used when she talked about the man who wanted her money for the new hospital wing. The same man I was designing a new hospital for. Fuck. The person I wanted to dust off my foundation for. I felt confused but determined. This was going to be my project, I was going to make the rules here. I walked to his table and looked him in the eye. “Stop staring, it’s rude”, I said, and walked to Henry’s kitchen.
next chapter
Series: Love hurts
Written by: Parishs
Rating: pg
Summary: (Luke’s POV, he’s typing in his online diary
Prompt: Fun Fic Friday prompt of Feel again (2-14-2014).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
previous chapter
Despite my hangover I was up early on Sunday. My stomach didn’t accept my sandwich very well and my head was still throbbing, but I almost felt like a butterfly, freed from my suffocating harness. I looked outside my window and had to squeeze my eyes because of the sun, but I could see again, the forest around me, the small birds that were eating the peanuts I had pinned on the porch.
It was wonderful to feel that I was changing, but it was also a bit scary. Being a little depressed was a state in which my feelings were gone, and it made my life bearable. I didn’t think of him so much, and when I did, I didn’t feel anything. Now I notice how my muscles are tensing when I think about what my grandmother said. She was right, as always. And it makes me feel so much that I can hardly stand it. Why did I lose myself when I was with him? Why was I trying to make it work for such a long time, although I didn’t love him anymore?
With Reg I had sex, just that, and a lot of fun. And with a few others too. I was young and just enjoying life. I worked hard and went out a lot. I had to find that back, that feeling of being free to do what I wanted. I was free.
I have made a long walk through the white, cold forest, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees. I even saw a few deer, eating the straw I put in the manger that my father has made for me. It was such a lovely sight, their furs glowing in the sun, that I felt a few tears rolling down my cheeks. I am an emotional wreck.
The rest of the day I spend working on my computer. I had uploaded the floor plan Chris has send me of the hospital and I have been looking at it for a long time. The new design has to be efficient, but it also has to add something special: I want to try to make the hospital a bit more homey. Not as sterile as it is. Why should all the walls be white? Why do patients see so little daylight? And why isn’t there a room on every floor where you can sit and talk. A cozy one. With a coffee machine that serves good coffee.
My drive to change the whole place for the better made that I forgot to eat, it was already half past 8 when I looked up and saw that it was dark outside. I didn’t have the energy to cook a meal anymore, so I looked for my keys and drove to Al’s. I sat down at a table instead of ordering take-out, using Henry’s Wifi to send the concept I made to Scott and my grandmother for some feedback.
When I had done my administration as well, Henry still hadn’t showed up, so I looked around if he was even in the house. I saw him sitting at a table in the corner, across from a red head man. They were having an emotional conversation, because Henry grabbed the man by his arm and looked at him while he tried to convince him of something.
I tried not to eavesdrop, but Henry and the guy were whispering so loud that I couldn’t miss their conversation. They were talking about alcohol. Henry didn’t want to serve the guy a drink. That could only mean one thing.
I waited a while till the guys would stop talking, but when my stomach started to hurt, I realized that I was starving, so I walked to their table. “Henry, can you please make me a hamburger. With fries. And a beer. I’m sorry for interrupting, but I need to go home”.
The guy with the red curls shot daggers at me, but I didn’t care, so I lifted one eyebrow. “What?”, I asked. “I am here to buy some food, if you need Henry’s advice or help, you should consider making an appointment when the restaurant is closed”.
Henry stood up and pulled me into a hug. “Ah Luke, you’re right, I am sorry that I didn’t see you, I’ll make it extra raw this time”.
The guy at the table was still pissed. “Red meat is bad for his health Henry, it’s worse than smoking. Or drinking. Don’t kill your costumers”.
I observed the man for a while, swallowing a sneer. What the fuck? Why was he belittling Henry like that? And me? I didn’t ask for his health advice. Who did he think he was? Who was he anyway?
I turned around and walked back to my table without saying anything to the guy. I typed on my laptop to prevent myself from looking up, although I still felt his gaze on me. He didn’t seem dangerous or violent, so I didn’t have to be afraid that he would come my way and grab me, but somehow his stare was also very intimidating.
When Henry brought me the food, I whispered to him: “who is that guy?”.
Henry tried to look busy when he whispered back:”that’s doctor Oliver, he is going to be the new chief of staff now Bob is gone. He needed my advice on something”.
“I see”, I said and put some fries in my mouth. “Somehow he doesn’t seem to be a good candidate for the job to me with all the anger in his eyes, but hey, I have to trust Bob in this, he must know what he is doing. What a jerk”.
Henry smiled and slapped me on my shoulder. “He’s not Luke, don’t judge him so fast. He needs a chance to prove himself, can you give him that?”.
I looked at the man and shivered. He was still staring. And pissed. I couldn’t picture him in Bob’s chair. He was an ass. He would be gone in no time with an attitude like that, people here in Oakdale were friendly and considerate.
“Can I sit in your kitchen while eating?”, I asked Henry.
The owner of the restaurant looked at me and smiled. “Of course Luke, I’ll bring it to my living room, you can sit there. Is doctor Oliver giving you a hard time?”.
Doctor Oliver. The same name my grandmother had used when she talked about the man who wanted her money for the new hospital wing. The same man I was designing a new hospital for. Fuck. The person I wanted to dust off my foundation for. I felt confused but determined. This was going to be my project, I was going to make the rules here. I walked to his table and looked him in the eye. “Stop staring, it’s rude”, I said, and walked to Henry’s kitchen.
next chapter