FIC: The Connections Series, Part 16/?, "95%" (Charlie/Colby, PG-13)

[paranoid_woman]

So after my last mid-term was over last night, I went to bed. And now I'm posting Part 16.

Is it wrong for me to say that I like this chapter a lot? I even made the video for it. My first video for this Series... But don't worry, there will be more videos made by the lovely  mia_dcwut_09 (yes, she has her own journal now, YAY!)

So... here it is.

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Title: 95%
Series: The Connections Series, Part 16/?
Characters: Charlie/Colby, Don, Megan, Larry, David, Amita.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None.
Summary: Charlie makes his final decision about the Colby situation.
Feedback: Can't wait!
Disclaimer: I do not own Numb3rs or anything related to it. But I do own the ideas used for this fic in terms of the story and my OMC-Patrick Garner.
Beta: Thanks to the lovely irena_adler.

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Go to Part 15: Unexpected moves, PG-13

Go to Part 17: The name, PG-13

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The Connections Series

Part 16: “95%”

Charlie spent the next hours walking around the streets. He had seen earlier that Don was ok, and that Amita was being supported by the others. He needed to get some air. He needed to clear his mind and make his confusion stop. For Colby, for his brother, for Amita, for everybody. But mostly, for himself.

The streets were full of people talking about what had happened in the residence. The neighbors pointed their fingers at him, saying that they wanted to know the details. They even surrounded him asking him to explain what had caused the explosion. Charlie didn’t say a word. He was about to cry, and he didn’t want anyone to see him like that. So he pushed everybody away from him and ran until his legs lost all their energy.

Then he seemed to embrace the life of a ghost. He got lost inside his own mind. It turned out to be the safest place he could get in. Just formulas and proved truths that never got shaken by any new theory or unexpected discovery. An atmosphere where he could hide and be alone in complete silence.

Because he thought that no one could break his balance. No one could make his equations tremble in the lines of the papers inside his head, no one could make the dots in the maps disappear. No one could make the lines of pursuit curves seem insignificant.

But Colby had done all that. He had moved Charlie’s math to the second place in his priority ranking. He could have been gathering information in his house, creating an algorithm to explain exactly how much damage Patrick Garner had done to it. And yet, he was randomly walking around, all sweaty and absent from the world.

It didn’t matter how he looked like, it didn’t matter the people who shook their heads in shock when they passed by the famous mathematician. They were ignorant. He had a choice to make, and it was much more important than what people could think about him.

However, they didn’t really know. They didn’t know anything. How they would react if Charlie held Colby’s hand, without noticing, on the streets? How would Charlie be able to keep his head high and pass them by with a fearless and proud look that meant he had the one he wanted the most?

Probabilities. Trust metrics that were taking a sample of a huge number of possible elements to let Charlie’s brain do the math and extrapolate the results to the universe. That gave him as a result the most likely response from people to one of the potential decisions. Charlie could rapidly calculate that if he chose to let Colby enter his heart and his life, there was 95% of certainty that they would look at him in disappointment and horror.

Charlie needed to study other calculations anyway, and in order to do that he needed paper and a pen, which he didn’t have with him. So he returned to the house, passed by everybody and saw Colby getting into a car. The door of the vehicle closed, and then Colby was gone. Charlie ran to the garage. Luckily, it was pretty much intact, and his old blackboards were still there to help him clear his doubts.

He started to write equations and gathering information about the sample he wanted to use. It included his friends’ reactions to the fact that he and Colby liked each other, the position his father and Don had in regard to gay people and society’s phobia to same sex relationships.

The result was the same. 95% certainty that people he knew and appreciate wouldn’t understand.

Charlie had never thought this moment would come. He hated his math. Why couldn’t the calculations give him a positive result? Why couldn’t the numbers back up what he really wanted to do? He couldn’t take the decision about Colby without his probabilities. He just couldn’t. All his life, he had depended on math. And now it wasn’t helping him at all.

Now he thought he needed some air again, so he went into the house. Between the destroyed parts of the walls, he saw that one of his mother’s pictures in the living room was gone; it had probably been blown up with the explosion. Charlie stared at the place it used to take, feeling miserable. He did know that the grenade issue hadn’t been his fault, but he couldn’t stop wondering if things could have been different if he hadn’t intervened in the altercation.

And yet, in the bottom of his heart, what scared him the most was the fact that he had taken Don’s gun and risked his life for Colby. He wasn’t the kind of person to get into violent scenarios; he was more of an observer, even if he enjoyed a lot gathering data in the actual crime scenes. He had never got into something that involved guns or weapons of any kind, not even when Amita had been in danger during the Primacy case.

When he came outside again to see how things were going, he found that, as well as Colby, David wasn’t there anymore. A very worried Don was talking to his father, probably about Charlie. The mathematician didn’t approach them; he didn’t want any more people telling him how crazy he had been lately.

He went towards Megan and Larry. They were still with Amita seated at the entrance of the ambulance. “Hi… Are you ok?” Charlie asked his ex-girlfriend, and she just nodded.

Neither Larry nor Megan seemed to have anything to say about Colby to Charlie if Amita was present. The only thing Larry commented was that he was very nervous and that he would need to retrieve into the monastery for a few hours to calm down and get his balance right. On the other hand, Megan said that the team had been asked to go to the headquarters to make a statement on what had happened in the house.

Charlie didn’t feel like going to the FBI, but it was his obligation to do it, so he got into a car with Don and his father, while the others got into another vehicles. The trip seemed to be very long due to the fact that no one talked. Everyone just stared at the road, not saying anything to Charlie or about the incident. Of course, Charlie was happy that it was that way. He didn’t want anyone on his back, letting him know again how irrational he had been.

When they got to the FBI headquarters, Colby and David were already there. Everyone made their statements, being asked by an agent from a different department, and then Charlie started to work in his computer. He was doing it just to stop thinking about Colby being there, so close, and the people who knew about what was going on between them.

He came up with Patrick Garner’s most likely decision analysis for the last hours, and rapidly he showed everybody that math could have help to predict the actions of a human being. Charlie said that it would have been better if they would have done it before. Then he felt guilty because he had been dealing with the fact that he liked Colby for such a long time that he hadn’t come up with the idea of it.

And while he held the files and explained his theory in terms that the others could understand, all Charlie could think about was how much easier things would be if math could guide his thought process.

Colby seemed to be trying to avoid talking to him or looking at him. For some reason, the agent stared at his own papers, playing with his pen, his eyes sad and his face tense. It was not a good sign, but what could Charlie expect? Their connection was on a hiatus again and this time it was worse than the last one.

Don was just staring at Charlie like trying to figure out something. Charlie hoped he couldn’t read the truth in his eyes.

And Amita’s eyes were lost in some random point from the wall. She hadn’t said a word since Patrick Garner had been taken down.

Charlie’s speech ended soon, and almost everybody, including Colby, got out of the room they had been resting in. David remained in his seat, like he was waiting for him and Charlie to be alone. Larry and Megan looked at the mathematician like they were worried about what David might say.

“So… you wanted to talk to me about something?” Charlie asked David when everybody was outside the office.

“Yeah. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about how you’ve been handling the Colby situation.”

Charlie suddenly remembered that Colby had confessed him that David knew about them. “Oh…”

David wasn’t exactly thrilled to bring up the subject. His words were full of concern. “You are messing around with my friend, did you know that?”

The tone surprised Charlie, but he managed to respond. “I’m not messing around with him.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. I don’t want him to suffer.”

“It doesn’t seem like it.”

Tension seemed to absorb all fresh air from the room and take it to some place far away. Charlie bit his lip and got the nerve to feel offended. “Look, David, I know that you care a lot about Colby, but this is an issue between me and him.”

“Well, I’m the one who’s seen the tears in his eyes.”

“Tears?” Charlie repeated, and suddenly there was a hard pain inside his stomach. He felt guilty. “I see... but as supportive as you are as Colby’s friend, I can assure you that I will make my decision soon. I would appreciate it if you could leave me alone and give me space and time to make my confusion disappear, please.”

David just shook his head. He went towards Charlie and made a clear warning. “He’s never been into anyone like this. You’re important to him. Please, don’t play around and if you don’t feel the same, just tell him so he can stop feeling like crap. Do it for Colby, ok?”

Charlie swallowed and took a breath when David stepped out of the office. He needed to think… and he couldn’t do it with everybody around. He needed someone to talk about his fears, about that damn 95%. Amita wasn’t an option, and there was only one person left who could understand his analysis as well as his feelings.

He took his stuff and looked for Larry. Megan told him that the physicist had gone to the monastery, so Charlie took a cab to get there. He found Larry seated on a bench and joined him.

“Oh, hi, Charles,” Larry said.

“Hi…”

Charlie sat beside Larry and remained silent. He admired the amazing atmosphere that surrounded him and tried to relax from the lovely view.

“It’s difficult, isn’t it?” Larry asked, and Charlie thought that the man could read his mind like the palm of his hand. When the mathematician nodded, Larry continued, “Oh, to accept the miracle of true love… I’ve been there myself when Megan appeared in my life, and I know that it’s so hard to understand that one can be appreciated in such an amazing way.”

“Well, I won’t be enjoying the fruits of that miracle, at least not any time soon.”

“Why not? Colby and you have this connection… it seems very natural to me that you two take it to a whole new level.”

“I think the same way, but what about other people? I made a probability analysis in order to anticipate what would be the most likely response from people to Colby and I being together.”

Larry’s eyes were big when he asked, “And what was the result?”

“That people will think we’re sick. That they won’t understand what we feel.”

After that answer, Larry became thoughtful, like he was considering all the variables that could affect Charlie’s analysis. “Ok… what was that exact certainty percentage you got?”

“95%,” Charlie said, and then he took a breath. “So I feel like there’s no hope. I mean, if math gives such a overwhelming result, then what can I do?” His voice was trembling because he was about to break.

“Of course… But Charles… and let me say this from the bottom of my heart…” he continued, and he looked at Charlie with worried, warm eyes. “Does any percentage actually matter?”

“Of course, it matters.”

“Really? The human factor in your analysis is not relevant as a subjective approach?”

“I’m counting the human factor. I’m working with people’s reaction, Larry,” Charlie responded, a little annoyed that Larry was saying something that was so obvious.

“I’m referring to the logical argument that relies on common sense, and of course, in any kind of mathematical study.” Larry took a deep breath, like he was trying to find the right words to express himself. “The truth is that you need to focus on what you want instead of what others want for you.”

Charlie was about to say something, but he remembered that that was exactly what his father had told him a long time ago when Dr. Penfield had appeared at CalSci to destroy his reputation. In that moment, Charlie had thought that he should do something different from the FBI, something that was meaningful for others. Then he had realized that he had to follow his own path because there were certain things that satisfied him and made him happy.

Larry was still talking. “I mean, if there is one source of happiness that you can reach for, then I think you should give it a try. Fate is saying something to you, Charles, and I’m pretty sure you should hear its call… It might not be the same fate that has been assigned to others, but it can mean the change of an entire life for good. I speak from experience, just look at Megan and I. We were two lonely souls which found each other in a world of conflict, and that’s very similar to a miracle to me.”

“I understand what you’re saying, but…”

“I know you don’t like that kind of philosophical ideas as much as I do, but I’m also trying to give you advice. I like to consider that we’re friends just as we are two inquisitive minds who work together and spend an important amount of time with each other everyday…”

“You are my friend. You always have been.” Charlie’s voice was sweet because he couldn’t believe that Larry was actually confused about the bond that linked their lives.

“So… Are you going to at least consider the advice of a friend? I mean… what do you have to lose? Everybody who loves you will cover you, and I’m sure your family will need time to get used to the fact that you and Colby are together, but it will be ok, Charles. If life brought the two of you together, then it’s because something beautiful must come out of that.”

Charlie listened to every single word Larry said. He paid attention to all the ideas and arguments, and had to admit that some of what his friend had said was interesting. “So… you say that the 95% is not important? Not even if it comes from a probability analysis?”

“I’m not saying that math is not a great tool for making decisions, of course. What I’m saying is that what you’re applying here are… probabilities, and you should probably remember the basic nature of them. Some of the possibilities are not included in the actual results. There’s a component of unexpected potential responses that remain unknown, but that are not necessarily bad. That’s the 5% that’s missing.”

The monastery was silent and peaceful. And after Larry pronounced his last words, Charlie felt like his mind had unblocked. Everything had been so confusing over the past few days, but now even the math itself was finally giving him the benefit of the doubt. There was no certain way to know what could happen if he gave Colby a chance to have a relationship, or whatever it was they could have.

All his nerves relaxed, and he felt a joy in his heart that seemed to reach the peace of the beautiful nature that surrounded him. He smiled, letting his worries go away, and then he watched his hands. He joined them and looked at Larry with tears in his eyes. “Thank you… Thank you, Larry. Thank you so much…”

Larry smiled back at him and retreated a little when Charlie reached for him and hugged him awkwardly. They both laughed and Charlie patted Larry’s shoulder when he got up.

“Are you going to communicate your decision?” Larry wanted to know, and he was still smiling.

Flushing, Charlie crossed his arms and with a big smile he said, “Yeah. I’m going to tell him. I’m going to let him know that I’m sure now.”

They nodded together and said goodbye. Charlie was sure Larry kept his eyes on him while he walked out of the monastery. His friend was so loving and understanding. Without Larry’s point of view, Charlie would have never been able to find the way to get the mud out of his head.

He went to the FBI looking for Colby. He asked everybody about him, but the agent wasn’t there, and neither was David. No one knew where they were. There was only one possibility. As showing up at Colby’s apartment was a little bit too dramatic, Charlie grabbed his phone, swallowed his fears about how Colby would react to his decision and if he would be willing to give him a second chance. He entered an empty office and dialed the number. Colby responded a few seconds later.

“Granger.”

“Um, hi…”

“Charlie?”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Look, we’ve already said everything that we needed to say.”

“No, I haven’t. I told you I needed to clear my head… and well, I’ve made my decision.”

“Oh… ok.” Colby’s voice sounded sad and angry at the same time.

“I’d like to tell you this personally, but you’re not at the FBI. Could we meet?”

Charlie head Colby take a deep breath. “No. Just… let’s end this now.”

“Um… Fine, if that’s what you want…” Charlie swallowed and circled with his finger the table he was seated at because he had to do something to avoid fainting. “I’ve decided that… I’d like to give us a second chance.”

Now it seemed that the phone had fallen from Colby’s hands. There were weird harsh noises, and then the agent was saying, “What?”

“Yeah… I’ve thinking a lot and I realized there’s something really meaningful between us. And I don’t want to waste it. I want to live it. I want to… be… with you.”

He waited for an answer.

“We could meet later at my apartment, if you’d like,” was Colby’s simple response, and Charlie thought there was excitement and emotion in the way he sounded.

“It’s… perfect! I’ll be there, I promise. I’ll go home to fix some stuff and help my family to organize what we’ll do about the damages, and then we’ll talk.”

“Charlie… I’m looking forward to seeing you there.”

“Yeah…, me too. I really want to see the look on your face when you actually hear me say everything I want to tell you.”

“Like what?” Colby asked, encouraging Charlie to give him something before their meeting.

“I don’t know… That you are the most important person in my life right now… That I don’t want to be without you ever again… That there’s so much for us to do together yet…”

Charlie heard Colby laugh, and he smiled in a cute way to his phone before saying, “I’ll be there, Colby. I promise.”

Colby said goodbye to him and Charlie closed his phone. He took a deep breath and spent a little more time seated at the desk, just thinking that everything had turned to be ok. Then he got out of the FBI and went home. He was eager to meet Colby and show him the results from his probability analysis, he wanted to tell him that it had saved Colby from the Chinese before and that now it had saved Charlie from making the mistake of his life.

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The song I chose for this chapter (and the video I made!)
James Blunt - "Same mistake"

Click to view

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