Some days it's totally not worth leaving your cozy little castle room. You've got your unruly peasants, your unruly bird killers, your... unruly flying ball things.

I tsk in your general direction. Especially you folks with the balls. I'm really tsking at you.

You people need more happy thoughts or something. How about free skirts for everyone with a parade outside on a windy day? Yes? No? Maybe?

Well. I'm... yeah, I'm pretty bored here. Only so many days you can go down and boss the ghosts around. The whole moat idea is out. Can't find any mighty warriors to go find the crocodiles you'd need for a great moat. No point in having a mediocre moat. Then you've just got peasants swimming laps and stuff. Already got a pool for that, right ( Read more... )

Wh-what- And I- I could have-... I was... and it was all... And-and...! I was an Emperor! And now it's... and there was that... and-and... I just wanted... and there was all this... and I can't... I can't swim like this ( Read more... )

[Very poor, shaky writing throughout the entry.]

So. Who was it this time? Nah, I'm not mad. C'mooon out. Just give me your name and your room number and we'll settle this right now.

Right on the stairs, too... Nice! Real nice! Let's turn the almighty Emperor back into a stinky llama- oh, aren't you magic people just so coolLost count of how ( Read more... )

Okay. Okay. This is not a problem ( Read more... )

I personally think we need like... a moat thing. Y'know, big fancy moat with lots of cascading waterfalls and shrines dedicated to me. Just think of the little ships going around and around... And all the crazy guys could dump the bodies of their poor, unsuspecting victims there - preferably in tidy bags. Keeps the water clean ( Read more... )

Hah, like a few thousand snakes could throw off my groove! Totally not getting the whole Pat Ricks day thing, though. I mean... hey, just 'cause some guy's named Rick doesn't give you the right to pat him. Unless he's big on that sort of thing. Then, y'know, it's all good ( Read more... )

I don't remember ordering a room renovation. Something to be said for the holes, though. Very... breezy.

... Wait, what?

What do you mean "monster"? Some monster alright. Talk about rude! Who does that thing think it is interrupting the Emperor's beauty sleep like this?!

I'm going back to bed. You peasant folks can take care of it.

So, I'm sitting in the bath for the like the billionth time this week- do you have any idea how difficult it is to wash with hooves?! ... And, anyway, I go to grab the soap and THUMBS.

Thanks, Ima! You're a good magical peasant guy after all!

... Still smell a little like a llama, though.