Comments | pansola: Help! - How to gain weight in 20 days

pansola

Help! - How to gain weight in 20 days

Nov 27, 2006 13:27

Every time my mom sees me she nags about how I look thinner than ever and stuff. Thus to minimize my anxiety from being nagged, I want to gain as much weight as possible over the next 20 days ( Read more... )

Comments 12

this is bad advice, but I am reminded of a simpsons episode quirkyfemme November 27 2006, 21:32:02 UTC

Dr Nick:"And remember, if you're not sure about something, just rub it against a piece of paper. (Rubs a drumstick on a sheet of paper, which subsequently turns clear in the center) If the paper turns clear, it's your window to weight gain! (Looks through paper and waves) Bye bye, everybody!"

advice not to take qweltor November 27 2006, 23:00:25 UTC

Supersize Me diet. An In-N-Out diet will work, particulaly if you go with 4x4s, fries and shakes (twice a day).
Between meals, chug your fizzy sugar drink of choice. Depending on specific formulation, a 2-liter bottle should get you about 924 calories (plus it's (probably) cheaper than a comparable volume of beer).

Seriously, don't worry about it qweltor November 27 2006, 23:06:59 UTC

She'll get over it. She's gonna give you even more grief about the rail-thin frame sporting an In-N-Out- / soda pop-gut.

more advice not to take qweltor November 27 2006, 23:16:14 UTC

If you really wanna divert her attention from a lanky frame, get someone pregnant.

Double points if you get two women pregnant. Quadruple for three women and octuple for four (logarithmic increase).

Bonus points if you acquire an STI in the process.

Re: advice not to take pansola November 28 2006, 05:37:26 UTC

Does Gatorade work as "sugar drink"? It has 14g of sugar in a 8 oz serving (so around 120g of sugar in 2 liter).

4x4s and shakes will probably take too much effort to eat AND give me a heartburn )-:

Thread 6

how to be a fat American sarahfarnsworth November 28 2006, 00:45:52 UTC

you don't need to drink beer, but in general drinking your calories is an easy way to put on weight. Just stock up on soda or even sugary juice drinks and chug those between meals. When you do eat, have it be things like fries, donuts, lots of animal fat, lots of sugar, lots of empty calories. It's really easy to gain weight if you do things like eat out of a big bag of potato chips or candy (and don't forget those sugary drinks!) while you're doing something else - you'll mindlessly ingest calories that you don't even want or need, and it's so easy.

The more processed foods, the better. Fast food. Frozen dinners.
I'm not sure about the water thing. In general isn't drinking water good for weight loss, because then your body is hydrated and no longer retains water? You might want to try to DEhydrate yourself and get all puffy.

I hope you don't actually do any of the things I said, cuz that's gross.

Re: how to be a fat American pansola November 28 2006, 05:35:37 UTC

I'm confused about the water part. Hydrated means my body has water, and I thought that is good (heavier). Dehydrated means my body lack water, which makes me lighter. I would expect puffiness only be achieved if I can replace water with air. Ie, drying a tomato doesn't make it puffy unless you pump air into it, and I'm not exactly sure how to pump air into my body (not counting lungs and stomach)...

What is missing from the picture to make drinking water favor weight loss?

Re: how to be a fat American sarahfarnsworth November 28 2006, 05:47:45 UTC

Certainly if you drank like a gallon of water and then weighed yourself you would weigh more, but then you'd just pee it out later. Your body knows when it needs water, so when you're not drinking enough, it holds onto what it has, making, for example, your fingers and ankles swell with fluid. When you do get enough water, your body releases it (mostly urine, sometimes sweat) but if you're lacking, it holds onto it. Think of it like disaster preparedness. If someone was like "hey the grocery stores are going to stop selling food tomorrow" you'd probably go out and stock up, filling your garage with as many boxes of food it can fit and then not getting rid of any, cuz you know you're going to need food later and you don't know how long until you'll be able to buy food again. Same with your body and water. When it's not getting enough it's like "hey wait, I better hold onto this water cuz I don't know if I'm going to get water again any time soon." Water also helps digestion (and slow digestion would make you bloated) and water also ( ... )

qweltor November 28 2006, 06:22:26 UTC

"What is missing from the picture to make drinking water favor weight loss?"
You need more empty calories. Water is zero calories per serving.

Thread 5