Comments | panicolympics: Team Spencer: Blind Leading the Blind

danimpa in panicolympics

Team Spencer: Blind Leading the Blind

Aug 28, 2008 19:32

Title: Reinventing Love
Team: Spencer
Prompt: Blind leading the Blind
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Ryden (Ryan/Brendon)
Summary: Ryan Ross is blinded by love. Brendon Urie is blind to love. Can Ryan help him see or will a drunken mistake ruin it all?
Warnings: Swearing, angst, boy sex
Word count: 9,000 (without header)
Notes: Team Spencer shall ( Read more... )

rating:nc-17, round i, length:medium, pairing:ryan/brendon, team:spencer, prompt:blind leading the blind

Comments 4

lessthan3lovers August 29 2008, 03:34:45 UTC

Hey.
Overall, I'd say you did a pretty good job!

the only thing for me was the cutting thing. self-harm is kind of a squick for me, but that's a personal opinion, and I think you did a better job with it than a lot of other stories I've read with it. You took time to say what was running through his head, rather than just saying, "I'm lonely and I hate myself *cut cut cut*."

nice

gingerrstar August 29 2008, 20:21:55 UTC

honestly, i think that the idea had some potential, but it was potential that you invariably missed. even with the opening sentences, i feel like you were trying a bit too hard to state to the reader that you WERE USING YOUR PROMPT, even if the evidence throughout didn't really show it ( ... )

dottyasrabbits August 30 2008, 06:44:00 UTC

I think this was good.

It got a bit heavy, and parts seemed forced, but all in all I liked it.

Plus I loved the happy ending.

melish September 4 2008, 14:14:28 UTC

I'm unsure of how to feel about this. I wanted to keep reading, if not only to find out what happened at the end and if Brendon's almost overdramatic hatred of Ryan got resolved, but then the self-harm happened, and that sort of put a stilt on things for me. The emotional side of this was very, very underplayed and I feel like this could have been so much better if more was put into it. I'm not a fan of first person, either, but you could have used it to be more intimate rather than factual about things. The ending seems cliche and the plot was unrealistic at times, but I suppose this was well-written, if not a little unsatisfying at the end.