Team Spencer: Blind Leading the Blind

[danimpa]

Title: Reinventing Love
Team: Spencer
Prompt: Blind leading the Blind
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Ryden (Ryan/Brendon)
Summary: Ryan Ross is blinded by love. Brendon Urie is blind to love. Can Ryan help him see or will a drunken mistake ruin it all?
Warnings: Swearing, angst, boy sex
Word count: 9,000 (without header)
Notes: Team Spencer shall

Comments

[gingerrstar]

honestly, i think that the idea had some potential, but it was potential that you invariably missed. even with the opening sentences, i feel like you were trying a bit too hard to state to the reader that you WERE USING YOUR PROMPT, even if the evidence throughout didn't really show it.

i feel like you told me a lot, but you didn't really let the story shine. also, it seemed like action >>>>> real life, for the most part. i felt like you were trying to keep the reader's attention by throwing dramatic emotions at them.

emotion is a tricky situation. hurt and denial and pain can be done extremely well, but i feel like you didn't try for that. the characters didn't feel real to me, they felt a bit flat, and in turn their emotions were made somewhat melodramatic.

i, personally, did not see the force behind ryan cutting himself. cutting, from what i've read (and believe me, i've read my share), has yet to be done effectively. it is a psychological thing, immensely, but i think that it is more of a 'teenage' thing to do, nowadays. ryan, as a man in his early twenties, would not just be cutting on a whim.

on the same note, brendon's hate feels cliche. ryan's sadness feels overdone. the plotline feels stretched to its melodramatic limit.

i feel unsatisfied by this. i wish you would've put a bit more into the structure and growth of your fic as a whole. it would've made a world of difference.