(Untitled)

[padmaclynne]

so sometimes I wonder if people can tell when I am seriously hitting on them -- I mean, there are definitely people I will playfully flirt with, but sometimes I wonder if there are people that yes, I do want to kiss a whole bunch, but because I flirt with everyone they can't tell.

or they can tell, they aren't interested, but playful flirting is

Comments

[hypatia42]

I think that is probably very true. I have the opposite problem. <3

[padmaclynne]

you mean people interpret you being flirty and personable as "me want in pants now. remove pants."

[hypatia42]

Yeah. A lot of people have assumed a lot of things.

[padmaclynne]

which is the way of the world.

which we can fix, given time and communication.

that said, assumptions, when they work out, are sexy - possibly more sexy than explicit discussion.

they also backfire, which explicit discussion does... less, i'm not going to say explicit discussion never backfires, i'm talking about humans, everything backfires sometimes.

[lizzyfur]

people generally think i'm joking when i'm hitting on them because i'm so blunt about it. i might need to take a class.

[padmaclynne]

well, there tends to be a point where i get blunt:

"i would like to kiss you. can that happen? is now good?"

but there's the step between compliments, playful banter, and compliments-and-playful-banter-that-has-undertones.

and i think it also gets complicated for historical reasons, like, i'm pretty sure i've never actually hit on you, because of a combination of my self-esteem issues and you being in relationships where i wasn't sure of boundaries - and now that i've dealt with my self-esteem issues, and come to the realization that i'd rather hit on someone and have them tell me "i'm flattered, but i'm part of a polyfidelitous collective, and you'd have to join our space cult first" (or "i'm married", that's a bit more common) than NOT hit on someone because i don't want to hear a no, i don't think i've seen you in person or had sufficient back and forth to think "yeah, now is a good time"

tl;dr: you're pretty and i want to kiss you if that is ever a reasonable thing

[lizzyfur]

...have we not made out? i'm pretty sure we have.

also, who told you about our space cult?

[padmaclynne]

i know nothing of no space cult. nothing. no need for enforcers class 2.

you know, now that i think about it...

no, i think we haven't made out. or if we did, it was one kiss, and a flippant one. or somehow i did not have my arm around you.

but i'm pretty sure i haven't looked you in the eyes and then kissed you passionately for duration.

[margoeve]

If I've ever been one of these people on any part of the spectrum I've been clueless.

[padmaclynne]

i flirt with you, but i am not actively trying to get in your pants.

[padmaclynne]

but are you aware i've been playfully flirting with you? because that's definitely there.

[margoeve]

Nope. Been not aware of that. Just thought of it as normal social interaction.

[redbouncytigger]

but you're hugh hefner! except young. who could not respond to your charms? ;]- lol who could possibly be out of your league?

i could probably use you flirting with me so i could get back in practice, but the reason i stopped flirting in general was that i am not able to do anything about it. plus people do generally assume that i am a slut/available to their every whim, even when i am not trying to flirt. i'm assuming its men being crazy and lecherous and me being feline and a sub.

disturbing thought: would you assume a cat rubbing up against your leg meant it wanted you to fuck it?

[padmaclynne]

the league thing is more about how i don't need to reject myself, that's up to you.

and yeah, it's been influenced by the slow discovery that yeah, i am really fucking charming and there's a good chance that if you are interested in people like me, you will appreciate my attentions, even if you're wicked smart, talented, and gorgeous. i'm awesome, and usually worth it.

is the cat in heat? because some cats really would like anything to fuck them now, please.

but usually i assume that wanting to be in physical contact with me means exactly that. if you like hugging me, then you like hugging me. there does seem to be a correlation between wanting some kinds of contact and being interested in progressively more intimate contact, but just because you squirm and gasp if i trace my fingertips down your back does not mean that you would like to have sex with me. basically anything short of "do you want to have sex? yes. okay!" does not MEAN they want to have sex -- but there certainly can be clues that suggest it's worth asking that

[glenmarshall]

There is a point at which clear and unambiguous communication is needed. You need to be willing to be slapped, turned-down, or diverted to mere flirting. Risk is required.

[padmaclynne]

sure, sure. and i'm cool with risk, slapping, being turned down, and flirting.

i just wonder how clear my intentional flirting is as compared to my playful flirting, because i like to get a little intentional flirting going before moving to clear and unambiguous communication.