[Translation] Ryo vs. Uchi, K8 Kindergarten and Yamada Skit
I found two more requests in the 100 e-mails (a bit of exaggeration) I got when I woke up this morning (haha!) so I'll do my best to translate Ryo being really angry at Uchi in Honjani basketball and the K8 Kindergarten clip. This Kindergarten clip has Chinese translation (or another language... it's not what I understand, that's for sure!) on it, so you can just ignore my translations if that does it for you. In addition, since some people said that they've never seen the manzai of Maru & Yasu (aka "Yamada"), I found one of the older ones they've done (the Hina/Subaru super hero skit, the kindergarten clip and this Yamada skit was all on the same show, I believe) so I'll do that as well. Well, this technically isn't a "manzai" but it's still a comedic skit. I hope you enjoy them!
Honjani Basketball - Ryo gets real mad at Uchi, haha.
Teacher: Go!
Narrator: On the other hand, the "not-so-experienced-in-Basketball" group of boys... their basketballs are flying everywhere!
(Uchi accidentally rolls the ball toward Ryo... bad move, I guess!)
Ryo: Yo! Stop getting in my way!!!
Nacchan (the regular Honjani announcer): Haha, don't be so mad!
Hina: Don't get pissed! Get along!
Teacher: Dribble a little lower now.
(A few dribbles later)
Hina: Teacher! Teacher, please look at this kid (pointing to Ryo, who had been doing pretty well)
(...and of course, Uchi messes him up again)
Ryo: YO! I TOLD YOU! DON'T GET IN MY WAY!!!
Uchi: No! It was Ohkura!
Hina: Geez, stop fighting!!!
(Haha, poor Ohkura getting the blame)
Kanjani8 Kindergarten
Narrator: Kanjani8 is a group that works around the Kansai area. Nishikido and Uchi from NEWS are also a member of this group. Their popularity is expanding beyond Kansai and to the whole country! Now, these Kanjani boys will show you their comedies! Kanjani Theatre... staaart!
Hina: Welcome to "Oniisan (=big brother) to issho"!! (In Japan, there's this famous kids show called "Okaasan to issho," which literally means "with mom.")
(Loud applauding and crazy kids come out)
Hina: Everybody! Let's sit down!
Kids: YEEESS!
(Uchi is already sitting there)
Hina: Uchi-kun, you're a very good boy.
Uchi: YES!
Hina: Okay, I'm going to announce what you kids are going to learn today, so think carefully, okay?
Kids: YES!!!
Hina: Question One! "There's a new function for a cell phone! What kind of function is it?"
Ohkura: I know!
Hina: Okay, Ohkura-kun!
Ohkura: You can't talk on the phone!
Yoko: Man, you're funny!
Ohkura: Thanks!
Hina: Well, technically, it won't be a phone if you can't talk on it, right?
Maru: I know!
Hina: Yes, Maruyama-kun!
Maru: The phone... can talk!
Hina: Of course it can talk. (I think Maru meant that the phone itself can talk, but I think Hina misunderstood that "you can talk on the phone," which is obvious, is what Maru was saying... hence this comment; but that's just what I think)
Maru: The phone... can't talk!
Hina: Ohkura-kun just said that! Okay, let's go to the next one then.
Kids: Yeah! Let's go to the next one!
Hina: Question Two! "Coach Hoshino (=the Coach for the Hanshin Tigers, the most popular professional baseball team from Kansai) is retiring. What are his last words to his players?
Yasu: Pick me!!
Hina: Okay, Yasuda-kun!
Yasu: "It's a field trip til you go home." (This is hard to explain... it's funny, because Yasu included the word "ensoku," which means "field trip," those that little kids go on. Plus, Yasu answered it in a manly way (despite his outfit lol) to imitate the Coach)
Kids: That's funny!
Hina: Yeah, it's really well-said!
Yoko: Me!!!!
Hina: Okay, Yokoyama-kun.
Yoko: "It's a field trip til you go home."
Hina&Yasu: WE JUST SAID THAT!
Yasu: I just said it! (stomping his foot)
Yoko: I know, but, who gets to be on TV depends on the Producer!
Yasu: Use mine, pleeeease? (with the cutest smile)
Yoko: Ha, that doesn't matter. If they (the Producers) choose me, that line's mine! Dumbass!
Hina: Haha, it seems like Yokoyama-kun knows the ugly side of television! ...Subaru-kun, have you come up with anything yet?
Subaru: ...no...
Yoko: Come up with something!
Hina: Subaru-kun!
Subaru: Coach Hoshino... right?
Hina: Yes. Umm, your character's switching back to normal. You're a kindergarten kid, remember?
Subaru: YEAH!
Hina: Haha, yes that. Okay, fine. Then let's go to the next one. Please tell me what he (picture of Prime Minister Koizumi) usually says.
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Subaru-kun!
Subaru: Excuse me, can I have another? (Kaedama=another serving of noodles)
Hina: Hahaha, oh so he went to eat noodles?
Subaru: Yeah!
Hina: I don't really see him as a guy who eats another bowl of noodles, haha.
Yoko: Me!!
Hina: Yokoyama-kun.
Yoko: "I was moved!!" (=as in, it was so good that I was moved/touched etc. you know. It's Koizumi's common phrase for real, haha. He said it after watching some kind of sport, I forgot, maybe Olympics or something?)
Hina: That's what he really says.
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Yes, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: "Kanchou shite!" (=another play on words. "Kandou," which is what Yoko said, means that someone was moved by something, like movies. "Kanchou" sounds similar, but it's when you... hmm, I'd rather not say lol. Let's just say it relates to the butt lol.)
Yasu? One of the kids: You can't say that!
Hina: Subaru-kun, you're funny.
Yoko: Me!!
Hina: Yokoyama-kun!
Yoko: Then I'll do it!! (well... "kanchou" could mean when kids pretend they stick their fingers into someone's butt... hence, Yoko's hand gestures - sorry it's so gross, but it's not MY fault!!)
Hina: No no no he (=Prime Minister) can't do it.
Kids: Oh he can't...
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Okay Subaru-kun.
Subaru: "YOSO WA YOSO, UCHI WA UCHI!" (Remember this phrase that Hina says in the beginning of Obachan Rock? It's a phrase that is said to be commonly used by obachans; it means "They are them! We are we!" I wish I had a better way to translate it... haha, oh well)
Hina: Yes, our moms say that a lot huh. Yeah, he looks like he's mad. Okay I think you guys learned a lot today.
Kids: YES!!
Hina: I have one more question for you guys.
Subaru: It's not over yet!? (in a rude way)
Hina: One more. At the next Olympics, there's a new event. What kind of event is it?
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Yes?
Subaru: You have to spit out gum. You know, like this (with action)
Hina: Haha, you have to run a bit then paaaaan? You spit it out?
Subaru: It can be whatever flavor the player chooses.
Hina: It's like the shot put, isn't it?
Yoko: Don't you have anything, Uchi-kun? (In an annoying kid voice lol)
Uchi: Me... well.. I can't really come up with these things...
Yoko: What the hell, I'm not liking this. It seems like people like it better when you can't answer!
Hina: Haha, like it's cooler if you don't say anything.
Yoko: It's like the harder we work, the more negative it is on us!
Hina: Haha, it's okay, Yu-kun.
Yoko: Really?
Uchi: My mind doesn't function too well.
Hina: I'm sorry Uchi-kun. We all know that you're cute...
Yoko: So you were dumb after all!! Haha!! ...Me!!
Hina: Yes, Yokoyama-kun.
Yoko: A pinching contest.
Hina: Where? Where would you pinch?
Yoko: Like around here (pinches his chest)
Hina: Haha, then I have a question for you. How would you lose in this game?
Yoko: Whoever says "Ouch" loses.
Hina: That's so boring!
Yoko: Like 10 people stand side by side and start pinching each other. If you say "Ouch," you're out.
Hina: So if you don't say "Ouch," you win the gold?
Yoko: Yeah, it could go on forever.
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Yes, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: You do this, then this. (just action)
Hina: What? What do you mean? You have to explain MUCH MORE, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: It's a new Olympic event, right? You do this, then this.
Hina: Let's hear from the first "this."
Subaru: I'm saying; you do this, then this.
Hina: Oh so you mean this, then this... (Subaru sits) That's it!?
Yoko: Ooo! A contest of whoever can say "Moaaan" the most. A group of 10-something people go "Moaaan." You do that forever. "Moaaaan."
Yasu: Yu-kun, you're too funny!
Hina: Yu-kun, does that mean that you're supposed to say that for the longest time?
Yoko: Moaaaan.
(the bell rings)
Hina: Okay, Subaru, the last one is on you.
Subaru: This is good. I think they're gonna make this one official... Chasing grasshoppers.
Hina: Haha, you mean we have to spread grasshoppers all over the field?
Subaru: No no, you don't release them. You go to the field and look for them on your own. Like this big (motions pretty big)
Hina: No, there aren't any grasshoppers that are THIS big!!!
Subaru: But you see, this is the Olympics... world-class grasshoppers can be THIS big. You can ride on it and go PYOOON!
Hina: That'll make grasshoppers the main competitors in the Olympics!
Yoko: Well you never know! It could happen!
Hina: No it won't! Okay this is it for today. Bye bye!!
Kids: Bye bye!!
Subaru: PYOOON!!
Yamada (Maru&Yasu) Conte
This is not the funniest skit they've had, but this was all I could find on Youtube, so! Personally, my favorite Yamada manzais (and these are real manzais) are the "Tegami" (they usually have titles for manzai performances... 'tegami' means 'Letter') manzai they did in the EXCITE concert (check DVD) and "When people you recognize you on the streets," during Shounen Club. That was when they had a comedy battle between the East (KAT-TUN's Nakamaru and Koki) and the West (Maru and Yasu). I shouldn't have to tell you who won that battle :)
Anyway, here's the translation for "Kekkon Soudan Sho" (=Marriage Council):
Maru: Ohhh You must be Yasuda-san! I was waiting for you! Here, here (pulls seat away from Yasu... typical comedy move, haha) Ooops I'm sorry! Haha! Sorry sorry. Ohhh!!! What a good looking man you are!! I hope you find someone good today!! (He's supposed to be a marriage councilor so he's gonna introduce Yasu to a few girls that are looking for someone)
Yasu: Okay, thank you very much. I heard this place has a 100% successful rate in putting people together. Is that true?
Maru: Oh yes yes it is. We have 20,000,000 ladies registered to our company.
Yasu: 20,000,000!? Are you serious? Are you sure it's not 20,000?
Maru: (Checks his...her lol computer screen) Ohh!! Yes yes it is 20,000! Yes, we have 20,000 ladies so I'm sure you can find your soulmate here today, Yasuda-san!
Yasu: Okay!
Maru: So first of all... what kind of girls do you like?
Yasu: Hmm... do you have pictures of them? I would like to see.
Maru: Photos!!! Okay, if you say so Yasuda-san, I will show them to you!
Yasu: Great! Thanks!
Maru: Then let's start the selection... shall we? Here's the first one... (starts clicking)
Yasu: Ohh! She looks good, doesn' she?
Maru: She is Yuko Shinohara... age 25, she helps out with housework.
Yasu: Helping out housework... sounds good, sounds good.
Maru: Oh! She also has a nice BODY. From the top: 85, 58, 88!
Yasu: Holy cow!!! That's amazing!
Maru: Yeah, isn't it?! Also, her feet are 28cm long (that's really big for a girl, haha)
Yasu: Wait... what? 28?
Maru: Yes!
Yasu: What's her height, by the way?
Maru: Oh she's 208cm tall.
Yasu: Whoaaaa is that so? She's huge!
Maru: Yes, but I think she's pretty good, no?
Yasu: Nah...
Maru: Well, okay then... I'll query those who are below 200cm. (types, then looks around... weird move lol)
Yasu: Wait, what the hell are you looking for?? Please look at your computer screen!
Maru: Oh okay, here we go. There are 2,000 people.
Yasu: 2,000!? That's a lot fewer!!
Maru: Well you see, recently Japanese girls have grown really well...
Yasu: Okay okay, then PLEASE look for girls who are shorter than 2 meters!
Maru: Alright, then let's start looking! (clicks)
Yasu: Ooh! She's cute, she's pretty.
Maru: This girl? Yeah this girl wants to continue working even after marriage.
Yasu: Oh that's fine with me.
Maru: You're both going to work, is that okay with you?
Yasu: Yeah that's totally fine.
Maru: Just so you know, she's a huge fan of X-Japan's Yoshiki (in case you don't know, X-Japan was a rock band that was known for its flamboyant appearances with heavy make up)
Yasu: ...Oh, X-Japan?
Maru: Yes, in paranthesis, it says that she's a fanatic fan, too!!! Her head is always like GAAAA (as he shakes his head, his wig comes off, haha)
Yasu: Oh no!!! Your wig just came off!!! You had a wig on!?
Maru: No no no. This is my real hair. Hair transplant.
Yasu: I was surprised twice! (X-Japan and Maru's wig)
Maru: I was surprised too. Okay, I'll look for someone who's not a Yoshiki fan... here we go, Maki Mizuno, 30 years old. Her hobby is cooking.
Yasu: Ooo, I like I like. I want to eat food that girls cook!
Maru: Yes, it says that she's really good at cooking niku-jaga (=niku is meat and jaga is potato... it's a good dish)
Yasu: Wow! I love it!
Maru: Oh but she's in Hokkaido (the northern most prefecture in Japan, pretty far from the Kansai area)
Yasu: Oh that's fine, I'll visit her! I can go right now!!
Maru: So long distance relationship is okay?
Yasu: Totally!
Maru: But there's one thing... (clicks) she's serving years now.
Yasu: She's in jail!?!? She's in JAIL!?!?!?
Maru: Yes, she has 12 cases.
Yasu: That's REAL BAD!!!
Maru: Well her visiting hours are...
Yasu: No no!! I'm not gonna go visit her!!
Maru: Okay... then how about her, Sanae Kiyota.
Yasu: Oh I want her!
Maru: She's 2 years and 8 months old.
Yasu: She's a child!!!!
Maru: How about this one (clicks)
Yasu: Okay, I want her!
Maru: Keiko Masuda. Real name, Takeshi Honda (a guy's name lol)
Yasu: He's a MAN!?!?!?
Maru: How about her! (clicks)
(sees a picture with a lot of girls)
Yasu: I don't know which one you're talking about!
Maru: Do you want to see a closer-up picture?
Yasu: If you have a close-up, why can't you just show it to me to begin with!
Maru: Okay, go! (clicks and shows a picture of a random nose)
Yasu: It's her NOSE!!!! Next!!!! Go!!!!!
Maru: Oh... this will be your last candidate...
Yasu: It's the last one? Oh... okay...
Maru: Okay... here goes... (clicks)
(picture of Maru)
Yasu: THAT'S YOU!!!!
The End! It's funnier if you see their actions rather than just reading this :D
Honjani Basketball - Ryo gets real mad at Uchi, haha.
Teacher: Go!
Narrator: On the other hand, the "not-so-experienced-in-Basketball" group of boys... their basketballs are flying everywhere!
(Uchi accidentally rolls the ball toward Ryo... bad move, I guess!)
Ryo: Yo! Stop getting in my way!!!
Nacchan (the regular Honjani announcer): Haha, don't be so mad!
Hina: Don't get pissed! Get along!
Teacher: Dribble a little lower now.
(A few dribbles later)
Hina: Teacher! Teacher, please look at this kid (pointing to Ryo, who had been doing pretty well)
(...and of course, Uchi messes him up again)
Ryo: YO! I TOLD YOU! DON'T GET IN MY WAY!!!
Uchi: No! It was Ohkura!
Hina: Geez, stop fighting!!!
(Haha, poor Ohkura getting the blame)
Kanjani8 Kindergarten
Narrator: Kanjani8 is a group that works around the Kansai area. Nishikido and Uchi from NEWS are also a member of this group. Their popularity is expanding beyond Kansai and to the whole country! Now, these Kanjani boys will show you their comedies! Kanjani Theatre... staaart!
Hina: Welcome to "Oniisan (=big brother) to issho"!! (In Japan, there's this famous kids show called "Okaasan to issho," which literally means "with mom.")
(Loud applauding and crazy kids come out)
Hina: Everybody! Let's sit down!
Kids: YEEESS!
(Uchi is already sitting there)
Hina: Uchi-kun, you're a very good boy.
Uchi: YES!
Hina: Okay, I'm going to announce what you kids are going to learn today, so think carefully, okay?
Kids: YES!!!
Hina: Question One! "There's a new function for a cell phone! What kind of function is it?"
Ohkura: I know!
Hina: Okay, Ohkura-kun!
Ohkura: You can't talk on the phone!
Yoko: Man, you're funny!
Ohkura: Thanks!
Hina: Well, technically, it won't be a phone if you can't talk on it, right?
Maru: I know!
Hina: Yes, Maruyama-kun!
Maru: The phone... can talk!
Hina: Of course it can talk. (I think Maru meant that the phone itself can talk, but I think Hina misunderstood that "you can talk on the phone," which is obvious, is what Maru was saying... hence this comment; but that's just what I think)
Maru: The phone... can't talk!
Hina: Ohkura-kun just said that! Okay, let's go to the next one then.
Kids: Yeah! Let's go to the next one!
Hina: Question Two! "Coach Hoshino (=the Coach for the Hanshin Tigers, the most popular professional baseball team from Kansai) is retiring. What are his last words to his players?
Yasu: Pick me!!
Hina: Okay, Yasuda-kun!
Yasu: "It's a field trip til you go home." (This is hard to explain... it's funny, because Yasu included the word "ensoku," which means "field trip," those that little kids go on. Plus, Yasu answered it in a manly way (despite his outfit lol) to imitate the Coach)
Kids: That's funny!
Hina: Yeah, it's really well-said!
Yoko: Me!!!!
Hina: Okay, Yokoyama-kun.
Yoko: "It's a field trip til you go home."
Hina&Yasu: WE JUST SAID THAT!
Yasu: I just said it! (stomping his foot)
Yoko: I know, but, who gets to be on TV depends on the Producer!
Yasu: Use mine, pleeeease? (with the cutest smile)
Yoko: Ha, that doesn't matter. If they (the Producers) choose me, that line's mine! Dumbass!
Hina: Haha, it seems like Yokoyama-kun knows the ugly side of television! ...Subaru-kun, have you come up with anything yet?
Subaru: ...no...
Yoko: Come up with something!
Hina: Subaru-kun!
Subaru: Coach Hoshino... right?
Hina: Yes. Umm, your character's switching back to normal. You're a kindergarten kid, remember?
Subaru: YEAH!
Hina: Haha, yes that. Okay, fine. Then let's go to the next one. Please tell me what he (picture of Prime Minister Koizumi) usually says.
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Subaru-kun!
Subaru: Excuse me, can I have another? (Kaedama=another serving of noodles)
Hina: Hahaha, oh so he went to eat noodles?
Subaru: Yeah!
Hina: I don't really see him as a guy who eats another bowl of noodles, haha.
Yoko: Me!!
Hina: Yokoyama-kun.
Yoko: "I was moved!!" (=as in, it was so good that I was moved/touched etc. you know. It's Koizumi's common phrase for real, haha. He said it after watching some kind of sport, I forgot, maybe Olympics or something?)
Hina: That's what he really says.
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Yes, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: "Kanchou shite!" (=another play on words. "Kandou," which is what Yoko said, means that someone was moved by something, like movies. "Kanchou" sounds similar, but it's when you... hmm, I'd rather not say lol. Let's just say it relates to the butt lol.)
Yasu? One of the kids: You can't say that!
Hina: Subaru-kun, you're funny.
Yoko: Me!!
Hina: Yokoyama-kun!
Yoko: Then I'll do it!! (well... "kanchou" could mean when kids pretend they stick their fingers into someone's butt... hence, Yoko's hand gestures - sorry it's so gross, but it's not MY fault!!)
Hina: No no no he (=Prime Minister) can't do it.
Kids: Oh he can't...
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Okay Subaru-kun.
Subaru: "YOSO WA YOSO, UCHI WA UCHI!" (Remember this phrase that Hina says in the beginning of Obachan Rock? It's a phrase that is said to be commonly used by obachans; it means "They are them! We are we!" I wish I had a better way to translate it... haha, oh well)
Hina: Yes, our moms say that a lot huh. Yeah, he looks like he's mad. Okay I think you guys learned a lot today.
Kids: YES!!
Hina: I have one more question for you guys.
Subaru: It's not over yet!? (in a rude way)
Hina: One more. At the next Olympics, there's a new event. What kind of event is it?
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Yes?
Subaru: You have to spit out gum. You know, like this (with action)
Hina: Haha, you have to run a bit then paaaaan? You spit it out?
Subaru: It can be whatever flavor the player chooses.
Hina: It's like the shot put, isn't it?
Yoko: Don't you have anything, Uchi-kun? (In an annoying kid voice lol)
Uchi: Me... well.. I can't really come up with these things...
Yoko: What the hell, I'm not liking this. It seems like people like it better when you can't answer!
Hina: Haha, like it's cooler if you don't say anything.
Yoko: It's like the harder we work, the more negative it is on us!
Hina: Haha, it's okay, Yu-kun.
Yoko: Really?
Uchi: My mind doesn't function too well.
Hina: I'm sorry Uchi-kun. We all know that you're cute...
Yoko: So you were dumb after all!! Haha!! ...Me!!
Hina: Yes, Yokoyama-kun.
Yoko: A pinching contest.
Hina: Where? Where would you pinch?
Yoko: Like around here (pinches his chest)
Hina: Haha, then I have a question for you. How would you lose in this game?
Yoko: Whoever says "Ouch" loses.
Hina: That's so boring!
Yoko: Like 10 people stand side by side and start pinching each other. If you say "Ouch," you're out.
Hina: So if you don't say "Ouch," you win the gold?
Yoko: Yeah, it could go on forever.
Subaru: Me!!
Hina: Yes, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: You do this, then this. (just action)
Hina: What? What do you mean? You have to explain MUCH MORE, Subaru-kun.
Subaru: It's a new Olympic event, right? You do this, then this.
Hina: Let's hear from the first "this."
Subaru: I'm saying; you do this, then this.
Hina: Oh so you mean this, then this... (Subaru sits) That's it!?
Yoko: Ooo! A contest of whoever can say "Moaaan" the most. A group of 10-something people go "Moaaan." You do that forever. "Moaaaan."
Yasu: Yu-kun, you're too funny!
Hina: Yu-kun, does that mean that you're supposed to say that for the longest time?
Yoko: Moaaaan.
(the bell rings)
Hina: Okay, Subaru, the last one is on you.
Subaru: This is good. I think they're gonna make this one official... Chasing grasshoppers.
Hina: Haha, you mean we have to spread grasshoppers all over the field?
Subaru: No no, you don't release them. You go to the field and look for them on your own. Like this big (motions pretty big)
Hina: No, there aren't any grasshoppers that are THIS big!!!
Subaru: But you see, this is the Olympics... world-class grasshoppers can be THIS big. You can ride on it and go PYOOON!
Hina: That'll make grasshoppers the main competitors in the Olympics!
Yoko: Well you never know! It could happen!
Hina: No it won't! Okay this is it for today. Bye bye!!
Kids: Bye bye!!
Subaru: PYOOON!!
Yamada (Maru&Yasu) Conte
This is not the funniest skit they've had, but this was all I could find on Youtube, so! Personally, my favorite Yamada manzais (and these are real manzais) are the "Tegami" (they usually have titles for manzai performances... 'tegami' means 'Letter') manzai they did in the EXCITE concert (check DVD) and "When people you recognize you on the streets," during Shounen Club. That was when they had a comedy battle between the East (KAT-TUN's Nakamaru and Koki) and the West (Maru and Yasu). I shouldn't have to tell you who won that battle :)
Anyway, here's the translation for "Kekkon Soudan Sho" (=Marriage Council):
Maru: Ohhh You must be Yasuda-san! I was waiting for you! Here, here (pulls seat away from Yasu... typical comedy move, haha) Ooops I'm sorry! Haha! Sorry sorry. Ohhh!!! What a good looking man you are!! I hope you find someone good today!! (He's supposed to be a marriage councilor so he's gonna introduce Yasu to a few girls that are looking for someone)
Yasu: Okay, thank you very much. I heard this place has a 100% successful rate in putting people together. Is that true?
Maru: Oh yes yes it is. We have 20,000,000 ladies registered to our company.
Yasu: 20,000,000!? Are you serious? Are you sure it's not 20,000?
Maru: (Checks his...her lol computer screen) Ohh!! Yes yes it is 20,000! Yes, we have 20,000 ladies so I'm sure you can find your soulmate here today, Yasuda-san!
Yasu: Okay!
Maru: So first of all... what kind of girls do you like?
Yasu: Hmm... do you have pictures of them? I would like to see.
Maru: Photos!!! Okay, if you say so Yasuda-san, I will show them to you!
Yasu: Great! Thanks!
Maru: Then let's start the selection... shall we? Here's the first one... (starts clicking)
Yasu: Ohh! She looks good, doesn' she?
Maru: She is Yuko Shinohara... age 25, she helps out with housework.
Yasu: Helping out housework... sounds good, sounds good.
Maru: Oh! She also has a nice BODY. From the top: 85, 58, 88!
Yasu: Holy cow!!! That's amazing!
Maru: Yeah, isn't it?! Also, her feet are 28cm long (that's really big for a girl, haha)
Yasu: Wait... what? 28?
Maru: Yes!
Yasu: What's her height, by the way?
Maru: Oh she's 208cm tall.
Yasu: Whoaaaa is that so? She's huge!
Maru: Yes, but I think she's pretty good, no?
Yasu: Nah...
Maru: Well, okay then... I'll query those who are below 200cm. (types, then looks around... weird move lol)
Yasu: Wait, what the hell are you looking for?? Please look at your computer screen!
Maru: Oh okay, here we go. There are 2,000 people.
Yasu: 2,000!? That's a lot fewer!!
Maru: Well you see, recently Japanese girls have grown really well...
Yasu: Okay okay, then PLEASE look for girls who are shorter than 2 meters!
Maru: Alright, then let's start looking! (clicks)
Yasu: Ooh! She's cute, she's pretty.
Maru: This girl? Yeah this girl wants to continue working even after marriage.
Yasu: Oh that's fine with me.
Maru: You're both going to work, is that okay with you?
Yasu: Yeah that's totally fine.
Maru: Just so you know, she's a huge fan of X-Japan's Yoshiki (in case you don't know, X-Japan was a rock band that was known for its flamboyant appearances with heavy make up)
Yasu: ...Oh, X-Japan?
Maru: Yes, in paranthesis, it says that she's a fanatic fan, too!!! Her head is always like GAAAA (as he shakes his head, his wig comes off, haha)
Yasu: Oh no!!! Your wig just came off!!! You had a wig on!?
Maru: No no no. This is my real hair. Hair transplant.
Yasu: I was surprised twice! (X-Japan and Maru's wig)
Maru: I was surprised too. Okay, I'll look for someone who's not a Yoshiki fan... here we go, Maki Mizuno, 30 years old. Her hobby is cooking.
Yasu: Ooo, I like I like. I want to eat food that girls cook!
Maru: Yes, it says that she's really good at cooking niku-jaga (=niku is meat and jaga is potato... it's a good dish)
Yasu: Wow! I love it!
Maru: Oh but she's in Hokkaido (the northern most prefecture in Japan, pretty far from the Kansai area)
Yasu: Oh that's fine, I'll visit her! I can go right now!!
Maru: So long distance relationship is okay?
Yasu: Totally!
Maru: But there's one thing... (clicks) she's serving years now.
Yasu: She's in jail!?!? She's in JAIL!?!?!?
Maru: Yes, she has 12 cases.
Yasu: That's REAL BAD!!!
Maru: Well her visiting hours are...
Yasu: No no!! I'm not gonna go visit her!!
Maru: Okay... then how about her, Sanae Kiyota.
Yasu: Oh I want her!
Maru: She's 2 years and 8 months old.
Yasu: She's a child!!!!
Maru: How about this one (clicks)
Yasu: Okay, I want her!
Maru: Keiko Masuda. Real name, Takeshi Honda (a guy's name lol)
Yasu: He's a MAN!?!?!?
Maru: How about her! (clicks)
(sees a picture with a lot of girls)
Yasu: I don't know which one you're talking about!
Maru: Do you want to see a closer-up picture?
Yasu: If you have a close-up, why can't you just show it to me to begin with!
Maru: Okay, go! (clicks and shows a picture of a random nose)
Yasu: It's her NOSE!!!! Next!!!! Go!!!!!
Maru: Oh... this will be your last candidate...
Yasu: It's the last one? Oh... okay...
Maru: Okay... here goes... (clicks)
(picture of Maru)
Yasu: THAT'S YOU!!!!
The End! It's funnier if you see their actions rather than just reading this :D