At my work last night, a gentleman answered his phone with this gem:

"From now on, you are to refer to me as 'Your worship'."

Hiya in LJ land ( Read more... )

Presumbly a TAFE or Uni student in a kitchenware shop in the CBD looking at various knives in showcase. Loudly to his friend who is somewhere else in the shop:
"Stop making me look at the Shun knives [friend's name]. They're giving me a stiffy!"

At a pet store today.

Noticably angry male: These stupid pet shops, makin' up all these dumb names for animals. What the hell is this breed? Never even heard of it. Not even a real dog.
Noticably angry male's girlfriend: Stupid.

After they left I looked at the dog in question - it was a Catahoula x Mastiff.

Overheard in Bayswater on Tuesday.

Boy: Guess what the main ingredient in perfume is?
Girl 1: What?
Boy: Whale vomit!
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: Whale vomit? Can whales even vomit?

Also at 7/11 Day.

Girl 1: I'm buying a large slurpie
Girl 2: But it's a free small.
Girl 1: I'm not saying "Happy 7/11 Day to a cashier who doesn't care to get a free slurpie.
Girl 2: Well, I'll suffer the indigence if it's free,

Girl 1 gets a large cup: Unhappy 7/11 Day

***
And at the supermarket.

Aisle Whatever, looking for snail bait, girl trying to ( Read more... )

Heard this at Kilsyth/Croydon 7/11 on Mt Dandenong Road during "Free Slurpie Day"

Mother, taking camera phone picture of kids next to 7/11 Day Free Slurpie sign.

"Smile, or you won't be on Facebook."

... I don't even...

At work in the city my colleague's first customer of the day:
"I'm after a juicer."
"What sort/type?"
[pause] "Zzzt! Zzzt!"
"Electrical?"
"Yes."

On the Craigieburn train:

"You are not giving me a Vegemite moustache."

A customer was telling a co-worker today about an encounter she had at the Vic Market with another older woman of similar vintage. The customer said to the stall holder, a sweet looking elderly lady, something like "Packing up after a busy day eh?" to which the old lady replied "No, I'm fucking tap dancing!". I laughed rather loudly :}