{ ff } ` maybe i'll be brave ( choi junhee / kim jongin )
maybe i’ll be brave
jongin knows fake confidence when he sees it. he doesn’t see it in her. canon!kainiel
1548 words; g; choi junhee (juniel) / kim jongin (exo)
a request from my little lootato (corneas) because i made her ship this pairing with me !! i haven’t written fic in a while, so sorry it’s bad. all my pairing tags are alphabetical order.
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maybe i’ll be brave, starting with you.
female idols don’t mean much to him. at the end of it all, they’re goddesses and queens and princesses establishing themselves in the human world, and jongin’s fine with maintaining that distance. they’re all eons away from him, experience swept into the dust under his shoes. he knows under fronts that they’re all as painfully human as he is, tiredness taking the form of shaded semi-cycles under their eyes and smiles with tightened ends.
they’re all friends, nothing else. he knows this; after all, he’s in sme and sme’s famous for some of the most popular and beautiful women in the korean pop industry. he knows it when he works intimately with yoona and krystal. he laughs it off whenever he searches himself on naver and find the fans putting him and krystal together. he regards yoona like he regards his sister back home. his heart doesn’t beat any faster, and the sweat on his palms and knot in his stomach are only because he’s afraid of what the audience will think of him when their photoshoots are finished. when they’re alone, behind closed doors and away from cameras, he smiles and enjoys his time with them, but he doesn’t feel any different. there’s no heart catching in his throat.
juniel. the name is somewhat familiar-it buzzes around his head like a fly that won’t leave him alone for days after hearing the schedules, but he never quite catches it. all jongin really knows is that she’s a rookie much like exo are and that they’re filming a commercial together, but that’s it. he often lets the thought go in exchange for precious sleep during horribly long car rides between filming places, the airport, and their dorm.
when they first meet, jongin only notices one important thing.
her confidence shakes him. he knows fake confidence when he sees it; it’s the reflection still in the mirror in the aftermath of reading programs or watching videos of his own dances, or the way that chanyeol smiles just a bit too wide in front of the camera, or the way that suho’s fingers entwine when he’s trying to gather his words together right before filming. juniel doesn’t try too hard when she speaks-she just is. her words are slow but thoughtful, poised and elegant in their own way (which makes sense once he learns that she’s a singer-songwriter). it’s the type of thing he has only when he’s forgotten about the world around him during one of his dance breaks or routines, but it’s quick to go when he wakes up and realizes reality has clawed that security away.
juniel greets him with a small smile on her lips, eyes in cheerful crescents while she bows and moves to interact with the rest of the -k members. jongin stutters like he always does, crooked smile tangled in awkwardness on his lips as he returns the polite gesture before seeking refuge in someone familiar-like sehun, who happens to be the closest to him. the maknae whines and tries to push jongin away, only to let him stay once he sees that something’s off about jongin. sehun’s always been rather perceptive.
filming starts. jongin takes distraction in preparing for his group’s own parts and doesn’t notice that juniel is nowhere close to them on set.
the lights are hot on his skin and this is the first time he’s ever really filmed something that doesn’t explicitly involve a great amount of dancing or music, so he feels his stomach twist into itself. but it’s the other members that make ease simmer into him, and so he relaxes-up until he realizes that chanyeol’s solo part has finished and that his is next.
the behind-the-scenes cameras make him more nervous, but he manages to channel that nervousness into smiles on his lips as he traces the necessary steps from his script. juniel’s sitting in front of him, clad in a school uniform with a can in one hand and earbud wire in the other. she’s so eerily calm and relaxed, all genuine smiles in front of the camera and the boy’s stomach flips. why can’t he be more like that?
kim jongin’s always been a mess of shy and awkward, though he’s working on it. he wants to steal some of juniel’s professionalism.
when the cameras roll, jongin does as he’s told. he reiterates the lines and action brackets in his head, leaping toward the girl as needed-only to mess up. he curses his own inabilities, mouthing apologies to a director who shakes his head and orders a retake. his eyes dart around as he hopes that this won’t take too long and the number of his mistakes doesn’t increase. he tries again.
he messes up. once, twice, a few times, then it gets innumerable. he messes up in completely different parts too: sometimes he misses a step in his leap. sometimes he knocks the can out of juniel’s hand. sometimes he never touches the can at all.
all jongin has to give are apologies. he’s not kai right now. he knows that kai would never mess up like this and stumble over it, but kai is a dancing persona, not an acting one. when the boy looks up, he sees juniel giving him both a sympathetic and reassuring smile. she’s so innocently waiting for him to get it right, as are his group mates, and he can’t goddamn get it right. it’s frustrating.
when the filming is finally over after jongin stops messing up and juniel’s left, he feels his cheeks are hot. he secretly hopes that he doesn’t have to face juniel after she’s witnessed all of that.
he gets his wish-sort of. the only time he hears juniel’s name again for a while is when the group does searches and finds that both exo-k and juniel are top rookies or nominees for awards, or when sehun mentions that he’s seen “juniel-noona” once or twice during the rare times he’s physically gone to school. jongin punches sehun in the arm just so he gets punched back (and can ignore the weird feeling in his chest after hearing the girl’s name).
they meet again at the golden disk awards ceremony. jongin’s learned a bit over the time he’s spent being an idol, learned to be less shy, though it still composes a huge part of him. once he hears the rookie awardees, he stands up with his group, keeping himself composed as he soon recalls the incident a while back. oh no.
juniel seems to have forgotten (if she’s forgotten or doesn’t care, he doesn’t know, but he’s grateful either way despite the slight twinge from the second option) as she steps forward in her heels and takes the award after chanyeol offers her the first chance. she speaks with the same eloquence that jongin recalls from the cf filming. there’s never a stammer, only a brief pause for thought. she’s too good, too comfortable with speaking on the spot.
jongin’s never been good with expressing himself verbally, so he leaves that to the other members as he stands by with graciousness sweeping across his eyes instead. quietly, though, he watches juniel walk away with the award in her hands.
she’s not a goddess nor a queen nor a princess, but she still manages to maintain that distance from others. jongin almost wants to reach out just to see what happens, but he remembers that there are cameras and he’s just a shy and awkward boy when he’s not dancing. his arm never extends too far from his body as he turns back.
“jinki-hyung says that juniel-ssi got a cellphone,” taemin casually states after taking a sip of his banana milk. jongin almost chokes.
it’s one of those rare moments where the two get to meet up after exo’s debut, and taemin uses their precious free time to talk about that. of course, taemin knows what’s been on jongin’s mind outside of sleeping, eating, and all those other necessities; he’s not an asshole and his best friend for nothing (when jongin told taemin about the filming incident, the older boy laughed so hard to the point where jongin wanted to throttle him).
“we weren’t even talking about her-”
“i know you wanted to know, though,” and the grin on taemin’s face is so shit-eating that jongin wants to punch it off.
jongin doesn’t even bother to ask how jinki knows juniel. just the soloist’s name is enough to leave his mind blank. he doesn’t know what to think; he’s always been good with female idols in the company. they’ve been nothing more than friends or sibling figures, but his heart beats just a little faster from the mere mention of juniel now.
months have passed by and jongin still wonders what would’ve happened if he had reached out to her during that time during the golden disk awards. would he have broken the distance?
his reveries are broken by a pat to his back and taemin’s comment of, “don’t miss your chance.”
placing a piece of dukbokki in his mouth, jongin thinks about the phone in his pocket.
next time.
jongin knows fake confidence when he sees it. he doesn’t see it in her. canon!kainiel
1548 words; g; choi junhee (juniel) / kim jongin (exo)
a request from my little lootato (corneas) because i made her ship this pairing with me !! i haven’t written fic in a while, so sorry it’s bad. all my pairing tags are alphabetical order.
-
maybe i’ll be brave, starting with you.
female idols don’t mean much to him. at the end of it all, they’re goddesses and queens and princesses establishing themselves in the human world, and jongin’s fine with maintaining that distance. they’re all eons away from him, experience swept into the dust under his shoes. he knows under fronts that they’re all as painfully human as he is, tiredness taking the form of shaded semi-cycles under their eyes and smiles with tightened ends.
they’re all friends, nothing else. he knows this; after all, he’s in sme and sme’s famous for some of the most popular and beautiful women in the korean pop industry. he knows it when he works intimately with yoona and krystal. he laughs it off whenever he searches himself on naver and find the fans putting him and krystal together. he regards yoona like he regards his sister back home. his heart doesn’t beat any faster, and the sweat on his palms and knot in his stomach are only because he’s afraid of what the audience will think of him when their photoshoots are finished. when they’re alone, behind closed doors and away from cameras, he smiles and enjoys his time with them, but he doesn’t feel any different. there’s no heart catching in his throat.
juniel. the name is somewhat familiar-it buzzes around his head like a fly that won’t leave him alone for days after hearing the schedules, but he never quite catches it. all jongin really knows is that she’s a rookie much like exo are and that they’re filming a commercial together, but that’s it. he often lets the thought go in exchange for precious sleep during horribly long car rides between filming places, the airport, and their dorm.
when they first meet, jongin only notices one important thing.
her confidence shakes him. he knows fake confidence when he sees it; it’s the reflection still in the mirror in the aftermath of reading programs or watching videos of his own dances, or the way that chanyeol smiles just a bit too wide in front of the camera, or the way that suho’s fingers entwine when he’s trying to gather his words together right before filming. juniel doesn’t try too hard when she speaks-she just is. her words are slow but thoughtful, poised and elegant in their own way (which makes sense once he learns that she’s a singer-songwriter). it’s the type of thing he has only when he’s forgotten about the world around him during one of his dance breaks or routines, but it’s quick to go when he wakes up and realizes reality has clawed that security away.
juniel greets him with a small smile on her lips, eyes in cheerful crescents while she bows and moves to interact with the rest of the -k members. jongin stutters like he always does, crooked smile tangled in awkwardness on his lips as he returns the polite gesture before seeking refuge in someone familiar-like sehun, who happens to be the closest to him. the maknae whines and tries to push jongin away, only to let him stay once he sees that something’s off about jongin. sehun’s always been rather perceptive.
filming starts. jongin takes distraction in preparing for his group’s own parts and doesn’t notice that juniel is nowhere close to them on set.
the lights are hot on his skin and this is the first time he’s ever really filmed something that doesn’t explicitly involve a great amount of dancing or music, so he feels his stomach twist into itself. but it’s the other members that make ease simmer into him, and so he relaxes-up until he realizes that chanyeol’s solo part has finished and that his is next.
the behind-the-scenes cameras make him more nervous, but he manages to channel that nervousness into smiles on his lips as he traces the necessary steps from his script. juniel’s sitting in front of him, clad in a school uniform with a can in one hand and earbud wire in the other. she’s so eerily calm and relaxed, all genuine smiles in front of the camera and the boy’s stomach flips. why can’t he be more like that?
kim jongin’s always been a mess of shy and awkward, though he’s working on it. he wants to steal some of juniel’s professionalism.
when the cameras roll, jongin does as he’s told. he reiterates the lines and action brackets in his head, leaping toward the girl as needed-only to mess up. he curses his own inabilities, mouthing apologies to a director who shakes his head and orders a retake. his eyes dart around as he hopes that this won’t take too long and the number of his mistakes doesn’t increase. he tries again.
he messes up. once, twice, a few times, then it gets innumerable. he messes up in completely different parts too: sometimes he misses a step in his leap. sometimes he knocks the can out of juniel’s hand. sometimes he never touches the can at all.
all jongin has to give are apologies. he’s not kai right now. he knows that kai would never mess up like this and stumble over it, but kai is a dancing persona, not an acting one. when the boy looks up, he sees juniel giving him both a sympathetic and reassuring smile. she’s so innocently waiting for him to get it right, as are his group mates, and he can’t goddamn get it right. it’s frustrating.
when the filming is finally over after jongin stops messing up and juniel’s left, he feels his cheeks are hot. he secretly hopes that he doesn’t have to face juniel after she’s witnessed all of that.
he gets his wish-sort of. the only time he hears juniel’s name again for a while is when the group does searches and finds that both exo-k and juniel are top rookies or nominees for awards, or when sehun mentions that he’s seen “juniel-noona” once or twice during the rare times he’s physically gone to school. jongin punches sehun in the arm just so he gets punched back (and can ignore the weird feeling in his chest after hearing the girl’s name).
they meet again at the golden disk awards ceremony. jongin’s learned a bit over the time he’s spent being an idol, learned to be less shy, though it still composes a huge part of him. once he hears the rookie awardees, he stands up with his group, keeping himself composed as he soon recalls the incident a while back. oh no.
juniel seems to have forgotten (if she’s forgotten or doesn’t care, he doesn’t know, but he’s grateful either way despite the slight twinge from the second option) as she steps forward in her heels and takes the award after chanyeol offers her the first chance. she speaks with the same eloquence that jongin recalls from the cf filming. there’s never a stammer, only a brief pause for thought. she’s too good, too comfortable with speaking on the spot.
jongin’s never been good with expressing himself verbally, so he leaves that to the other members as he stands by with graciousness sweeping across his eyes instead. quietly, though, he watches juniel walk away with the award in her hands.
she’s not a goddess nor a queen nor a princess, but she still manages to maintain that distance from others. jongin almost wants to reach out just to see what happens, but he remembers that there are cameras and he’s just a shy and awkward boy when he’s not dancing. his arm never extends too far from his body as he turns back.
“jinki-hyung says that juniel-ssi got a cellphone,” taemin casually states after taking a sip of his banana milk. jongin almost chokes.
it’s one of those rare moments where the two get to meet up after exo’s debut, and taemin uses their precious free time to talk about that. of course, taemin knows what’s been on jongin’s mind outside of sleeping, eating, and all those other necessities; he’s not an asshole and his best friend for nothing (when jongin told taemin about the filming incident, the older boy laughed so hard to the point where jongin wanted to throttle him).
“we weren’t even talking about her-”
“i know you wanted to know, though,” and the grin on taemin’s face is so shit-eating that jongin wants to punch it off.
jongin doesn’t even bother to ask how jinki knows juniel. just the soloist’s name is enough to leave his mind blank. he doesn’t know what to think; he’s always been good with female idols in the company. they’ve been nothing more than friends or sibling figures, but his heart beats just a little faster from the mere mention of juniel now.
months have passed by and jongin still wonders what would’ve happened if he had reached out to her during that time during the golden disk awards. would he have broken the distance?
his reveries are broken by a pat to his back and taemin’s comment of, “don’t miss your chance.”
placing a piece of dukbokki in his mouth, jongin thinks about the phone in his pocket.
next time.