On a Wing and a Prayer, Part 3

[otp_destiel]

Title: On a Wing and a Prayer
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: let's just say all of season 5 though the fic goes AU before the end of 99 Problems (the bit where Dean drives away at the end never happened, he really just went to get bandages from the Impala)
Warnings: AU, slash, dom!Cas, sub!Dean, first time, wing!fic, bare backing, oral
Word Count: 34,653
Note: This fic was written for the deancasbigbang 2011.
Summary: When Gabriel shows up to join Team Free Will and offers them a potential solution to the Apocalypse, none of them could have imagined what was going to happen or how it would changes things forever.

Beta: aerilex

Artist: fargone1789
Art Masterlist: BEWARE, the art will spoil the fic if viewed first!

"Who's Crowley?" Gabriel asked.

"He's a demon," Sam spat. "The current King of the Crossroads."

"And you think he'd help us, Deano?"

"He's helped us before," Dean explained. "He voluntarily gave us the Colt back with enough bullets to cause some serious damage. And his only reason for doing so was so that we could empty it into Lucifer's face. See he's smart enough to realize that once Lucy's done with us, he'll turn on them next and he'd rather preempt that than have to run and hide later."

"That is particularly perceptive of him. There's just one problem with his little plan, the Colt won't work on my brother."

"Yeah, we already discovered that one the hard way."

Gabriel's eyes widened comically at that and Dean felt a flash of satisfaction at having managed to catch the archangel so completely by surprise. It wasn't easy to achieve but necessary before Gabriel's already over inflated ego grew any further. He didn't think the room would be able to hold much more of it, let alone them being able to bear it. Sam was already this close to seeing if the Colt worked on this particular archangel as it was.

"You managed to use the Colt on Lucifer?"

"Yep, blew his brains out but he just got right back up again and sent me flying into a tree."

"And you survived this encounter?"

"Cas got us out, though Lucy didn't seem particularly bothered about keeping an eye on us, being far too occupied with raising Death."

"Well that and he seemed sure that it wasn't the time or place for me to say yes," Sam added. "He's been saying that would happen in Detroit and has been right from the start."

"That particular brother of mine is as focused on prophecy as Michael and Raphael are," Gabriel said. "Well with the exception of how it'll all end, of course. He's convinced that Father got that particular detail wrong."

Dean snorted. "Such a lovely family you guys have, all so arrogant that they think things will go their way and not caring about who gets hurt or killed in the process so long as they get what they want."

He had said this while looking at Castiel and Dean was more than a little disconcerted to find that his friend had been looking right at him with that stare that seemed to indicate that there was nothing else of importance in the room but for him. It made him feel more than a little stupid now to realize that he hadn't picked up on all of the signs before. Had they always been there and been so obvious? Had he willfully misinterpreted them all along? No, that couldn't be as Sam had appeared to be as shocked about this whole bond thing as he was. Besides, they'd really had no reference point for angelic behavior before Castiel as he was the first angel that they'd met and the one that they'd seen the most of, so it was logical that they'd just assumed his odd behavior to be normal for angels. How were they supposed to know otherwise if Castiel had never told them about the bond? It wasn't like this was something that they could have discovered any other way. Right?

For some reason Dean had the distinct impression that he was only just deluding himself with that but he wasn't at all sure how or why. After all, how else could he have discovered the truth about the bond? It wasn't like there was some angelic bond manual out there and even if there was it was the last thing he'd ever have assumed the off feeling he'd experienced after being resurrected would be. They were talking about him here after all. Him, the guy who drank far too much, who gave into most desires he had when it came to gluttony and lust, who blasphemed whenever he felt like it, who'd never prayed or believed in God or ever even saw the need to be respectful towards religion and all that jazz. That was who they were talking about here. What about any of that was something that an angel might find attractive enough to wish to bond to? Gabriel really should be pulling his brother aside and reading him the riot act for what Castiel had done.

Instead of appearing offended by his words, Castiel merely continued to stare at him as if he hadn't just insulted his family. Well, Dean figured, after what Raphael had done, he was pretty sure that any loyalty that his angel'd had left in that regard had been well and truly dashed to smithereens.

"There's still no guarantee that Crowley will help us with this," Sam stated. "Giving us the Colt was one thing, he could do it and then step back while we did the real dirty work. This is different, this would require him to get his hands dirty."

"Then we just give him a little incentive," Castiel said.

"Like what? Get Dean to torture him? 'Cause that worked out so well the last time with Alastair."

Dean flinched hard at the memory unable to believe that his brother had said that but then there was a wing curving around him as if to shelter and comfort him. He went stock still in shock, head and eyes turning to look at an equally startled Castiel. His angel had clearly forgotten that he could see his wings now and, apparently touch them as well. It made him wonder how often in the past his friend had performed this gesture in an instinctual reaction to soothe and comfort and he was dismayed at how often he might have missed out on this. The touch wasn't nearly as potent as Castiel's hand on his scar had been, but it still filled him with a peace and calm unlike any he'd ever known on his own before. The unknown mix of emotions was there as well, but they didn't bother him so much anymore. Or at least they didn't now that he had his angel's wing to focus on.

The feathers on his bare arms felt every bit as soft and wonderful as Dean had imagined they would earlier and he really just wanted to turn around and bury his face and hands in them. The desire scared him but he still made a little noise of loss when Castiel pulled his wing back and his friend gave him a surprised and inquiring look before slowly returning it, as if his angel was sure that he'd misinterpreted his meaning. The urge to tell Castiel exactly how wrong he was rose within him as he didn't want his friend to think that he was unworthy or anything like that. He was sure that Castiel would make someone a great, eh, bondmate someday, just not him. And no, that wasn't jealously that thought provoked, why the hell would he be jealous of Castiel finding someone? It wasn't like it would ruin their friendship.

Would it?

"What? What's going on?" Sam demanded, stepping forwards and looking like he was ready to clock Castiel if needed. "What did he do to you, Dean?"

"Nothing, jeesh, Sam, calm down," Dean hurriedly stated.

"No consent my ass," Gabriel snorted. "You might as well admit it, Dean, 'cause it's more than obvious to anyone who's got eyes. You like having Cassie's wings on you."

"Leave him alone, Gabriel," Castiel growled, his wing flexing and pulling Dean closer to his side. The move was so unexpected that he had to reach out and balance himself on his angel's shoulder though he filed the fact that the wings were anything but as delicate as they seemed away in case he ever needed it later.

The archangel glanced pointedly between them, especially at how completely Castiel's wing now enfolded him but wisely Gabriel remained silent. Dean was surprised at how okay he was with the little stunt Castiel had just pulled and it wasn't until he caught Sam's stunned and disbelieving look that he realized just how close he and Castiel currently were. Despite that he still didn't wish to break free and step away. He liked it where he was and he'd never claimed to be strong enough to resist something which felt as good as this did.

It made Dean more than a little worried about where things might lead.

"And no, Sam, I was not talking about having your brother do anything like that," Castiel rebuked, turning his attention on the younger man. "I was merely suggesting that if Crowley protested the idea of actively helping us that we let word of his having helped you in the past spread. Should Lucifer hear of that, then he will have Crowley hunted down."

"And then Crowley will be more than willing to assist us," Dean finished, a wicked grin crossing his face. "Cas, that's an excellent idea!"

"You do realize that this whole plan is dependent on you consummating the bond, right Dean?" Gabriel pointed out.

The words brought Dean to an abrupt halt and he hunched his shoulders defensively. This time when Castiel moved to pull his wing away, he allowed it and didn't even protest when his angel stepped back though he did notice how his friend's other wing came up sharply to swat at Gabriel. The archangel must have struck back as Castiel lurched a little but it seemed more play fighting than anything serious so he let it go.

"No," Sam declared firmly. "There will be no consummation of the bond."

"It's not really your choice, Sammy," Gabriel stated.

"It's Sam, and I'm not going to stand by and let Dean sacrifice himself yet again. Not when we have a viable alternative."

"More like temporary rather than viable."

Dean tuned the two of them out as their discussion inevitably degenerated into yet another argument and sighed. Gabriel did have a point, though they had another option it wasn't nearly as good as this new one, but could he do it? Could he consummate this bond? Could he have sex with Castiel? It could be a one-off thing, couldn't it? They could do it once to consummate the bond and then it didn't have to happen again and really, would it make things all that different? It wasn't like they weren't already bonded as it was, just because he'd only just found out about it didn't mean that it hadn't been there all along and most of the time he hadn't even been aware of it. Although from what Gabriel had said earlier...

"Will things change if the bond is consummated?" Dean demanded. "Beyond what you said earlier about it maybe giving Cas and me the ability to speak with each other mentally."

The wide eyed look Castiel sent him made it more than clear to Dean that his friend hadn't been expecting him to even consider this enough to ask questions about it. He gave a little shrug cause really, when hadn't he at least thought of sacrificing something if it would help?

"Dean, you can't be serious!" Sam exclaimed. "No, I won't let you do this."

"It's not your choice," Castiel stated, though his tone conveyed his own uncertainty. "This is something that Dean has to decide and no one else."

"And what about you, Bro?" Gabriel questioned. "Don't you get a say in this? It affects you just as much as Dean and I know you want it."

"What I want is irrelevant. I should never have initiated the bond to begin with, not without Dean's full consent."

The words sent a jolt of shock through Dean. So far he'd been able to pretty much ignore or explain away Castiel's feelings on the issue but the way his friend had worded things made it more than clear, when combined with everything else, that Castiel wanted this. His angel wanted this bond and, therefore, wanted him. He could only stare in disbelief at his friend as he tried to process this information. He'd always thought that they were just that, friends, and found it hard to believe that Castiel had always wanted more. Had wanted him in ways other than that of a friend.

When Castiel glanced at him, Dean found the angel unable to hold his gaze after he saw a flash of understanding there and it felt all kinds of wrong to see his friend lowering his eyes to the floor. Castiel shouldn't have to do that, his angel should always be able to hold his head high and definitely shouldn't be feeling ashamed of liking someone, that was just plain wrong. Yet, despite that, he couldn't quite wrap his head around this new information. How could Castiel want that? With him? He wasn't bondmate material even if he only half knew what that meant. His angel deserved so much more than a fucked up and pathetic excuse for a human being. Hell, he was stunned that Gabriel wasn't kicking his ass for ever having caught Castiel's eye and lowering his friend to this.

Gabriel made a sound of frustration and threw his hands up in the air. "You're hopeless, the pair of you! But to answer your question, yes, things will most definitely change beyond what you mentioned. Consummating the bond strengths the connections between your soul and Cassie's Grace. Not only will it always be open to my brother, but that enhanced connection will grant you more angelic characteristics as it'll make you that much less purely human."

The fear was back, hard and strong and Dean had to fight to speak around it. "Characteristics like what?"

"I don't know, it depends. Like I said before, no two human angel bonds have been exactly the same and we're working with a very limited pool of occurrences here, not more than five or six of my brothers and sisters have chosen to do this."

"Dean," Sam was suddenly there, right in front of him and both sounding and looking afraid. "Don't do this, please tell me you're not thinking of doing this. We've got another way of winning, we'll just stuff Lucifer back in his cage like before."

"For how long?" Dean asked, by no means even sure that he was really considering it but needing to ensure that all of the facts were there on the table. "And what's to stop Michael and the others from simply breaking another sixty-six seals?"

"We are. We'll keep fighting and if they happen to break sixty-six more than we'll just stuff him back in his cage again, there are enough seals to do this for a while and sooner or later we'll find another alternative, something better. Something that'll keep you human."

That wording struck a chord deep within Dean as it was a particular fear of his. Being a hunter and seeing what he did on a regular basis, it had always been a possibility that someday on a hunt something would go wrong and instead of being able to kill that which he was after, it would change him into a supernatural creature himself. It had kept him awake more than once and he'd even gone so far as to make his father promise him that if it ever happened that his father would kill him as he just didn't want to live like that.

"We're hardly talking about a full metamorphosis here," Gabriel replied, offended. "Just the addition of a few angelic characteristics."

"And angels are so wonderful that Dean's just leaping at the chance to become one of you guys," Sam argued. "Some of us like being fully human."

"It would mean that you wouldn't be stuck in the human portion of Heaven," Castiel said calmly.

"Really?" Dean questioned. "Why not?"

"Because you'd belong to Cassie, obviously," Gabriel stated. "And Father would hardly want to separate bondmates or force one of His angels to be stuck in an endless loop of what was. No, you'd be in the other part of Heaven so that my brother can continue to carry out his duties, or at least that's the logic behind it originally. You guys are a bit of a unique situation."

And that didn't make him sound like an army wife at all, Dean thought before he froze as the meaning of the first part of the archangel's explanation really hit him. "Wait, what the hell do you mean, I'd belong to Cas?"

"Bonding is all about the possession of someone else. With two of us that means we belong to each other, but with the clear power difference when humans are involved, the soul becomes the possession of the angel. You'd belong to Cassie."

"What?!" Sam thundered. "That's... that's..."

"That's what?"

The calm and honest confusion of Gabriel's tone hit Dean with all of the force of a two-by-four and he staggered back. You'd belong to Cassie. No! That was just wrong, it was barbaric and goddammmit, he wasn't some chick to be claimed and owned like had happened so often in the past. He was a person and not some possession to be treated however some angel happened to choose. It was the same all over again, only now with Gabriel and Castiel instead of Zachariah and Michael.

"I'm not something you can just pass about as you please!" Dean said loudly, easily overcoming his brother's reply. "I'm my own person and I don't fucking belong to anyone!"

Dean flinched as Castiel stepped closer to him and while the hurt expression on his friend's face cut like a knife, he couldn't deal with that right now. He couldn't deal with any of this so he did the only thing that he could, he grabbed his leather jacket and keys, and fled the room.

/

Dean didn't even make it back into the room when he came back from another beer run as he could tell from the conspicuous absence of the Impala in front of their door that his brother was still gone. Sam had gotten it into his head that he could, in the space of a few days, do that which they hadn't been able to do for the past year and a half. Namely to find another way out of this whole mess that didn't involve giving into the angels, and now, performing a temporary fix or having him consummate the bond with Castiel.

He cracked open his first beer as soon as he took a seat on the top step leading up to their room. While Dean appreciated his brother's efforts, he just couldn't get why Sam thought he had any hope of success. They'd been looking into this for nearly two years after all, they should be happy that they'd already found two alternatives to killing Lucifer and sentencing Earth to an angelic version of Paradise where tens of millions of human lives were considered expendable if it gave Michael and company what they wanted.

Inevitably as of late, it didn't take Dean's thoughts long to cycle back around to Castiel and the bond. He'd tried his usual tactics of denial and ignoring the problem and neither had worked particularly well. Although both Castiel and Sam seemed perfectly happy to allow him to avoid the topic, Gabriel was doing anything but. The archangel's insistence on bringing it up whenever he could had not only resulted in a fairly rapid deterioration of their relationship but that between Gabriel and Castiel as well. The two had gotten into more than a few arguments lately and more than once he'd had to threaten the archangel to get Gabriel to let Castiel go from whatever Gabriel had done to his friend. Whereas he'd have been embarrassed as hell to be saved by anyone and especially someone physically weaker than him, his angel had never seemed affected by that.

Instead Castiel had seemed unreasonably grateful that he still cared enough to do so and that just made Dean feel even worse about the whole situation. He got that his friend had only been trying to help and that this bond had been accidentally formed even if it was something that his angel also wanted. Castiel had made it more than clear that he didn't want it without Dean's active consent. He just wished that his angel had told him about all of this sooner though he could guess why Castiel hadn't. He could be a dick at times and he didn't doubt that he would have been about this bond as well. It just scared the crap out of him and he generally lashed out when he got that terrified, something which he was sure his friend had realized by now.

It wasn't the only way that the bond had been on his mind lately, though. Now that he knew about it, Dean found that he'd become hyperaware of Castiel at all times. He wasn't sure if it was due to the bond and his now being aware of the signals it sent him or if it was just his own mind catching things that it had missed or dismissed before, but he'd started noticing each and every little action of his angel in regards to him. Like the other day when he'd come out of the bathroom in just jeans, having grabbed a dirty shirt by mistake, he hadn't failed to notice the way Castiel's eyes had been drawn to his chest before his friend had caught himself and had turned away.

Nor had Dean missed the hundreds of little ways in which Castiel proved that he'd been paying attention to everything that he'd ever said when it came to preferences and how he liked the little things. None of it was particularly important on its own, but rather it was the meaning of it all, of the fact that his angel had cared enough to pay attention at the time and then to remember it for later.

Dean swallowed at the depth of emotion that hinted at. All of this had also forced him to start paying attention to his own feelings in a way that he hadn't for a very long time. Just the mere thought of Castiel not being there anymore, of losing him, hurt nearly as bad as it had to lose Sam and if that didn't say something then nothing would. Still, there was a long way between that and what they were talking about with the consummation of the bond. Yes, he'd been forced to admit that he might not be entirely as straight as he'd always thought he was after he'd started noticing things about his friend that were decidedly unfriend like. Not to mention the dream he'd woken up from last night.

He took several long swallows from his beer as the images from the dream came back to him. Even now it was enough to make Dean shift in discomfort and he just didn't know where it had come from in the first place. He hadn't had a wet dream since he was a freaking teenager after all. Since then he'd just always gone out and found some chick whenever the urge struck. To know that this time it hadn't been a woman's soft curves or wet heat that had gotten him off had been too much for him to deal with and thus he'd focused all his attention on other things like the weapons and his father's journal, until now. His plan had been to get a few six packs and drink himself into oblivion so that he wouldn't have a hope of having a repeat of last night tonight.

Now that he was at the point of actually doing the drinking, Dean found that he didn't want to. Throughout all of it the one thing that had kept him from completely freaking out or shoving Castiel and Gabriel away from him were those blasted feelings. Both the ones that he felt when his angel touched him now and his own in response to it. That feeling of completeness haunted him and he craved it like he'd never wanted anything before in his life, including freedom when he'd been in Hell. He was terrified of that need, but on the other hand it made him feel safe and, chick-flick as it sounded, loved. It was something that would continue to haunt him for the rest of his life if he walked away from it now and that was just something he couldn't do.

Far too much of Dean wanted to just embrace it for him to be able to give Sam the promise his little brother wanted that he'd never do this. He couldn't even tell Sam that he wasn't actively considering it as he was. God help him, he was. It was Castiel after all and while that still made him balk at the thought of consummating the bond, in every other way it calmed and reassured him as he knew that his friend would never hurt him or do anything that he didn't want.

So where did that leave him? Dean honestly wasn't sure he knew but he did know that he was stuck and that something had to give.

"Cas," Dean called out before he'd fully committed to doing so. Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound. "Uh, do you have a minute?"

Even before Dean had finished saying the last word, his angel was there, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hey, Cas, want a beer?"

Instead of refusing as he'd expected, Castiel actually accepted the bottle and came up to sit down on the step beside him. It said a lot that Dean didn't feel even slightly uncomfortable in the ensuing silence despite all that was now between them and what still needed to be discussed. He was just comfortable around his angel as Castiel got him on a level that no one else did or ever had before, not even his own father. And wasn't that half of what being with someone was all about? If it was all then he'd be happy saying yes and doing this thing, but it wasn't all. No, there was still the whole sex thing to deal with, not to mention the angelic possessiveness aspect of the bond.

Dean did start to shift a little in discomfort then as he thought back to everything that had happened as of late. Was he really sexually attracted to Castiel or was it a circumstantial thing with his body doing it as this was their best shot at defeating Lucifer? And even if he did truly feel it then how did he know that it was any different from what he'd felt for Cassie? How did he know that it would last instead of being temporary?

"You have been thinking about the bond," Castiel stated.

That right there was exactly why he liked his friend so much. Castiel had always seemed to know what he needed and right now that was to be pulled out of his downward spiraling thoughts. Briefly he wondered if the reason his angel knew him so well was because of the bond but then he dismissed it as irrelevant. There was a long way between knowing and doing and just because someone could know all about him didn't mean that they'd care or take the time and consideration to act accordingly. Castiel did all of that and, despite knowing him so well, still wanted to be with him.

"Yeah," Dean confirmed needlessly, taking a look at his angel.

The moment that their eyes met, Dean calmed once more. This was both familiar and comforting, grounding in a way and he tried to figure out exactly when it had shifted away from being creepy and stalkerish, but he couldn't. All he knew was that now it was reassuring as it proved that someone saw him and not just the Righteous Man or a meat suit to be claimed and ridden.

"You have some questions?" Castiel prompted.

"Why can't I remember it?" Dean asked, which hadn't been his intention at all but it was still something to which he wanted an answer to.

"Remember what?"

"You saving me."

Castiel was visibly surprised. "You don't?"

"No, it's a big blank. I can remember almost everything of being down there right up until the day you came, I think, but then the next thing I know I'm waking up in my coffin."

"I didn't realize, I thought that you might simply not remember all of the details as the experience would have been somewhat overwhelming for you."

"Do you have any idea what might be causing it then?"

"Perhaps," Castiel mused, putting down his bottle and reaching out with two fingers before he hesitated. "May I?"

Dean smiled. "Since when has that ever stopped you?"

"I don't want to do anything else you may not want."

"And since when have you known me to simply sit by if something is happening that I don't want?"

"Never," Castiel smiled and touched his forehead. "Relax and let me in. This may be a side effect of my clamping down on the bond, I might have inadvertently been overzealous in trying to ensure that you weren't burdened by it."

Since it would help him, Dean closed his eyes and tried to clear his mind, relieved that it hadn't been a deliberate thing. He wasn't quite sure how much time had passed with them just sitting there and probably making a very odd sight to anyone who happened to pass, but he felt himself slip into an almost hypnotic state until all he was aware of was his angel, the touch at his forehead and the thrumming of those emotions deep within him. He was more than content to remain just like this for as long as it took and was surprised to find that he hoped it lasted a while.

"It is as I suspected," Castiel finally stated.

Dean opened his eyes and was immediately captured by his friend's intense blue ones. "Can you undo it?"

"If you would like."

"Please."

He firmly shut down the part of him that feared what would happen next. Those memories were a part of him, Dean knew, and a critically important part if they could explain to him why it was that he'd accepted this bond and what it was that he felt every time that Castiel touched him now. Plus there was also the fact that his angel had been in his true form back then and he couldn't help but be intensely curious as to what it was that Castiel really looked like as opposed to what Jimmy had looked like. It was a curiosity that he'd written off as something he'd never know, so the opportunity to do so now was far too tempting to let go.

Castiel brought his other hand up so that his angel had two fingers at each of his temples and Dean closed his eyes, bracing himself to relive at least a small part of Hell. When the memory washed over him it was almost as if he were experiencing it for the first time and he found that he was only able to focus briefly on Castiel's true form, as stunning of a reality as it was consisting solely of Light, Power, Intent and Castiel in a way that he couldn't describe, as his attention at the time had been focused elsewhere.

There had been pain, horror and the darkest of pleasures and then there had been Castiel. It was the simplest way to describe it as the angel had been everything from the moment that Castiel had arrived in his torture cell. As his friend had stated before, he'd been so sure that it was all one of Alastair's games that they had been further out of the depths of Hell than he'd been since his arrival forty years ago before it had sunk in that the rescue was for real. He really should have clued to it earlier with the sheer amount of Light and love and other emotions that he hadn't felt since descending into the Pit that Castiel had radiated, but he'd spent so long in the Dark that he hadn't recognized them for what they were at first.

Then any analytical thought processes that Dean had left vanished as he suddenly felt it, what was undoubtedly Castiel's attempt at comfort that hadn't quite worked out as intended. He could get it now as it was everything that he'd always wanted, even before Hell, and he hadn't had the willpower to resist or even question it. Instead he'd latched onto what was being offered him and buried himself in it, wanting and demanding more of it, so much more, and Castiel had given it to him, filling all of the holes inside of him with love and Light and himself until he was happy and complete.

The emotions he'd felt with every touch Castiel bestowed on him, Dean now recognized as a weaker version of all that his angel felt for him and they resonated so deeply within him as they were a mirror for that which he felt for Castiel. It was so overwhelming that he wasn't sure what he would have done if he'd woken in his coffin with all of them swirling around inside of him, especially if his angel had managed to shut off the bond without hiding them. Then it was over and he was looking at Castiel once more and the sense of loss he felt at the abrupt lack of connection after experiencing the full effect of their bond as it had been was too much and he lurched forward and buried his face in Castiel's neck.

After a few seconds of hesitation, Castiel closed his wings around him and Dean realized that he'd been trembling slightly. The points of physical contact between them allowed the bond to convey a severely watered down version of what it was that Castiel had felt for him then but it wasn't enough, not nearly enough.

"Let it go," Dean requested. "The bond, don't shut it off."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Whatever Dean had been expecting, it wasn't what he got. True, there was the flare of things that he didn't fully understand yet, things which he assumed were due to the little bit of Grace in him, but as far as the emotions were concerned it still wasn't enough. He needed more but he already understood what it would take to get it and he still didn't know if he could do that.

Almost without conscious thought, Dean found one of his hands coming up to bury itself in the feathers of one of the wings engulfing him. Castiel made a noise at the back of his throat but since it didn't sound pained, he kept carding his fingers through his angel's feathers. He loved these wings as evidenced by how prominently they'd factored into his dream last night and he couldn't understand why. All things aside, they should have repulsed him as they were a very visible reminder that Castiel wasn't human but instead they fascinated him and he found that he couldn't help but wonder what it was like to fly with a pair of his own wings. It didn't give him the sense of terror that flying normally did.

"Why?" Dean finally asked the question that he'd meant to earlier.

"Why what?"

"Why do you want any of this? The bond and me?"

When Castiel pulled back to look at him, Dean swallowed the small noise of protest that wanted to escape him and instead maintained his hold on his angel's left wing. It forced Castiel to shift his wing as he pulled back, but beyond the quick glance that his friend gave it his angel didn't say anything for which he was thankful as he didn't know how to explain the sudden almost desperate urge he had to stay connected.

"You still can't see your own worth, can you?" Castiel finally stated. "Gabriel and I have already told you how unique you are, your soul is so very pure."

"But why?" Dean repeated.

"Why does anyone fall in love?"

The words caused Dean to tighten his hand involuntarily in Castiel's wing and he instantly apologized and carefully realigned the feathers despite the fact that his angel hadn't given any indication that it hurt. To hear those words said aloud... he hadn't been ready for that even if he knew that it was what Castiel felt now that he'd regained his memories of his rescue. He should have seen it coming though as his angel had never adhered to human customs on these matters and had instead always spoken his mind with what was oftentimes brutal honesty.

"I- I don't know what to say," Dean admitted as he looked back up to meet Castiel's eyes.

His angel must have seen something in his eyes as the next thing he knew his friend was leaning closer and Dean instantly recognized the way in which Castiel was doing it as he'd done it countless times himself before whenever he'd wanted to kiss someone but wasn't sure if they'd allow it or even wanted it. The way his angel had tilted his head in preparation reminded him of all of the other times Castiel had done that and it sent a wave of fondness through him to top everything else he was currently feeling. It all coalesced into something so strong and powerful that he couldn't do anything but go with it, absolutely terrified of losing it all due to his own stupidity or emotional stuntedness.

He knew he wasn't normal when it came to how he dealt with all things related to emotion and that he was more likely to fuck things up, but Castiel already knew that of him. If his angel- and he really was his angel he now realized- still wanted him despite that and everything else, then who was he to resist?

Dean closed his eyes and tilted his head slightly. As he'd hoped, it was all the invitation Castiel needed to close the remaining gap between them and then they were kissing. At first it was very similar to kissing a girl with the exception of the stubble, but that was offset by the sudden increase in connection he got from the bond and he just focused on the feel of it. Then, though, things changed as Castiel used the opportunity provided by a moan of his to slip his tongue into his mouth. With very few exceptions he'd always been the aggressive one and it was throwing him for a loop that now he wasn't. It still felt wonderful, the fact that he was actually able to feel what Castiel felt for him while kissing him easily making it the best kiss he'd ever had, but it was also odd.

After a moment, Dean brought up his own tongue to tangle with Castiel's and there was a mini fight for dominance but he already knew who was going to win. He knew it from the way his angel had started it right down to the way Castiel's hands held him, just shy of bruising, and he knew that was deliberate and not accidental. His bondmate- lover?- knew precisely how much strength it took to injure him and had to be purposefully staying away from that while still using as much strength as he could.

When Castiel finally pulled back, Dean found himself short of breath. His emotions were running wild within him, his heart beating fast in his chest and his cock hard. He no longer had any doubt as to whether or not he was attracted to his angel, and he caught the way Castiel's eyes followed his tongue as he licked his lips. He leaned forwards for another kiss, but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

"Dean, are you sure about this?" Castiel asked.

"Yes."

"Absolutely sure? Because there is a point after which we will no longer be able to turn back if you change your mind. If we start to consummate the bond, then we have to finish it."

"I figured that would be the case."

"And you're okay with what Gabriel said about the meaning of the bond? He might be an ass at times, but all that he said about how angels feel towards human bondmates was true. I can try to compensate for it in some areas, but in the end I will view you as mine."

Those words also failed to have the effect on him that he'd once expected them to have; from the effect that Dean knew they'd have had even earlier that same day. The difference was that now he knew more about what that meant. He'd felt it from Castiel on the way out of Hell and it wasn't possession in the 'you're my property to do with as I please' sense although there were layers of that in there, no it was more a thing of Castiel feeling that he owned him but in a deeply caring way. His angel still saw him for who and what he was and as a person, but just as someone whom he was responsible for and for whom he wanted to provide everything. And, yeah, while it clashed with his own sense of pride and need for independence, it also called out to the part of him the really needed reassurance and was constantly afraid of being abandoned.

Castiel would never leave him. It just wasn't in him to do so and Dean had felt that as much in his love as in his sense that he was Castiel's. He belonged to Castiel, yes, but also with him and he was the reason why his angel felt such a need to possess in the first place. It wasn't a kind of possessiveness that would stifle or try to change him as the way he was had caused the desire in the first place.

"Yeah, I think I can deal so long as you keep in mind how foreign it'll be to me at times."

The look of disbelief and elation on Castiel's face warmed him and he gave into the next kiss easily. Then his angel was shifting them and he suddenly found himself lying on a bed and he moaned as their clothes vanished leaving just skin to skin contact. The leap in sensation from the bond with that much physical contact was significant and Dean strained towards it, knowing the opening up of his soul was part of the whole consummation process. The corresponding need and mix of emotions he got back from Castiel was an intoxicating cocktail on which he gladly inebriated himself.

Dean was harder than he could ever remember being but also more at a loss during sex than ever before. Not only was this much more about emotion and love than it had ever been for him before, but he also didn't know what was going to happen next. Gay sex was not something he'd ever really thought about and so while he knew the basics, his knowledge ended there and the irony of the fact that he was depending on the virgin in this scenario to guide him wasn't lost on him, though it hardly warranted more than a passing thought which soon vanished as Castiel reached up to palm his leaking cock.

"Cas!" Dean cried out, arching his back and throwing his head back.

Castiel used the opportunity to move his mouth to his neck and Dean moaned as he felt teeth, tongue and lips work their way over his throat to where his neck met his shoulder. There his angel stopped, licking the skin a few times before biting down harder than before. He gave a shout and then groaned as he realized that Castiel was deliberately marking him. He brought a hand up to tangle in the mop of messy black hair that he'd so often longed to run his fingers through while his other hand came up to grip the wing closest to it, noticing the jerk of his bondmate's hips at the action.

He froze as he realized that the hardness he could feel pressing against his hip was Castiel's cock and it derailed Dean. Holy shit, but he was really in bed with Castiel and about to have sex. The rush of emotions still felt as fantastic as before and the way his angel was working his cock really made him wonder about Castiel's claimed virgin status, but there was some hesitancy there now as he really thought about what he was doing instead of simply going with it. The sudden harsher nip of teeth at his neck forced any thoughts from his mind and he moaned at the thought that anyone who looked at him now would know what they'd done.

He wasn't sure when he'd first started making the embarrassing little noises, but Dean became aware of them when he keened when Castiel bit his earlobe gently before hissing "Mine!" into his ear. That shouldn't be that hot, but the emotions within him changed and swelled and he could sense exactly how much he meant to his bondmate. The enhanced emotional connection abruptly became enhanced physical pleasure when Castiel shifted and brought their cocks together. He bucked his hips instinctively and then twisted his fingers in his angel's feathers, unable to be completely passive even as Castiel moved above him and surrounded him with his wings.

His bondmate was his world just now, wings on either side and beneath him, both cradling him and keeping him close while Castiel was on top of him, claiming and dominating him. Dean found that he was surprisingly aroused by that and found it easier than he'd expected to follow his angel's lead, moving beneath him. Sex had always come easily to him but he hadn't expected that to be the case now though he really should have.

Dean was so far gone on everything, how good it felt both physically and emotionally, that he'd lost track of Castiel's second hand and it wasn't until a cool finger slid along the crack of his ass and circled his hole that he realized what his bondmate was up to. The realization that he was about to let another man put his cock up his ass hit him hard and with a choked cry he pulled back, scrabbling away on elbows and heels. He didn't get far though as Castiel caught him with a hand on his hip and pulled him back beneath his angel. He fell onto his back and looked up at his bondmate with wide eyes, breathing hard. Fear licked briefly at him but vanished as Castiel leaned down and kissed him.

The kisses distracted him enough that Dean both calmed and realized that despite what had just happened his arousal hadn't lessened any. The love and other emotions washing over him from Castiel were now also tinged with concern and that killed any remaining fear he felt. Although his angel's vessel was male, it was still Castiel and he really did want to consummate this bond now as he never wanted to be without his friend again.

"Dean?" Castiel questioned gently.

"Sorry, I just had a bad moment there."

"I promise you that this will feel very good. Trust me."

"Always."

"There will be no pain."

The knowledge that Castiel really could promise that helped and Dean used it to push aside whatever hang-ups he had left. His bondmate regarded him for a little longer before slowly starting to work his cock once more. This time when the touch to his ass came, he was expecting it and he clung to the slowly evolving bond to get him past the initial uncomfortableness of it though, as Castiel had promised, there was no pain. All too soon he found himself writhing helplessly once more, clutching his angel and moaning loudly. The only difference now was that he was all pushing back on the fingers buried deep within him, easily working him open as he mindlessly begged for more.

He'd come to like the sensation so much that he almost howled with each touch to his prostate and whined when the fingers disappeared. Castiel hushed him with a kiss and then held his hips down as he felt something far bigger than his angel's fingers pushing into him. He gasped when the kiss ended and found his gaze captured by Castiel's as his bondmate slowly pushed into him all of the way. At the same time he could feel something else happening, deep inside of him and he knew it was his soul reacting to the consummation of the bond. He gave into both sensations as best he could, spreading his legs to accommodate Castiel between them and letting his soul free to commune with his bondmate's Grace.

The emotions flared within him, swelling and bringing him closer to Castiel just the way that he'd so desperately needed earlier. It felt as strong as Dean remembered it had from his rescue and that told him that his soul was now fully open to Castiel's Grace and that the two were touching once more just as they had before. It meant that his bondmate was all around him and inside on him now: physically, emotionally and spiritually. Dean had a flash of understanding why it was that angels considered their human bondmates as theirs seeing as they possessed them so fully, but then all he knew was pleasure, love and Castiel. It filled his every sense, both physical and spiritual, and it was too much, far, far, far too much and yet not enough. The pleasure that washed through him was making his body arch and strain against itself, unable to deal with all of the pleasure coursing through him and yet unable to come either as his bondmate hadn't given him permission to yet.

Dean mewled, aware of things far outside of his body, of Castiel and his Grace, that he'd never known before and he could feel it fusing with his soul. It took him a moment, but he was able to distinguish the physical from the rest when his bondmate grasped his wrists and guided them up above his head where Castiel pinned them with one hand before lowering his free hand down to his hips. His angel then shifted the angle of them so that Castiel could fuck into him more easily and he found his legs coming up to wrap around his bondmate of their own volition as he just lay back and gave himself over fully to his bondmate though he did twist his fingers around so he could grasp two handfuls of feathers from the wings that were wrapped around him, keeping him close to Castiel.

The pleasure just kept building and building impossibly further, far outpacing what he could have handled before as a regular human and still enough to all but fry his mind but he never wanted it to end or to be separated from his angel. This was exactly where he wanted to be and whom he wanted even if he'd been too terrified to realize it any sooner. When the gentle prodding came, he willingly relinquished the piece of his soul Castiel had appropriated and accepted in exchange another portion of his bondmate's Grace just as the unimaginable pleasure became too much and everything went blank as he felt Castiel spilling his seed within him.

/

Completeness was the first thing that Dean became aware of when he surfaced once more. The second was the intense satiation that came with incredible sex though it was amplified a thousand times from anything he'd ever felt before and left him utterly boneless. He drifted quite happily on those emotions for a while before he focused enough on them to realize, to his utter joy, just how strongly he was aware of Castiel now. It was everything that he now remembered from the rescue and much, much more. All that his bondmate felt for him thrummed through him via the consummated bond and filled the hole inside of him to the brim.

"Dean," Castiel greeted warmly.

"Nuh," was all that Dean managed in reply as he became aware enough of his body to find that he was sprawled half on the bed and half on his bondmate.

A hand slowly stroking his back beneath the blanket of feathers that seemed to cover most of him and there was also an unusual soreness in his ass and it took Dean a few minutes to work out exactly why that was. When he did, a lot of his sense of peace and calm abandoned him as he recalled the way he'd acted before. The way that he'd moaned and writhed on another man's cock filled him with shame and he waited for the disgust that he was sure he'd start feeling over the bond any minute now. Instead he got a sense of despair and annoyance before he was wrapped in love and concern.

"Think back further," Castiel ordered. "Think about the rest of it."

The rest of it flooded back to him easily as soon as he let it and just the mere thought of what it had felt like to be fucked had Dean hard in an instant and he moaned, his body not at all ready for a repeat no matter how much he might suddenly want it to be. Despite that he easily allowed Castiel to roll him onto his back and expose him once more by pulling away the blanket and sheet. The look in his angel's eyes had him spurting pre-cum and he wondered how he'd ever resisted this. When Castiel shifted atop him once more, he mewled, suddenly not caring if he wasn't ready for this as he needed it. Needed his bondmate and the connection they now shared.

Instead of reaching down to prepare him, though, Castiel moved down his body and swallowed his cock to the root in one go. Dean shouted and he would have bucked had it not been for the hands holding him down. He was quickly reduced to writhing helplessly as Castiel skipped any foreplay and jumped straight to fairly attacking him with his tongue, the faintest hint of teeth and unbelievable suction. By the time his bondmate deep throated him again and swallowed around the head of his cock he was so far gone that he came instantly making all kinds of small, helpless noises as Castiel continued to swallow around his cock.

By the time his bondmate pulled off with a loud pop, Dean was so far past over sensitized that his whole body was twitching at the pleasure that sizzled along his nerves. While he remained conscious this time, he was completely boneless and couldn't do anything but watch as Castiel straddled his hips and proceeded to give himself a hand job while his eyes were trained on his, easily capturing and holding them. When Castiel came, it was all over him and instead of simply cleaning them up as before, his bondmate settled beside him and proceeded to rub his seed into his skin. It was nearly enough to fry his brain the rest of the way and when he was offered his angel's cum slicked fingers, he sucked them into his mouth without thinking about it, not caring about whatever hang-ups he might once have had in light of the mind-blowing sex that resulted from saying screw it to those beliefs and giving himself to Castiel.

His bondmate proved that point by leaning over and licking the rest of the cum off of him and reducing him to a twitching mess once more before pulling him close.

"Mine," Castiel stated, nuzzling at his hair.

Dean hummed, basking in their new bond and letting it speak for him as he knew that there was absolutely no way for Castiel to miss how utterly satisfied and mindless he was just now. It felt like hours before his body felt like it had been well fucked instead of completely taken apart and still he didn't feel the slightest inclination to move or remove himself from the nest of feathers that Castiel had created for them by cocooning them in his wings. Part of him knew that they would need to move at some point and it hoped that this feeling would fade so that he could accomplish that, but the rest of him wanted it to never lessen as he wanted to simply bask in it forever.

Then suddenly there was a blanket over them instead of wings and Dean jumped in surprise. "Cas, wha-"

The air shifted at the end of the bed and then Gabriel stood there, a lecherous grin on his face. "Well, well, well, lookie what you two have been up to. Can't say I'm particularly surprised, though. So, what do you think of gay sex now, Dean? Ready to shed that pathetic prejudice of yours?"

The next thing Dean knew, Gabriel was extracting himself from the large, archangel sized dent in the wall.

"What the?" Dean questioned, startled.

"Ask your bondmate," Gabriel grumbled though he sent Castiel an impressed and good humored look. "Touchy, touchy, Bro. Though I'm glad to see the bond is that healthy."

Dean's head swiveled to look at his angel. "You did that?"

"He annoyed me. He knows better than to say things like that."

"That's why he's saying them."

Despite that, Dean found himself blushing slightly at the thought of Gabriel knowing what they'd done and the slight flashes he got from his ass as he shifted weren't helping.

"Aw, don't act bashful now, Deano, I know exactly what you guys got up to last night," Gabriel teased, waggling his eye brows. "And don't think of trying that again Cassie, I won't be caught off-guard now."

If he weren't still naked beneath the blanket, Dean was sure he'd try rushing the archangel, damage be damned. "Go make yourself useful and get those herbs for the magick part of the ritual."

Gabriel threw his head back and laughed. "You're gonna have your hands full with this one, Cassie! Just don't keep him all to yourself all of the time, huh? I actually like him and think the two of us can have a ball of a time together."

"Mine!" Castiel growled and Dean felt fingers close around his wrist as if he'd want to pull away.

"Not trying to encroach on your territory, Bro. Just wanna know if you're gonna hog him outside of bed fun times."

Castiel silently regarded his brother for a moment before relaxing. "That's up to Dean."

Dean snorted. "As if I'd want to spend time with Gabe."

"Right, I'll schedule that in then," Gabriel stated, pleased. "Now I'll leave you two lovebirds alone and go fetch the herbs we need. I'll be back in a few days, so don't get out of that bed till then!"

"Well at least one of our brothers approves," Dean said when the archangel had vanished. "'Cause I know that Sam won't."

"He'll come to accept it with time when he sees that it isn't harming you."

"Perhaps, but I don't think that it'll be that easy this time around."

The way the gorgeous black wings closed around him and pulled him close to his bondmate once more was comforting as were the soothing emotions that washed over him, though Dean noted that Castiel made absolutely no effort to actually alter his feelings. Yeah, there was absolutely nothing harmful about this, though he just knew that his brother wouldn't be able to see it that way.

"Mine," Castiel muttered but it sounded like he did so more out of pleasure of being able to do so than anything else. "I love you, Dean."

The words still tripped Dean up despite the fact that he'd felt that love and embraced it full on. Words had never been his strong suit and they instantly deserted him now. "Cas, I... What I mean is..."

"Hush," Castiel soothed, brushing a light kiss over his lips. "I know, you don't need to explain."

"What?"

"The bond, Dean, it goes both ways. Just as you can sense what I'm feeling, I can feel what you are."

"Oh."

Dean wasn't sure how he felt about that. Though he supposed that it would make things a lot easier if he didn't need to be able to voice everything, he did wonder about privacy. He knew that wasn't a particular concern of angels, but it was something he felt particularly strongly about.

"Don't worry, I promise not to pry," Castiel said.

"How much can you pick up?"

"If I don't try, just a little more than you, mostly things pertaining to me. If you project things towards me, though, I shall hear them. And if you concentrate, I shall be able to do so even when we aren't together."

"That's handy."

"Yes and I want you to use it if you're in trouble, though I might be able to sense it anyway if you're particularly distressed."

This was going to take some getting used to. Dean didn't particularly like all of that, but on the other hand there was absolutely no way that he was giving up the bond even if it were possible to do so. Instead he buried himself into the new awareness inside of him which he was starting to suspect was the part of Castiel's Grace that he now carried and let himself doze some more.

The distinct rumbling of the Impala's was what finally spurred Dean into action a few hours later as he realized that his brother didn't know about anything that had happened no matter how natural it all felt. "Shit! We gotta get up and get dressed. Sam's already going to take this badly enough without walking in on us in bed."

He was so preoccupied with what he was going to say to his brother that Dean missed the way Castiel was reaching out for him with two fingers. The first he became aware of it was when he found himself standing at the foot of the bed with his bondmate, both of them fully dressed and the bed meticulously made.

"There," Castiel said. "Does that help?"

Dean blinked as he reoriented himself while he absently heard the door of his baby close. "Yeah, but now I'm gonna be unable to poop for a week as well as having a sore ass."

"No," Castiel denied, arms wrapping around him and nipping at one of his ears. "Now that you're mine, I can better compensate for your bowel movements and they will be normal."

He wasn't sure what image they presented to Sam as his brother walked into the room, but he'd turned to his angel and was laughing his head off. "I was serious when I told you never to change, cause really, Cas, don't."

Part 4