Unexpected Destinies Chapter 60
Title: Unexpected Destinies
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 2,725
Summary: Castiel deals with the consequences of Dean having said yes to Michael.
PAST
Castiel couldn't help it, he flinched as he heard his brother speak to him with his mate's voice. It wasn't quite the same as both the inflection and rhythm were off, those were distinctly Michael's, but that simply made it all the worse. It merely proved to drive home to him exactly what had just happened. As if he hadn't already possessed enough proof of it. Still, it was an extremely painful reminder as it left no doubt that his brother was now in his mate and it was worse then he could possibly have imagined to hear Dean's voice when it was so clearly not his hunter who was in control of his body.
For a brief moment, Castiel wanted to deny Michael, to refuse to turn around and look at him. If hearing his brother speak with Dean's voice was already so unbelievably painful, then what would seeing his mate's body controlled by one of his brothers be like? He could only imagine that it would be infinitely worse. He was truly starting to understand why Dean liked to pretend that certain things didn't exist or hadn't happened if he was able to do so. It was an insight into his mate's psyche that he could have lived without ever gaining.
The last glimpse he'd had of his mate was when he'd pulled out of the kiss and even then he'd not been fast enough to avoid seeing Michael put his hands on Dean. It had taken all that Castiel had not to turn on his brother and forcibly prevent him from taking Dean as his vessel. All of his instincts had screamed at him to protect his mate even though he knew, logically, that it was their best and only true course of action. He'd also known that Michael would honor his word and make things as easy as possible on his hunter, but that still hadn't make it easy to allow this to happen.
His emotions were a large, churning miasma inside of him that Castiel had hardly known what to do with. Since raising Dean from Perdition, he'd gotten a lot better at identifying, understanding and controlling his emotions, but what he felt then and even still right now was frightfully overwhelming and he'd just wanted to snatch his mate away to safety and curl up with him until it all went away. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he'd managed to restrain himself long enough for Michael to begin connecting with Dean and from that point on he'd managed not to interfere because he knew that to do so would only serve to risk his mate.
Castiel had clung to that knowledge when he'd imagined he could practically taste Dean's fear in the air, not that his brother's words or the involuntary little noises his mate had made hadn't been more then enough to confirm those suspicions. The fading of the light cast by his brother's Grace had been a mixed blessing as it meant both an end to his mate's continued consciousness- and thus awareness- of what had been happening to him, but it had also meant that he'd been closer to the time when he'd have to turn and face Michael inside of Dean.
The thought abruptly made Castiel think of when he'd first taken Jimmy as his own vessel. He hadn't truly given the whole process too much thought, he now realized with dismay. Angels required a vessel in order to be able to safely interact with humans on Earth, his own experience with trying to communicate with his charge had already proved that, and therefore he'd needed to take his vessel. Although he'd needed to prove what he was to Jimmy, the whole process had gone relatively smoothly with his vessel accepting his duty quite quickly and he'd not thought anymore on the matter, thinking it his due as what he needed to carry out his mission.
He'd simply thought of Jimmy as nothing but yet another tool.
The memory shamed him greatly now but Castiel forced himself to both confront and deal with the emotion and the truth. His actions and intentions back then had truly been no different from those of his brothers and sisters more recently. From those actions and intentions that Dean had scorned and ridiculed and which he himself had come to despise. Was this then to be his punishment for those failings? Was this his Father's way of teaching him a lesson? Or was he being too conceited, to think that this was all about him when it truly wasn't? He wasn't sure anymore.
What Castiel was sure of though was that he'd treated Jimmy abominably when he took him as his vessel. It was no longer a surprise to him why the man had been so eager to leave Sam and Dean's presence and to go back home again when he'd had the opportunity to do so. At the time it had confused him and he'd felt a mild anger at what he'd perceived was a shirking of his God given duty, but now he understood the desire. He wished that he didn't have to be in this particular situation in order to have gained that knowledge and appreciation.
In the spirit of not allowing himself to turn a blind eye to his own culpability in past mistakes, Castiel forced himself to think about another decision he now wasn't proud of. The taking of Jimmy's daughter, young Claire Novak, as his vessel. At the time he had thought it necessary as it was the most strategic course of actions to eliminate the threat to Jimmy and his family as well as his charge and Sam. That had been all that he'd deemed important and thus he'd followed through on it without stopping to think about whether or not he should be taking such a young girl as a vessel. Her blood had been right and thus he'd given it no further thought. Now he was far more aware of the fact that human children weren't able to completely understand matters like adults and hence had no real ability to give their consent in such a manner as his Father required all humans to do.
Jimmy's horrified reaction to witnessing him in his daughter now made sense to Castiel in a way it hadn't back them. Then he'd still viewed the ability to house an angel as an honor on the part of the vessel, not stopping to think how the vessel might feel while being possessed. On most counts, he still didn't truly know what Jimmy had experienced, but he was now able to look back on his vessel's reactions and emotions at various points and know that it hadn't been pleasant. So to think of his mate undergoing the same was nearly too much, even without the knowledge that for Dean it could only be worse as Michael was an archangel and thus infinitely more powerful then he himself had been back then.
Castiel had sought out Jimmy once after he'd reorganized Heaven, just to make sure that he was happy, but he hadn't taken the time to actually speak with him. He'd thought it best to leave his former vessel to his peace, but now he wondered if he shouldn't perhaps drop by again to speak with him. If for nothing else then to thank him and he could give Jimmy word of his family and let him know that his sacrifice hadn't been in vain. Surely that would be good? Perhaps he should check with Dean first, though, to make sure that it wouldn't be insensitive of him. He was getting better at knowing those things, but he still had a lot to learn about human sensitivities.
He'd been abruptly pulled from his distraction when he'd felt his brother as if Michael were standing beside him and touching his Grace. It had taken Castiel a moment to realize that the sensation was being transmitted to him over the bond he shared with his mate as it felt so visceral and real, but when he had, he'd felt a cold spike of fear. The bond had been formed such a long time ago now that he often forgot about it as that was simply the way he was connected to Dean. It was extremely special for an angel to be connected in that manner to a human, but it was just the way it was with his mate and it was difficult to imagine it any other way.
The touch to the bond had been a rude reminder and Castiel had felt an ice-cold terror at the mere thought of that connection being severed and it had momentarily paralyzed him. Being the angel whose vessel Dean was, it was entirely within Michael's power to dissolve the bond and there would be nothing that he could do about it save attacking his brother, something which he could never do without hurting his mate at the same time. While it was true that Michael could heal almost any damage inflicted upon his vessel, that was only possible when his brother was fit enough to do so and the whole purpose of attacking Michael would have been to incapacitate the other archangel. So he'd been left in an impossible situation.
Luckily, before Castiel'd had time to react, his brother had already proven that severing the bond was not what he had planned by coiling his own Grace around it as he'd enveloped Dean's soul. It was an odd sensation that he still wasn't used to and which he knew would take a long while to accustom himself with, though he sincerely hoped that he never had the necessary exposure to do so. Not because he disliked being so aware of a sibling, but rather because he didn't want his brother to be in his mate long enough for him to acquire it. He was still aware of Dean's presence, though it was muted and less immediate then before, but he thought that was more due to his mate's near hibernation like state at the moment rather then anything Michael was doing. It was just that now, in addition, he was also more aware of his brother then he'd been before. It was an odd sensation.
"Castiel," Michael said again.
Even without the inflection and intonations that made it truly Dean's speech, Castiel still found himself responding as if it were his mate speaking to him. He could only be thankful that his brother was using his full name rather then the nickname his mate had given him as that would be too much for him to handle at the moment. Knowing it was inevitable, he slowly turned to look at his brother in his new vessel and his breath caught in his throat. Even though he had no real need to breathe, his vessel was accustomed to doing so and it was easier to allow the instinct to continue then to prevent it.
They looked gorgeous. Michael made Dean's body glow with Heavenly light and Grace and it added to his mate's already brilliant countenance. Though his hunter's soul was brighter then that of any human he had ever encountered before, it still paled before the radiance of an angel's Grace and that difference was immediately obvious now. In addition, the massive pairs of wings that now sprouted from Dean's back were a thing of wonder and he found that they looked better in this color than Deirdre's, though he was well aware that could entirely be due to a bias on his part.
The desire to reach out and run his hands through those wings caught Castiel off-guard and he instantly shoved it aside. Although it still looked like his mate's body, at the moment it wasn't and those wings weren't Dean's, they were Michael's even if at the moment they looked like they could belong to his hunter. They just seemed so natural, as if he was always meant to possess them. The thought that this had always been his Father's intention made him uncomfortable, he didn't like the thought that an event he considered among his worst ever had been intended by his Father. The alternative, however, was to think that what they were doing now wasn't His wish and that was by far worse as it meant that his mate had just undergone what he had for nothing.
"Castiel," Michael repeated once more.
Almost instinctively, Castiel looked up at the mention of his name and his eyes met his brother's. It was hard and weird to be looking into his mate's eyes and to not see Dean looking back out at him. They simply stood there for a few long moments and he wasn't sure what to do. He knew that this had been necessary, that far too many lives depended on them for Dean not to have done this, but yet he had to fight down the desire to demand that Michael leave his mate at once. He had to restrain the desire to do something to ensure that this outcome was realized.
When Michael took a step forwards, towards him, Castiel broke the eye contact and stepped back several paces. No, just no. It was far too soon for him to be able to stand close to his brother. He had a hard enough time just seeing and hearing Michael in his mate, he didn't know what he'd do if he could smell Dean so close and see only his brother or, even worse, feel his touch. He needed a distraction, something to force his thoughts elsewhere, onto anything but Dean as Michael's vessel. He needed...
'Raphael,' Castiel called with his Grace, wordlessly adding the signal his brother would know meant that he wanted him to come join them.
Almost instantly, Raphael was in the room with them and Castiel knew that his brother had been waiting either for a call or for Michael to return and inform him of what Dean had wanted when he'd called for him. He saw it the moment that Raphael caught sight of Michael as his expression changed from mild to shocked, clearly unable to believe what he saw. Maybe this hadn't been the best distraction after all, but at least he was no longer alone with Michael.
"Michael," Raphael began as he moved closer to him. "You... he said yes?"
"Obviously," Michael replied.
Then Raphael turned to him and Castiel was surprised to realize that his brother was assessing him. After all of the arguments his brother had put forward for why Dean had to say yes, he'd not expected his brother to display this kind of reaction when he'd gotten what he wanted. Yet there it was nonetheless, some sign of concern for how this turn of events was affecting him. He'd much rather that Raphael was showing that kind of emotion and awareness for his mate, but he supposed that it was an improvement even if he didn't think it was enough. Raphael had always been known to be stubborn even as he was loyal, so perhaps for this brother he would need to adjust his expectations. Besides, it meant that if and when they brought him around to what Father obviously wanted them to do, that he'd be able to count on Raphael not being swayed away from that easily.
Though Castiel would rather not think of that type of event, he knew only all too well how many angels Lucifer had taken down with him during his rebellion. It was clear that his fallen brother was more then capable of converting his brothers and sisters to his cause and he shouldn't just expect none of them to be tempted even if he wished he could do so.
"So we begin to collect the necessary ingredients for the Rite of Contressa?" Raphael asked.
"Yes," Michael confirmed. "We need to work quickly if we wish to be able to perform the Rite befo-"
Castiel's head snapped from Raphael to Michael as his brother broke off. His mate's eyes, no Michael's eyes, were wide with stunned shock and he felt his Grace twist within him in worry.
"What?" Castiel demanded. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"He's stirring," Michael replied in disbelief. "Dean, he is... he is waking."
Chapter 61
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: up to and including Exile on Main St., AU from the end of season 5
Warnings: AU, slash
Word Count: 2,725
Summary: Castiel deals with the consequences of Dean having said yes to Michael.
PAST
Castiel couldn't help it, he flinched as he heard his brother speak to him with his mate's voice. It wasn't quite the same as both the inflection and rhythm were off, those were distinctly Michael's, but that simply made it all the worse. It merely proved to drive home to him exactly what had just happened. As if he hadn't already possessed enough proof of it. Still, it was an extremely painful reminder as it left no doubt that his brother was now in his mate and it was worse then he could possibly have imagined to hear Dean's voice when it was so clearly not his hunter who was in control of his body.
For a brief moment, Castiel wanted to deny Michael, to refuse to turn around and look at him. If hearing his brother speak with Dean's voice was already so unbelievably painful, then what would seeing his mate's body controlled by one of his brothers be like? He could only imagine that it would be infinitely worse. He was truly starting to understand why Dean liked to pretend that certain things didn't exist or hadn't happened if he was able to do so. It was an insight into his mate's psyche that he could have lived without ever gaining.
The last glimpse he'd had of his mate was when he'd pulled out of the kiss and even then he'd not been fast enough to avoid seeing Michael put his hands on Dean. It had taken all that Castiel had not to turn on his brother and forcibly prevent him from taking Dean as his vessel. All of his instincts had screamed at him to protect his mate even though he knew, logically, that it was their best and only true course of action. He'd also known that Michael would honor his word and make things as easy as possible on his hunter, but that still hadn't make it easy to allow this to happen.
His emotions were a large, churning miasma inside of him that Castiel had hardly known what to do with. Since raising Dean from Perdition, he'd gotten a lot better at identifying, understanding and controlling his emotions, but what he felt then and even still right now was frightfully overwhelming and he'd just wanted to snatch his mate away to safety and curl up with him until it all went away. Fortunately, or unfortunately, he'd managed to restrain himself long enough for Michael to begin connecting with Dean and from that point on he'd managed not to interfere because he knew that to do so would only serve to risk his mate.
Castiel had clung to that knowledge when he'd imagined he could practically taste Dean's fear in the air, not that his brother's words or the involuntary little noises his mate had made hadn't been more then enough to confirm those suspicions. The fading of the light cast by his brother's Grace had been a mixed blessing as it meant both an end to his mate's continued consciousness- and thus awareness- of what had been happening to him, but it had also meant that he'd been closer to the time when he'd have to turn and face Michael inside of Dean.
The thought abruptly made Castiel think of when he'd first taken Jimmy as his own vessel. He hadn't truly given the whole process too much thought, he now realized with dismay. Angels required a vessel in order to be able to safely interact with humans on Earth, his own experience with trying to communicate with his charge had already proved that, and therefore he'd needed to take his vessel. Although he'd needed to prove what he was to Jimmy, the whole process had gone relatively smoothly with his vessel accepting his duty quite quickly and he'd not thought anymore on the matter, thinking it his due as what he needed to carry out his mission.
He'd simply thought of Jimmy as nothing but yet another tool.
The memory shamed him greatly now but Castiel forced himself to both confront and deal with the emotion and the truth. His actions and intentions back then had truly been no different from those of his brothers and sisters more recently. From those actions and intentions that Dean had scorned and ridiculed and which he himself had come to despise. Was this then to be his punishment for those failings? Was this his Father's way of teaching him a lesson? Or was he being too conceited, to think that this was all about him when it truly wasn't? He wasn't sure anymore.
What Castiel was sure of though was that he'd treated Jimmy abominably when he took him as his vessel. It was no longer a surprise to him why the man had been so eager to leave Sam and Dean's presence and to go back home again when he'd had the opportunity to do so. At the time it had confused him and he'd felt a mild anger at what he'd perceived was a shirking of his God given duty, but now he understood the desire. He wished that he didn't have to be in this particular situation in order to have gained that knowledge and appreciation.
In the spirit of not allowing himself to turn a blind eye to his own culpability in past mistakes, Castiel forced himself to think about another decision he now wasn't proud of. The taking of Jimmy's daughter, young Claire Novak, as his vessel. At the time he had thought it necessary as it was the most strategic course of actions to eliminate the threat to Jimmy and his family as well as his charge and Sam. That had been all that he'd deemed important and thus he'd followed through on it without stopping to think about whether or not he should be taking such a young girl as a vessel. Her blood had been right and thus he'd given it no further thought. Now he was far more aware of the fact that human children weren't able to completely understand matters like adults and hence had no real ability to give their consent in such a manner as his Father required all humans to do.
Jimmy's horrified reaction to witnessing him in his daughter now made sense to Castiel in a way it hadn't back them. Then he'd still viewed the ability to house an angel as an honor on the part of the vessel, not stopping to think how the vessel might feel while being possessed. On most counts, he still didn't truly know what Jimmy had experienced, but he was now able to look back on his vessel's reactions and emotions at various points and know that it hadn't been pleasant. So to think of his mate undergoing the same was nearly too much, even without the knowledge that for Dean it could only be worse as Michael was an archangel and thus infinitely more powerful then he himself had been back then.
Castiel had sought out Jimmy once after he'd reorganized Heaven, just to make sure that he was happy, but he hadn't taken the time to actually speak with him. He'd thought it best to leave his former vessel to his peace, but now he wondered if he shouldn't perhaps drop by again to speak with him. If for nothing else then to thank him and he could give Jimmy word of his family and let him know that his sacrifice hadn't been in vain. Surely that would be good? Perhaps he should check with Dean first, though, to make sure that it wouldn't be insensitive of him. He was getting better at knowing those things, but he still had a lot to learn about human sensitivities.
He'd been abruptly pulled from his distraction when he'd felt his brother as if Michael were standing beside him and touching his Grace. It had taken Castiel a moment to realize that the sensation was being transmitted to him over the bond he shared with his mate as it felt so visceral and real, but when he had, he'd felt a cold spike of fear. The bond had been formed such a long time ago now that he often forgot about it as that was simply the way he was connected to Dean. It was extremely special for an angel to be connected in that manner to a human, but it was just the way it was with his mate and it was difficult to imagine it any other way.
The touch to the bond had been a rude reminder and Castiel had felt an ice-cold terror at the mere thought of that connection being severed and it had momentarily paralyzed him. Being the angel whose vessel Dean was, it was entirely within Michael's power to dissolve the bond and there would be nothing that he could do about it save attacking his brother, something which he could never do without hurting his mate at the same time. While it was true that Michael could heal almost any damage inflicted upon his vessel, that was only possible when his brother was fit enough to do so and the whole purpose of attacking Michael would have been to incapacitate the other archangel. So he'd been left in an impossible situation.
Luckily, before Castiel'd had time to react, his brother had already proven that severing the bond was not what he had planned by coiling his own Grace around it as he'd enveloped Dean's soul. It was an odd sensation that he still wasn't used to and which he knew would take a long while to accustom himself with, though he sincerely hoped that he never had the necessary exposure to do so. Not because he disliked being so aware of a sibling, but rather because he didn't want his brother to be in his mate long enough for him to acquire it. He was still aware of Dean's presence, though it was muted and less immediate then before, but he thought that was more due to his mate's near hibernation like state at the moment rather then anything Michael was doing. It was just that now, in addition, he was also more aware of his brother then he'd been before. It was an odd sensation.
"Castiel," Michael said again.
Even without the inflection and intonations that made it truly Dean's speech, Castiel still found himself responding as if it were his mate speaking to him. He could only be thankful that his brother was using his full name rather then the nickname his mate had given him as that would be too much for him to handle at the moment. Knowing it was inevitable, he slowly turned to look at his brother in his new vessel and his breath caught in his throat. Even though he had no real need to breathe, his vessel was accustomed to doing so and it was easier to allow the instinct to continue then to prevent it.
They looked gorgeous. Michael made Dean's body glow with Heavenly light and Grace and it added to his mate's already brilliant countenance. Though his hunter's soul was brighter then that of any human he had ever encountered before, it still paled before the radiance of an angel's Grace and that difference was immediately obvious now. In addition, the massive pairs of wings that now sprouted from Dean's back were a thing of wonder and he found that they looked better in this color than Deirdre's, though he was well aware that could entirely be due to a bias on his part.
The desire to reach out and run his hands through those wings caught Castiel off-guard and he instantly shoved it aside. Although it still looked like his mate's body, at the moment it wasn't and those wings weren't Dean's, they were Michael's even if at the moment they looked like they could belong to his hunter. They just seemed so natural, as if he was always meant to possess them. The thought that this had always been his Father's intention made him uncomfortable, he didn't like the thought that an event he considered among his worst ever had been intended by his Father. The alternative, however, was to think that what they were doing now wasn't His wish and that was by far worse as it meant that his mate had just undergone what he had for nothing.
"Castiel," Michael repeated once more.
Almost instinctively, Castiel looked up at the mention of his name and his eyes met his brother's. It was hard and weird to be looking into his mate's eyes and to not see Dean looking back out at him. They simply stood there for a few long moments and he wasn't sure what to do. He knew that this had been necessary, that far too many lives depended on them for Dean not to have done this, but yet he had to fight down the desire to demand that Michael leave his mate at once. He had to restrain the desire to do something to ensure that this outcome was realized.
When Michael took a step forwards, towards him, Castiel broke the eye contact and stepped back several paces. No, just no. It was far too soon for him to be able to stand close to his brother. He had a hard enough time just seeing and hearing Michael in his mate, he didn't know what he'd do if he could smell Dean so close and see only his brother or, even worse, feel his touch. He needed a distraction, something to force his thoughts elsewhere, onto anything but Dean as Michael's vessel. He needed...
'Raphael,' Castiel called with his Grace, wordlessly adding the signal his brother would know meant that he wanted him to come join them.
Almost instantly, Raphael was in the room with them and Castiel knew that his brother had been waiting either for a call or for Michael to return and inform him of what Dean had wanted when he'd called for him. He saw it the moment that Raphael caught sight of Michael as his expression changed from mild to shocked, clearly unable to believe what he saw. Maybe this hadn't been the best distraction after all, but at least he was no longer alone with Michael.
"Michael," Raphael began as he moved closer to him. "You... he said yes?"
"Obviously," Michael replied.
Then Raphael turned to him and Castiel was surprised to realize that his brother was assessing him. After all of the arguments his brother had put forward for why Dean had to say yes, he'd not expected his brother to display this kind of reaction when he'd gotten what he wanted. Yet there it was nonetheless, some sign of concern for how this turn of events was affecting him. He'd much rather that Raphael was showing that kind of emotion and awareness for his mate, but he supposed that it was an improvement even if he didn't think it was enough. Raphael had always been known to be stubborn even as he was loyal, so perhaps for this brother he would need to adjust his expectations. Besides, it meant that if and when they brought him around to what Father obviously wanted them to do, that he'd be able to count on Raphael not being swayed away from that easily.
Though Castiel would rather not think of that type of event, he knew only all too well how many angels Lucifer had taken down with him during his rebellion. It was clear that his fallen brother was more then capable of converting his brothers and sisters to his cause and he shouldn't just expect none of them to be tempted even if he wished he could do so.
"So we begin to collect the necessary ingredients for the Rite of Contressa?" Raphael asked.
"Yes," Michael confirmed. "We need to work quickly if we wish to be able to perform the Rite befo-"
Castiel's head snapped from Raphael to Michael as his brother broke off. His mate's eyes, no Michael's eyes, were wide with stunned shock and he felt his Grace twist within him in worry.
"What?" Castiel demanded. "What is it? What's wrong?"
"He's stirring," Michael replied in disbelief. "Dean, he is... he is waking."
Chapter 61