Fic: Stranger Things
OK, so. I have literally been wrangling with this plot bunny for half a year now, and although it is, in my head, the most epic fic that has ever been thought of and will receive all kinds of accolades, as well as dethroning IO as the AU queen, so far this is the only part that has actually been written. So I'm just going to post this and pretend that it's the whole fic.
Title: Stranger Things
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing/Characters: Mostly gen, some Barney/Ted
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 520
Warning: some language, genderfuck
Summary: Ted was just some guy Barney had met at the bar.
Ted was just this guy who she’d met a bar.
From day one, he’d denied that he had been hitting on her, although Barney knew that wasn’t true. And who could blame him if he was? She was pretty damn awesome, after all.
“Are you trying to sleep with me?” she asked, when the guy with the goatee asked for her name.
“No,” he said.
“Well, if you were, it’s a waste of time.” She leaned back on the bar and took a sip of her scotch and soda.
“Why?”
“Well, first of all, you have pubes on your face.” Barney smiled to herself as his hands went to his chin. “Second of all, what the hell are you wearing?”
“Yeah, well, you’re wearing a suit.”
“Suits are cool. Exhibit A.” She waved her hand towards herself. “And, third of all, I’m not into dudes.”
“Oh.” The guy looked back down at his drink. “So, what are you doing here?”
“Depends. Are you an idiot or not?”
“Well, I’m here talking to a girl who clearly isn’t interested in me, so.”
Barney laughed. “What’s your name?”
“Ted.”
“I think I like you, Ted.” He looked at her, quizzically, and she rolled her eyes. “Just because I’m not interested in your dick doesn’t mean that I can’t like you.”
“Right.”
“No, Ted,” Barney said, slinging her arm around his shoulders, “I’m going to teach you how to live.”
“And how are you going to do that?”
Barney pursed her lips and looked over at him. He wasn’t bad-looking, aside from the facial fuzz. Objectively speaking. “Well, for a start, let’s get out of here. This bar practically exudes lameness.”
Ted laughed, half to himself. “Do you really talk like this?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” She put down her empty tumbler. “So, you going with me or not?”
Ted paused, finished off his beer, and shrugged. “Sure. Why not.”
“That’s the spirit,” Barney said. She started to walk out, and Ted followed her. “Now, this night is going to be critical. You’re going to have to prove to me that you are worthy of being my wingman, my partner in crime. In short, Theodore, you have the chance to be Barney Stinson’s bro. Don’t blow it.”
“Um, whatever.” Ted paused for a second. “Who’s Barney Stinson?”
Barney looked at him, confused. “Uh, me. Duh.”
“Your name is Barney?”
“Don’t wear it out.”
“Your name is Barney?”
Barney rolled her eyes. “You should’ve just told me that you were an idiot.”
“But it’s a -“
“Guy’s name, I know. But if they can give it to a stupid purple dinosaur, then I don’t see why I can’t use it, too.” Barney walked up to the curb and hailed a cab. As one stopped in front of her, she swung the door open, grabbed Ted’s sleeve, and hauled him in.
“Jesus, that hurt!”
“Don’t be a girl about it. You’ll be fine.” She gave the cabbie the directions to this kick-ass new club she’d heard about. “I have a feeling that this night is going to be legend - wait for it…”
Link to next part
Title: Stranger Things
Fandom: HIMYM
Pairing/Characters: Mostly gen, some Barney/Ted
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 520
Warning: some language, genderfuck
Summary: Ted was just some guy Barney had met at the bar.
Ted was just this guy who she’d met a bar.
From day one, he’d denied that he had been hitting on her, although Barney knew that wasn’t true. And who could blame him if he was? She was pretty damn awesome, after all.
“Are you trying to sleep with me?” she asked, when the guy with the goatee asked for her name.
“No,” he said.
“Well, if you were, it’s a waste of time.” She leaned back on the bar and took a sip of her scotch and soda.
“Why?”
“Well, first of all, you have pubes on your face.” Barney smiled to herself as his hands went to his chin. “Second of all, what the hell are you wearing?”
“Yeah, well, you’re wearing a suit.”
“Suits are cool. Exhibit A.” She waved her hand towards herself. “And, third of all, I’m not into dudes.”
“Oh.” The guy looked back down at his drink. “So, what are you doing here?”
“Depends. Are you an idiot or not?”
“Well, I’m here talking to a girl who clearly isn’t interested in me, so.”
Barney laughed. “What’s your name?”
“Ted.”
“I think I like you, Ted.” He looked at her, quizzically, and she rolled her eyes. “Just because I’m not interested in your dick doesn’t mean that I can’t like you.”
“Right.”
“No, Ted,” Barney said, slinging her arm around his shoulders, “I’m going to teach you how to live.”
“And how are you going to do that?”
Barney pursed her lips and looked over at him. He wasn’t bad-looking, aside from the facial fuzz. Objectively speaking. “Well, for a start, let’s get out of here. This bar practically exudes lameness.”
Ted laughed, half to himself. “Do you really talk like this?”
“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” She put down her empty tumbler. “So, you going with me or not?”
Ted paused, finished off his beer, and shrugged. “Sure. Why not.”
“That’s the spirit,” Barney said. She started to walk out, and Ted followed her. “Now, this night is going to be critical. You’re going to have to prove to me that you are worthy of being my wingman, my partner in crime. In short, Theodore, you have the chance to be Barney Stinson’s bro. Don’t blow it.”
“Um, whatever.” Ted paused for a second. “Who’s Barney Stinson?”
Barney looked at him, confused. “Uh, me. Duh.”
“Your name is Barney?”
“Don’t wear it out.”
“Your name is Barney?”
Barney rolled her eyes. “You should’ve just told me that you were an idiot.”
“But it’s a -“
“Guy’s name, I know. But if they can give it to a stupid purple dinosaur, then I don’t see why I can’t use it, too.” Barney walked up to the curb and hailed a cab. As one stopped in front of her, she swung the door open, grabbed Ted’s sleeve, and hauled him in.
“Jesus, that hurt!”
“Don’t be a girl about it. You’ll be fine.” She gave the cabbie the directions to this kick-ass new club she’d heard about. “I have a feeling that this night is going to be legend - wait for it…”
Link to next part