PART TWO OF HOPEFULLY ONLY THREE

[ld_sk]

(part 1)
WHO: Kakuzu and Hidan
WHAT: The results of their little 'bet'.
WHEN: October 1st (shut up this was 46 pages long)
WHERE: Almost everywhere on the damn island.
WARNINGS: EVERYTHING.


About halfway through lying around in his room, Hidan had gotten sick of the silence and the thoughts (flashbacks) plaguing his mind and turned to the two things that kept him at least on the borderline of sane; praying and dancing. The clink of expensive rosary beads that dangled cool against his hands and mingled with the murmur of familiar, soothing words kept him calmed until there was nothing more to say and he reached for his stereo, loosely hitting the play button for whatever CD was in the machine. The bouncy beats of You And Me loud enough to consume Hidan entirely in some trashy style dance he would never usually condone unless it involved a crowd of sweaty, drunken people and ultraviolet lights.

The songs came and went, looping around a few times before Hidan even noticed the CD had reached the last track more than once. He halted, catching his breath and pushing his hair back, feeling the sheen of sweat on his forehead and resting hands on hips before walking out to get some water from the kitchen, when Kakuzu happened to call for him.

“What do you want, oh majesty? Shall I use my body as your personal table now?” He asked dryly, leaning his hands heavily on the back of the couch and glowering down at Kakuzu.

So deep in his trance, Kakuzu hadn’t even noticed the blaring music for once, so when Hidan finally appeared, he had to give the blond a questioning look, wondering exactly what he’d occupied his time with to work up such a sweat, and when he got to the mental image of Hidan working out at the gym in that skirt, he immediately decided he didn’t really need to know.

“We’re leaving for dinner in a half hour. Put some real clothes on, and look nice.”

As much as he would have liked to see Hidan, in a restaurant, in a dress, Kakuzu was suddenly rather conscious of what sort of image his roommate projected on him. He’d never considered before that people would judge him based on the person next to him. Or rather, he’d never really cared. And yet here he was, caring, as if it really mattered, as if Hidan’s looks and behaviors really and actually reflected on him. He could only hope that a full stomach would help relieve his troubled mind. That must have been all he needed, a good meal. Yes, food would definitely and certainly help.

Hidan smirked as soon as he heard the words real clothes and straightened up. “Why the fuck didn’t you say so sooner?” He asked, marching back to his room with a newfound bounce in his step. The blond was practically stripping as he walked back.

Hidan had always been told about the image you projected onto other people and other people onto you and fuck if he would ever care about it. He dropped the dress on the floor of his room, stepping out of it and looking through his wardrobe for something ‘nice’ and ‘real’ in the clothing department, and chucking a dress shirt and jeans onto his bed before pulling a pair of silk boxers out of a drawer nearby. Dealing with the soft odour of the previous workout briskly, Hidan pulled everything on and came back out, brushing his hair.

“Nice enough, Prima Donna?” He asked, leaning against the doorframe and throwing the brush back into his room. He walked over without waiting for an answer and tilted his head.

“So where are you taking me for this date?” Asked in all joking innocence, but his stomach tightened for a second. Nah. It was just a joke, after all.

“You look…presentable,” Kakuzu replied disinterestedly, finally pulling himself off the couch. Giving a little stretch, he moved to push by Hidan, on his way to his room, when the blond posed a question. An innocent question. Supposedly a joking question. Kakuzu knew this. He knew other man well enough to know he was sarcastic like that.

But a date?

No.

Hell no.

Hell fucking no.

“It’s just dinner Hidan, not a…a…date,” he snapped back defensively, not even turning his head to look at his roommate, and practically spitting the last word out. Moving on to his room, he moodily pulled the clothes out of his closet, swapping his jeans for khakis, grabbing his best Armani Exchange blazer, a matching striped tie emblazoned with their logo. It made him feel like a consumer whore, but some days, like today, he wanted to flaunt it. Especially around Hidan, and feeling like he was, he needed some sort of ego boost, and what better than to show off his money?

“We’re leaving now,” he commanded as he exited his room, stuffing his wallet into his back pocket after checking it for cash.

Hidan’s mouth just about managed to censor itself when Kakuzu came back out, swallowing the snide retort about why his roommate was dressed up like a designer’s whore if it wasn’t a date. Why he censored himself was another matter entirely, one he didn’t like to think about. “Che, you don’t look bad,” he said instead, shoving a hand into his pocket and looking for his wallet. Eyeing it, he picked it up and checked through the pockets. Fuck. It wasn’t like he couldn’t go to the bank and get some money, but the bank was out of the way and probably be closed by the time he got there.

“Kakuzu...” he started, voice melodious and drawled out, “could you pay for my dinner~?” He sounded like a kid trying to score a present from his parent and the body language matched, leaning forward dramatically and tilting his head, eyes locked on the other man. “I’ll pay you back, seriously dude, the bank’ll just be closed by the time I get down there today.”

“How nice of you, Hidan, and I didn’t even have to catch you bitching,” Kakuzu replied snidely as he grabbed his phone from the table, flipping it open and speed-dialling the number for the cab company as he pulled on his shoes. There was no way he was walking the two miles to the restaurant in his best leather shoes, and as someone picked up, he gave the address of the apartment as well as their destination, informed that someone would be right over.

As he flipped the phone closed, and shoved it back into his pocket, the ever-familiar whining hit his ears, and he looked in Hidan’s direction with an exasperated sigh. He hated spending money on other people, especially his roommate, but since Hidan had covered lunch-no matter how disgusting it had been-and it was only at his own insistence that they were going to an overly-expensive restaurant. He wasn’t even sure if Hidan could afford it, even if they could make it to the bank.

“Yeah, fine, just don’t forget,” he finally responded, sighing again as he straightened. “Let’s go now.”

The cab wouldn’t take long to get there, as he knew from experience, so with no hesitation, having no desire to see what Hidan had to say about his sudden generosity, he made his way out of the apartment to the street below, waiting on the curb impatiently.

... Well. That was easy. Hidan blinked but followed after Kakuzu (wasn’t he always?) to the street below, catching a glimpse of the punks from the before who decided to laugh at him. He turned to the group, fist balled, quite ready to beat the shit out of them as he promised to with some very creative ideas about what body parts would be stuck where after he was through with the trio. Fucking kids. He hated those fucking kids. Hadn’t they ever heard of respecting their elders?

And now he was beginning to sound like his father. How damn old did he want to sound anyway?

He started to storm over to them, quite content to beat the shit out of them until they couldn’t fucking speak and he forgot exactly what happened earlier due to those little shits. God, he’d been riled up for a fight for ages. There were several people in the school on his list but he hadn’t seen any of the shits for ages and he wasn’t going to waste his precious time searching for the bastards. Kakuzu could have always given him a good fight, but then they’d both be in the hospital, and that would be pointless.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kakuzu noticed Hidan stalking over, vaguely recognizing the kids from earlier. He also recalled Hidan bitching ceaselessly about how his parents were going to cut off all funding if he landed in the hospital again. Giving a reluctant sigh, and making sure the cab wasn’t about to pull up to them not being there, he gave a short chase, grabbing for the first thing he could reach. In the end, he managed to grab hold of the other man’s wrist, tugging him backwards just forcefully enough, but careful not to pull too hard. He wasn’t going to be the one on bottom if they toppled over again-and wait, what did it matter, top and bottom?-and was more interested in keeping Hidan from getting himself into too much trouble.

“Let it go,” he growled, voice low, as he stared down the kids. “They’re not worth it.”

Alright, so they were worth it. Kakuzu imagined that if he’d been the one wearing a skirt-which he never would be, but he found it easy to put himself in other people’s shoes when he so chose to-and they’d been laughing at him, he would have beat the shit out of them. The distinct difference was that he wouldn’t come out with more than a few scrapes, whereas Hidan seemed to have a habit of getting himself beat to hell and back, and anyone who couldn’t defend himself against a puny freshman with a baseball bat probably couldn’t defend himself against a group of little punks.

Luckily for the worrying Kakuzu, Hidan kept his balance (this time) and turned to Kakuzu, wrenching his wrist out of the other man’s hand, ignoring the shock of heat that touched his wrist, barely noticing that his hand lingered over that spot as he glared at his roommate.

“Don’t fucking get involved, Kakuzu, I’m just going to break a few bones, nothing critical.” He smirked, cracking his knuckles as he turned back to the kids, who pretty much scuttled off at Kakuzu’s stare and he sighed. “Well that’s just fucking great! BASTARDS. Fuck!” He continued to bitch under his breath as the taxi appeared by the curb. Hidan walked over to the cab, kicking a random pebble as hard as he could and denting some clapped out old banger across the street.

“Hey dude, you’re for Kakuzu, right?” He asked, leaning against the rolled-down window and grinning when he realised it was a girl taxi driver. There was a new one. And his smile could charm anything. Literally anything. (Kakuzu didn’t count because he was weird and would Hidan want to charm him when bitching worked just as well? ...)

Rolling his eyes-a gesture he’d used far too many times since he’d met Hidan-Kakuzu made his way over, yanking open the cab door and gesturing pointedly. If he didn’t, Hidan would stand there flirting all day. It pissed him off the way his roommate was always hitting on girls, trying to pick them up, moving on to the next if he was unsuccessful. It wasn’t that he was jealous or anything, not in any sense of the word, but it was just plain…annoying. Then again, most things about Hidan were annoying.

“Stop making googly eyes and get in, moron,” Kakuzu snapped, and none too quietly. “I don’t have all day, you know.”

Alright. So he did have all day. But that didn’t mean he actually wanted to wait while Hidan tried to get himself a date or whatever he was thinking about. He wondered how a supposed religious boy could always be chasing after women, unless he was masochistic enough to be trying to land himself in Hell or whatever it might be. It was highly plausible, Kakuzu decided.

“Che.” Hidan muttered, jerking his thumb towards Kakuzu in explanation to the driver as he slid into the car, settling into a relaxed slouch. He couldn’t remember the last time he ever cared if a girl actually refused his advances, come to think of it. He usually just hated being deprived of a conquest. (As earlier had proven quite nicely.)

He sighed heavily as the car took off towards their destination; the time passed quite slowly, Hidan easily getting bored after the first couple of streets.

“Oi, heathen,” he started, as a way of getting Kakuzu’s attention, “have you thought any about getting saved? Seriously, Hell’s not gonna be fun.” Whenever Hidan was bored, religion tended to come out of his mouth. He believed that for all the work he actually did lecturing people about God, he was deserved some fun. And Hell, if he wasn’t, that’s what confession was for, wasn’t it?

Definitely. Hidan smiled to himself at this little comfort.

‘Forgive me, Father, for I will sin.’ And he would enjoy every minute of it with repentance from the heart to settle him when he went crazy.

Hoping that the ride would be silent was like hoping for a miracle, and everyone knew that, as much as miracles may happen elsewhere, they never happened to Kakuzu. Always to everyone else, never him. As Hidan’s ever-familiar tirade began-because honestly, how many times had he heard the exact same words?-his hand came up to the bridge of his nose, rubbing there in annoyance. And it was a wonder with how often he repeated that same habit, he hadn’t worn through the skin there.

“Hidan, we’ve been over this,” Kakuzu replied exasperatedly, knowing that whatever he said wouldn’t shut the man up. “I have no interest in your money-grubbing church. If I want to throw away my savings, I’ll do it on something worthwhile.”

The thing of it was, Kakuzu was about as atheist as you got, unless you wanted to count money as his deity. But he was an intellectual none the less, so he realized that if there was a God, and a Heaven, and a Hell, and Hidan was supposedly destined for ‘His Eternal Kingdom’, then Kakuzu was more than happy to sentence himself to the flaming underworld. In fact, he would happily spend the rest of eternity in the Ninth Circle, if they’d even let him in. In fact, it would actually be a reward, to be that far away from Hidan for the rest of eternity, although even the 6th or 7th circle would do nicely.

“Dude, you know what it is? You say you don’t want jack shit to do with the Church, but then you’ll wind up in Hell. Seriously. Do you know what waits for you there? The fire and sulfur’s the least of your problems. You can’t feel pain when you’re dead, you see, because your soul doesn’t have any nerves to feel anything. But your soul is like your personality- I mean, seriously dude, why else do you think you’re a crabby old man, probably a black soul, seriously- so you have all your memories, likes and dislikes and Satan has the power in the underworld. Do you know what that means? It means that he has power over you entirely, and that means he knows everything he needs to know to torture your spirit and break it.” Hidan managed to rattle all of that off without ever pausing long enough for an interruption. It wasn’t that Hidan was always completely stupid, but there was a reason for the sudden burst of intelligence that spouted from him...

That entire speech was learned off by heart from a sermon he’d heard as a child, the one reason he decided to actually give a crap about religion. Fuck everything else- life stayed for only so long, if your soul was being tortured for eternity... well that’s something Hidan would rather didn’t happen.

And Hidan would never stop trying to convert people. If being a priest paid better, he’d be off doing it. Seriously.

In theory, with their little bet, Kakuzu could have forced Hidan to shut up. But he knew if he didn’t get it over with now, he’d get the lecture in another few hours, when the bet’s time limit was up. Best to get it out of the way when he wasn’t particularly busy doing anything. It seemed more economical, at least, as annoying as it could be. Not that Kakuzu ever really listened to the rant. Hell, he’d already memorized the thing himself, and as he stared out the window, he could easily mouth along with Hidan, and knew every little flourish and gesture and which went where and when, knew every lilt in the other man’s voice and where it rose to its pinnacle and its lowest point. In fact, Kakuzu was quite sure that if he tried, he could do a spot on impression of the blond, and no one would know the difference.

“Hidan,” he said when he was finally able to get a word in edgewise, as he realized that they were very close to the restaurant at hand, finally turning his gaze from the window to look levelly at Hidan, “there is only one Hell. And do you know where it is? Right here, having to listen to you. And there is only one merciful God, and that is the valet that will open the door and give me my freedom.”

Of course, he mentally braced and waited for the second, more inflamed tirade, the attack on his morality, and slew of ‘heathen’ and ‘blasphemer’ that would follow. The words didn’t really hurt him, not one bit, but Hidan could always, and easily, get a little too impassioned about things, which was a bit of a problem in such a confined space.

Naturally, while absorbed in his world of rant-- er, impassioned speech making, Hidan wasn’t paying attention to anything that wasn’t his own voice until he shut up. Even then he spent a quiet moment analysing how well the speech went in his head. He did alright on the explanation of nerves- brilliant on explaining Satan though. He’d have to remember to put more emphasis on his inflections on that part from now on, it sounded damn good.

He was snapped, rather unsavourily, from his analysis by Kakuzu’s usual heathen ways and his roommate wasn’t disappointed with his prediction as Hidan’s head snapped towards the dark-haired man.

“Listen, you heathen, I keep trying to get you to see the light- fuck if I know why; you’re a little cunt, seriously- and you insist on making it this stupid fucking joke. If you want to go and be tortured for the rest of eternity after indulging in every bit of sin you can in your blasphemous life that will mean NOTHING when you’re in Hell, fucking go ahead and see if I care.” Hidan had barely noticed how close against Kakuzu he’d pushed while lecturing the second time, voice snapping to a deadly hiss after the first sentence. He didn’t know why he kept trying to convert Kakuzu, who was quite obviously a lost cause but he would. Hidan liked challenges, sometimes.

Kakuzu supposed he had a little bit of luck, as the vehicle pulled up in front of the restaurant, and considering what he was going to be paying for dinner, the valet opened the door for him, like a good little valet should. Fishing out his wallet, he flashed the driver a somewhat kind smile as he handed the money up, then thankfully and quickly stepped out of the cab. He would pay almost any amount to be out of such close quarters with his roommate.

“My saviour has come!” Kakuzu exclaimed, just loud enough for Hidan to hear, throwing his hands dramatically towards the sky in mock-thanks, before bringing them back down to pull a little more from his wallet, handing the poor, confused boy his tip. At that point, he realized what sort of awful mood he must have been in that he was handing out money so easily, without feeling it at all. But as much as he wanted to keep teasing Hidan, he had to take a quick glance around. Perfect-it wasn’t busy. He hadn’t called ahead to make a reservation, but on a Monday night, they usually weren’t too busy.

Stepping out of the taxi, Hidan rubbed the side of his neck and tsked loudly at Kakuzu. “Just keep fucking laughing you idiot. You’ll get yours.” He didn’t even bother to mask the threat he sent Kakuzu’s way for the sake of the people surrounding them- not too many, it had to be said.

“Anyway, can we fucking eat already? I’m starved. Seriously.” He didn’t wait for an answer and strode on towards the entrance. Hidan never liked these fancy-schmansy places, but Hell, if Kakuzu was paying (Hidan was the type who would ‘forget’ such things as I.O.Us) then he had no problem with it. It was odd because they were both pretty well off- but Kakuzu was the good boy (hah, as far as his parents knew) and Hidan was the one who constantly got threats of being cut out of the will. Threats his parents would never actually do because they couldn’t deny his loyalty to the Christian faith, the one thing that was most important.

They would, and had at least once, cut off his funding if he wound up in too much shit at Oshima. Which Hidan tended to find himself in. He didn’t look for trouble, so he said, trouble just found him.

“Patience,” Kakuzu hissed as they were let in the front doors, and he approached the hostess’ stand, asking for a table for two and earning a bit of a funny look. Right, table for two. He would have smacked himself if at all possible and if not in public, but brushed it off just as he had everything else, as a waitress escorted them to their table and seated them, handing them the overly ornate menus. Kakuzu didn’t hesitate to open his, to avoid having to look at Hidan. He knew full well that even if you couldn’t see it, that it was still there, but he could always hope. But he realized that, as much as he wanted to, he could not entirely ignore the other man.

“I want to know what you’re ordering,” he said from around his menu, not bothering to even lower it. “I don’t want you ordering something you’re not going to eat.”

Hidan muttered something about ‘you’re not my fucking mother,’ and glanced over the menu. He really wasn’t fond of most of the fancy ass foods that came in places like this. Caviar. Ugh. He swore that he’d never touch that again. Sighing, he took another glance over the starters and main courses.

“Caesar Salad, and the Beef Risotto,” he answered, snapping the menu shut and leaving it on the table. “Order what the Hell you want for drinks.” Hidan didn’t really care what drink it was, he found himself quite capable of downing anything. Champagne was never a good idea though, purely for the fact that it left his throat dry and made him drink more and more of it--

And then they were getting their asses kicked out and banned because of his behaviour.

The blond glanced around, noticing the very few people who were actually here in twos. In fact, apart from the couple of guys in the corner, muttering in hushed voices and Donna Karen suits (that were two years out of style), they were the only ones here in twos. There were a couple of groups- something that looked like a birthday party- and a load of singletons.

How sad.

Pondering Hidan’s choice for a second, Kakuzu gave a nod. Nothing too exotic, so the blond was likely to enjoy it to some extent. He just wasn’t about to spend a big chunk of money on something that was going to go to waste. Even when he was splurging, he was pretty conscious of how he was spending his money. Parsing over the menu again, he made his choice and set the menu down at the edge of the table, folding his hands in front of him and looking anywhere but at his roommate. He, too, noticed the lack of people there in pairs, but the evening was early. The couples would start filtering in later in the evening, but even then, there wouldn’t be many. They all came on Fridays and Saturdays, before they went to whatever sort of events they might be off to. Apparently noting the discarded menus, the waitress bustled back over, asking for their orders, to which Kakuzu quickly parroted Hidan’s, ordering some sort of new filet he’d never seen on the menu before, and requesting their best bottle of red wine. This earned him a prompt, thankful “Yes, right away sir”, before the waitress was off again.

It would be another few minutes, he knew, while she discussed with her manager what to bring out, and in the mean time, Kakuzu’s eyes stayed focused at an indeterminate point somewhere past a painting on the far wall, losing himself to thought as he often did. The day had been nothing like what he expected. His hands were bandaged, he was thoroughly mortified from embarrassment alone, and now he was going to spend a lot more money on food than anyone ever should. And they had both ordered beef dishes, which would only push the bill up that much more.

Handing the menu back to the waitress, Hidan leaned back in the chair and looked towards the kitchen before fidgeting, changing his position and grabbing a breadstick from the centrepiece, twirling it between his finger before chewing on it, sighing heavily as he idly watched the patterns that he made while weaving his fingers around it. Hidan always hated waiting in any shape or form. He hated silence and stoicness and being ignored. Hated being kept waiting, hated the heathens that ignored him and hated... well, he hated a lot of things.

Snapping the breadstick in half, Hidan ate the thing in two bites, chewing before he opened his mouth again.

“So when I was back home- you know the bastards I mean, the family- I was in Church with them, and they had this guest speaker- that’s nothing strange, the place always has one, I think the priest is too fucking lazy to do any of his own work, seriously. Well anyway, so the guy was talking about, I don’t know, charity or some shit, I wasn’t listening, and he suddenly comes up to me right? Asks me what the fuck I’m studying- as if it’s any of his fucking business, seriously- so I tell him that I’m doing dance, and the little shit turns to the congregation and tells everyone that I fucking need cleansing. ME of all the fucking people in that place, seriously. And he adds on that only girls should be doing dancing, unless its ballroom dancing, and says that even then Latin style shouldn’t be considered dancing, because it’s full of sinful moves. So the little fucker’s waxing lyrical about some other load of bullshit and then brings out these cheerleaders. These scantily clad over-dyed-orange-tinted little bitches, who start trying to show that ‘team spirit’ crap for Jesus and he’s practically fucking drooling- I mean, seriously, the guy was about fifty- and I’m sitting there just wanting to punch the shit out of him and educate him properly but my bitch of a mother is sitting there and glaring at me as if she knows what I’m thinking. What I really don’t get is why that bastard priest never asks me to do a speech, I mean, seriously? I’m probably more convincing than all those holed arguments he shoves up there week after week.”

In order to not smack Hidan straight across the face, Kakuzu took a deep breath and held it, trying his hardest not to listen to what the idiot was spouting now, picking up the key words that he could repeat back if accused of not listening. The last thing he needed was a lecture on how he should listen when someone’s talking to him. And he knew that he was never going to get Hidan to shut up about religion and his church and all that other stuff Kakuzu couldn’t care less about, and while he could have simply ordered him to shut up, there were much more tempting things to do and say, especially as the waitress brought over the wine and two glasses, informing them that their dinners would be out promptly. Bullshit, Kakuzu knew, but that did give him some time. Pouring two glasses, he pushed one in Hidan’s direction, actually giving the man something of an interested look.

“Alright, you’ve got me curious now,” Kakuzu started, sounding entirely sincere, well-versed in the art of deceiving people to his real thoughts and intentions. “They way you talk about it, when you, personally, get to the big pearly gate, and they look up your name in the big book, they’re going to welcome you in with confetti and fanfare and everything. Am I right?”

Hidan, seriously, was completely stunned at Kakuzu’s seeming one eighty about religion. Was the bastard actually sounding interested? Wait- black wasn’t white, up wasn’t down and there wasn’t fire raining down on them yet. Taking the glass from the table, he swirled it lazily while perking up towards Kakuzu, giving him that oh-so-famous-charming-smile.

“Tch, yeah, probably. I mean, really, who wouldn’t want to? I always spread the word, I repent like no other motherfucker when I have to and I’m damn hot. Seriously, if you’re seeing the light, I can help you.” Grin still in place, Hidan took a sip of his wine. Hey, he did say he was good. And persistent.

But... now what? What was he going to do with Kakuzu when he got bored now?

In order to mask the snicker that threatened to escape, Kakuzu gave an interested ‘hmm’, indicating that he had, for once, listened to every word. Taking a sip of his own glass, he seemingly considered it for a while, before looking back up at Hidan.

“Well, you never sign a contract without reading all of it, even the fine print, correct?” They both knew the answer to that, so he continued on without waiting for an answer. “So…spread the word, repent, got all that. But that, obviously, can’t be all. Tell me what else someone would have to do to earn such prestigious status.”

It was more than easy to sound entirely sincere when he knew the punch line. The biggest problem was trying not to laugh at the absurdity of things Hidan said regarding anything religious. Especially knowing Hidan’s reputation. There was nothing that would ever get Kakuzu to “believe”, but it seemed to him that if one went and did sinful things on purpose, repeatedly, then one wasn’t truly sorry when they confessed. Perhaps if it wasn’t for the raging hypocrisy that Hidan spouted in his little religious lectures, and the fact that Kakuzu felt that the church was only out to get his hard-earned money, he might have-just might have-been a little more inclined to oblige his roommate.

Hidan was a bit of an idiot, even during his rare spouts of intelligence. Usually he would be better off gagged and forced to do people’s bidding, mainly because if he was allowed to talk (or even if he wasn’t) he would bitch, whine and moan. He was adoring this, for the simple fact that Kakuzu was actually bothering to listen- the most annoying, awkward, unenlightened little twat on the entire island, and he was listening.

The blond thought for a moment before replying. “Well, God’s pretty forgiving so long as he knows your heart’s in it, but he does like to see some actual effort from people- other than that whole ‘oh yes, I’m so religious, see my Church’ crap that people do. Pilgrimages are quite popular still.” Hidan, in fact, was planning on doing the mother of all pilgrimages once he got off this motherfucking island. Every Christian site he could reach, starting with the Vatican. From there to Lourdes and Santiago, and several others along the way. He hadn’t quite decided whether he was hitchhiking or what, but Hell, he was doing it.

“I see then.” Kakuzu nodded as if he were actually taking this all in. Hah. “Alright, so that’s what I should do. Again, though, there must be things I can’t do, correct? What, then, besides time, will I have to be giving up?”

He would get Hidan to explain every little nuance of the stupid religion until he got the magic words. He knew they would come out eventually, and Hidan didn’t seem to suspect a thing, which meant that his little charade was working rather well. In fact, he could easily imagine this being the best news of the blond’s life. Poor, naïve Hidan, if only he realized how stupid he sounded when he began going on like this. If Kakuzu could have, he would have recorded it and sold it for a profit, but he couldn't imagine Hidan allowing a video camera being pointed in his direction if he knew the only drive was money...then again, he'd also often wondered how easy it might be to get Hidan into televangelism.

Though perhaps not the best news of Hidan’s life, it was definitely one of the best parts of his time on Oshima, knowing Kakuzu. He kicked back the rest of the wine in one go and smiled, king of charm when he was pleased.

“There’s the usual stuff, the things even a sinner like you should know- thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not have Gods before Him, thou shalt not commit adultery, and so on. Then there’s the entire ‘no sodomy’ shit, he tends to get pissed. Getting baptised is a good idea, because you were already dirty with Original Sin- fucking women, seriously.” He paused, taking a breath and running a hand through his hair. “But then again, since the Old Testament, he’s gotten a lot nicer- I mean, this world’s a hotbed of sin and he hasn’t caused a giant flood yet.” Hidan glanced back to the kitchen, noticing he was beginning to get hungry- his food better hurry up, just... really. Damned bastards. Taking too fucking long.

Nodding again, fishing a pen from his pocket, finding a scrap of paper in his wallet, and setting in the table.

“Alright then, what do we say here’s what I do,” he said, tone entirely serious as he began writing, concentrating hard on the little piece of paper. “Become a serial killer…easier said than done, perhaps we save that for last. Continue to worship my accountant, that’s pretty easy, I already do that. Start sleeping around every chance I get…and…” He paused, briefly, in light of the day’s events, but it just wouldn’t be complete if he didn’t say what he was thinking. “…sleep with every man I can. Got it. So, how damned do you think that’ll get me? Enough to keep you away from me for an eternity, you think?”

He was smirking again, completely satisfied in his mockery without even seeing Hidan’s reaction first, a smirk which endured even as the waitress finally came by with their plates, even as Kakuzu continued on to dig into his dinner, which he imagined as tasting a lot better than he did. He didn’t even need for his words to be successful, because he was rather self-satisfied with himself.

... What. The Hell. Happened here?

Hidan was pretty much knocked speechless, something that was by no means easy to do for any person, and spluttered for a good minute as the food was placed in front of him before scowling and looking pointedly at his food to ignore the self-righteous bastard across the table from him. He was grateful for the food coming to provide a distraction for his poor ego. Taking a fork, he stabbed it through his salad and chomped down angrily, not actually tasting the vegetables and croutons, just eating because it was fucking there.

God, he hated Kakuzu. He hated his smug little face and his bastard self in general and why the Hell hadn’t he moved out of the apartment? His wouldn’t be cheap and shitty and it would have warm water. That would be an amazing thing.

He should seriously move out. No bastard of a ‘friend’ being a fucking cunt with every breath he took, no stupidly cheap apartment, no distractions, no dresses or platforms... it all sounded so nice.

Unlike Hidan, who seemed to be taking his rage out on his food, Kakuzu ate quickly and calmly, managing down two more glasses of wine in addition to his first. He was a bit surprised though…absolute silence? He liked to think that Hidan remembered that their bet was still on, but didn’t give the man that much credit. He wasn’t going to ask, though, since he didn’t want to incite any more ranting. It was actually rather nice, to have a quiet dinner without having to go alone. You always looked pathetic no matter what, if you went alone, as if you had no friends. Not that he considered Hidan much of a friend, but no one ever had to know that. He was able to finish his plate in a timely manner, handing it to the waitress as she came by, asking for the bill, and no, he didn’t want any dessert and neither did his friend, and he would be paying in cash. It was mildly unnerving for there to not be a slur of complaints and curses coming his way, he realized, but he was going to savor every second of it he could. And once he’d squared the bill out of the way, he called the cab company once again, repeating the process of earlier, but in reverse.

Hidan was enjoying taking his rage out on his food, because if he didn’t they’d be kicked out while he kicked the shit out of Kakuzu. And it wouldn’t get anywhere. He made sure to avert his eyes from Kakuzu for as long as it was possible- and with Hidan, it was very possible. Even when Kakuzu stopped him having dessert (though Hidan really wanted something sweet), Hidan kept his gaze averted from Kakuzu and completely silent. He didn’t care enough to want to rant about it, because that would imply that he cared about Kakuzu. And he didn’t.

Not at all.

As soon as Kakuzu hung up on the place, Hidan pushed himself out of the chair and shoved it, rather forcefully, back into place, still making a point not to look at Kakuzu and ‘tsk’ing quietly. He was like a spoiled child who had his fun ruined.

The ride home was a little less eventful. If Hidan said anything, Kakuzu sufficiently managed to drown the sound out, all the way back to the apartment, where he flopped down onto the couch, discarding his jacket across the armrest, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. He was rather full, feeling just a little warm (since he’d never been known for holding alcohol well, a mere three glasses of wine was enough to get him to loosen up a bit) and was still busy gloating. He had silenced Hidan. It had dawned on him that he had not only gotten his roommate’s hopes up, but that he had crushed them and shut him up in one fell swoop. He couldn’t help but continually mentally applaud himself. Although he wasn’t sure how he was going to top himself now. There was also the fact that he was pretty sure this wasn’t going to completely silence Hidan’s religious blathering. Asking nicely hadn’t worked. Asking rudely hadn’t worked. And he was cynical enough to get the gut feeling that this wasn’t going to work. But he would always remember the day that Hidan actually didn’t have anything to say, and he idly wondered if he should have taken the camera with him to capture the moment. Pity he hadn’t, he really wanted to show everyone now that he thought about it. Sure the story would get enough of a laugh, but a picture…that would have been absolutely priceless. And when he, of all people, found something priceless…well, it really was.

It was wearing on in the evening by the time they got back, and as he wallowed in his triumph, he also wondered what more he could force Hidan to do. So far, it felt like the day had been wasted, and he wasn’t yet entirely content with what he’d gotten out of the deal. There had to be more, but what? For a few moments, Kakuzu lamented that Hidan wasn’t a woman-as much as he acted like one sometimes-for all the other entertaining things he could have forced his roommate to do, but mentally stopped dead in his tracks when he realized that, man or woman, he was still thinking of those sorts of things and Hidan at the same time. There was also the less important, but ever-present fact that he didn’t want to imagine Hidan with real PMS, but more importantly…his mental processes had, as some point, had both Hidan and lewd acts in conjunction with each other, which was enough to make him feel ill all over again, and so he distracted himself by pondering the next month’s finances.

Personally, Hidan had found the entire day completely odd. From the dress to the trip out (something he was still trying to erase from his mind with the greatest vigour) to everything else, Hidan just found it odd. And hopefully it would never happen again and never be mentioned and everything else. It was a non-existent day, he was going to erase it and pretend it was all a long dream when he got in.

The taxi ride was just as silent as the meal- Hidan’s mind actually preoccupied and still concentrating on the war of silence that had started for him. Because Hidan almost always started conversations between the two anyway. And by conversations, he really meant arguments. It was always an argument- there was hardly anything Hidan could think of that they’d ever agreed on.

Having every intention of slinking into his room as soon as he found some ice-cream (he was still craving it), Hidan bypassed the couch, finally breaking his avoidance of looking at his roommate for only a second.

Bastard looked good.

-- No. Wait. Rewind. He didn’t think that. Hidan did not think that. Because he was Hidan and that was Kakuzu and that was just as weird as the scene that had permanently implanted itself into his memory. Growling at himself in frustration, and his stupid, stupid thoughts, Hidan stalked into the kitchen, pulling out the tub of ice-cream from the freezer and yanking a drawer open to get a spoon before he dug into the frozen goods, leaning against the counter and glowering at whatever he could.

It was three spoonfuls later when he shoved it back in, dumped the spoon into the sink and found the hardest alcohol he could in the fridge, downing it straight out of the bottle.

Kakuzu paid Hidan little mind, other than to flash him a white-toothed, snarky grin as he came into the living room and promptly stalked out. The silent treatment, huh? Kakuzu could deal with the silent treatment, except for one thing: he would eventually have to say something, unless he wanted to relinquish the rest of the time he had left. He silently cursed the fact that he finally got Hidan to shut up for more than a few minutes, and he had to ruin it. Well, if he was going to have to ruin it, he might as well find other ways to cope with the incessant bitching. An entirely sober Kakuzu would never have thought such things, but on-the-verge-of-getting buzzed Kakuzu was ready to bring on whatever they had left in the house, which meant whatever his roommate hadn’t already consumed.

“Hidan!” he yelled over his shoulder, into the kitchen, where he could hear the other rustling around. “We got any whiskey left? Bring it out here.”

He could only hope that the rest of his favorite bottle hadn’t been destroyed long ago, but it wouldn’t be surprising in the least.

Hidan didn’t really know what he’d picked up when he opened the fridge- it was strong and alcoholic, that’s all he needed to know. He’d simply looked for something over 30 per-cent and picked it up. He took a second glance at the bottle in his hand, feeling the effects of the burning liquid in his throat, bloodstream and head, warm and slowly curling through his body to make him delightfully lightheaded.

Oh yeah... that was the bottle Kakuzu wanted. Hidan kept his grip on the neck of the bottle as he pushed himself from the counter with the typical lethargic movements that came of alcohol and trying not to stumble all over the place while delightfully warm and blank-minded. There was a good third of the stuff left (it had been opened whenever Kakuzu last decided to get drunk at home) since Hidan had downed more than his share of the drink. (He didn’t like the stuff, but Hell, it would get this feeling, it was fine.)

Handing the bottle over to Kakuzu, Hidan stifled a hiccup and swayed slightly, gripping the edge of the couch to steady himself. “Foul shit, seriously,” he muttered. Hidan had always classed the stuff as an old man’s drink, and he was yet to really be proven wrong about that (Kakuzu always acted like one, as far as the blond was concerned.)

For all Kakuzu knew, the bottle had been mostly full the last time he’d checked, and could only give Hidan an incredulous look now that over half the bottle’s remaining contents were gone. He’d always tried to give Hidan a little more credit in that department, that the blond could at least hold his liquor, but from the looks of it, even that was a little too much.

“You did not just drink all of this, did you?” he asked, rather accusingly, as he took the bottle, as well as the rest of its contents, for himself. He didn’t make any hesitation in tucking in, since there seemed to be no proffered glass. Well, one couldn’t assume Hidan to be smart enough to bring one, but since he had every plan to finish the bottle off, it didn’t matter much anyway. “If you don’t kill yourself by eating that greasy crap, you’re going to die by alcohol poisoning…”

Hidan had, in fact, drank that much of the bottle without even noticing and he shrugged in reply. Bring a glass? He could of, if he’d been thinking about it. But he’d been listening too intently to the sheer delightful nothingness of the alcohol he’d consumed while trying not to gag at the burning taste of the stuff. The blond found the nearest surface to sit on (the coffee table) and rested his arms on his thighs, leaning forward lazily, eyes cast down to the floor for a minute.

“Hah. You fuckin’ wish dude. I’m immortal,” he replied, looking up at Kakuzu. It was a joke, of course. Even Hidan wasn’t stupid enough to think he wouldn’t die someday. But either way, it wouldn’t be some day soon, thank you very much. Hidan had a habit of getting himself in ridiculously stupid, almost suicidal, situations and surviving, a little too much alcohol wasn’t going to kill him. Fuck, what could kill him, other than old age? Maybe he was immortal, in a sense.

The alcohol was going to give him a hangover though. But he didn’t care about that right now. After all, there was no fucking fun in considering shit- it just made you worry and not do anything. And your life would fucking suck like that.

“Get me a knife, and we’ll test that theory out, huh?”

Of all the things Kakuzu could remember, and for all the intelligence he had, he always seemed to forget the one downside to drinking. It wasn’t the hangover. The hangover was easy enough to deal with and only temporary. And it wasn’t getting ill when he drank too much. Again, that was unpleasant but only temporary. No, the downside to drinking for him was that he tended to speak his mind. Sober, he tended to keep many thoughts and comments to himself, purely for the sake of avoiding argument. But when he was sufficiently wasted, he would say just about anything and everything that came to mind.

And this didn’t even come to mind as he much-too-quickly polished off the bottle, inspecting it, tilting it back and forth to watch the last few droplets swirl around the bottom, giving them a slight pout as if doing so might make them more inclined to not stick to the glass. Discarding the bottle, tossing it lightly onto the next cushion over, Kakuzu transferred his pout over to Hidan.

“So was that all we had left? Did you actually drink us dry? Damn it…” He let his head fall back against the back of the couch. Which was odd, he thought, because he distinctly remembered sitting much taller than that. What he did not realize was how much of a slouch he’d fallen into.

Snorting, Hidan shook his head. “Fuck no, man. What if you miss and wind up lodging it in the wall? We’d never get the security deposit back, and I know how much that would piss you off~” He leaned towards Kakuzu with a smirk, purring out the last bit, because Hidan was pretty tipsy (or completely drunk) right now and being drunk did nothing for Hidan’s habit of melodramatics.

Hidan paused for a minute, more because of that pout of Kakuzu’s. Turning his head from Kakuzu toward, well, anywhere, and ignoring the little niggling voice somewhat drowned by the buzz of alcohol in his head that said he found it ‘cute’ or ‘endearing’. “There’s some beer too- like, five cans,” he replied idly, waving a hand at the kitchen door. After another pause, he added, “And man, would you wipe that pout off your face? You look ridiculous.” He wasn’t sure if he was lying about that while the voice continued to singsong quietly in his head.

“That’s all, that disgusting shit? Tch…” Kakuzu only lost the pout, not at Hidan’s insistence, but merely because it was replaced by a sneer. Go figure the time he actually wanted something, they were nearly out, and neither seemed to be in much condition to go out to the store. Giving a cross between an exasperated sigh and an unintelligible grumble, he finally completely freed the knot in his tie, letting it hang around his neck. And since it seemed to be getting a little warm, he undid the last few buttons on his shirt. He wasn’t quite the exhibitionist Hidan was, so he stopped it there, running a still-bandaged hand through his hair, closing his eyes while he considered his option. No, there would be no use in trying to send his rather tipsy looking roommate to the store, because that would be far too likely to end in having to bail the man out of the police station.

“So you gonna go get it, or just sit there gawking?” he demanded, when he’d finally come to his conclusion. Something was considerably better that nothing at this point, but he wasn’t about to get up and get it himself when he had a perfectly good temporary servant to do it for him, or so he figured at the time.

It was only to be expected that any person who was attracted to men would ‘gawk’ at Kakuzu right now. But Hidan wasn’t attracted to men, so he wasn’t gawking, he was staring incredulously. Because Kakuzu definitely wasn’t the exhibitionist Hidan was, so Hidan wasn’t used to seeing the man actually being so... laid-back, he supposed.

“Che,” he tsked, crossing his legs and twisting his body away from the other man. “And why should I do that?” He asked before even recalling that stupid little bet and the ridiculous parameters. Hell, by now he should have paid back his dues tenfold. (And of course that wouldn’t be enough.) He turned his head back to Kakuzu, waiting for the answer.

“Because I said so,” Kakuzu growled, although from his rather laid back position, from which he only moved his head to stare at Hidan straight on, it wasn’t quite as intimidating as he would half liked to. Still, piss him off enough and he’d be easily convinced to move, and they might be lucky enough to prove whether or not Hidan actually was capable of dying. He had been tempted on more than one occasion to try, of course, but only when wasted could he ignore the fact that murder was rather illegal. And they’d fought hard before, but there hadn’t yet been a stabbing or shooting involved, which he now found rather unfortunate.

“And will you stop staring at me like that? What are you, queer?” In light of the day’s events, the less-than-sober Kakuzu found his comment rather amusing and witty. It wasn’t, really, and his sober self would realize that much, much later, but at the moment it seemed like the best thing he’d said all evening.

Grumbling none too quietly, Hidan stood up and trudged towards the kitchen, yanking the beer out of the fridge and coming back to the couch with the five cans in hand. He threw a couple into Kakuzu’s lap and opened another for himself, flopping down onto the other side of the couch and taking as big a swig of the shit as he could possibly manage and choking on it as Kakuzu gave his so called ‘witty comment’. He- what? No! Hell- what! NO!

Coughing, Hidan shoved the beer onto the table and tried to catch his breath, wiping his eyes. “No! What the Hell, Kakuzu? Are you off your fucking nut?” A lot more defensive than Hidan should have been about that. He got pissed about a lot of shit but whenever one of them would say shit about the other’s sexuality it was a joke. Hidan would usually just reply with a flippant ‘yeah, you wish’ to Kakuzu but now it pissed him off.

Why the Hell did it piss him off? The alcohol? Yeah. It was just the alcohol- Hidan didn’t really care. Of course not. And maybe after this shit got into his system it would be enough to block out this night. That was it.

“My, someone’s a little insecure tonight, aren’t they?” Kakuzu said with a bit of a chuckle, second before wincing down a large gulp of the pathetic excuse for alcohol. He hated beer for a reason: it tasted suspiciously like he’d imagined piss would taste, which was why he only drank it when he was already half tanked. At that point, he found it easy enough to forget that sort of mental link and just chug it down, get it over with, toss the can aside carelessly once it was empty.

“So, have you been hiding it all this time, that you’re totally hot for me? That would explain a whole lot…” Not that he actually believed it explained anything, but it might account for the fact that he was constantly getting lectures in an attempt to convert him. Why Hidan kept on trying, when it was very obvious that Kakuzu would never, even on pain of death, convert to any religion. No, he didn’t particularly believe it, but it was kind of entertaining to taunt the blond, just to see what would happen. One of the very few times that he actually incited the incessant complaining on purpose. And again, it failed to cross his mind that this was the reason he never drank.

Hidan could feel his eye twitching at Kakuzu’s question and he crushed the beer can in his hand once it was empty. His roommate was treading on thin ice here, mainly because alcohol only speeds up a fire and made Hidan more willing to jump into things headfirst.

Not to mention that this was really pissing him off for once, for some stupid reason he was going to pin on alcohol.

“Fuck you,” he answered simply, glaring straight at Kakuzu with an annoyed tiredness, hand curled into a fist. He wasn’t thinking about how that sounded (though one could argue Hidan never thought about anything) when he spat it out, more than ready to punch Kakuzu’s face in with that stupid superior smirk.

The second question clinched it.

One second later, Hidan had dived across the small gap between the two of them to smack Kakuzu in any way possible. Preferably in the face. That would be the only good thing to happen today.

(part 3)