Adoptive mothers stunned when infant dies after being reclaimed by birth parents

[qara_isuke]

An Ankeny couple thought they had adopted a son until a month ago, but his birth mother changed her mind - and now the 4-month-old infant is dead, with his father charged with neglect

Comments

[ladycyndra]

So the baby is taken away from two moms who loved and cared for him, only to be put back with two people who didn't know what the hell they were doing and now the baby is dead.

WHAT SENSE DOES THIS MAKE??

[ineverycolor]

But they were a gay couple and they were gonna raise the baby gay. Clearly this was fo the best.

(This is what I imagine a fox news article reporting)

[rhysande]

I didn't get the impression there was an issue with the adoptive mothers' sexuality. The adoption must have been open if McFarlands were at the hospital to cut the baby's cord.

[lisasimpsonfan]

This is a horrible tragedy but what does it have to do with their sexuality? A six month period where the birth parents can change their mind is pretty standard in any adoption no matter if it's a same sex couple or not. It sucks that someone can get a baby that they love and care for but that cooling off period is important so the birth mother isn't pressured into giving up her child at a very vulnerable moment right after giving birth.

[louisiane_fille]

In Louisiana, once the birth mother signs the papers, she cannot change her mind. However, she cannot sign the papers until the baby is five days old. Once she signs though, it's a done deal. The birth father also has to give consent.

It sucks that this couple had to give that baby back, only to have him end up dead because that kid calling himself the father had no idea how to care for a baby.

[qara_isuke]

I honestly don't know about that, since the article never mentions her family and it's stated that the POS father didn't live with them. That she only had him to rely on when running errands makes me worry she had zero support in place, no one she could ask for help that she genuinely trusted.

Protections need to run both ways. Women shouldn't be coerced or pressured into giving up their children, but in this case it seems adoption was the best choice for Gabriel. He would have been safe and loved. Instead, he was back with his birth mother for maybe a month and left alone with his father for less than an hour, and ended up dead from "abusive head trauma". She couldn't have known he'd do something like that, but if that douche was all she had to help her......that's really sad and messed up.

[sio]

i see this horrible case as more of a problem with whatever law permits bio-parents who decide they don't want the baby initially to just be able to "change their mind" and rip the child out of the only home he/she has known for however long the adoptive parents have had him/her.

if this clause is regularly in adoption paperwork, maybe it should be removed or stronger wording should be used/the return to the bio-parents should be monitored in the short term to ensure that they really intend to care for the child. cuz it's not fair to the children or the adoptive parents who are prepared to make a good home for the children, even though the majority of cases do not end like this.

[squeeful]

The clause is there to help figure out whether the birth mother was pressured into giving up the infant. Full, understanding consent is a good thing.

[sio]

then i suppose i must ask if it really takes months on end to figure this out in the cases it occurs. a month, maybe two. but four? Gabriel had been with his moms for four months....no doubt meaning he bonded with them and all he knew was them. the longer time that is allowed the pass, the stronger the child bonds with the adoptive parents and the more traumatic it ends up on the child if he's suddenly yanked away from the only people/love he knows and put with strangers.

[rhysande]

Gabriel was returned to his birth mother at 3 months. It probably took at least a month for the paperwork to reverse the adoption to be filed, processed, go before a judge, etc, so it's reasonable to assume the birth mother started the process before the baby was 2 months old.

[zinnia_rose]

First, it's heartbreaking that poor baby Gabriel was essentially murdered by people who were supposed to be caring for him. However, I don't see what his adoptive parents' sexuality has to do with anything. Did the birth parents change their minds because their baby was adopted by a gay couple? If not, it seems immaterial.

Six months seems like a really long waiting period. I've only ever heard of birth parents having 30 days to change their mind, which seems like a much better idea. I could maybe see having a 90 day window, but waiting four months is just cruel to the child and the adoptive parents.

[sio]

Six months seems like a really long waiting period. I've only ever heard of birth parents having 30 days to change their mind, which seems like a much better idea. I could maybe see having a 90 day window, but waiting four months is just cruel to the child and the adoptive parents.

agreed.

[moonshaz]

Also agreed. A million, billion percent.

[ar_feiniel_]

Same. That's just too long to put the adoptive parents through that. And that's got to mess with their ability to properly bond with the child.

[jamesalesto]

Given that I'm adopted, and that the person who threw me out like literal trash* coming to take me away was my Mom's biggest fear, they should not be able to reverse the adoption. Don't ruin someone else's life because you decided to change your mind.

*I was found in a dumpster premature by 3 months.

[wuvvumsoc]

Oh wow, it's so fortunate you survived. I had no idea that happened to you. D:

[qara_isuke]

Good god, that's messed up. I'm glad you were one of the ones lucky enough to survive and find a real family. I cannot imagine how scary that must have been for your Mom, and really drives home how biology does not a parent make.