Where Have All the Good Men Gone?

[maynardsong]

Not so long ago, the average American man in his 20s had achieved most of the milestones of adulthood: a high-school diploma, financial independence, marriage and children. Today, most men in their 20s hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. This "pre-adulthood" has much to

Comments

[lavenderfrost]

Seriously - replace "playing video games" with "using the computer" and trips to Vegas with trips to other cities where I have friends, and you've got me, too. AND GOD FORBID I SHOULD BE A FEMALE STAR WARS FAN. -_-;;

You can wanna have fun and still be concerned first and foremost with paying the bills - god knows I lose enough sleep every night worried sick about that.

[maynardsong]

You can't like Star Wars, you're a girl. Instead, you get to enjoy shirts that say "No Money No Honey" and "Princess", and then have that used against you if you try to complain about any unrelated misogyny thrown your way. /sarcasm

[maynardsong]

Context for my comment: I've noticed that clothing for teenage boys is a lot more "fun" than clothing for teen girls, and even the "fun" girl clothing is ultimately about being desirable, and the "girl power" clothing amounts to advertising that you're TOO DAMN HAWT. There's not so much girl clothing that's just plain silly without attempting to be sexy - and that's sexY, not sexUAL, but that's another story. And I think all that comes from the same kind of mindset that this article subscribes to.

[roseofjuly]

And to me, paying the bills is a means to an end. It's so I CAN have fun. I don't work just to do it, just to exist in this world. I work so that I can make money so that I can buy the things I want to buy and do the things I want to do. God forbid I should want to do something other than pay the light bill and clothe a posse of children.

[popehippo]

Blah blah blah women are a monopoly and gay/genderqueer people don't exist blah blah blah

They are more like the kids we babysat than the dads who drove us home.

[popehippo]

Maybe it's just my hedonistic wretch side showing but it's my damn life IF I WANT TO SPEND MY MONEY ON GAMES (zomg please come out faster, Dragon Age 2) AND TRIPS TO VEGAS, I'LL DAMN WELL DO IT.

And should I find a lady or guy who shares such interests, all the better!

Being a grownup should not necessarily mandate that you have NOTHING in your life but work kids and money, yeesh.

[maynardsong]

MTE

[roseofjuly]

MTE, in college I used to get in on the Smash Bros. tournaments and sit around drinking beer and passing out with pizza boxes around me on the floor. And shit, that stuff is still awesome, it just happens less often. And Star Wars, I loves it.

[antikythera]

Okay, I'm trying to formulate something here... call me out if I say anything stupid...

As a kid I used to pore over Sears catalogues for clothes (shhh). I noticed when I was about thirteen that there were Star Trek and Star Wars themed clothes for boys my age, but nothing like that in girls' clothes. As a girl, I was expected to have grown out of that kind of fun before boys did.

I just decided I didn't want to give up the things I liked before I truly did grow out of them. I'm still a nerd for that stuff. So is my husband. Oh, and we're responsible adults too.

Is Klausner so turned off by the nerdiness that she's interpreting it as immaturity when it might be an independent quantity? Is she jealous of them having that kind of fun? Because if I'd been forced to give it up I'd be bitter as a grownup.

[maynardsong]

Oh man me too. All guys' stuff was clever or silly whereas girls' stuff was HOTTIE and PRINCESS and SO MANY BOYS SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME. And for a while my rage was wrongly directed towards girls and femininity.

[katie_g_lynn]

And for a while my rage was wrongly directed towards girls and femininity.

YES. I was so uncomfortable with gender roles that I completely despised all things feminine, and "girly girls" and dresses and the color pink were all evil. As I grew older I realized it was not my femininity that was an issue, it was society's sexist definition of my femininity along with the belief that masculinity was only for the boys.

[antikythera]

Yep. I realized pretty early that anything a woman or girl does is by definition 'feminine', even if it's something that only boys are supposed to do.

[maynardsong]

Even if it ultimately does a disservice to women?

[maynardsong]

NO ONE in this comm would object to criticizing dudebros. No one at all. The problem is that Kay Hymowitz wants to go from dudebros to MANLY MAN WHO BRING HOME THE BACON WHILE YOU'RE A GOODLY WIFEY. It's not ultimately dudebro culture she's criticizing at all, but the fact that ~men aren't men~.