"Men tend towards physical violence, while women will use invisible psychological or verbal 'violence' to control others passively."
D: Emotional abuse is a serious issue. Seeing it used as a way to set up a false equivalence between what abusive men in het relationships tend do to women (namely, beat, rape, maim, and murder) and what women in het relationships do to men is just... FUCKING ABSURD.
Reminds me of the way some cops look at het DV situations as equally the fault of the woman as the man.
I know men who have been in abusive heterosexual relationships and have been beaten, raped and maimed, so while I agree that it probably isn't as common as physical violence committed by men against women, it DOES happen. So...not really a false equivalence.
Comparing physical violence by men against women with physical violence by women against men isn't a false equivalence, true, as long as it's recognized that the second dynamic is statistically less likely, especially in situations where the violence isn't "mutual."
But trying to up the stats on female violence against men by expanding the definition of violence is, imo, not supportable.
I admit I don't particularly like the wording, but on the whole I think more attention needs to be given to emotional abuse as well as physical, with regards to both men and women being abused. So I don't have a problem with 'expanding the definition' in that way - maybe instead of expaning the definition of violence, expanding the definition of domestic abuse would be a better way to put. But I get what you're saying.
while women will use invisible psychological or verbal 'violence' to control others passively."
oic
heterosexism aside, i didn't know women used verbal violence to threaten to rape and kill the men they're in relationships with to passively control them. i thought there was a difference between your wife saying mean things to you sometimes and the dv mindset. lol silly me.
as a child survivor of dv i know emotional abuse is real. i deal with the repercussions every single fucking day. i also know the difference between some men whining about their wives being mean to them and real (emotional and physical) abuse and the way it affects you down to every little thing you do.
but thanks for explaining my feelings to me. it hasn't happened in a while, so i guess i was due.
I would honestly rather see a comprehensive study that focused solely on female-on-male (or, you know, f-f/m-m) violence than one that tries to compare it to male-on-female
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I'm so conflicted on it because I hate when men's rights activists et al throw in "but men are victims too" because it so often seems like they're simply focused on minimizing ways in which women are victimized and don't give a shit about any victims, just the theoretical idea of men as victims
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You pretty much said what I wanted to, much much better than I can.
Like, yes, women are physically abused at a much higher rate than men are. This is bad thing. But! Men are abused. This is ALSO a bad thing.
I'll be honest, and say sometimes I'm very much tempted (and not just in this community) to throw in a "but what about men who are abused?" and not in an attempt to derail at all, but because the way I see it, the fact that it's always given the brush off because it happens more to women is wrong. I find that often at least one commenter at that point makes a silly statement along the lines of "but it happens more to women" or "the men are the problem" and so on, and to me that seems....silly, for lack of a better word.
Men get abused. Just like Women do. None of it's good, none of it should be happening. But sometimes...it is about the men. And that's okay.
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D: Emotional abuse is a serious issue. Seeing it used as a way to set up a false equivalence between what abusive men in het relationships tend do to women (namely, beat, rape, maim, and murder) and what women in het relationships do to men is just... FUCKING ABSURD.
Reminds me of the way some cops look at het DV situations as equally the fault of the woman as the man.
FUCK THAT SHIT.
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But trying to up the stats on female violence against men by expanding the definition of violence is, imo, not supportable.
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But I get what you're saying.
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oic
heterosexism aside, i didn't know women used verbal violence to threaten to rape and kill the men they're in relationships with to passively control them. i thought there was a difference between your wife saying mean things to you sometimes and the dv mindset. lol silly me.
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but thanks for explaining my feelings to me. it hasn't happened in a while, so i guess i was due.
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Like, yes, women are physically abused at a much higher rate than men are. This is bad thing. But! Men are abused. This is ALSO a bad thing.
I'll be honest, and say sometimes I'm very much tempted (and not just in this community) to throw in a "but what about men who are abused?" and not in an attempt to derail at all, but because the way I see it, the fact that it's always given the brush off because it happens more to women is wrong. I find that often at least one commenter at that point makes a silly statement along the lines of "but it happens more to women" or "the men are the problem" and so on, and to me that seems....silly, for lack of a better word.
Men get abused. Just like Women do. None of it's good, none of it should be happening. But sometimes...it is about the men. And that's okay.
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