008 (Video)

[onlyhalfserious]

[The video feed clicks on and there's Sark at the age of thirteen, looking just as DEADLY SERIOUS as he did at twenty-five. His voice isn't as monotone or as controlled as it used to be, so you can still hear some faint traces of a Russian accent and every now and then his well-spoken veneer will slip.]

For whatever organization you claim to be, you

Comments

CHILDHOOD TRIGGERS AHOY!

[doeswhatido]

...agent?

WHOO!

[onlyhalfserious]

Did I not make myself clear?

[Okay, not technically. BUT NONE OF YOU GET TO KNOW THAT.]

SOB WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE BEING RAISED TO BE ASSASSINS AROUND HERE? ;_;

[doeswhatido]

There's the FBI, the CIA, the FSB, all sorts of agencies you can be under, and that's definitely Russian. FSB?

[[The FSB is after him, man, ohhhh maaan.]]

[onlyhalfserious]

None of them. And I wouldn't tell you even if I was.

[voiceshall_echo]

'Final warning.' You shouldn't give warnings, fool.

[onlyhalfserious]

I'm giving them the opportunity to correct their mistake before this becomes an ordeal.

[voiceshall_echo]

Then you wast your time.

[stopthat_destro]

You sound like a Bond villain.

[onlyhalfserious]

[At this age, he hadn't seen a Bond film. HIS CHILDHOOD WAS DEPRAVED.]

...What?

[stopthat_destro]

[THE HORROR.]

Just the things you say. You're not stroking a white cat right now, are you?

[onlyhalfserious]

[Congratulations, Rex. You've officially thrown off his tiny villain groove.]

...I don't have a cat.

[talldarksaviour]

Can you do magic then?

[onlyhalfserious]

Magic isn't real.

[talldarksaviour]

Yes it is.

We were kidnapped by warlocks, who travel through time, and they did magic, like great big balls of shiny sparkly stuff.

[All said with enthusiastic hand waving.]

[onlyhalfserious]

[Staaare.]

They're underground criminals who either want to sell us to human traffickers or sell our organs on the black market.

SORRY I'M SO LAAAAAATE.

[willkissawookie]

Sark?

IT'S FIIINE. <333

[onlyhalfserious]

...How do you know that name.

TY <3

[willkissawookie]

I'm a friend. I'm Leia.

[onlyhalfserious]

I don't have any friends. Where have you taken me?