On a Different Derech

[onionsoupmix]

Here's an interesting interview that starts off sounding like your typical off-the-derech story.

Girl grows up in an insular Chassidic environment, is married off at age 17 and has 3 kids by the age of 23. She then divorces her husband, leaves her community and starts working on degrees and careers.

But that's where the the typical off-the-derech

Comments

[fetteredwolf]

I grew up in an insular Charedi environment but managed to go OTD before the kids and marriage. However, when I was thinking about careers I did consider rabbi for a while there. I was interested in finding a way to express my spirituality and to teach people about it without being Charedi. Growing up everything was so black and white (ok, literally as well, but you know what I mean) and relearning how to be a spiritual and religious person in a way that felt meaningful to me was important.

In the end I went with a PhD in Biology and cancer research.

[fetteredwolf]

Also, I just followed the link and realized that I vaguely know the person in question.

[onionsoupmix]

really? What's she like?

[twostepsfwd]

i also know her.

[miris_rants]

Actually there's nothing weird about it to me - she went with what she knows best (some sort of religion/religious way of life) - yet now this path suddenly gives her power. From a woman who's forced to essentially be a child-bearer as a sole purpose of her life she suddenly has a way to become a scholarly authority and basically show a big fat finger to those who ingrained her to believe that women are only useful for childbearing and that their only mitzvot are really challa, nidda and candles. :) Suddenly she will be the one who will be consulted, respected, and who will give beautiful dvar torah to the community. From personal experience, what attracted me the most about orthodox judaism was actually the intellectual part of it (learning), which of course as a young student that's all you do. But suddenly you turn 18 and realize oh wait what really is expected of YOU is in essence kitchen, children, and childbearing. Then you see exhausted sad mother of many young children without a break and anyway... I run like a madwoman ;)

Makes sense

[miris_rants]

There may be a gender aspect to all of this. Maybe, if she was male, she would have been able to be a rabbi, but just be known as someone who had a falling out with other rabbis in the community. For example, some prominent rabbis broke with Chabad but still continued as influential rabbis on their own (Shlomo Carlebach, Zalman Shachter-Shalomi, Shmuli Boteach).

However, as a woman in a very traditional Hasidic community, her role would have been limited in such a way that she would have had to break free of the structure in order to have spiritual and physical independence. At the same time, though, her reasons for leaving were likely related to her rejection of that particular lifestyle and role, and not because rejected any notion of G-d.

JRKmommy

[mrn613]

I have a friend of a friend (acquaintance?) who is a reform cantor. She says the way she makes most of her income is through the "life ceremonies". Sure enough if you go this person's web page it lists all of the "life ceremonies" she performs. As a cynic I would say the reason she is becoming a Rabbi is not to celebrate her gemarrah skills but to make $400 a pop doing funerals, unveilings, intermarriages/commitment ceremonies, baby namings, etc.

[ruchel]

400? wow.
Many do it for free...

[mrn613]

That's her parnassah. She definitely charges $400 for a funeral or unveiling, it's four hours work between travel, speaking with the family, delivering eulogy, etc.

[hamaskil]

Oh, something for me to do if I lose my job :)

[oneironstring]

While I can completely understand your reaction, I also think Miris_Rants is onto something. It doesn't seem that strange to me at all. I guess it depends upon the reason you have for leaving the fold. If you leave Hasidism because you became an atheist or agnostic, then you wouldn't choose a career path that involves spiritual pursuits. But if you leave Hasidism because you don't like the strictures, but you have retained your faith in God, then it would make sense that what you are seeking is a new way to express that faith.

[hamaskil]

What kind of a rabbi ? Orthodox ?

I've got no problem of being a rabbi, in fact I enjoy dispensing rabbinical advice for a modest fee of $100 donated to my mosdos. Here are my rates:

$100 - to permit milchik dish in a fleishik utensils
$200 - to permit cheese without a hashgocho
$400 - to permit meat without a hashgocho
$1000 - to be significantly makel in niddah questions
$2000 - to halachically permit a pilegesh.

[onionsoupmix]

I didn't know cheese was so easy! Excellent.

Also, I think this is a good business venture, except from the opposite perspective. People lately want more chumros, so we need to sell those.

[hamaskil]

How about selling the phone number of a respected posek who would permit contraception on imamother for just $50 ? And for $200 you won't even have to do the talking :)