Please Bring a Photo of Your Inner Beauty for the Shadchan.

[onionsoupmix]

In 1996, Sacker studied ultra-Orthodox and Syrian Jewish communities in Brooklyn and found that 1 out of 19 girls was diagnosed with an eating disorder - a rate about 50 percent higher than the general U.S. population.

From here.

That whole article is so incredibly ironic in light of  the kiruv machine's continuous insistence that following the laws

Comments

[anonymous]

I was once in the library of a kiruv center situated in a major Jewish community in the US, which often lent/leased space for small events. I overheard a conversation in the basement, of what sounded like a group of shadchanim talking about matches. at one point, someone noted that this yeshivishe guy had actually asked if the girl was "like, overweight, or from the family overweight", something like this. I was still under the impression that, as you noted, emphasis on distraction from the body would somehow lead to emphasis on the person inside. (Bullocks). Ensued a conversation about how superficial the young men were getting. Some ten years ago.
[pro]Lapsing Ger

Apples and Pears

[glowing_flower]

I'd like to look at the data more closely, but it sounds as if this Dr. Sacker was highly selective on data sets, skewing to make a point. For example, the spread would not have been as wide if the study had looked at a broader group of Orthodox women or had compared Orthodox women in Brooklyn to non-Jewish women of dating age in New York City.

For example, look at BMI and rates of eating disorders between women in Ohio and Southern California. I'd guess you'd see a very broad difference, and it wouldn't be tied to religious affiliation.

That being said, there is obviously a stress on Orthodox young women to look their best for dating (I'd say that's true for any woman who is dating, though).

The issue is the disconnect between the fact that we are supposed to be looking at middos and ma'allos and not measurements. But here again, we are the problem, not Judaism. If enough people stand up for what is right, these issues will disappear.

Re: Apples and Pears

[glowing_flower]

Good points about the data.

Another thing to remember is that the desire for thinness is a relatively recent thing in society, that came along with relatively stable supplies of food and cheap carbs.

In the early part of the 20th century, being thin was associated with tuberculosis or starvation. After the Holocaust, survivors obviously wanted to put on weight. The 1950s ideal was fairly buxom, and thinness didn't become a fashion trend until the 1960s.

Re: Apples and Pears

[glowing_flower]

Sorry, forgot to sign that the above comment was from me

Paradox

[shevh]

The whole tznius issue, leads people to paradoxically reduce a woman to nothing but a bunch of body parts, which is ostensibly the opposite of what they were supposed to be for.
So instead of objectifying a woman by staring at her cleavage, you objectify her by thinking about her cleavage, how much it should be covered, her legs, her neck,etc. Sexualizing just about every inch of her rather than just the typically "sexy" parts. Ooh it feels nice to write sex out like that, I'm so traumatized by imamother! Sex sex sex sex.

Anyway, I'm also surprised that a community that is so traumatized by the Holocaust who were literally STARVING have such an obsession with being thin. I see it in my family all the time, which is full of actual SURVIVORS who were in Auschwitz. They stuff the girls silly until they hit puberty, then get hysterical that they are overweight, and send them to weight watchers. One of my cousins had her bat-mitzvah CANCELED because she hadn't lost enough weight by the month before.

Re: Paradox

[shevh]

Wow, that's just disgusting.

I cringed every time a friend with anorexia was told that she "looked good". Other people saw slim hips. I saw a girl with a bony back sticking through a sweater who came really, really close to dying. My second daughter is not skinny, but I'd feel like killing anyone who would ever crush her spirit or make an issue out of it. I want her to be HEALTHY, period.

JRKmommy

Re: Paradox

[onionsoupmix]

This post was great! Insightful, very sad and very funny all in a few lines.

Re: Paradox

[aunt_becca]

that is so disturbing.

[anonymous]

I think I agree that it's about lack of autonomy rather than tznius per se. The Mormon and Southern Baptist worlds have disproportionate numbers of eating disorders, and while their rules about clothing are strict by modern secular standards, they're darn near slutty by frum (or burka) standards.

Of course there is a high degree of overlap because perhaps the biggest way the frum world exerts control over unmarried young women is through tznius. Then when they're married, they graduate to the world of obsessive self-examination of their genitals, forced scrutiny by another woman once a month, pressure to reproduce without regard to her wishes, temperament, and in some cases health ... maybe it's a miracle there aren't more frum women acting out in really self-destructive ways.

Wow

[ext_241192]

This really struck a chord with me. You put my thoughts into words, something that I had difficulty with in this case.

[anonymous]

I write this as a man, so you may trash me here