Which to bury, us or the hatchet (1/13)
Title: Which to bury, us or the hatchet
Authors: oneneuroticfan
Rating: NC-17.
Fandom/Genre: SPN RPS, Hockey AU
Pairing(s): Jensen/Jared
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, purely for my own perverted entertainment and maybe yours, unfortunately these boys are not mine.
Summary: Jensen Ackles was Jared's first real sexual experience, it was just one night, one drunken night of fumbling touches and whispered promises. 'Wanna let off some steam' Jensen had put it after a college hockey game.
Two years later Jared's still not been able to let go of that night. Maybe it has something to do with Ackles being the up and coming star of the NHL. So when Jared gets drafted and has the chance to play with Jensen again, both on and off the ice, who's he to say no.
But can Jared's fantasy guy really live up to reality?
Words: ~83,000 and counting
Notes: Beta'd by the fantasticmasja_17, can't thank you enough! I hope you're intrigued by the fic and if so let me know and I'll write you some more. I'm also thinking about writing a prequel.
Warnings: Homophobic language.
Find it on AO3 | Masterpost | Next (Part 2)
It'd been weeks of bright lights, stupid ties that threatened to strangle him and piles upon piles of legal papers. It'd been congratulation after congratulation. "Welcome to the Boston Bruins, Son." "Looking forward to what you bring to the team this season Jared." "Could use a few more with your kind of raw talent." Followed by the blinding flash of cameras, microphones stuck in his face just hoping for a sound bite from the freshly signed player and question after question after question. "Do you feel you're ready to join the big leagues?" "What are your hopes for your first Season with the Bruins?" "Think you've got what it takes to make it all the way?"
And even now, as he steps out, puts blade to ice for the first time since the legalities were all tied up, it still feels mostly like a dream, he's going to wake up any moment and find himself back in his room in Vermont, and he'll tell Chad all about this crazy dream he had over breakfast and they'll laugh over the absurdity of it all. But no matter how many times he pinches himself he's not waking up.
His heart's pounding frantically, hasn't really stopped since he'd put pen to paper and signed away the next three years of his life. He can still see Jerry standing proud beside him as the ink dried, can still hear his whispered 'I got you a spot kid, like I promised. Now it's time for you to step up, like you promised'. And the weight of it is almost crushing, because what if he can't, what if he's not cut out for this, what if this is the first and last time he steps out as a Bruin? The press are speculating on it, he knows that. No matter how many times Jerry tells him to stop listening to the press he can't. They've speculated over every inch of his game, that and the rest of his goddamn personal life and maybe Jared should feel angry about that, the invasion of privacy. But he can't, because he'd wanted this, he knew this came with the gig, he just hoped it was worth it.
He'd dreamt of this, maybe not this team, maybe not this age, but he'd dreamt of this, standing under the lights, stadium surrounding him, since the first time he'd sent a puck soaring through the air. He'd fallen hard that first time he'd scored, the ice unmerciful and unforgiving, and he'd smiled like he could spend his life just like that, ass bruised and numb on the cold rink. Despite all his expectations, he still isn't prepared for the reality of skating out onto the home of the Bruins, TD gardens. He's surrounded by players he's looked up to, aspired to be as good as for years, and they're skating around him, sparing him a nod here and there, a quick hello or pat on the back or welcome to the team, and Jared feels twelve again, all words caught in the back of his throat like the first time he'd seen a boy naked, skinny dipping in the summer, and realised he was more than happy about it.
Jared grunts in response, all he can get out without embarrassing himself, who knows what kind of words would spill from his mouth if he let them, well he does, the kind of words that got you a name as a crazy fangirl. And crazy fangirl though he may be, that's not really the first impression he's reaching for.
"Keeping it together?" A familiar voice asks and Jared turns to find green eyes locked on his. Jensen Ackles, first line center for the Bruins and NHL superstar, stands before him. Jared might have expected some recognition in those eyes, it's been 2 years sure, and it was only one night, but if he's honest he'd damn well hoped for some recognition. It's a night he hasn't been able to forget after all. But there's nothing, just a hard a edge, a steel to the voice that Jared hasn't heard there before and he swallows as he tries to damp down his libido.
"Better than you ever did, Jenny!" It isn't until Jared hears the second voice, all Texas drawl that he even becomes conscious of the player to the right of Jensen. Chris. Chris Kane Jared recognizes and can't stop the jealousy that rises in his chest as Jensen hooks an arm around the first line's left winger and traps him in a headlock. He stares on dumfounded as the two of them grapple on the ice. Jared's not sure if it's luck or extreme skill that keeps them standing. The two break apart and Jared clears his throat deflecting his eyes towards Kane as he realises his eyes have been glued to Jensen the whole damn time.
"Jenny here spent the best part of his first training session in the boards or face-planting the ice, wondered where the hell they'd got this kid from, thought for sure the coaches had mixed up along the way." Chris snickers and then scoffs in mock pain as Jensen punches him solidly on the arm, face like thunder.
"Weren't you the one that broke your nose your first training session?" Jensen throws back, before pushing off into the center of the rink. Chris merely shrugs at Jared, smile ghosting at his lips before he follows.
Jared's heart is pounding again and he's cursing himself, because really what did he expect? A handshake? A hug? A 'nice to see you again man!'. Whatever it was it hadn't been the complete lack of interest that he'd been faced with. And he can feel the anger just boiling below the surface of his current calm, because Jared Padalecki isn't forgettable, and that night, that night was damn memorable, one of the best he can remember and he'd shared it with that asshole! He just hadn't realised what an ass he'd been at the time, no he'd been only slightly preoccupied with the mouth to mouth, with the press of skin against skin and calloused hands teasing him into a frenzy. He'd thought about Jensen over the past couple of years, he'd be a fool to try to deny that especially to himself, but he can't reacquaint this Jensen with the illusion he realises he'd dreamt up in the past two years.
Coach Kripke calls the players forward, launches into his pre-training camp speech but the words are lost on Jared as he tries to dampen his anger, push the moment to the back of his mind, but every time he hears that stupid laugh or sees those green eyes crinkle as a smile breaks across Ackles' face, well it just comes bubbling to the surface a little hotter than before. He'll be lucky if he makes it through training without a broken nose himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jared hits the showers and moans blissfully as the heat pounds against his aching muscles. It's day 2, he thinks to himself, it's day 2 and his calves are already tight, his hamstrings singing in sweet relief from the respite. Doubt crawls though his mind as he contemplates the weeks ahead, is he really cut out for this? It's a thought he hasn't really let himself entertain over the past few months, because this is what he's been building to, this is what he's spent the last 20 years of his life working for, and he's so close, he can't let himself fail now. He can't even contemplate failure, because without Hockey, without the NHL he's not sure he'll have anything left.
He steps out, towel slung low around his waist, and loses himself in the noisy thrum of the locker-room. It turns out the Bruins locker room isn't much different from the Catamounts, but as he dries himself off Jared's struck with a longing for just that. He'd dropped out of Vermont after his sophomore year, being drafted for the Bruins in the 1st pick and signed straight away. They saw potential, at least that's what he kept hearing. They thought he was ready for the NHL and at 20 maybe he is.
Still it doesn't stop him thinking about his friends, about Chad and Tommy moving back into the town house they'd shared last year, how they'd be starting training soon, how he wouldn't be there to defend their championship title. A part of him longs for that familiarity, for his team. Maybe the Bruins will feel like his team one day, but at the moment he merely feels like an intruder.
"So Texas?" Kane's drawl interrupts his thoughts and he looks up unblinking at the guy. "You talk?" Kane asks when Jared merely looks at him and it somehow gets through to him that he should answer, right? He's never been described as the silent type before, Jared isn't sure what's gotten into him, maybe it's the fact that one of his all-time idols is standing right in front of him, talking to him like it's the most normal thing in the world.
"Yeah San Antonio." Jared forces the words out, finally finding his voice.
"Vermont's a long way from Texas." Kane states, and Jared's raises an eyebrow in response, just what does the guy mean by that, he's not the first person to move across the country for college, he doubts he'll be the last. There's a question on his lips before Kane cuts right in front of him hands held up. "Hey, I read."
Jared's smile falls at that, there's no way to know how much Chris knows, how far into the tabloids he's gotten. Maybe that's as far as he'd read, just a standard article about Jared joining the Bruins from Vermont but he's not quite that hopeful. Jared doesn't want to see disgust or pity or anything aimed at him from the guy he was thinking just maybe he could get along with and he closes in on himself, tries to make himself smaller, as if a 6'4" guy could ever be small. If Christian notices the change in Jared he doesn't let on, just rumbles on through.
"From Dallas myself." He concedes. "Jensen too."
And that's all it takes to draw Jared's attention to Jensen, a nod of Kane's head to his right and he's turning, his eyes taking in the half naked man. His mouth goes dry, an identical white towel to Jared's is hanging precariously from the guys hips, his short light hair wet sticking out at odd angles dripping water down his torso. The droplets cling to Jensen's chest and Jared has to hold himself back from reaching out, from licking them away. The guy's a jerk, he tries to remind himself, doesn't matter how pretty, how hot he is, doesn't matter how good Jared knows it'd be, the guy's a jerk. Jared shakes his head as if to clear it from sexual haze he's falling into and turns back to Chris. But he knows now, he's seen Jensen, knows that body's just a flick of his eyes to the left. He has to consciously hold Chris' gaze, the temptation to peek, even just for a second, too much. One look would turn into a long look, which would turn into a stare, which would no doubt lead to Jared drooling over Jensen right there in the locker room. And what a great entrance into the NHL that would fucking be. Goddammit he needs to get laid. At the first possible opportunity.
"Don't know how three Texans ended up so far from home." Chris jokes oblivious to Jared's sexual turmoil.
"It sure as hell wasn't the weather." Jared throws back and can't help being pleased with himself when Chris throws back his head in laughter.
"Now that, I know." Chris cocks his head, glances back towards Jensen, opens his mouth to speak then thinks better of it and Jared can't help but wonder which tabloid he was contemplating bringing up. And when Chris does open his mouth to speak, he braces for the worst, Fag, dirty cock-sucker, not fit to be human, or maybe something completely new to cut beneath his carefully built walls. "So, a few of the guys are heading out for some drinks tonight, you in?"
Jared's about positive his jaw drops, because that's the last sentence he'd expected and he fumbles over the words as he eagerly agrees.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*
"Get the kid a beer." Chris shouts to Jensen across the bar before he turns to Jared, hand slapping against his shoulder in warm greeting as he starts the introductions. There's Mike his roommate during training camp, Steve a veteran Bruins defenseman, Tom the Bruins current enforcer and Justin the team's current number one goaltender. Jared feels slightly awestruck as he shakes the hand of each, is pulled in for a rough hug from Tom before he takes a seat next to Mike. He's shaking his head in disbelief, the heavy thump of bottle meeting table pulling him from his star struck daze and he looks up to the scowl of one Jensen Ackles. Seriously what is the guy's problem? He doesn't remember Jared, Jared gets that, but he hasn't done anything in the past 2 days that could have possibly pissed the guy off so much.
Wrapping an arm across Jensen's shoulder Chris finishes the introductions. "And Jenny here you already know."
Jared bites his lip a blush spreading across his cheeks, as he realises just how well he know Jensen and his eyes latch onto Jensen's unconsciously. There's something there, a hint of recognition maybe, mixed with a predatory glare and then it's banked down so quickly that Jared wonders if he imagined the whole thing. Taking a swig of beer he steadies himself, let's the conversation flow around him, but he can't quite keep his eyes from flitting back to Jensen every few minutes.
"So how does Bruins ice compare to college league?" It takes a few minutes for Jared to realise the question's aimed at him and he shrugs.
"Probably the same as you remember." He starts. "Ice is ice." Someone snorts in agreement and Jared continues. "I guess it'll be a little different with 17,000 fans watching. If I get that far that is."
Mike throws in a laugh. "Don't think there's much chance you won't make the cut, JT."
Jared's smile breaks out across his face at Mike's words and the easy way he uses the nickname he's picked out for him. His mind blanks out as the conversation heads into speculation over who will and won't make the cut. The conversation washes over him, he's too geared up to listen, to follow what's going on, because he's silently freaking out. He's here, he's hanging out with six NHL players as if it's an everyday occurrence and that's when it strikes him. It is. This is going to be normality for him.
"Think Boy wonder's a little overwhelmed." Jensen sneers and Jared's face flushes again.
"Nowhere near as bad as you were." Chris chimes in. "Didn't speak to anyone for a week and stumbled all over your words like a little girl when you finally did. "
"Bitch." Jensen spits back and Jared notices the slight pinkness of Jensen's cheeks at the comment.
"Dick." "Jerk." "Coc-"
"Guys." Mike cuts off Chris before his next retaliation and Jensen merely sticks out his tongue goading him. "They'd be insulting each other all night if we let them JT."
Tom takes over the conversation then, sinking into stories from Jensen's first season on the team, and how Chris had taken it upon himself to show Jensen just what a real NHL team was made of. That gets a laugh out of most of the guys, a curse out of Jensen and a wry smile from Chris.
"So you got a girl JT?" Justin pipes in as Tom finishes his story and the laughter dies down.
Faces turn in Jared's direction and he notices the quizzical look on Jensen's face, why should he care, Jared thinks, it's not like he even realises who Jared is.
"No." It's one simple word but it feels like Jared had to tear one of his organs out to say it.
Mike hits him squarely on the back, misinterpreting the emotion behind Jared's words. "Hey don't worry kid, we'll find you a nice girl."
Jared twists his fingers in his lap, picks at the label on his bottle. This is it he thinks, get it all out now and have it over with, or spend years hiding who he really is, from people he's pretty sure might become close friends. It's better to find out now right? Better to find out before he lets himself call any of them friends. He scans his eyes across the table, sees the twitch at the corner of Jensen's mouth, and his resolve steadies.
"I'm not into girls." The words fall from his lips, just louder than a whisper and he lifts his head in defiance as he waits the fallout. Sometimes it's disgust he sees in people's eyes, it's callous words spat at him, and friendships withdrawn as if he'd suddenly admitted he was an axe-murderer. Other times it's just small hesitancies, questioning looks thrown his way, off-hand comments that are neither nice nor insult. But as his eyes scan the guys at the table he doesn't see that, there's a mixture of curiosity, a little apprehension maybe and when he looks at Chris, there's not a flicker of surprise just pure acceptance, Jared realises Chris really had gotten through all those articles. His eyes rest on Jensen last and it's surprise that's staring back at him, surprise and if he's not mistaken just a little admiration.
Chris clears his throat. "Guess we'll have to find you a nice guy instead, kid." Laughter envelops him, there's a slight punch to his shoulder from Chris, a nod from Mike that it's cool with him, he is Jared's roommate after all and Jared feels himself relax. A warmth spreads across his chest and he can't hold back the grin he aims at Chris as he heads into stories about setting Justin up on dates. It's a long time since he's felt accepted and for a moment Jared let's himself hope that maybe here things will be okay.
Find it on AO3 | Masterpost | Next (Part 2)
Authors: oneneuroticfan
Rating: NC-17.
Fandom/Genre: SPN RPS, Hockey AU
Pairing(s): Jensen/Jared
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, purely for my own perverted entertainment and maybe yours, unfortunately these boys are not mine.
Summary: Jensen Ackles was Jared's first real sexual experience, it was just one night, one drunken night of fumbling touches and whispered promises. 'Wanna let off some steam' Jensen had put it after a college hockey game.
Two years later Jared's still not been able to let go of that night. Maybe it has something to do with Ackles being the up and coming star of the NHL. So when Jared gets drafted and has the chance to play with Jensen again, both on and off the ice, who's he to say no.
But can Jared's fantasy guy really live up to reality?
Words: ~83,000 and counting
Notes: Beta'd by the fantasticmasja_17, can't thank you enough! I hope you're intrigued by the fic and if so let me know and I'll write you some more. I'm also thinking about writing a prequel.
Warnings: Homophobic language.
Find it on AO3 | Masterpost | Next (Part 2)
It'd been weeks of bright lights, stupid ties that threatened to strangle him and piles upon piles of legal papers. It'd been congratulation after congratulation. "Welcome to the Boston Bruins, Son." "Looking forward to what you bring to the team this season Jared." "Could use a few more with your kind of raw talent." Followed by the blinding flash of cameras, microphones stuck in his face just hoping for a sound bite from the freshly signed player and question after question after question. "Do you feel you're ready to join the big leagues?" "What are your hopes for your first Season with the Bruins?" "Think you've got what it takes to make it all the way?"
And even now, as he steps out, puts blade to ice for the first time since the legalities were all tied up, it still feels mostly like a dream, he's going to wake up any moment and find himself back in his room in Vermont, and he'll tell Chad all about this crazy dream he had over breakfast and they'll laugh over the absurdity of it all. But no matter how many times he pinches himself he's not waking up.
His heart's pounding frantically, hasn't really stopped since he'd put pen to paper and signed away the next three years of his life. He can still see Jerry standing proud beside him as the ink dried, can still hear his whispered 'I got you a spot kid, like I promised. Now it's time for you to step up, like you promised'. And the weight of it is almost crushing, because what if he can't, what if he's not cut out for this, what if this is the first and last time he steps out as a Bruin? The press are speculating on it, he knows that. No matter how many times Jerry tells him to stop listening to the press he can't. They've speculated over every inch of his game, that and the rest of his goddamn personal life and maybe Jared should feel angry about that, the invasion of privacy. But he can't, because he'd wanted this, he knew this came with the gig, he just hoped it was worth it.
He'd dreamt of this, maybe not this team, maybe not this age, but he'd dreamt of this, standing under the lights, stadium surrounding him, since the first time he'd sent a puck soaring through the air. He'd fallen hard that first time he'd scored, the ice unmerciful and unforgiving, and he'd smiled like he could spend his life just like that, ass bruised and numb on the cold rink. Despite all his expectations, he still isn't prepared for the reality of skating out onto the home of the Bruins, TD gardens. He's surrounded by players he's looked up to, aspired to be as good as for years, and they're skating around him, sparing him a nod here and there, a quick hello or pat on the back or welcome to the team, and Jared feels twelve again, all words caught in the back of his throat like the first time he'd seen a boy naked, skinny dipping in the summer, and realised he was more than happy about it.
Jared grunts in response, all he can get out without embarrassing himself, who knows what kind of words would spill from his mouth if he let them, well he does, the kind of words that got you a name as a crazy fangirl. And crazy fangirl though he may be, that's not really the first impression he's reaching for.
"Keeping it together?" A familiar voice asks and Jared turns to find green eyes locked on his. Jensen Ackles, first line center for the Bruins and NHL superstar, stands before him. Jared might have expected some recognition in those eyes, it's been 2 years sure, and it was only one night, but if he's honest he'd damn well hoped for some recognition. It's a night he hasn't been able to forget after all. But there's nothing, just a hard a edge, a steel to the voice that Jared hasn't heard there before and he swallows as he tries to damp down his libido.
"Better than you ever did, Jenny!" It isn't until Jared hears the second voice, all Texas drawl that he even becomes conscious of the player to the right of Jensen. Chris. Chris Kane Jared recognizes and can't stop the jealousy that rises in his chest as Jensen hooks an arm around the first line's left winger and traps him in a headlock. He stares on dumfounded as the two of them grapple on the ice. Jared's not sure if it's luck or extreme skill that keeps them standing. The two break apart and Jared clears his throat deflecting his eyes towards Kane as he realises his eyes have been glued to Jensen the whole damn time.
"Jenny here spent the best part of his first training session in the boards or face-planting the ice, wondered where the hell they'd got this kid from, thought for sure the coaches had mixed up along the way." Chris snickers and then scoffs in mock pain as Jensen punches him solidly on the arm, face like thunder.
"Weren't you the one that broke your nose your first training session?" Jensen throws back, before pushing off into the center of the rink. Chris merely shrugs at Jared, smile ghosting at his lips before he follows.
Jared's heart is pounding again and he's cursing himself, because really what did he expect? A handshake? A hug? A 'nice to see you again man!'. Whatever it was it hadn't been the complete lack of interest that he'd been faced with. And he can feel the anger just boiling below the surface of his current calm, because Jared Padalecki isn't forgettable, and that night, that night was damn memorable, one of the best he can remember and he'd shared it with that asshole! He just hadn't realised what an ass he'd been at the time, no he'd been only slightly preoccupied with the mouth to mouth, with the press of skin against skin and calloused hands teasing him into a frenzy. He'd thought about Jensen over the past couple of years, he'd be a fool to try to deny that especially to himself, but he can't reacquaint this Jensen with the illusion he realises he'd dreamt up in the past two years.
Coach Kripke calls the players forward, launches into his pre-training camp speech but the words are lost on Jared as he tries to dampen his anger, push the moment to the back of his mind, but every time he hears that stupid laugh or sees those green eyes crinkle as a smile breaks across Ackles' face, well it just comes bubbling to the surface a little hotter than before. He'll be lucky if he makes it through training without a broken nose himself.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jared hits the showers and moans blissfully as the heat pounds against his aching muscles. It's day 2, he thinks to himself, it's day 2 and his calves are already tight, his hamstrings singing in sweet relief from the respite. Doubt crawls though his mind as he contemplates the weeks ahead, is he really cut out for this? It's a thought he hasn't really let himself entertain over the past few months, because this is what he's been building to, this is what he's spent the last 20 years of his life working for, and he's so close, he can't let himself fail now. He can't even contemplate failure, because without Hockey, without the NHL he's not sure he'll have anything left.
He steps out, towel slung low around his waist, and loses himself in the noisy thrum of the locker-room. It turns out the Bruins locker room isn't much different from the Catamounts, but as he dries himself off Jared's struck with a longing for just that. He'd dropped out of Vermont after his sophomore year, being drafted for the Bruins in the 1st pick and signed straight away. They saw potential, at least that's what he kept hearing. They thought he was ready for the NHL and at 20 maybe he is.
Still it doesn't stop him thinking about his friends, about Chad and Tommy moving back into the town house they'd shared last year, how they'd be starting training soon, how he wouldn't be there to defend their championship title. A part of him longs for that familiarity, for his team. Maybe the Bruins will feel like his team one day, but at the moment he merely feels like an intruder.
"So Texas?" Kane's drawl interrupts his thoughts and he looks up unblinking at the guy. "You talk?" Kane asks when Jared merely looks at him and it somehow gets through to him that he should answer, right? He's never been described as the silent type before, Jared isn't sure what's gotten into him, maybe it's the fact that one of his all-time idols is standing right in front of him, talking to him like it's the most normal thing in the world.
"Yeah San Antonio." Jared forces the words out, finally finding his voice.
"Vermont's a long way from Texas." Kane states, and Jared's raises an eyebrow in response, just what does the guy mean by that, he's not the first person to move across the country for college, he doubts he'll be the last. There's a question on his lips before Kane cuts right in front of him hands held up. "Hey, I read."
Jared's smile falls at that, there's no way to know how much Chris knows, how far into the tabloids he's gotten. Maybe that's as far as he'd read, just a standard article about Jared joining the Bruins from Vermont but he's not quite that hopeful. Jared doesn't want to see disgust or pity or anything aimed at him from the guy he was thinking just maybe he could get along with and he closes in on himself, tries to make himself smaller, as if a 6'4" guy could ever be small. If Christian notices the change in Jared he doesn't let on, just rumbles on through.
"From Dallas myself." He concedes. "Jensen too."
And that's all it takes to draw Jared's attention to Jensen, a nod of Kane's head to his right and he's turning, his eyes taking in the half naked man. His mouth goes dry, an identical white towel to Jared's is hanging precariously from the guys hips, his short light hair wet sticking out at odd angles dripping water down his torso. The droplets cling to Jensen's chest and Jared has to hold himself back from reaching out, from licking them away. The guy's a jerk, he tries to remind himself, doesn't matter how pretty, how hot he is, doesn't matter how good Jared knows it'd be, the guy's a jerk. Jared shakes his head as if to clear it from sexual haze he's falling into and turns back to Chris. But he knows now, he's seen Jensen, knows that body's just a flick of his eyes to the left. He has to consciously hold Chris' gaze, the temptation to peek, even just for a second, too much. One look would turn into a long look, which would turn into a stare, which would no doubt lead to Jared drooling over Jensen right there in the locker room. And what a great entrance into the NHL that would fucking be. Goddammit he needs to get laid. At the first possible opportunity.
"Don't know how three Texans ended up so far from home." Chris jokes oblivious to Jared's sexual turmoil.
"It sure as hell wasn't the weather." Jared throws back and can't help being pleased with himself when Chris throws back his head in laughter.
"Now that, I know." Chris cocks his head, glances back towards Jensen, opens his mouth to speak then thinks better of it and Jared can't help but wonder which tabloid he was contemplating bringing up. And when Chris does open his mouth to speak, he braces for the worst, Fag, dirty cock-sucker, not fit to be human, or maybe something completely new to cut beneath his carefully built walls. "So, a few of the guys are heading out for some drinks tonight, you in?"
Jared's about positive his jaw drops, because that's the last sentence he'd expected and he fumbles over the words as he eagerly agrees.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*
"Get the kid a beer." Chris shouts to Jensen across the bar before he turns to Jared, hand slapping against his shoulder in warm greeting as he starts the introductions. There's Mike his roommate during training camp, Steve a veteran Bruins defenseman, Tom the Bruins current enforcer and Justin the team's current number one goaltender. Jared feels slightly awestruck as he shakes the hand of each, is pulled in for a rough hug from Tom before he takes a seat next to Mike. He's shaking his head in disbelief, the heavy thump of bottle meeting table pulling him from his star struck daze and he looks up to the scowl of one Jensen Ackles. Seriously what is the guy's problem? He doesn't remember Jared, Jared gets that, but he hasn't done anything in the past 2 days that could have possibly pissed the guy off so much.
Wrapping an arm across Jensen's shoulder Chris finishes the introductions. "And Jenny here you already know."
Jared bites his lip a blush spreading across his cheeks, as he realises just how well he know Jensen and his eyes latch onto Jensen's unconsciously. There's something there, a hint of recognition maybe, mixed with a predatory glare and then it's banked down so quickly that Jared wonders if he imagined the whole thing. Taking a swig of beer he steadies himself, let's the conversation flow around him, but he can't quite keep his eyes from flitting back to Jensen every few minutes.
"So how does Bruins ice compare to college league?" It takes a few minutes for Jared to realise the question's aimed at him and he shrugs.
"Probably the same as you remember." He starts. "Ice is ice." Someone snorts in agreement and Jared continues. "I guess it'll be a little different with 17,000 fans watching. If I get that far that is."
Mike throws in a laugh. "Don't think there's much chance you won't make the cut, JT."
Jared's smile breaks out across his face at Mike's words and the easy way he uses the nickname he's picked out for him. His mind blanks out as the conversation heads into speculation over who will and won't make the cut. The conversation washes over him, he's too geared up to listen, to follow what's going on, because he's silently freaking out. He's here, he's hanging out with six NHL players as if it's an everyday occurrence and that's when it strikes him. It is. This is going to be normality for him.
"Think Boy wonder's a little overwhelmed." Jensen sneers and Jared's face flushes again.
"Nowhere near as bad as you were." Chris chimes in. "Didn't speak to anyone for a week and stumbled all over your words like a little girl when you finally did. "
"Bitch." Jensen spits back and Jared notices the slight pinkness of Jensen's cheeks at the comment.
"Dick." "Jerk." "Coc-"
"Guys." Mike cuts off Chris before his next retaliation and Jensen merely sticks out his tongue goading him. "They'd be insulting each other all night if we let them JT."
Tom takes over the conversation then, sinking into stories from Jensen's first season on the team, and how Chris had taken it upon himself to show Jensen just what a real NHL team was made of. That gets a laugh out of most of the guys, a curse out of Jensen and a wry smile from Chris.
"So you got a girl JT?" Justin pipes in as Tom finishes his story and the laughter dies down.
Faces turn in Jared's direction and he notices the quizzical look on Jensen's face, why should he care, Jared thinks, it's not like he even realises who Jared is.
"No." It's one simple word but it feels like Jared had to tear one of his organs out to say it.
Mike hits him squarely on the back, misinterpreting the emotion behind Jared's words. "Hey don't worry kid, we'll find you a nice girl."
Jared twists his fingers in his lap, picks at the label on his bottle. This is it he thinks, get it all out now and have it over with, or spend years hiding who he really is, from people he's pretty sure might become close friends. It's better to find out now right? Better to find out before he lets himself call any of them friends. He scans his eyes across the table, sees the twitch at the corner of Jensen's mouth, and his resolve steadies.
"I'm not into girls." The words fall from his lips, just louder than a whisper and he lifts his head in defiance as he waits the fallout. Sometimes it's disgust he sees in people's eyes, it's callous words spat at him, and friendships withdrawn as if he'd suddenly admitted he was an axe-murderer. Other times it's just small hesitancies, questioning looks thrown his way, off-hand comments that are neither nice nor insult. But as his eyes scan the guys at the table he doesn't see that, there's a mixture of curiosity, a little apprehension maybe and when he looks at Chris, there's not a flicker of surprise just pure acceptance, Jared realises Chris really had gotten through all those articles. His eyes rest on Jensen last and it's surprise that's staring back at him, surprise and if he's not mistaken just a little admiration.
Chris clears his throat. "Guess we'll have to find you a nice guy instead, kid." Laughter envelops him, there's a slight punch to his shoulder from Chris, a nod from Mike that it's cool with him, he is Jared's roommate after all and Jared feels himself relax. A warmth spreads across his chest and he can't hold back the grin he aims at Chris as he heads into stories about setting Justin up on dates. It's a long time since he's felt accepted and for a moment Jared let's himself hope that maybe here things will be okay.
Find it on AO3 | Masterpost | Next (Part 2)