Which to bury, us or the hatchet (2/13)
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Jensen's grouchiness follows him back to the hotel, he can't say he's surprised given that it's followed him around pretty much all week, hell longer than that, it'd been hovering since he'd turned on the TV to a signing and a blast from the past. All he wants to do is sink into the comfort of his mattress and forget about everything because if he lets himself think about his night he knows he's going to come to the conclusion that he's been a dick, because, well, he has. But who can blame him really? Jared fucking Padalecki joining the Bruins had not been in his playbook. One stupid night of recklessness and it was finally coming back to royally bite him in the ass. There's no other way of putting it, Jensen's pissed and it seems Chris is finally calling him on it.
Jensen and Chris hadn't been fast friends, they hadn't just fallen into the laughs and the bickering, if they were honest they'd pretty much hated each other the first time they'd met. Chris had taken one look at the rookie and decided it was his job to make Jensen's life as much like hell as possible and he'd done a fine damn job in Jensen's opinion, and if you asked Chris, probably in his too.
That first year Jensen had thought it was personal, he'd spent several restless nights worrying about it, retracing his steps trying to find the moment he'd managed to fall on Chris' bad side, but as the dark hours ticked by he still hadn't worked it out. What the hell was up with him that a guy could take one look at him and forever hate him.
It wasn't till a few years later that he'd realised it was Chris' thing. He liked to push the rookies wanted to see what they were really made of and because of it he often he got the best out of them. He'd gotten the best out of Jensen and though they tease each other about it Jensen knows he owes a lot of his career to Chris because by Christmas his first season they'd been sat next to each other, first line, and Jensen had been ready to show the ass just how much he deserved his place with the Bruins.
Once Chris had dropped his douche act and fate had decided to throw them both a curve-ball, in the form of having to room together their second season, they'd found that the two of them actually had a hell of a lot in common. That's how it had started, the words they'd spat at each other to hurt had lost their venom and become merely banter, harmless jokes and by the end of Jensen's second year they were pretty much inseparable. So Jensen shouldn't really be surprised when Chris finally decides to put his two cents in, the guy knows him better than pretty much anyone.
"This ain't like you man, you're usually the one welcoming the rookies, I'm usually the one scaring them off." Chris starts as Jensen drops wearily on his bed. He's got a nice buzz going just the right side of drunk. A buzz that has nothing to do with the new rookie, nothing at all. At least that's what he keeps telling himself.
"I don't like the guy". Jensen shrugs, dragging up his upper body to pull off his shirt, he doesn't want conversation, he wants to crawl under the covers and give himself over to unconsciousness for the next few hours. Chris merely smirks, pillow colliding with the back of Jensen's head and Jensen falls back on the mattress feigning injury.
"Come off it man, the guy is a puppy, what's not to like?" Chris' brow creases, face sporting a look of seriousness. "Is it that he's gay? Is that a problem for you?"
Chris won't think any less of Jensen if he says yes, they've been friends long enough that he'd deal with it and in all honesty, of course it's the gay thing, but not at all in the way Chris means. He could tell Chris, Jensen knows that, he could trust Chris to keep it to himself, but there's always that little niggling doubt in his mind because what if he looks at him differently? What if it changes things? No, no matter how good friends they may be there's a few things he still keeps close to the chest.
"It's not that." Jensen concedes sighing in frustration. "There's just something about the guy." Like every time I look at him I want to bend him over, feel myself pushing inside just to see if it's as tight, as hot, as amazing as the first time. Okay, so Jensen's got a serious problem, in the form of tall, dark and handsome.
"You're just jealous cos he's gonna end up on the first line by the end of the season and you're pissed he's gonna steal all your limelight." Chris smirks pulling up a pillow in defense before adding. "Especially with a pretty face like his."
Jensen can't stifle the blush that creeps across his face as he thinks of Jared, the boy sure grew up the past couple of years and rolling he buries his face in a pillow.
"But at least he won't steal all your girls." Chris barks out in laughter as the bathroom door closes behind him. Groaning Jensen tries to smother himself in his pillow, but fate has never been that kind to him.
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~*~
His hip slams forcibly into the boards and Jared barely holds back a wince.
"Enjoy the hits rookie." Rafferty adds before skating away. These guys sure know how to check. Jared stalls as he glides back into position, his side screaming in protest as he takes an extra couple of seconds to catch his breath. Feels like he ran into a goddamn wall.
Jared's used to taking his fair share of hits, it's part of the game and he's no stranger to meeting glass but today he can't shake the feeling that there's a little more to it than simple gamesmanship. All morning Rafferty's hits had been coming, the guy was wailing on him and maybe it was just a rookie thing, you know, a kind of hazing, at least that's what Jared hoped, however, Jared had never really been that lucky.
"Shake it off Padalecki." Coach Kripke calls out. "and Rafferty what have I told you about checking, we're training, stop trying to break the kid, that's what the pre-season's for."
Jared takes a seat next to Justin on the side-lines and feels his anger just simmering below the surface. There'd been something in Rafferty's eyes that last check, and Jared knows, despite not wanting to admit it to himself, that this is more than just regular hazing. He knew being openly gay in the NHL wasn't going to be easy, he knew there'd be looks and comments and rumors, but it's not like he's the first Hockey player to stand up and say he likes guys, and even if he had been he's pretty damn sure he'd have still done it.
Things have changed in the last decade, hell, things have changed in the past couple of years, and Jared, he's happy to be part of continuing that change. He likes to think that the years of confusion and fear and finally coming out would have been easier if he'd had that role model to look up to. Maybe he can be that now, a kid can say to his friends or his family that he's gay and that that doesn't change anything, that liking guys doesn't stop him from becoming whoever he wants to be, because, hey, Jared Padalecki did it, and you know, he seems like he's an alright kind of guy.
He's not proud of his sexuality, it's not something he brags about, but if someone asks him he's going to tell the truth, because he spent too many years being ashamed of himself for something he had absolutely no control over. It's just a part of him now, he's gay and he's accepted that and if that acceptance can help just one boy get to the place Jared's at, then putting up with dicks like Rafferty is something he'll gladly take. Though it doesn't stop the anger from shifting up a gear as the plays go by and the hits keep coming.
~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~
Everywhere hurts, and Jared whimpers in pain as he sinks down into ice water, his ribs are singing, his joints ache and he's thankful Mike isn't around to see him acting like a baby. Not that he thinks he's being a baby, not at all, but Mike wouldn't quite see it his way.
The guys had been planning to head out for food after training, hoping to grab a meal before curfew, but Jared had declined and grabbed a burger to go from the diner round the corner with every intention of passing out the minute his body had hit the mattress. That's when practicality had reared its ugly head, gotten the better of him, and he'd grudgingly filled the bath because going to bed without tending to his body would have pretty much put him out of action for tomorrow's training. And with the first round of cuts just a few days away, Jared couldn't afford to miss any opportunity to show what he was made of.
Jared's just losing himself in the quiet, when "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" plays out, jolting him in surprise, water sloshing over the sides as he fumbles for his phone managing to answer as "undress me everywhere" plays out. He's never letting Sandy near his phone again.
"Nice ringtone." A bright bubbly voice chuckles down the line and it's infectious, a smile spreading unconsciously across Jared's face in response. "Hey cutie!"
"You're never getting your hands on my Mobile again."
"Are you in public?" Sandy asks, and the optimism in her voice has Jared holding back a laugh.
"Just me and my ice bath."
"Well that's no fun." Jared doesn't have to imagine the pout she puts on. "I would've loved to have seen your face if that had have played out in front of all the guys. I would've loved to see their faces more though! So how's training, make a fool of yourself yet?"
It's just teasing, he knows, but it hits just a little too close to home and Jared can't keep the uncertainty from his voice when he answers her. "Not yet, but there's always tomorrow right?"
The line is deadly silent before sandy finally speaks up. "What's up Jare?"
"It's nothing." Jared says as he pushes up out of the water, he's beginning to freeze his balls off but even as the words leave his lips he knows it's no use, he's never been a good liar and when it comes to Sandy she sees straight through him.
"Hmm I'm sure, come on sweetie tell me all about it."
Toweling himself off he builds himself up to tell her. It isn't relief he'd expected to feel but it washes over him, settling him for the first time in days, as he speaks. "You remember that guy? From Freshman year? After the Boston game?"
There's a hum of agreement and Jared knows her interest is piqued, he'd pined for weeks after that game and he'd never told her anything, just that he'd lost the big V, he wasn't going to see the guy again and no, he most definitely didn't want to talk about it . It had been partly because he was freaking out and then later when he could've talked about it he wouldn't because it wasn't really just his secret to tell.
"He plays for the Bruins." Jared throws himself down on the bed. It's out there, he's said it and if Sandy really wants to know it won't take her too long to put two and two together. She'd only need a list of players from that game and the list of players currently with the Bruins. He's just praying she decides not to push it.
"Well shit Jared!" There's a pause. "Is it awkward?"
"For me? Hell yeah! The guy doesn't even know who I am." Jared grits his teeth keeps on talking without really thinking. "And to top it off he basically hates me for no reason at all."
"Okay spill, tell mamma all the juicy details."
And then Jared is free-falling, describing their first meeting on the ice and the complete dismissal, the bar and the unearned animosity and Sandy just listens whilst he rants away, sympathizing when she feels he needs it and Jared realises he's missed this. It's only been a few days but he's missed her quiet understanding and the way she manages to put him at ease just by being her.
"Hmm." Sandy pipes up.
"What?" Jared asks.
"Maybe he does remember you?" Well that was a line he hadn't expected to hear.
"Excuse me?" Jared mumbles out, surprised he can even form words.
"Think about it Jare. He's obviously not openly gay, hey he might not even be gay. It might've just been a college experiment." There's a hint of sympathy in Sandy's tone as she lays that one on him and Jared shakes his head in disbelief, banging his head against the headboard.
"Oh well thanks for that. Don't I feel special." He's being a child, he knows, and he doesn't care, because he never even contemplated that, maybe he wants to just go back to thinking he'd just been a fuck. That didn't hurt his pride quite so much.
"Just imagine how you'd feel Jared if your long forgotten college experiment just walked right back into your life."
Silence. Jared can’t think about it. He doesn't want to think about it. He WON'T think about it. But Sandy's words just keep hurtling round in his mind.
It's her words that break the silence. "You'd be pretty pissed right?"
And Jared realises that yeah he really would be, but that doesn't mean he'd have been an arse. They could've just had a conversation, you know, talked it out and moved on. He snorts down the line at his own idiocy.
"Guy's still a dick."
Find it on AO3 | Masterpost |
Back (Part 1) | Part 2 | Next (Part 3)
Back (Part 1) | Part 2 | Next (Part 3)
Jensen's grouchiness follows him back to the hotel, he can't say he's surprised given that it's followed him around pretty much all week, hell longer than that, it'd been hovering since he'd turned on the TV to a signing and a blast from the past. All he wants to do is sink into the comfort of his mattress and forget about everything because if he lets himself think about his night he knows he's going to come to the conclusion that he's been a dick, because, well, he has. But who can blame him really? Jared fucking Padalecki joining the Bruins had not been in his playbook. One stupid night of recklessness and it was finally coming back to royally bite him in the ass. There's no other way of putting it, Jensen's pissed and it seems Chris is finally calling him on it.
Jensen and Chris hadn't been fast friends, they hadn't just fallen into the laughs and the bickering, if they were honest they'd pretty much hated each other the first time they'd met. Chris had taken one look at the rookie and decided it was his job to make Jensen's life as much like hell as possible and he'd done a fine damn job in Jensen's opinion, and if you asked Chris, probably in his too.
That first year Jensen had thought it was personal, he'd spent several restless nights worrying about it, retracing his steps trying to find the moment he'd managed to fall on Chris' bad side, but as the dark hours ticked by he still hadn't worked it out. What the hell was up with him that a guy could take one look at him and forever hate him.
It wasn't till a few years later that he'd realised it was Chris' thing. He liked to push the rookies wanted to see what they were really made of and because of it he often he got the best out of them. He'd gotten the best out of Jensen and though they tease each other about it Jensen knows he owes a lot of his career to Chris because by Christmas his first season they'd been sat next to each other, first line, and Jensen had been ready to show the ass just how much he deserved his place with the Bruins.
Once Chris had dropped his douche act and fate had decided to throw them both a curve-ball, in the form of having to room together their second season, they'd found that the two of them actually had a hell of a lot in common. That's how it had started, the words they'd spat at each other to hurt had lost their venom and become merely banter, harmless jokes and by the end of Jensen's second year they were pretty much inseparable. So Jensen shouldn't really be surprised when Chris finally decides to put his two cents in, the guy knows him better than pretty much anyone.
"This ain't like you man, you're usually the one welcoming the rookies, I'm usually the one scaring them off." Chris starts as Jensen drops wearily on his bed. He's got a nice buzz going just the right side of drunk. A buzz that has nothing to do with the new rookie, nothing at all. At least that's what he keeps telling himself.
"I don't like the guy". Jensen shrugs, dragging up his upper body to pull off his shirt, he doesn't want conversation, he wants to crawl under the covers and give himself over to unconsciousness for the next few hours. Chris merely smirks, pillow colliding with the back of Jensen's head and Jensen falls back on the mattress feigning injury.
"Come off it man, the guy is a puppy, what's not to like?" Chris' brow creases, face sporting a look of seriousness. "Is it that he's gay? Is that a problem for you?"
Chris won't think any less of Jensen if he says yes, they've been friends long enough that he'd deal with it and in all honesty, of course it's the gay thing, but not at all in the way Chris means. He could tell Chris, Jensen knows that, he could trust Chris to keep it to himself, but there's always that little niggling doubt in his mind because what if he looks at him differently? What if it changes things? No, no matter how good friends they may be there's a few things he still keeps close to the chest.
"It's not that." Jensen concedes sighing in frustration. "There's just something about the guy." Like every time I look at him I want to bend him over, feel myself pushing inside just to see if it's as tight, as hot, as amazing as the first time. Okay, so Jensen's got a serious problem, in the form of tall, dark and handsome.
"You're just jealous cos he's gonna end up on the first line by the end of the season and you're pissed he's gonna steal all your limelight." Chris smirks pulling up a pillow in defense before adding. "Especially with a pretty face like his."
Jensen can't stifle the blush that creeps across his face as he thinks of Jared, the boy sure grew up the past couple of years and rolling he buries his face in a pillow.
"But at least he won't steal all your girls." Chris barks out in laughter as the bathroom door closes behind him. Groaning Jensen tries to smother himself in his pillow, but fate has never been that kind to him.
~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~**~*~*~*~
His hip slams forcibly into the boards and Jared barely holds back a wince.
"Enjoy the hits rookie." Rafferty adds before skating away. These guys sure know how to check. Jared stalls as he glides back into position, his side screaming in protest as he takes an extra couple of seconds to catch his breath. Feels like he ran into a goddamn wall.
Jared's used to taking his fair share of hits, it's part of the game and he's no stranger to meeting glass but today he can't shake the feeling that there's a little more to it than simple gamesmanship. All morning Rafferty's hits had been coming, the guy was wailing on him and maybe it was just a rookie thing, you know, a kind of hazing, at least that's what Jared hoped, however, Jared had never really been that lucky.
"Shake it off Padalecki." Coach Kripke calls out. "and Rafferty what have I told you about checking, we're training, stop trying to break the kid, that's what the pre-season's for."
Jared takes a seat next to Justin on the side-lines and feels his anger just simmering below the surface. There'd been something in Rafferty's eyes that last check, and Jared knows, despite not wanting to admit it to himself, that this is more than just regular hazing. He knew being openly gay in the NHL wasn't going to be easy, he knew there'd be looks and comments and rumors, but it's not like he's the first Hockey player to stand up and say he likes guys, and even if he had been he's pretty damn sure he'd have still done it.
Things have changed in the last decade, hell, things have changed in the past couple of years, and Jared, he's happy to be part of continuing that change. He likes to think that the years of confusion and fear and finally coming out would have been easier if he'd had that role model to look up to. Maybe he can be that now, a kid can say to his friends or his family that he's gay and that that doesn't change anything, that liking guys doesn't stop him from becoming whoever he wants to be, because, hey, Jared Padalecki did it, and you know, he seems like he's an alright kind of guy.
He's not proud of his sexuality, it's not something he brags about, but if someone asks him he's going to tell the truth, because he spent too many years being ashamed of himself for something he had absolutely no control over. It's just a part of him now, he's gay and he's accepted that and if that acceptance can help just one boy get to the place Jared's at, then putting up with dicks like Rafferty is something he'll gladly take. Though it doesn't stop the anger from shifting up a gear as the plays go by and the hits keep coming.
~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~
Everywhere hurts, and Jared whimpers in pain as he sinks down into ice water, his ribs are singing, his joints ache and he's thankful Mike isn't around to see him acting like a baby. Not that he thinks he's being a baby, not at all, but Mike wouldn't quite see it his way.
The guys had been planning to head out for food after training, hoping to grab a meal before curfew, but Jared had declined and grabbed a burger to go from the diner round the corner with every intention of passing out the minute his body had hit the mattress. That's when practicality had reared its ugly head, gotten the better of him, and he'd grudgingly filled the bath because going to bed without tending to his body would have pretty much put him out of action for tomorrow's training. And with the first round of cuts just a few days away, Jared couldn't afford to miss any opportunity to show what he was made of.
Jared's just losing himself in the quiet, when "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world" plays out, jolting him in surprise, water sloshing over the sides as he fumbles for his phone managing to answer as "undress me everywhere" plays out. He's never letting Sandy near his phone again.
"Nice ringtone." A bright bubbly voice chuckles down the line and it's infectious, a smile spreading unconsciously across Jared's face in response. "Hey cutie!"
"You're never getting your hands on my Mobile again."
"Are you in public?" Sandy asks, and the optimism in her voice has Jared holding back a laugh.
"Just me and my ice bath."
"Well that's no fun." Jared doesn't have to imagine the pout she puts on. "I would've loved to have seen your face if that had have played out in front of all the guys. I would've loved to see their faces more though! So how's training, make a fool of yourself yet?"
It's just teasing, he knows, but it hits just a little too close to home and Jared can't keep the uncertainty from his voice when he answers her. "Not yet, but there's always tomorrow right?"
The line is deadly silent before sandy finally speaks up. "What's up Jare?"
"It's nothing." Jared says as he pushes up out of the water, he's beginning to freeze his balls off but even as the words leave his lips he knows it's no use, he's never been a good liar and when it comes to Sandy she sees straight through him.
"Hmm I'm sure, come on sweetie tell me all about it."
Toweling himself off he builds himself up to tell her. It isn't relief he'd expected to feel but it washes over him, settling him for the first time in days, as he speaks. "You remember that guy? From Freshman year? After the Boston game?"
There's a hum of agreement and Jared knows her interest is piqued, he'd pined for weeks after that game and he'd never told her anything, just that he'd lost the big V, he wasn't going to see the guy again and no, he most definitely didn't want to talk about it . It had been partly because he was freaking out and then later when he could've talked about it he wouldn't because it wasn't really just his secret to tell.
"He plays for the Bruins." Jared throws himself down on the bed. It's out there, he's said it and if Sandy really wants to know it won't take her too long to put two and two together. She'd only need a list of players from that game and the list of players currently with the Bruins. He's just praying she decides not to push it.
"Well shit Jared!" There's a pause. "Is it awkward?"
"For me? Hell yeah! The guy doesn't even know who I am." Jared grits his teeth keeps on talking without really thinking. "And to top it off he basically hates me for no reason at all."
"Okay spill, tell mamma all the juicy details."
And then Jared is free-falling, describing their first meeting on the ice and the complete dismissal, the bar and the unearned animosity and Sandy just listens whilst he rants away, sympathizing when she feels he needs it and Jared realises he's missed this. It's only been a few days but he's missed her quiet understanding and the way she manages to put him at ease just by being her.
"Hmm." Sandy pipes up.
"What?" Jared asks.
"Maybe he does remember you?" Well that was a line he hadn't expected to hear.
"Excuse me?" Jared mumbles out, surprised he can even form words.
"Think about it Jare. He's obviously not openly gay, hey he might not even be gay. It might've just been a college experiment." There's a hint of sympathy in Sandy's tone as she lays that one on him and Jared shakes his head in disbelief, banging his head against the headboard.
"Oh well thanks for that. Don't I feel special." He's being a child, he knows, and he doesn't care, because he never even contemplated that, maybe he wants to just go back to thinking he'd just been a fuck. That didn't hurt his pride quite so much.
"Just imagine how you'd feel Jared if your long forgotten college experiment just walked right back into your life."
Silence. Jared can’t think about it. He doesn't want to think about it. He WON'T think about it. But Sandy's words just keep hurtling round in his mind.
It's her words that break the silence. "You'd be pretty pissed right?"
And Jared realises that yeah he really would be, but that doesn't mean he'd have been an arse. They could've just had a conversation, you know, talked it out and moved on. He snorts down the line at his own idiocy.
"Guy's still a dick."
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