Scratched Papers - tofuho - onshot for challenge 13
Title: Scratched Papers
Author: chunonew_rx
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: tofuho (onew/minho), minor jongyu
Wordcount: 2,520
Prompt: tried both
Disclaimer: I wish I could but I really don’t own them.
Summary: My heart was like a useless paper that after you have written on it, you’ll mark it with some scratches and will in end up thrown to the trash can.
A/N: Written forshawol_haven 's 13 Challenge. and dedicated to argh because first I haven't finish your story, but mostly because hey! this is my first tofuho without killing anyone lol :D VOTE HERE
Scratched Papers
It was hard to live like that. Sometimes I asked myself why I did it. Why I was still standing there, still waiting for your call, always waiting for your daily calls to tell me all your worries and your happiness.
Sometimes you called while crying because he hurt you, again, probably not physically, but worse, emotionally. There were other times that you told me how perfect he was, how he, once again, promised you that he was going to change. I know he treated me bad the other day Minho, but now he sounds so sincere. He even brought me flowers. He's so wonderful. Some other times you just wanted me to give you company on the line because he wasn't there. There were also times, not too often, you just called to talk to me, because of me but at the end it was all about you, always about him.
It was the same routine and I was used to it but it pained my heart every time. Minho what could I do without you. You are like the best friend someone could ever want. Thank you for listening every time. Even on the line I could almost see the big smile and how your eyes disappeared in your smile.
That was precisely the problem. I didn't want to be just best friend to you but I got that a long time ago. I knew how impossible that was, the mere thought was impossible because it was always him. He was always in the way. Jonghyun was much first on the list that what I could ever get.
It pained my heart in so many ways. My heart was like a useless paper that after you have written on it, you’ll mark it with some scratches and will in end up thrown to the trash can. The problem was that you never throw it yet; you kept on opening and scribbling on it over and over again. The paper was already crushed and shredded and no matter how hard you tried to smoothen it back to normal you knew its scars were going to remain there.
We didn't saw each other a lot because he didn’t allow you to and I knew it. Every time you mentioned how your arm hurt because a cat scratched me Minho and it hurts but I knew more than that. A cat hyung? You don't even have a cat. Or just those worse times when I just wished I was strong enough to punch him on the face and run away with you. I fell from the stairs yesterday; the doctor says I should stay in bed for few weeks. What a coward was I?
You don't need this. Key always said. Why to torture yourself when you can't do anything? I always tried to keep him away from this but you know, Key can be a pain in the ass when he wants and he was decided. This isn't healthy Minho. You need a way out.
To my distaste he was really right that time. Excuse you, I’m always right. I needed a way out.
Was then when the best opportunity came out. Key always told me to go away. You better take this chance Minho or I'm breaking that guy's face. So for once I listened to him.
As a job offering came into my mailbox one afternoon. I was accepted, finally, as a football coach for the Western team for a small league on the other side of the country. MINHO! This is all you wanted! Go for it! Key convinced me. It didn't cost him much, it was football after all. But leaving you behind. That was a hard step to take. Well now you need a new phone number. Start a new, away from you, what he wanted to say.
I got the new phone a couple of days later. He made sure everyone important got the new number, that means you weren't on the list. He also wanted me to get rid of the old phone but I refused to let it go just yet. So he made me promise that as soon as I was on the train station I was going to throw it to the trashcan.
I was then down the street alone with all my personal information and my luggage. I refused to someone take me to the station because I knew this was the last time in a long that I was going to be in this city and I wanted to enjoy the last walk. I already said goodbye to all my friends and family. Key almost cried at some point. Minho! Don't forget me! He kept calling me on the new phone like every five minutes.
I was going to reach the other side of the country by the morning of the next day. My train was going out at 2pm and I needed to be there in like an hour. So as I was enjoying my walk there. I figured that all I had in mind was you. What could you thought of me when someone came and told you I went away? When you noticed I disappeared? I had mixed feelings about all this. Because even it hurt me every time. I knew you needed me and I was somehow abandoning you, all alone with that brat. You need to be selfish sometimes. Key kept saying. When it’s for your own good.
I reached the station half hour later. I sat in front of the platform 9 waiting for the train to get there. I looked at the railroad tracks that disappeared on the distance, those abused tracks that were going to take me away from you. Suddenly they also reminded me of you. You were abused but in the end proclaimed to be loved. Because that was what made something of you, without the abuse you weren't what you were. I wondered if that was the way you felt.
There it happened. My phone started ringing. My old phone by the way. It was you. The same song that was always for you, glad you never listened to it.
Minho! I can't stand this anymore! Take me away with you. If only that was what you really said. But no. It wasn't. Hey Minho. ..I’ve been better. You always said. What happened? I asked. I know where this was going. And it was like I gave you permission to start crying because you broke down. Minho he did it again. After he promised he was going to change Minho. He got drunk last night. You cried. What did he do this time? I wanted to ask, but I already said how coward I was, didn't I. So in my silence you kept talking. Minutes passed.
Passengers of the train going out at 2:00pm please start boarding we are going out in 10 minutes. The speakers said. Wait! Minho, where are you? You asked, I sensed the nervousness on your voice. About that hyung I need to tell you something. I suddenly started but I wasn't supposed to. It was part of the whole moving on, going away without telling you, but I couldn't help it. I'm go-- you interrupted. Oh Minho sorry, he's back, talk to you later. And once again, I was always the second one. Because it was always about him. You hanged up.
I got up, got my things and walked towards the train as I passed on a trashcan. No hyung. There's no talk later anymore. That was the last time I saw that phone. Five more minutes till the doors start closing. Please everyone start taking your seats.
New life here we go. And that’s what exactly happened. I got to this new place where I didn’t know anyone. The league gave me an apartment and everything I needed and my new life started. Well except the fact that Key kept calling.
I made some friends, among those was Taemin, a member of the team I was coaching. Good boy but was too familiar to Key. It seemed like I don’t have much luck with friends.
The first two months were an agony. I was desperate to hear your voice. I almost called you. But I got strength from some place and didn’t. Surviving at that time was really hard without you. I kept wondering if you were ok. You probably weren’t but what could I do? Going back to that vicious circle? Not the best option.
I tried my best to move on, to forget you. For a moment I really thought I moved on. I started focusing on the team, on the challenge of being a good coach. I even dated at some point. Hyung, what’s with you?! You are still young. You need this boring life over. Taemin said. We are going on double dates, ok? We both need a lay off. But none of that was enough. Because moving on didn't mean not loving anymore.
The six months passed. Key came to visit. Urg! This place looks awful Minho. You should clean sometimes, you know. He was going to stay for the week. I sensed he came to see if I was really moved on with my life, than anything. But I noticed there was something off. What happened Key? I know you, you are hiding something from me. He gave me that awkward smile. Are you high Minho? What could even be wrong? I still had my suspects but I didn’t say anything. But I knew Key, he was going to tell me sooner or later.
And sooner than later, exactly the night before Key was scheduled to go back to hometown. We were having some drinks in the apartment when he started. Minho I'm sorry. I didn't know how worse this was going to get by sending you away. I'm so sorry. I'm so guilty right now. Forgive me please.
What's wrong Key? What’s happening? I asked him in full confusion. I shouldn’t have sent you away. But, was I that selfish in wanting your own happiness? Was I? I didn't mean this to happen. I was speechless in concern. Minho I feel like it’s all my fault Jinki is in intensive care right now. Wait! WHAT?!
In between sobs Key told me. I don't know much but I know that Jonghyun hurt Jinki so bad that he's at the hospital right now. He tried to kill him! Sobs and I was numb listening. I heard that finally Jinki wanted to get away and he didn't wanted to let him go. This wasn't happening. Jonghyun is in jail for a good time. But I can't help to be guilty Minho. If you were there I know none of this couldn't happened. I didn't wanted to hear more. At that point I just wanted to be with you again. It was like if these six months didn't passed. Because as fast as I went away is as fast as I came back because it was still everything about you. All about him.
We got in a train back that same night. Key calmed down but I didn't. I was nervous and didn’t even say a word. Key noticed but he understood. I needed this silence. I needed my own time, to assimilate what I was going back to. But at the end, I thought you were worth it. You always were.
We headed directly to the hospital the next morning. All too fast. When then I was in front of your door. Glad that you weren't longer on intensive just now in a normal room as they told us on the reception.
I then hesitated to open the door. Go ahead. I heard Key telling me from behind. I will wait here. I'm really sorry, tell him that.
I opened the door with this sudden fear but what I got back were those beautiful eyes of you looking back at me. There was a red mark on your face and your arm was covered with a big white cast that went up till your chest. It pained me all over again. The “moving on” of the past was really, really screwed up. It was like it never happened. Like as if those six months never happened.
Minho! Minho its you! Minho! I missed you so much! I was sure that if you could you had move up and run to hug me like as if I didn't abandoned you all that time. Don't try anything like that ever again! Don't run away from me Minho! I nodded silently. It was like someone took my tongue from me. I was too silent without me know the reason but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to say the wrong words. I didn't know what to say at all.
How are you hyung? I asked all stupidly because it was obvious. But the same answer hit me back. I’ve been better. But seems like this time it will get even better that ever been. You smiled wide and I wondered how could you do this? I couldn't understand. How strong could you continue to be. It was crazy.
You broke down like you always did and it always hurts. Everything felt like it ended for me Minho. I didn't know till that moment how much I needed you in my life. It was crazy. Jong-jonghyun had beaten me like no end and each time I kept calling your number but there was no hope. I was going mad Minho. It was double agony. But I got strength from somewhere and I tried to end up from Jonghyun, I really tried. But it was impossible. And I was alone. You left me alone, Minho. How could you when I needed you the most?! My life was in a total living hell. I realized just then Minho. Everytime Jonghyun gave me flowers to ask forgiveness, you always supported me eventhough my decision was entirely wrong. I didn't realize it Minho. I'm sorry. I'm so so--.
My lips were on yours. I didn't know how I got that near you at the moment but I did. And you kissed back. I love you hyung. And I realized I was still that paper. The paper that had been relentlessly used, scratched and tethered. But this time it was more than that because no matter what, that paper was the one that remained strong despite all the abuse it endured. The more the paper was used, the more meaningful it became because of all the words written on it. What then, those six months, you finally realized why exactly you didn't throw it before.
We were then both papers. Still scratched and abused in different ways but not useless anymore because we had each other. And we could try to smooth our papers back to normal together. Because our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real, the present it’s healing, and the future promises to be better.
_______________
I hope you liked this ^^
and like always thanks to my awesome beta eunki for dealing with me, even when i changed some things back, sorry
i tried my best
VOTE FOR THIS HERE!!!!!!
Author: chunonew_rx
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: tofuho (onew/minho), minor jongyu
Wordcount: 2,520
Prompt: tried both
Disclaimer: I wish I could but I really don’t own them.
Summary: My heart was like a useless paper that after you have written on it, you’ll mark it with some scratches and will in end up thrown to the trash can.
A/N: Written forshawol_haven 's 13 Challenge. and dedicated to argh because first I haven't finish your story, but mostly because hey! this is my first tofuho without killing anyone lol :D VOTE HERE
Scratched Papers
It was hard to live like that. Sometimes I asked myself why I did it. Why I was still standing there, still waiting for your call, always waiting for your daily calls to tell me all your worries and your happiness.
Sometimes you called while crying because he hurt you, again, probably not physically, but worse, emotionally. There were other times that you told me how perfect he was, how he, once again, promised you that he was going to change. I know he treated me bad the other day Minho, but now he sounds so sincere. He even brought me flowers. He's so wonderful. Some other times you just wanted me to give you company on the line because he wasn't there. There were also times, not too often, you just called to talk to me, because of me but at the end it was all about you, always about him.
It was the same routine and I was used to it but it pained my heart every time. Minho what could I do without you. You are like the best friend someone could ever want. Thank you for listening every time. Even on the line I could almost see the big smile and how your eyes disappeared in your smile.
That was precisely the problem. I didn't want to be just best friend to you but I got that a long time ago. I knew how impossible that was, the mere thought was impossible because it was always him. He was always in the way. Jonghyun was much first on the list that what I could ever get.
It pained my heart in so many ways. My heart was like a useless paper that after you have written on it, you’ll mark it with some scratches and will in end up thrown to the trash can. The problem was that you never throw it yet; you kept on opening and scribbling on it over and over again. The paper was already crushed and shredded and no matter how hard you tried to smoothen it back to normal you knew its scars were going to remain there.
We didn't saw each other a lot because he didn’t allow you to and I knew it. Every time you mentioned how your arm hurt because a cat scratched me Minho and it hurts but I knew more than that. A cat hyung? You don't even have a cat. Or just those worse times when I just wished I was strong enough to punch him on the face and run away with you. I fell from the stairs yesterday; the doctor says I should stay in bed for few weeks. What a coward was I?
You don't need this. Key always said. Why to torture yourself when you can't do anything? I always tried to keep him away from this but you know, Key can be a pain in the ass when he wants and he was decided. This isn't healthy Minho. You need a way out.
To my distaste he was really right that time. Excuse you, I’m always right. I needed a way out.
Was then when the best opportunity came out. Key always told me to go away. You better take this chance Minho or I'm breaking that guy's face. So for once I listened to him.
As a job offering came into my mailbox one afternoon. I was accepted, finally, as a football coach for the Western team for a small league on the other side of the country. MINHO! This is all you wanted! Go for it! Key convinced me. It didn't cost him much, it was football after all. But leaving you behind. That was a hard step to take. Well now you need a new phone number. Start a new, away from you, what he wanted to say.
I got the new phone a couple of days later. He made sure everyone important got the new number, that means you weren't on the list. He also wanted me to get rid of the old phone but I refused to let it go just yet. So he made me promise that as soon as I was on the train station I was going to throw it to the trashcan.
I was then down the street alone with all my personal information and my luggage. I refused to someone take me to the station because I knew this was the last time in a long that I was going to be in this city and I wanted to enjoy the last walk. I already said goodbye to all my friends and family. Key almost cried at some point. Minho! Don't forget me! He kept calling me on the new phone like every five minutes.
I was going to reach the other side of the country by the morning of the next day. My train was going out at 2pm and I needed to be there in like an hour. So as I was enjoying my walk there. I figured that all I had in mind was you. What could you thought of me when someone came and told you I went away? When you noticed I disappeared? I had mixed feelings about all this. Because even it hurt me every time. I knew you needed me and I was somehow abandoning you, all alone with that brat. You need to be selfish sometimes. Key kept saying. When it’s for your own good.
I reached the station half hour later. I sat in front of the platform 9 waiting for the train to get there. I looked at the railroad tracks that disappeared on the distance, those abused tracks that were going to take me away from you. Suddenly they also reminded me of you. You were abused but in the end proclaimed to be loved. Because that was what made something of you, without the abuse you weren't what you were. I wondered if that was the way you felt.
There it happened. My phone started ringing. My old phone by the way. It was you. The same song that was always for you, glad you never listened to it.
Minho! I can't stand this anymore! Take me away with you. If only that was what you really said. But no. It wasn't. Hey Minho. ..I’ve been better. You always said. What happened? I asked. I know where this was going. And it was like I gave you permission to start crying because you broke down. Minho he did it again. After he promised he was going to change Minho. He got drunk last night. You cried. What did he do this time? I wanted to ask, but I already said how coward I was, didn't I. So in my silence you kept talking. Minutes passed.
Passengers of the train going out at 2:00pm please start boarding we are going out in 10 minutes. The speakers said. Wait! Minho, where are you? You asked, I sensed the nervousness on your voice. About that hyung I need to tell you something. I suddenly started but I wasn't supposed to. It was part of the whole moving on, going away without telling you, but I couldn't help it. I'm go-- you interrupted. Oh Minho sorry, he's back, talk to you later. And once again, I was always the second one. Because it was always about him. You hanged up.
I got up, got my things and walked towards the train as I passed on a trashcan. No hyung. There's no talk later anymore. That was the last time I saw that phone. Five more minutes till the doors start closing. Please everyone start taking your seats.
New life here we go. And that’s what exactly happened. I got to this new place where I didn’t know anyone. The league gave me an apartment and everything I needed and my new life started. Well except the fact that Key kept calling.
I made some friends, among those was Taemin, a member of the team I was coaching. Good boy but was too familiar to Key. It seemed like I don’t have much luck with friends.
The first two months were an agony. I was desperate to hear your voice. I almost called you. But I got strength from some place and didn’t. Surviving at that time was really hard without you. I kept wondering if you were ok. You probably weren’t but what could I do? Going back to that vicious circle? Not the best option.
I tried my best to move on, to forget you. For a moment I really thought I moved on. I started focusing on the team, on the challenge of being a good coach. I even dated at some point. Hyung, what’s with you?! You are still young. You need this boring life over. Taemin said. We are going on double dates, ok? We both need a lay off. But none of that was enough. Because moving on didn't mean not loving anymore.
The six months passed. Key came to visit. Urg! This place looks awful Minho. You should clean sometimes, you know. He was going to stay for the week. I sensed he came to see if I was really moved on with my life, than anything. But I noticed there was something off. What happened Key? I know you, you are hiding something from me. He gave me that awkward smile. Are you high Minho? What could even be wrong? I still had my suspects but I didn’t say anything. But I knew Key, he was going to tell me sooner or later.
And sooner than later, exactly the night before Key was scheduled to go back to hometown. We were having some drinks in the apartment when he started. Minho I'm sorry. I didn't know how worse this was going to get by sending you away. I'm so sorry. I'm so guilty right now. Forgive me please.
What's wrong Key? What’s happening? I asked him in full confusion. I shouldn’t have sent you away. But, was I that selfish in wanting your own happiness? Was I? I didn't mean this to happen. I was speechless in concern. Minho I feel like it’s all my fault Jinki is in intensive care right now. Wait! WHAT?!
In between sobs Key told me. I don't know much but I know that Jonghyun hurt Jinki so bad that he's at the hospital right now. He tried to kill him! Sobs and I was numb listening. I heard that finally Jinki wanted to get away and he didn't wanted to let him go. This wasn't happening. Jonghyun is in jail for a good time. But I can't help to be guilty Minho. If you were there I know none of this couldn't happened. I didn't wanted to hear more. At that point I just wanted to be with you again. It was like if these six months didn't passed. Because as fast as I went away is as fast as I came back because it was still everything about you. All about him.
We got in a train back that same night. Key calmed down but I didn't. I was nervous and didn’t even say a word. Key noticed but he understood. I needed this silence. I needed my own time, to assimilate what I was going back to. But at the end, I thought you were worth it. You always were.
We headed directly to the hospital the next morning. All too fast. When then I was in front of your door. Glad that you weren't longer on intensive just now in a normal room as they told us on the reception.
I then hesitated to open the door. Go ahead. I heard Key telling me from behind. I will wait here. I'm really sorry, tell him that.
I opened the door with this sudden fear but what I got back were those beautiful eyes of you looking back at me. There was a red mark on your face and your arm was covered with a big white cast that went up till your chest. It pained me all over again. The “moving on” of the past was really, really screwed up. It was like it never happened. Like as if those six months never happened.
Minho! Minho its you! Minho! I missed you so much! I was sure that if you could you had move up and run to hug me like as if I didn't abandoned you all that time. Don't try anything like that ever again! Don't run away from me Minho! I nodded silently. It was like someone took my tongue from me. I was too silent without me know the reason but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to say the wrong words. I didn't know what to say at all.
How are you hyung? I asked all stupidly because it was obvious. But the same answer hit me back. I’ve been better. But seems like this time it will get even better that ever been. You smiled wide and I wondered how could you do this? I couldn't understand. How strong could you continue to be. It was crazy.
You broke down like you always did and it always hurts. Everything felt like it ended for me Minho. I didn't know till that moment how much I needed you in my life. It was crazy. Jong-jonghyun had beaten me like no end and each time I kept calling your number but there was no hope. I was going mad Minho. It was double agony. But I got strength from somewhere and I tried to end up from Jonghyun, I really tried. But it was impossible. And I was alone. You left me alone, Minho. How could you when I needed you the most?! My life was in a total living hell. I realized just then Minho. Everytime Jonghyun gave me flowers to ask forgiveness, you always supported me eventhough my decision was entirely wrong. I didn't realize it Minho. I'm sorry. I'm so so--.
My lips were on yours. I didn't know how I got that near you at the moment but I did. And you kissed back. I love you hyung. And I realized I was still that paper. The paper that had been relentlessly used, scratched and tethered. But this time it was more than that because no matter what, that paper was the one that remained strong despite all the abuse it endured. The more the paper was used, the more meaningful it became because of all the words written on it. What then, those six months, you finally realized why exactly you didn't throw it before.
We were then both papers. Still scratched and abused in different ways but not useless anymore because we had each other. And we could try to smooth our papers back to normal together. Because our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real, the present it’s healing, and the future promises to be better.
_______________
I hope you liked this ^^
and like always thanks to my awesome beta eunki for dealing with me, even when i changed some things back, sorry
i tried my best
VOTE FOR THIS HERE!!!!!!