(no subject)
Title: Kingka High
Fandom: Big Bang
Pairings: Baeri, Seunghyunx2, and GTOP
Pairings this Chapter: Baeri
Length: Chaptered
Genre: AU Romance/Fluff
Summary: Seungri is the average student with the average life until the three 'kings' of his school walk into it... Then things get a bit more interesting.
Warning: This chapter is PG-13
Previous Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
Chapter Eight
Seungri ran through preparing the festival the day before on autopilot. Do this here. Do that there. Just don't think. Just don't feel. He felt alienated. He felt stupid and he felt lonely. More than anything, he felt lonely. He walked down the hallway to see Youngbae and all he wanted was to speak to him, to hear his voice but he was angry with him. His pride wouldn't let him speak and Youngbae didn't help as he was obviously avoiding him too. Seungri hadn't seen Jiyong or Seunghyun either and he didn't know if it was better or worse that way.
He woke up the day of the festival and resolved not to show up or even get dressed. He knew Chaerin was happy enough with his contribution to the project so he wouldn't have to hear her snap at him for playing hookey. Seungri felt a small comfort in walking around the hallway in his boxers scratching his bare stomach, remaining unkempt and piggish in his depression. He heard his sister let out a disgusted grunt at his appearance as she exited her room, spurring him to do a little dance of aegyo, as she rolled her eyes and walked downstairs. He taunted her, following her as he chanted, "You know you like my sexy. The girls all want my sexy," repeatedly.
"Ew, stop it. Ew."
"My sexy, they want it."
He practically ran into her as she stopped abruptly in the kitchen.
"Ah, Seungri. Your friend is here," his mother said without turning around from the stove, where she was cooking breakfast.
Seungri felt himself turn red as Youngbae stared at the sight of him in just his boxers, his hair unrul and his face dirty from sleep and slobber.
"And put away your sexy," his mother amended after glancing at her son and turning back to the stove.
"What are you doing here?" Seungri asked lowly, but his mother caught his words anyway, lifting her skillet off the stove and frowning at her son. "Seungri I didn't raise you to be so rude. Who talks to their friends like that?"
Who says we're friends? Seungri thought. At best, they were still acquaintances and after what happened with Chaerin, Seungri still felt some doubt about Youngbae's character. He stepped up to the counter forgetting about his current appearance as his mother continued, "And don't forget your plans with friends! You were supposed to go to the festival together."
Seungri was about to say 'Since when' when Youngbae spoke up.
"Well actually I was just going to ask him if he wanted to go."
"Oh, well that's nice of you," Seungri's mother said as she plated pancakes for the two adolescents that sat at the counter. Youngbae became aware of Seungri's sister who sat at his side simply staring, her chin propped on her palms, her elbows on the counter as his mother laid down the plates of pancakes.
"Er, you're not going eat?" Youngbae asked.
"I'm on a hunger strike," she said nonchalantly as she watched him cut his pancakes, her eyes not leaving him.
"Because she's stupid," Seungri said through a mouth full of pancake.
"Says the idiot." His sister retorted without a glance away at Youngbae, who self consciously took really small bites of his pancake slowly.
"You eat like a girl," Seungri's sister said quietly with a sense of wonder in her voice. Youngbae awkwardly looked ahead watching Seungri's mother mix one of those diet meal shake mixtures that Seungri always made fun of her for as he continued to eat.
"Go be annoying somewhere else," Seungri muttered so his mother wouldn't hear him over the blender.
"You're annoying!" His sister replied with a yell before remembering their company and sweetly continuing, "and rude. I just realized you've yet to introduce us."
"I'm Youngbae," the oldest of the three said lowly, his words coming out as a sigh.
"It’s nice to meet you. I'm-"
"A pain in the ass. HA!" Seungri said pancake half chewed in his open mouth as he guffawed like a donkey.
"You're really attractive right now. So attractive," she frowned.
"I try. I try," Seungri said as he swallowed his pancake. He was much further along than the other but then again it was because he'd been eating like a pig.
"Do you have school today?" Youngbae lowly asked Seungri's sister. The effort to converse had been surprising to Seungri especially since they lived next to Youngbae for two years before he had come to exchange a simple salutation with anyone in their household (It was with his father as they both took out the trash, by the way).
His sister widened her eyes. "Yeah, I do!" She said before rising from the counter and running out. Seungri laughed at her rush despite knowing the struggle of the habitually tardy.
"If we go," Youngbae started, "We can see the night light show my class worked on. I'm pretty proud of it."
Seungri just nodded slowly. He wasn't sure he could even stand being functional. He was depressed and annoyed at the basic things in life like not having your dream guy all too yourself whenever you want him.
"You know... You don't have to go with me... If you don't want to go." Youngbae said before looking to Seungri who felt his heart flutter with unsurity at the sound of Youngbae's voice.
Seungri looked to Youngbae's deep brown eyes and then to his lips. He was reluctant and eager at the same time. The part of him commited to sulking in his house was growing smaller as he thought about going to the festival with Youngbae. It wouldn't hurt even if Youngbae was a jerk, he was obviously making an effort to be nice. Seungri probably had misunderstood who Youngbae was, again. It was as if he could never quite pin him down and find out exactly how he was.
"Oh yes, he does have to go. I have to clean and I won't let him stay here." Seungri's mother cupped her diet chocolate flavored breakfast and headed out into the living room. She stopped at Seungri's side.
"Make sure you rinse your plates," she said pinching Seungri on the shoulder. He frowned rubbing it but didn't reply, knowing better.
There was an uncomfortable silence without the presence of Seungri's family there to ease the awkwardness between them.
"I knew you were mad at me but after the performances I thought-"
The mention of the day struck a chord with Seungri. "So why are you really here?" All of a sudden his very presence was a taunt. "To say I told you so? To laugh in my face like you always do?"
"'Always do?"
"Anytime I stumble or fall or fail you're there to mock me or laugh." Seungri was too proud to play along with Youngbae's good guy act. He felt like a pendulum. Swinging to and fro, never knowing when he would be happy or upset with Youngbae, when he would think Youngbae was a good guy or a bad one.
"I don’t-" Youngbae frowned as he tripped up on his words. The accusation seemed to anger him. "I've never done that."
Seungri shot him a dubious look. Youngbae had bore witness to all of Seungri's most embarassing moments in school, he was synonymous with them. There was the opening of the school year ceremony where he tripped on his face at Youngbae's feet and the senior held out a hand supressing a laugh. Or when Seungri had written a poem to Seung Hyun and they had bumped into each other, their papers mixing, Youngbae mistakenly picking it up and reading it.
"These metaphors are a bit weak to give to a literature student."
He had said it like an analytical dick when he saw him later in the hallway, handing him the poem. Seungri had blown it off then as a simple taunt, mostly because if he dwelled on it the embarassment would kill him but it was yet another time he was embarrassed in front of him and then there was always the time he forgot to wear pants as if in some cliche nightmare. Actually, there were even more times than that.
"All year you've been nothing but a source of embarassment for me. Someone who just won't go away and never see me stumble again. It's not as if you ever reached out and talked to me from your stupid pedestal. You just sit around and act like you're better than me, than everyone really."
Youngbae's frown deepened.
"It's really not like that. It's never been like that." Youngbae spoke lowly.
"It hasn't? Then what do you call the ceremony or the poem?"
Youngbae's eyes wandered as he remembered. "I helped you! Both times," his voice was laced with frustration.
"Okay. Whatever you want to call it."
"I did help you all those times. What was I supposed to say? I didn't know there was a script for watching someone fall on their face. And then I found out you liked Seunghyun. So I told you, you needed to work on that stupid love poem, so you wouldn't embarass yourself because I noticed how much you hated it, how unbearable it is for you. But you're right about one thing. I do make sure I'm there. So no one else will have those moments, to hurt you...or notice you... Or fall in love with you...And I could have been nicer but it hurt a little, you liking him. It doesn’t even matter now though. Does it?" Youngbae stood up to leave. He stepped past Seungri's stool and didn't try to look back to see Seungri's reaction to his sudden confession.
Seungri had never heard him say so much at a time in his life. He was trying to process the words when Youngbae continued before walking out, "Come to think of it, you hurt me all the time."
Seungri really had no idea what just happened. His mind felt like it was running on speed. Youngbae had always been mocking him hadn't he, silently lingering to watch him fall? Wasn't that the only truth? Or was everything different than he thought. It all seemed so different from Youngbae's point of view. Then there was how cold he had been to Chaerin, indifferent to everything she said. He didn't respond to Seungri like that, always showing a full spectrum of emotion, like he cared. He slumped over the counter. What does this mean? Did Youngbae really like him that much? He took a deep breath. He didn't know what to do.
The accusation he had been hurtful, it confounded him. When had he been hurtful? He thought about it over and over again as he stared at his empty plate on the counter. If anyone had been hurt it would be him. He had liked Seunghyun and every moment around him had been the best thing and yet the worst, he had truly learned the meaning to being hurt. Knowing that you like someone and knowing that you can't have them, that they don't want you, they were two things no one deserved to experience together. Youngbae didn't know what it was like to outstretch a hand to someone in friendship and wishing they could see you want more, you need more. He didn't know any of that.
I do make sure I'm there. So no one else will have those moments, to hurt you...or notice you... Or fall in love with you...And I could have been nicer but it hurt a little, you liking him.
The words played back in his head along with his own.
"I hate guys like you."
"But what if I like someone else," Youngbae had said when Seungri chastised him for rejecting Chaerin.
All the “Dong Young Blah”s and sighs of frustration at the sight of him, they were all so vivid as Seungri remembered.
Youngbae knew better than anyone.
Seungri stood up to go run after Youngbae, to apologize. Those guys he hated so much, he never knew he was one of them.
"Where are you going?" His mother caught him headed for his shoes as he headed through the liviing room and out the door.
"Lee Seung Hyun."
"I didn't rinse my plate...I know I'll come back and wash the dishes, okay? Just get off my back."
"Seungri, as much as you need to rinse your plate, that's not what I was going to say."
"What?"
"You're still in your boxers."
When Seungri arrived at Youngbae’s door he had remembered to wear clothes but not to rinse his plate before he came. He had expected Youngbae to answer the door, irate and sulky, silent and moody, but instead a woman answered. She was tall, taller than Seungri anyway. He assumed that she was Youngbae’s mother, but she didn’t favor him at all and she seemed a bit young to be his mother, barely old enough and yet not too young. He felt a bit nervous introducing himself as she eyed him with wide inquisitive eyes.
“Erm. I’m Seungri, a friend of Youngbae’s. I came to see him…” He noticed a look of complete disinterest cross her face as she moved out of the doorway and muttered, inviting him inside.
“Youngbae’s in his room.” She said as she crossed the living room and headed upstairs. Seungri didn’t know where Youngbae’s room was exactly and he was about to inform her of that but she was already gone. As he looked around the living room, he studied everything, unlike the first time he was there. The walls were carefully sponge painted. The couch and loveseat was leather, real leather, Seungri noted, not the faux material he hated against his skin. The paintings weren’t reproductions either, but the kind that were overpriced at auctions. Her wondered how the two houses, his and Youngbae’s were even next to each other before pacifying himself with the fact his house wasn’t anything to sneeze at either. He figured it was a safe bet to follow Youngbae’s mother upstairs but as he crossed the room behind her, he heard a voice stop him from the direction of the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” Youngbae said as he stood in the doorway of the kitchen. Seungri thought of the last time he was here. Why is it all he ever did was fight with Youngbae?
“I just- You left and…I guess I wanted to say sorry.”
“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Seungri realized that Youngbae was holding a sandwich in his hand. Youngbae looked down at it begrudgingly.
“Didn’t you just eat?”
“She makes me sandwiches.”
“Who? Your mom.”
Youngbae looked up with a frown. “That is not my mom.”
Seungri wasn’t computing the situation and he decided to just not even straighten out his understanding of it. The stress eater in him kicked in instead, “Well, if you’re not going to eat it-“
“Here,” Youngbae said with a tired tone, as if giving in to a troublesome toddler.
Seungri bit into the sandwich with faith that it would taste good and he wasn’t disappointed. It had the perfect amount of each ingredient and condiment. He figured Youngbae was being a bit snobbish to scoff at the woman’s sandwiches as he followed Youngbae’s steps through the kitchen and down to the basement.
“This is my room.” Youngbae said as he turned on the lights. The basement had obviously been refinished with Youngbae in mind. His bed was huge in the corner, the bed frame made with expensive dark wood. A few cushions and a coffee table in the corner across from the door that led to the stairs, probably where Youngbae took an infinite amount of naps, Seungri noted. A keyboard was across from Youngbae’s bed accompanied by an end table covered with stacks of music sheets and real books. Seungri looked to all the album art that plastered the walls, some Korean music and some not. He absentmindedly asked about Youngbae’s life as he touched little things here and there, strolling around his room.
“Who is that lady then?” he asked as he stopped at a bookcase near Youngbae’s bed.
“My dad’s assistant.” Youngbae laid down on the cushions near his coffee table and closed his eyes. Seungri had been getting a rise out of him so often that he forgot Youngbae’s general demeanor and suddenly he realized how soothing it could be, his even tone and calm demeanor, the way he would just sit still and nap or talk, it didn’t seem nearly as abhorrent as it did before Seungri got to know him. He in turn sat on Youngbae’s bed for a minute although he disliked how firm it was.
“Oh, is your dad here?”
“No, she’s surprising him, by rearranging his study.”
“Is that normal?” Seungri thought it was a little strange, a work assistant coming to their boss’s house uninvited but then again he remembered it wasn’t for chaebols and really wealthy people. His neighborhood was well off but still, not that well off. Youngbae kept his eyes closed as he carried on the conversation.
“It is when you’re sleeping with your boss.”
Seungri’s eyes widened and he tried to stifle any interjection of surprise that wanted to blurt out of his mouth. “Is your mom-“
“They’re still together. But everyone knows. Everyone. It’s embarrassing.”
“…Well, not everyone knows. I never knew,” Seungri tried to comfort Youngbae but it was a very, very, pathetic attempt.
“Minji does. I don’t really know how but she asked. Jiyong too. And Seunghyun- I suppose he would know. I don’t care about what he thinks though.”
“What happened between you two? You were friends.”
“I don’t know.”
“For real this time. What happened?” Seungri remained persistent as he lay on the bed.
Youngbae sat up and looked to his bed, seeing Seungri’s frame lying there as he looked at the ceiling. He sighed before answering, “It was a bad idea. The two of them being together. I told Jiyong that but-“
“He didn’t listen,”
“No, Seunghyun has that effect on people,” Youngbae said in a chastising manner. Seungri let out a loud humph in response, disregarding what Youngbae was trying to say, instead asking him to continue. “And?...”
“I don’t know. None of it was spelled out really. I can’t explain it. It’s not as though they were together because they weren’t. Not exactly but then again they were. I knew something had happened between them. So I warned Jiyong but then in a sense I didn’t. Everything was said in code. Everything happened and then it didn’t at the same time and I guess it all went by so fast. And soon, they’d ditch me to go make out or something. It was weird. It was the three of us at first, for our whole lives but then I turned into the third wheel, like the girlfriend’s best friend and it was Seunghyun’s fault.”
Seungri kept staring at the ceiling but he didn’t know what to say. The silence circled around them but Youngbae broke it quickly. “Actually, I guess it’s just easier to blame it on him. Since Jiyong came out hurt.”
“What went wrong between them?”
“Stop asking me that,” Youngbae laid back down, closing his eyes, “ I don’t know.”
“You don’t have any idea?” Seungri stayed persistant, curious about his hyung.
Youngbae let out another heavy sigh and reluctantly answered. “My parents are never home and as usual, they were out. It was summer. A summer night. Jiyong showed up in the rain, soaking wet, crying. Crying and shivering, like some wounded dog. I asked him but he told me not to ask him anymore, so I didn’t. And that was it. We never talked about it.”
“You blame Seunghyun. But you don’t know what happened.”
“I know Seunghyun. It was most likely his fault.”
“Why? Why would you say that?”
Youngbae closed his eyes tighter as he tried to control his temper and keep his voice even. “You see all these faults in me…have you ever looked at Seunghyun’s? Have you gotten close enough to see him? He’s not perfect.“
“He is to me,” Seungri said in a disgustingly dreamy tone. He started to feel uncomfortable with the firmness of Youngbae’s bed, more than he had been already and he got up to continue snooping around Youngbae’s things.
“Do you still want to go?” Youngbae asked with his eyes closed as Seungri reached the table with all the music sheets on it.
“To what?”
“The festival.”
Seungri stopped and looked at the sheets instead of answering. They were written on by Youngbae. Some had already been written on and some didn’t. He bit the inside of his mouth nervously as he picked up a sheet of paper with something familiar written on the top.
Seungri’s Note
Seungri. Seungri. He felt his heart stop. He picked up the paper, peering at it. He wasn’t much at sight-reading so it made things hard. He wondered what it sounded like and when Youngbae had wrote it.
“Don’t go through my stuff,” Youngbae’s voice was low as he stood a few footsteps away from Seungri, who hadn’t heard him get up.
“I wasn’t. I just-“
Youngbae charged up to the freshman and snatched the sheet from him. “Why don’t you just leave me alone? Stop making things worse for me.”
“I wanted to talk to you about this. About everything.”
“I don’t. I don’t want to talk to you about anything.” His tone was bratty, almost childish and not what Seungri had expected from his usually monotone demeanor.
“That’s not fair,” Seungri said, looking down at the keyboard’s keys. “You get to say how you feel but I can’t.”
“I know how you feel. You love Seunghyun. I already know.” Youngbae laid the sheet of music back down with care and Seungri saw the sadness in his face, causing his heart to ache. He really didn’t know how he felt but that wouldn’t be enough for Youngbae. Would that be enough for anyone? He felt his heart begin beating harder. Even if he didn’t know how he felt, he still cared for Youngbae. He still didn’t want to hurt him. He looked to his dark eyes and his eyes traced along the line of his jaw. He just wanted to be closer. To feel better, for Youngbae to feel better, for everything to just go away. He found himself stepping towards him. More than anything he wanted- He wanted to kiss him. He placed his hand on Youngbae’s face as he kissed him softly.
When he kissed Jiyong, everything had been so primitive, it was a greed for the feeling, the sensation but this was different. He just wanted to be closer to Youngbae. It was a conscious need for the person, not just the sensation. It drove him to press against the reluctant senior as their kiss deepened. It encouraged him to bring his arms around Youngbae, feeling the soft definition of his back, rubbing his shoulder blades and taking in the tenseness of Youngbae’s body as the older boy halfheartedly opened his mouth, his tongue shyly pressing against Seungri’s, which invaded his mouth, writhing inside of him, longing for that same closeness. Seungri brought Youngbae’s hand to his body. He just wanted to be so close, closer. He enjoyed how Youngbae began to warm up to him, holding him tightly before slipping his hands under Seungri’s shirt and holding his sides. Seungri reached under Youngbae’s beater in turn, feeling his skin, the soft subtle ripples of Youngbae’s stomach lying under his fingertips. Seungri moaned into his mouth before Youngbae grabbed Seungri’s bottom, pulling him in even closer. It’s what they both wanted, to be as close as possible. Seungri felt himself harden against Youngbae and he knew he should stop, just like before but he didn’t want to, not this time. He just wanted to be close. He thrust his tongue into Youngbae deeper as he became greedier for him, the way he felt, his soft lips and the friction against his member through his jeans.
He enjoyed the way Youngbae stroked his hipbones with his thumbs as his jeans slipped down a bit and he ran his hands on the shaved sides of Youngbae’s hair, feeling the softness of the short fuzz under his palms.
Youngbae guided him to step towards the bed and he followed without a thought, finding himself lying down underneath Youngbae before he knew it. Youngbae began to buck his hips into Seungri, the two of them trying to feel each other through their pants. Seungri felt that urge to be closer and closer yet again and he broke off the kiss, looking up at Youngbae, his brow creased with anxiety as he unbuttoned Youngbae’s pants, slipping his hand there to rub his member through his boxers. Youngbae moved with the movement of his hand before leaning his weight on one elbow and kissing Seungri’s neck, letting out a low moan against Seungri’s skin. He lifted up from Seungri’s body a bit, turning red as he hovered over Seungri. The younger boy began to place his hands in the elastic band of the older’s boxers before Youngbae sat up quickly, getting off of Seungri.
“Don’t.”
“What?” Seungri said sitting up.
“Don’t… Go this far.”
“We were just kissing. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Youngbae looked to Seungri, his frown subtle, one eyebrow raised higher than the other. “It’s not just kissing and it’s a big deal to me. Seungri…I like you, a lot.”
“I know but-“
“There is no but. You either like me back or you don’t.”
Seungri held his breath and somehow couldn’t start breathing again, couldn’t convince himself to do anything to stoop Youngbae from getting off of the bed and opening his bedroom door.
“Can you just leave?”
“Youngbae-“
“Please,” Youngbae said. He was sincerely pleading. Seungri could see Youngbae’s composure fading as he straightened his shirt and stood up. He alowly stepped towards the door. He looked at Youngbae as he walked through the doorway and he felt like he forgot something as if he was leaving something very important behind.
“I’m sorry, Youngbae,” he spoke as he stepped out. He was going to add something but Youngbae answered quickly.
“I am too,” he said as he closed the door behind Seungri.