Way tooooo long update

[olivialove]

I have so much to say to you, but whenever I’m in your presence it’s like I physically cannot.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I don’t understand why I Struggle so much to communicate.  I wish I just knew why.  For instance the last fight we had, there were so many things I wanted to scream at you.  But I didn’t say any of it.  So here it is-

Comments

[faux_shizzle]

breaking up is so hard. i respect you so much for just having the courage to understand what does/doesn't make you happy, and standing up for it. so many people stay in icky relationships out of fear for change. i'm sure it hurts you just to have esmond see you cry, but when he gets older, he'll understand what self respect and love are. you are seriously an inspiration, tears and all.

[olivialove]

thank you! 8)

[cray_z_fool]

damn you olivia, this post got me teary-eyed...... i cant believe how on point you are with the feelings you feel... i get those exact feelings too and i think to myself that I'M the only one in the world going through it for some odd reason. and to read your words puts me back in that place of when i would feel those feelings and it puts me in shock and i literally feel the pain all over again, and then that mixed with my sympathy for you is just SO overwhelming. i thank god for your journals, they are seriously SO therapeutic. they put me in a whole new state of mind... a POSITIVE one

[olivialove]

thank you! I'm glad to hear my posts help you a little bit. I have actually heard of that book, my friend Laura was telling me about it. i think, is it about the secret to successful people or something? I haven't really looked into it much though. I'll go look it up on amazon.

Yeah I really was convinced the weed would help, but it sooo did not! lol, I quickly remembered exactly why i quit so many years ago.

then I made the mistake of telling will, cause i thought it was funny. ya know, like what a disaster it turned out to be. but he got all pissed and started to lecture me

[imfinallyfound]

:( i am sooo sorry to see you are going through this. but once u come out of it, you are gonna be so proud of yourself. my prayers r w/ u.

[olivialove]

thank you! I've prayed quite a bit this past week. But it was a wake up call, not only to my priorities and how they weren't exactly right, but also a good self examination at how I contributed to the destruction of the relationship,and also made me think about where I need to be in my life, on a personal level.

[jezebelleinhell]

I hate that raw feeling too. They say there are 5 stages of grieving. I think there might be 10 for break up grieving and they all leave you feeling like you've been hit by a truck.

[olivialove]

well it's a first for me! I've always been very resolved in my break ups, I had never ever gone through this, so i think that also might be why it was so damn hard

[kanzan]

much love, doll, these are some of the worst feelings to ever be torn through. I'm glad things are moving towards the light. take care of yourself!!