Comments | ojouchan: Knowledge

ojouchan

Knowledge

Apr 06, 2007 19:22

I wish I knew her better. I wish I had talked to her more in art classes. I wish someone had saved her. Today Katie Craig, a Junior at Williams killed herself. She was a beautiful girl. I wish someone had made her realize just how wonderful she really was.

I think that suicide and murder are two of the worlds most selfish acts. People are usually so ( Read more... )

senior year

Comments 13

(The comment has been removed)

ojouchan April 7 2007, 03:07:59 UTC

And I'm sorry for yours.

I guess we all have the sense that we should have done something or seen it coming. No one saw it coming in Katie's case either. She was bright, seemingly happy.

I just find it deeply sad that someone could feel so alone that they feel the need to take their lives.

zarhooie April 7 2007, 00:01:44 UTC

Oh honey.... *hugs* Did you need anything? I can come pick you up and we can watch movies or something...

ojouchan April 7 2007, 03:05:06 UTC

I'm okay, I just wish she knew she didn't have to feel so alone. However, the ski team is devastated they've been walking around bawling their eyes out.

ojouchan April 7 2007, 03:08:44 UTC

That was totally *not* the icon I wanted.

anonymous April 7 2007, 05:28:52 UTC

It's not something describable or specific like "feeling alone," Jo. It's truly horrible to feel that way. At the moment one doesn't even think about others because one is incapable of even reasoning as a "self." Something else takes over and one isn't the person everyone else knows. One is hardly a person, rather, simply the physical embodiment of the darkest emotions anyone could ever dare imagine.
I send you, Katie’s loved ones, and all of Williams my most sincere condolences. It is not easy dealing with the loss of a human being, especially one who was so young and full of potential. Anger, confusion, sadness, and resentment are all natural feelings in such a situation, but please don’t judge her too harshly as no one can ever know what was exactly going through her mind. I truly hope she will eventually find what she needs.

Peace and Bright Blessing.

D

ojouchan April 7 2007, 06:12:07 UTC

Well in that case *I* should have been dead. The year before I met you I attempted suicide, and in the middle my sister came home, and I thought of her finding me there and knew that even though I was feeling hideous amounts of pain, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt my family as much as the world was hurting me.

I guess I came off harshly because of the reactions I saw today. People are bawling their hearts out, and each and every one of them is blaming themselves.

pallasathene82 April 7 2007, 05:51:52 UTC

Having been almost the person you wrote about that, I can understand where she came from. And God take mercy on her soul.
There is no way to see into the darkness of a person's soul, to see the pain and the emptiness that they feel constantly. And it's unlikely that she would have let you in anyway. Depression creates such an intense feeling of shame that you just want to disappear from your projection of being a failure. I don't think anyone could "save' someone from committing suicide. Really it is soley the act of God that I am here now. No one could have stopped my suicide attempt. It sucks to know you have so little control over the acts of others.
It is a shame, but having experience the hell on earth that being suicidal I can understand it.
I wonder how much the reduced services of the health center had to do with it.

ojouchan April 7 2007, 06:17:12 UTC

A good portion I'd say, but she also was a bright seemingly cheery person. I doubt anyone would have reported her to the health center.

Read my response to D above. Also keep in mind as an HC I've stopped two suicide attempts. Sometimes people need to know that you're there for them. That the pain they feel can be shared. I talked people down by sharing my experience, and in one account for being the only person that ever paid attention to their feelings. Sometimes we just need that connection. To know that no matter how much we think we suck, one person thinks we're valuable.

anonymous April 7 2007, 15:11:47 UTC

I hate that suicide can be looked at as a selfish act. I would bet anything that Katie was not thinking "I want to get out of here to end my pain and screw everyone else." I think whatever was going through her head was probably more like, "This world will be better off without me." And she was horribly, horribly wrong--this world needs people like Katie Craig more than anything--but being wrong is no crime.

anonymous April 8 2007, 05:13:26 UTC

I agree. When one is going through what I imagine this poor child was going through, one doesn't think about leaving everything behind, one thinks of getting rid of the problem, oneself, thus making life easier for all. I understand you've been through some though times Jo. I've never really asked you about them because there's no need to put salt in your wounds, but believe me I understand what it's like. However, it's not the same with everyone. Someone has something horribly, catatraphlically life-altering happen to them and they want to end it. I would understand. However, can you understand waking everyday to want to stand in front of the school bus instead of get on it for no good reason? You have great grades. You don't need to worry about your economic situation. You have great friends and family, en fin, everything you could ever want, but you still can't seem to fight the urge to jump as you look out your bedroom window. And everyday, instead of it getting easier, it just becomes more and more and more until it's too much to ( ... )

ojouchan April 8 2007, 20:25:38 UTC

Yes Delia, I can imagine waking up everyday and wanting to stand in front of a school bus rather than get on it. I know what it feels like to wonder if the blade on scissors are sharp enough to cut wrists. I know how it feels to wonder if the Elizabeth river is deep enough to drown in. Words didn't save me Delia, I was lucky enough to have the realization that gave me my current opinion ( ... )

ojouchan April 8 2007, 20:13:33 UTC

I'm not saying being wrong is a crime. And I know the world does need more people like Katie. However, Katie aside, my own personal opinion comes from having lost too many people from suicide. I believe that the pain makes you intrinsically selfish, it's something I realized in the middle of my own suicide attempt. Even if you think the world will be better off without you, you often fail to think about grieving parents and friends. Someone is going to have to bury you. Someone is going to have to find you. And when they do they are going ot be changed forever ( ... )