start to a thursday.

[ohsavemedearly]

I was going to update last night, but my mum was using the computer room for one of her boring meetings. Last night we got into yet another fight. We came home early from my grandparent's place and mum was really mad that we did. She said that when she doesn't want me here, I'm here and when she wants us to go out with her, I don't.

Her comment

Comments

[grimlock1974]

I know what it is like to fight with parents. I know how hurtful it is when someone that loves you says something so wrong. Me and my parents never saw eye to eye. for me growing up, I was just a stranger living under their roof other then when I did something wrong. Kinda makes it hard to give advice on the whole parent - child relationship when I never really experienced it myself

[xxoldscratchxx]

oh sweetie i'm so sorry to hear that your night was so awful. i completely sympathise with how you feel your mum doesn't understand your illness. i went through so much with my mum and her anger and resentment towards my illness (and me). i think partly it's them not realising that you are ill and you are trying to get better, but there is such a strong force from the anorexia stopping you. people just seem to think we want to be that way and are being difficult! i think my mum finally realised the situation when she went to a BEAT group thing and read several books on eating disorders and then she acted much better towards me (though she seemed to forget a few months after that and go back to her angry frustrated state, but rememebered i wasn't doing it on purpose and calmed down again

[almost_home]

hey kitten. when i was at day program today we were talking about something that you might find really relevent here, though it was a really hard concept for us to grasp. we were talking about something similar to what you've posted - needing something from someone and not having those needs met. i had that problem with my own mum for a really long time. i wanted her to understand, i wanted her to be there, i wanted her to help me butter my bread - and she just couldn't give me that. my mum isn't going to be able to understand my eating disorder and what i go through, she's not that sort of mum. even though i love her hugely

[fistfuls]

hey

[fistfuls]

thank you for your kind words. i'm kind of surprised that you weren't aware that my self esteem is so low. i didn't think i could possibly hide anything from you. i'm not trying to. it's just. i don't know. i don't know if it's because i've gotten so used to concealing things that i just do it naturally, or i assume i've already said things, or forget to fill gaps. i don't know. i lie so much these days, it's coming very naturally to me and that makes me really sad. like when people ask how i'm doing, even my best friends, i say i'm great and they believe me and i don't know what i'd do if they didn't. for the most part i've sort of lost that confessional side, the part of me that needs to confide in people. i've always been that way, i've never been able to keep anything to myself. but more and more lately i'm realizing that i don't have anything to say, at least not anything that should be said out loud. because all i want to say is either that i'm not okay and i don't think i know how to be okay, or that i'm just sad

[lonerchick_21]

I so can relate to havin a mom who says things, that really hurt me. I didn't sleep for a few days. I'm very sensitive bout those small remarks. my who family makes then to me.