More years passed. Does this shit ever get any easier? I remain in Mexico City, in the same house that Ben shares with his bf- along with 3 other roommates. It's a packed house, to say the least. I've been working pretty much 7 days a week for months now- giving classes, making and selling popcorn and hoping to see that business grow- and just ( Read more... )

So I told Ben was I was considering doing. I told him that I was tired of not doing anything with my life, that I needed direction. He said he didn't want me to do it, that it was for people who were stupid and couldn't do anything else. But he also said he would support me if it was what I really wanted to do. I know he means that, but I ( Read more... )

I've been back in Mexico City since last August. Ben and I have been trying to find the relationship we once had, with varying results. We love each other, that remains true today just as it was more than 9 years ago. Overall, things aren't bad, but they're not great, either. In some ways, we're still just going through the motions, almost more ( Read more... )

8 years ago today, May 18, 2003, I met Ben. I was 22 years old, an adult but in so many ways still just a kid. I was lost, directionless, immature, afraid of everything, and bitter about how my life had turned out. Angry over a past that haunted my every thought and action, and seemingly powerless to ever do anything about it ( Read more... )

I said goodbye to a friend tonight. To be honest, we hadn't spoken in ten years, but reconnected recently by chance. It did not take long to realize that, although I have moved on somewhat from my past, he is still living it. He still has so much anger and sadness and I know he will never allow me to know him, not truly. I have always wished ( Read more... )

In July, I was told that I would be moving to another store. They had this girl from Dayton who wanted to change markets and they were going to give her my store because, from what they said, they did not trust her with a true urban location. Honestly, I had mixed feelings about the move. On one hand, I knew it would be better for me on gas ( Read more... )

It is strange that sometimes I come on this site brimming with words that I want to put down, and then when I go to type them in, I don't really have all that much to say. A journal seems more like something you have when you have a lot of things to complain about. Lost loves, lost childhoods, lost opportunities... pretty much all the things I ( Read more... )

My last entry back in October was pretty gloomy. A lot has changed since then. Early this month I got a call about a job that payed a substantially larger amount of money than I was making, and after a few interviews, I took it. I'll be making almost double what I was for essentially the same kind of work. This is a huge step in getting our ( Read more... )

I'm about a month away from bankruptcy. There seems to be no way around it. We were on thin ice when it came to finances when we first got the house, but I thought we would be okay because I had just gotten a raise to salary and Ben was starting his bakery more. 7 months later and my pay has been slashed and it seems that all attempts to get Ben ( Read more... )

In life we see the darkness of humanity ( Read more... )