LJ Idol Week Two - All That Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust.

[ohelectricshock]

I'm a mess. I feel like I've been a mess for months. I guess I'm just going through an adjustment phase of realizing that I'm not the only person that my boyfriend wants to get naked with. I understand that, I do, I mean, the rational part of me does. The other part, the part of me whose self worth is wrapped up in his opinion of me, fails to

Comments

[witches]

This was really powerfully written <3 *hugs*

[ohelectricshock]

Thank you <3 *hugs back*

[amberdawnpullin]

[ohelectricshock]

It is absolutely painful, especially when you've placed so much trust in this other person. Thanks so much for reading :)

[roina_arwen]

My hubby and I are poly. It isn't all about sex, it's about committed long-term relationships, although every poly pairing is different in some respects. The most important item is strong communication between all parties. Good luck with yours!

[ohelectricshock]

Yeah, that was definitely the ideal. I think for him it wasn't so much about polyamory, it was more about having the freedom to fulfill every desire he'd ever thought about. I definitely believe it is a thing that can work with a strong relationship that has total communication and honesty and people that are as self-aware as they can be who take ownership of their feelings. My thoughts about it pertaining to my own life are a bit scattered. I have had many mixed experiences with it and my attitude towards it, I thought that when we did open our relationship that I was ready..but I'll save those thoughts for another week :)

Thanks for reading!

[cheshire23]

I think for him it wasn't so much about polyamory, it was more about having the freedom to fulfill every desire he'd ever thought about.

Oh, UGH. Extra sorry now that you had to deal with this.

[ohelectricshock]

<3 in the end every lesson that we needed to learn from the experience we definitely learned. I'm in a much, much better place than I was then and everything that happened during that experience has contributed to who I am today :)

[lawchicky]

So sad that you were in two completely different mindsets and he didn't seem interested in making you comfortable.

[halfshellvenus]

This is so raw, but it puts us right where you were in dealing with that demand and the threat of losing the love of someone who mattered so much to you.

I know I'm suffocating him, I'm suffocating him because this desire of his is transforming into a need, suffocating me.
This phrasing is so very clear, and it describes just how trapped his position made you feel.

[ohelectricshock]

Thank you so much, that means so much to me. It's really reassuring to me to see that I'm doing an adequate job of conveying the emotion behind these events.