and i'm not ok, i try to be...but i cant get over loseing something so special, i dont know how to deal and words are not helping....dont get me wrong i appreshat how many of my friends that have had kind nice words ofr me....but i dont need them, keep them to your selves. i just dont know how to express how much hate i feel for life and everything ( Read more... )

i start the playboy club tonite.......

i havent been sleeping well since i've been back,life is just so unperdictable...i'm....i dont know...ijust dont know anymore.

i'm moving homein 9 daysssss!!!!!!

i'm thankfll for everyone whos ever grace'd my life.....i love my friends.
i'm also thnkfull for my father, if it wasnt for him i'd be in the same hole that i was in......
and im also thnkfull for redemption..and the thought of being ok again.

thats all

as i sit here writing this my mind tends to remember the smiles of all my friends everytime i would walk in to a room, and thats what i miss most about home and my friends. the last couple of months havent been all to good for me, very lonly......i had a good thing, but i pushed her away, like i push them all away. so new jersey is cold this time ( Read more... )

so i moved....fuck yea, rock bottom is the best place to be....

its been a while and life just keeps getting worse and worse...i cant breath when shes around, so i told her to not come around, i couldnt eat when she was involved in my life so shes not involved in my life...now i cant sleep so i stay up till all hours of the morning waiting till i'm so exhousted that i cant keep my eyes open and then i pass out ( Read more... )

i'm giving in...i'm giving up onlife, i'm just going to retreat into the dark and do the party thing, the drinking will return, the drug use will return, the not careing about anything in my life will return, why should i fucking care when no body else does. i cant just pretend that everything is alright all the time when its not alright any of the ( Read more... )

tonite i had my grad celebration...i hungout with a rad chick..and kicked it with a few of my boys...watched some movies...its was cool...fuck falling asleep at 2 and getting waken at 6 to get taken home...total awesomeness....