Comments | obscurefandom: Gorgeous Carat fic: Overheard

astraplain in obscurefandom

Gorgeous Carat fic: Overheard

Jul 03, 2007 21:22

Title: Overheard
Author: Astra
Fandom: Gorgeous Carat
Characters/Pairing: Ray, Florian, two original female characters
Disclaimer: Gorgeous Carat belongs to You Higuri.
Summary: At a party in Paris, the year 1901, two ladies catch up on the
latest gossip.
Challenge: July 2007 - fic BINGO

( Read more... )

2007 july, author: astra, gorgeous carat

Comments 19

mistertalbot July 5 2007, 11:31:40 UTC

Brilliant. Dirty, nosy hipocrites always make the most interesting point of view! I enjoy that everything is in dialogue, it really adds to feeling of party gossip and keeps the reader concentrated on the tale at hand instead of the party. You also handled it very well.

The only thing that disturbed me at first, and I see your reason for doing it, is the beginning dialogue seems a bit too chopped full of information. I don't think we really need to know about the invitation not arriving and all of that (though it almost hints that she wasn't really invited, but it doesn't seem relevant to the story). It sort of makes the story drag in the beginning when you need to catch the reader the most. I do enjoy the entire America routine which leads nicely into the main section of the story, but I think you could cut the invitation bit.

astraplain July 5 2007, 16:24:11 UTC

Thank you! I especially appreciate your comments about the beginning - I was a bit concerned about it as well, but thought it would help illustrate personalities of the 2 characters (and the hint was intended to suggest Matilde's perception of things might not be entirely accurate)

mistertalbot July 5 2007, 21:31:52 UTC

I think the rest of the piece illustrates both their personalities and the fact that we can't completely trust either of their perceptions. I think that's why the beginning is unnecessary, because the rest of the piece holds its own. :)

meruberri July 5 2007, 17:43:07 UTC

I like the feel of the whole thing, it was real interesting.
Of course I had to laugh at the way they spoke of America, and the way they were so hypocritical.
It was a fun piece to read, the style and setting compliment nicely.

astraplain July 9 2007, 01:51:48 UTC

Thanks! It was fun to write, too, though I've never tried a dialogue-only piece before.

chichiri_no_da July 9 2007, 01:25:02 UTC

That was really interesting! I liked how it was all in dialogue. At first I was wondering about it, but it quickly became obvious that it was a stylistic choice, and you really pulled it off well.

astraplain July 9 2007, 01:52:28 UTC

Thank you!

capoupascap July 11 2007, 19:12:17 UTC

Very charming. It feels very alive to me; I can hear the tones of the characters in my head while reading.

I'm not familiar with the fandom, but this works great on its own. Interesting and lovely. I enjoyed it a lot.

astraplain July 18 2007, 02:14:50 UTC

Thanks. Gorgeous Carat gets overshadowed by You Higuri's Seimaden and Cantarella, but it's a great series and the characters are much fun to write.

toxictattoo July 13 2007, 10:36:35 UTC

Why, when my invitation didn't arrive as expected, I sent my servant over at once to fetch it.

[dies] That really set the tone for this piece.

The all-dialogue format was fantastic. I don't know the characters so I can't tell if they are IC but I can definitely pick out the distinctive voices.

Now I have to check this out.

astraplain July 18 2007, 02:22:08 UTC

Thank you! *L* that was the line that inspired the whole piece.

I've got a Gorgeous Carat fandom summary on my lj with links if you want some overview info and pointers to some wonderful fanfic (it's a tiny but growing fandom). It's only a 4 volume series with a 1-volume follow-up so it's not a huge investment if you want to try the manga.