Interstitial Space

[nyx06]

Just a portion of a Minho-centered fic… this is the beginning…

~*~

[Spoiler (click to open)]

The gun felt heavy in his hand. He was huddled behind a rusting dumpster breathing shallowly through his mouth. The stench of the alley; a mixture of urine and garbage, was overpowering even in the downpour. Thunder crashed overhead and he ducked further down, feeling

Comments

[kayjay1212]

Hey!! So, like I said I really like it so far. One of the things I think you could work on is your pacing and the tone. You start off the story and it seems like you are trying to build tension, but then you keep breaking that by including too much description/detail. Also, when Minho thinks back to how he was found by his boss, it comes off as rushed. I think the placement of that flashback also breaks the tension. Of course, if you arent trying to build tension, then you might want to slow things down more, especially in the first couple paragraphs.

I really like how you keep having Minho think about how he got involved with his boss. Especially towards the end right after he beats up the "rat." The way he first thinks that he had no choice, but then thinks that his bruises are the price of hurting the rat tell me reveals how the situation has affected Minho. It does make Minho come off as very cold/apathetic though, so hopefully thats what you were going for.

I cant wait for more! Good luck :)

[nyx06]

Thanks for reading it T_____T ... and yeah, I was concerned with the pacing and I felt I was too descriptive at some parts, so it gave me a feeling like it was stopping and going

[kayjay1212]

When I write I usually read my work as I write and make sure that things flow the way I want them to. (not fiction, I mean school crap) As the author, you know how you want to make your readers react and feel at any given point in a story. So just read through as you write to make sure the tone your creating is the one you want to create. In regards to what you have written so far, all that would mean is maybe switching some of the paragraphs around and maybe getting rid of some of the description as you mentioned (I personally hate too much description, but when people use it on purpose it can really help with setting the tone. Renn, for instance, does it a lot). Because even though the writing is good, and I enjoyed the story, I just felt confused at times as to how you were trying to get the reader to react.