[ILC14] The Constant Cycle
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Haemin
Genre: AU!Drama, Romance
Beta: paradigm_twist
IL/Pairing Assigner: rssj1314 & shadowcrawler12
Summary: He heard of the many stories, but he knew too personally the tale of the man who lived a double life, in secret that often involves dangerous risks to his well-being. While he, with a normal and average life, realized he couldn't simply sit back and wait any longer.
-
He blinked up at the sky and counted the clouds. The endless seam of clouds spread out above, and wondered, just how far the sky could stretch if he could give it a limit. Boundless.
Things that could never stay long; could never linger further than a moment. A feeling he was painfully used to.
When Sungmin had looked behind him, he had expected to see the neighbors' children, an occasional passing car or any other signs of life. Instead, his eyes fell upon on a man; a stranger to the neighborhood. While he would have looked away just like any other time, this time, his eyes chose to linger where they were.
He said goodbye to his friend over the phone, shutting it as he stood still. He was unable to find the nerve to walk towards him, as if his entire being was suddenly made entirely of lead. Fortunately, the man had walked towards him on his own. His inner voice told him to walk. Run towards anywhere instead of remaining at this exact spot. But he remained just as immobile, waiting as the man now stood only inches away before him.
"Where have you been?" Sungmin found himself asking. Instead of the heartfelt reunions he had endlessly imagined, or the words he had relentlessly practiced over the years, at that very moment, it was the only question that came to mind.
Donghae gave a grave smile, as if he didn't expect this type of reaction either. If he wanted a cheerful expression, he should have came back four years ago. If he wanted a relieved one, three years. A crushing resentment in two, evolving to a bitter sentiment since then.
"You know I can't tell you."
Sungmin smiled bitterly, used to the familiar excuse. "Of course not. I don't have clearance. I can't know because it'll endanger me. A civilian like me should not even bother to ask." With every reason he listed, he felt a lump in his throat. With every glance his way, he felt the familiar tightening in his chest.
When he finally managed to muster some nerve, he forced himself to walk ahead when he was suddenly held back. He lowered his eyes as he felt the grip tightened on his arms.
"I've moved on."
"You're lying."
Sungmin gave a strained smile. "Just because you're a human lie detector, doesn't mean what I said isn't true." He said coldly.
"No. You still feel the same. I know you do. Look-" He was forcibly turned around, staring at Donghae who gave a forced yet scared smile, his grip tightening even more on his arms as he kept rooted in place. "I came back. That's all that matters. Right?"
Donghae studied his expression, as if he could find any hint of the truth he had wanted so desperately to see.
"You don't need a distraction." Sungmin said callously. "Your superiors warned me. Even you said it before-"
"I was only joking-"
"I'm a distraction when you're on a job." He stated clearly as he placed his hands on both wrists, forcing them to release his arms as he turned and walked away.
"You said you'd always wait."
Sungmin paused, knowing that the very phrase that was just uttered held more questions hidden beneath it. Why now? What were his reasons? Why did he simply stop?
Simple. He hated worrying.
He heard and watched the romanticized stories of the lives of agents. The adrenaline, the rush of excitement that coursed through the other as he relived his adventures, often silently, unable to tell the one beside him who could nothing but simply watch.
What of the person waiting at home for their return? Who waits anxiously, too used to the excuses and the lack of explanations, too afraid of the day when he might hear news if something were to happen, but they'd likely keep him in the dark for reasons he'd never know.
This torment would end the moment he returned. Yet these stages are constantly repeated, leaving him damaged as he tried to hold on. All Sungmin could do was turn away, believing it'd be easier to simply stop.
And while he foolishly thought he'd be fine otherwise. That he could be patient. That their commitment alone could last him through the years of unanswered questions, he quickly realized they wouldn't.
The constant fear that waiting was futile. He clenched his fists at the gnawing fear, knowing that he was the foolish one for even trying. For believing he could hold onto him when in reality, he was just as boundless; just as unrestrained.
He raised his head as he looked ahead, his gaze focused on the sky.
"You lost that right years ago." He said quietly, as he closed his eyes and continued walking, unable to look back.
-
"Isn't he selfish?" Yesung asked as he laid down the beer bottle. Donghae laughed humorlessly.
"Wasn't I the selfish one to expect him to wait with no explanation?"
"There is never an explanation given. At all. After all this time, he shouldn't expect one." Yesung reasoned. "It's part of the job. We can't disclose such information. Especially to satisfy your boyfriend. His life is on the line the minute you do."
"I know." Donghae said exasperatedly. "It doesn't matter now, does it though?" He gave an attempted smile as he held the beer in his hand. "He doesn't want me back in his life... I shouldn't force my way back in."
"Are you sure?" Yesung asked with an arched eyebrow. "I know you find it difficult to take no as an answer. And force is your specialty."
Donghae shrugged. "It's for the best... I no longer have to worry about making someone wait at home for me. No more distractions."
Yesung lowered his eyes as Donghae turned away from him. Both of them knew that Yesung could separate the truth from lies, but decided it was kinder to pretend he had actually believed him.
-
The apartment Donghae walked into was plain. It had the basic furniture. No attempt at decoration. No photos that hung on the walls. The lack of pictures may have been his fault, considering that none were ever allowed due to his profession. Something he knew had always bothered the other man who could only lie to his friends and claimed that he was single.
He laughed thinking how the lie had turned into the truth now.
He sat on the bed, staring pass the large glass doors of his bedroom that led out to the balcony. His hand reached below the cold pillow and pulled out his gun, weighing it calmly in his hands.
With a great internal struggle, he unloaded it and placed it inside the drawer, moving it permanently from its once permanent spot. He got up from the bed and took a step forward, his hands laid against the glass.
He thought of the gesture as a step forward symbolically. Yet, it felt as if it held no merit at all. Especially to the person he meant it towards.
It had been two years. And while he had promised himself to walk out of his life, he was failing to do exactly that.
Especially as he stepped pass those glass doors and glanced sideways at the apartment next to his. The curtains had been drawn closed so that he could never see inside; or the man who had never once stepped onto his own balcony. They were only inches away, separated by a feeble wall that he could easily jumped over. It wouldn't have taken much to appear in his apartment and reach out to the man who hid himself from the other.
The walls Sungmin hid behind were the hardest to break.
It was easy enough to find out his schedule; the usual routes he took. Not that Sungmin was purposely allusive. But even the best professionals couldn't stay completely off his radar.
He recalled with a wry smile the day when he had forced himself not to appear at the usual cafe, but still found himself there, struggling to stay hidden as Sungmin advised his friend about relationships.
"Never be with someone whose job comes before you." He heard Sungmin said, his tone wavering. "Never stay with someone who enjoys taking constant risks. Who doesn't understand that you're constantly afraid because of his lifestyle."
Donghae turned his head, staring at Sungmin who gave a false smile that easily fooled his friend.
"Stay away from that type of person. Because it becomes difficult to move on... If at all."
Donghae remained seated at the same spot even after the duo left, leaving him behind with a defeated expression.
He wished he could tell Sungmin he had long left that life behind. In fact he did, recalling the moment he cornered him outside his apartment. But Sungmin was indifferent to his eager words, simply stating he had to go to work, leaving him without another glance.
He thought that maybe that was the only obstacle. That if he left his job, that was it. Sungmin would somehow run back to him. Forgive him. Be his as before.
He was hopeful for such a reunion. Instead, he could only look at those closed curtains, feeling daggers stabbed at his chest when he thought about their circumstances because it wasn't as he had hoped. With clenched fists that laid on the glass, he could only shut his eyes, remembering the earlier stages of their relationship. When Sungmin welcomed him every time with a warm smile, laughing happily and spending the best of times with him.
He opened his eyes as his memory led him to the other little details he also noticed. The ones he often chose not to remember.
The times he noticed Sungmin with reddened eyes, constantly gripping the tables until they had left marks, greeting him with tight hugs. The huge sighs of relief. The dried tears left behind on his cheeks that he failed to hide. Afraid and reassured. A constant cycle that left him battered.
He didn't have that right.
He never deserved it in the first place. But his stubborn side couldn't help but think, and hoped differently.
-
"I knew you couldn't stop."
Donghae silently agreed as he spoke with Yesung over the phone. "And you?"
"I have no loved ones. Makes the job easier on me." Donghae smiled. "You were an idiot for falling in love during an assignment. Undercover isn't a dating service."
"And since when are you so talkative about the work I do?" Donghae asked, instinctively taking precaution.
"The same reason we're both talking on prepaid cell phones. The only one who even knows your name is that guy. Which, shouldn't you be worried that he'll notice you stalking him?"
Donghae laughed as he easily dodged a rushing crowd, keeping his eyes trained on the man who remained a distance away. "He hadn't noticed me and won't."
"You gave yourself up before-"
"That was willingly." He reminded, his eyes looking up at that very moment as he recalled the only exception he ever made to the rule. The moment Sungmin turned his head midway, he felt his chest tightened. No matter the distance, the very sight of him was still able to cause the same reaction.
His eyes darted to someone closer, one who was also following the same man and while he failed to mask himself, Sungmin took no notice. They slowly broke away from the crowd and walked towards a corner that the crowd didn't follow.
"I have some business to take care of." Donghae said quickly as he threw it into the nearest trash bin. He rushed through the crowd, pushing himself through rather swiftly, losing some of the precision he would have usually used.
The second he turned around the corner, he heard grunts and bits of the commotion. He ran forward and stopped in his tracks.
Only to be utterly surprised to find Sungmin twisting the man's arm, leaving him yelling for mercy. He hid himself behind one of the trash bins, watching as Sungmin easily subdued the attacker and dropped him harshly onto the ground.
Sungmin walked past him without noticing his presence.
"I've forgotten how strong you can be." Donghae murmured casually. Yet, his smile wavered.
He had hoped this would create a opportunity, but instead he was left disappointed that his chance was ruined.
He sighed as he stepped back into his apartment later that night, slowly walking towards the double glass doors, stepping casually onto the balcony.
He was used to the lack of neighbors around him. The quiet sounds and the occasional stare from the passive traffic below him. He lowered his guard completely as he laid his head against the cool feeling of the cemented wall.
When he heard the sounds of doors opening, he thought nothing of it. It was only when he opened his eyes that he was surprised to see someone occupying the space beside him. He instantly straightened up, staring, completely dumbfounded as the man met his astonished gaze.
Donghae gave a modest smile. His heart beat was increasing rapidly. His shoulders tensed. Somehow, he was more confident on the field; in life and death situations. It was only around Sungmin did he feel this apprehensive. Completely out of his comfort zone; at a lost of what to say or do.
"Did you really quit?"
He raised his eyes. Sungmin placed his hands on the surface of the wall, staring at the few cars that roamed by.
"You heard me?" He had thought that Sungmin had either not bothered to listen or repressed it entirely.
"Of course I did." Sungmin replied quietly. His tone wasn't as cold or callous, but Donghae still studied his body language. A force of habit he tried to ignore.
"But are you returning?" He asked. "Are you going back at all?"
"No." Donghae quickly said.
Sungmin nodded, his eyes focused on the streets below. He gulped slightly, clearing his parched throat. "Is there anything they can offer you that would make you go back? Anything at all?"
Donghae thought this over, knowing that there was one. "Yes."
Sungmin instantly clenched his fists, as if he had expected it, but also disappointed that he was proven right.
Donghae carefully balanced himself over the barrier without his legs leaving the floor, reaching out as he laid his hands over those clenched fists. Sungmin opened his eyes to see him standing awkwardly over the barrier between them.
"If they said you would consider me again." Donghae said. "Then I would gladly go back."
Sungmin narrowed his eyes. "Don't joke about such things." He said irritably, earning a smile his way. Yet the man still seemed worried, bothered by some thought he hadn't yet voiced. And as Sungmin's eyes focused on the hands laid over his, he seemed to find the nerve to do so.
"You could easily step over here; force me to do whatever you want." He said calmly.
"I know."
"Why aren't you then?" He asked, almost cautiously. "Back then when you pursued me, you went through almost everything to try. Using any method you could use. Whether it was underhanded or not." He gave a reminiscent yet awkward smile. "But why aren't you doing all you can now? Why did you stop because I asked you to?"
Donghae was confused. "Did you not want me to stop?"
"I did." Sungmin said honestly. "I wanted you to stop... but I didn't expect for you to give in so easily. Without fighting back. Without trying..."
Donghae chuckled. "Do you honestly think I haven't fought?"
He received a questioning glance. Apparently the man hadn't. He propped himself up on his elbow as he replied.
"I fought with myself everyday not to come running back after all this time. Not to break through those doors to hold you. Not to potentially earn a restraining order in the process. Doing everything I can not to do what I usually do. It's a fight in itself."
Sungmin still looked as if he didn't completely believe him. Donghae tightened his hold on his hands.
"I'll admit. Everything I've done in the past two years alone has shown that I'm losing that fight." He then gestured at the barrier between them. "These adjacent apartments we're sharing should show how I'm failing at trying to completely stay out of your life."
This earned a chuckle out of the man. At the hint of a smile, he felt his gaze soften.
"It's been too long." He whispered. Sungmin tilted his head when he didn't hear him. He simply shook his head.
He knew it would take much longer than this one night for Sungmin to believe him. He had hurt the man enough to know he needed time to heal. He'd stay patient for however long as it took. The man had given him the same courtesy. He felt it was only fair to do the same.
His friend had wondered if it was for a lost cause. But at the very moment when Sungmin willingly kissed him on the cheek, without his prompting, it had made him feel as if his patience and fight were worth it. He'd push his limits to the farthest he could for this person alone.
Long into nights like these, he still refused to part ways when they met on either side of the barrier. He kept Sungmin up as long as he could, restraining himself from moving physically closer, as they both sat on either side of the wall.
Their hands stayed interlocked as they were both lulled to sleep beside the walls. The early morning light strayed across their hands that hadn't once let go.
The same morning light that strayed across the glass doors, reflecting off a framed photo that stayed beside the bed. Revealing the two figures within the photo and a brand new camera beside it. A scene that was finally caught and realized.
A bounded photo, lasting far longer than a moment.
☆ rssj1314's Haemin ☆
- ILC13 [ Yemin] ☆ ILC15 [ Kangteuk] -
-
A/N: I technically wrote this on time... but had no internet when I moved again to another place and finally got it a few minutes ago ^^.
Now lately been writing drama!fics, but hoping to get back into the fluff mood, although the next line for Kangteuk is sightly... coughs* Just to clarify (especially to a certain someone :) ) I don't write anything beyond PG-15 ^^ At least....not yet...
Comms: Suju Rare Pairsmy-prection | Donghae/Sungmin haemin-nook ^^
Pairing: Haemin
Genre: AU!Drama, Romance
Beta: paradigm_twist
IL/Pairing Assigner: rssj1314 & shadowcrawler12
Summary: He heard of the many stories, but he knew too personally the tale of the man who lived a double life, in secret that often involves dangerous risks to his well-being. While he, with a normal and average life, realized he couldn't simply sit back and wait any longer.
-
He blinked up at the sky and counted the clouds. The endless seam of clouds spread out above, and wondered, just how far the sky could stretch if he could give it a limit. Boundless.
Things that could never stay long; could never linger further than a moment. A feeling he was painfully used to.
When Sungmin had looked behind him, he had expected to see the neighbors' children, an occasional passing car or any other signs of life. Instead, his eyes fell upon on a man; a stranger to the neighborhood. While he would have looked away just like any other time, this time, his eyes chose to linger where they were.
He said goodbye to his friend over the phone, shutting it as he stood still. He was unable to find the nerve to walk towards him, as if his entire being was suddenly made entirely of lead. Fortunately, the man had walked towards him on his own. His inner voice told him to walk. Run towards anywhere instead of remaining at this exact spot. But he remained just as immobile, waiting as the man now stood only inches away before him.
"Where have you been?" Sungmin found himself asking. Instead of the heartfelt reunions he had endlessly imagined, or the words he had relentlessly practiced over the years, at that very moment, it was the only question that came to mind.
Donghae gave a grave smile, as if he didn't expect this type of reaction either. If he wanted a cheerful expression, he should have came back four years ago. If he wanted a relieved one, three years. A crushing resentment in two, evolving to a bitter sentiment since then.
"You know I can't tell you."
Sungmin smiled bitterly, used to the familiar excuse. "Of course not. I don't have clearance. I can't know because it'll endanger me. A civilian like me should not even bother to ask." With every reason he listed, he felt a lump in his throat. With every glance his way, he felt the familiar tightening in his chest.
When he finally managed to muster some nerve, he forced himself to walk ahead when he was suddenly held back. He lowered his eyes as he felt the grip tightened on his arms.
"I've moved on."
"You're lying."
Sungmin gave a strained smile. "Just because you're a human lie detector, doesn't mean what I said isn't true." He said coldly.
"No. You still feel the same. I know you do. Look-" He was forcibly turned around, staring at Donghae who gave a forced yet scared smile, his grip tightening even more on his arms as he kept rooted in place. "I came back. That's all that matters. Right?"
Donghae studied his expression, as if he could find any hint of the truth he had wanted so desperately to see.
"You don't need a distraction." Sungmin said callously. "Your superiors warned me. Even you said it before-"
"I was only joking-"
"I'm a distraction when you're on a job." He stated clearly as he placed his hands on both wrists, forcing them to release his arms as he turned and walked away.
"You said you'd always wait."
Sungmin paused, knowing that the very phrase that was just uttered held more questions hidden beneath it. Why now? What were his reasons? Why did he simply stop?
Simple. He hated worrying.
He heard and watched the romanticized stories of the lives of agents. The adrenaline, the rush of excitement that coursed through the other as he relived his adventures, often silently, unable to tell the one beside him who could nothing but simply watch.
What of the person waiting at home for their return? Who waits anxiously, too used to the excuses and the lack of explanations, too afraid of the day when he might hear news if something were to happen, but they'd likely keep him in the dark for reasons he'd never know.
This torment would end the moment he returned. Yet these stages are constantly repeated, leaving him damaged as he tried to hold on. All Sungmin could do was turn away, believing it'd be easier to simply stop.
And while he foolishly thought he'd be fine otherwise. That he could be patient. That their commitment alone could last him through the years of unanswered questions, he quickly realized they wouldn't.
The constant fear that waiting was futile. He clenched his fists at the gnawing fear, knowing that he was the foolish one for even trying. For believing he could hold onto him when in reality, he was just as boundless; just as unrestrained.
He raised his head as he looked ahead, his gaze focused on the sky.
"You lost that right years ago." He said quietly, as he closed his eyes and continued walking, unable to look back.
-
"Isn't he selfish?" Yesung asked as he laid down the beer bottle. Donghae laughed humorlessly.
"Wasn't I the selfish one to expect him to wait with no explanation?"
"There is never an explanation given. At all. After all this time, he shouldn't expect one." Yesung reasoned. "It's part of the job. We can't disclose such information. Especially to satisfy your boyfriend. His life is on the line the minute you do."
"I know." Donghae said exasperatedly. "It doesn't matter now, does it though?" He gave an attempted smile as he held the beer in his hand. "He doesn't want me back in his life... I shouldn't force my way back in."
"Are you sure?" Yesung asked with an arched eyebrow. "I know you find it difficult to take no as an answer. And force is your specialty."
Donghae shrugged. "It's for the best... I no longer have to worry about making someone wait at home for me. No more distractions."
Yesung lowered his eyes as Donghae turned away from him. Both of them knew that Yesung could separate the truth from lies, but decided it was kinder to pretend he had actually believed him.
-
The apartment Donghae walked into was plain. It had the basic furniture. No attempt at decoration. No photos that hung on the walls. The lack of pictures may have been his fault, considering that none were ever allowed due to his profession. Something he knew had always bothered the other man who could only lie to his friends and claimed that he was single.
He laughed thinking how the lie had turned into the truth now.
He sat on the bed, staring pass the large glass doors of his bedroom that led out to the balcony. His hand reached below the cold pillow and pulled out his gun, weighing it calmly in his hands.
With a great internal struggle, he unloaded it and placed it inside the drawer, moving it permanently from its once permanent spot. He got up from the bed and took a step forward, his hands laid against the glass.
He thought of the gesture as a step forward symbolically. Yet, it felt as if it held no merit at all. Especially to the person he meant it towards.
It had been two years. And while he had promised himself to walk out of his life, he was failing to do exactly that.
Especially as he stepped pass those glass doors and glanced sideways at the apartment next to his. The curtains had been drawn closed so that he could never see inside; or the man who had never once stepped onto his own balcony. They were only inches away, separated by a feeble wall that he could easily jumped over. It wouldn't have taken much to appear in his apartment and reach out to the man who hid himself from the other.
The walls Sungmin hid behind were the hardest to break.
It was easy enough to find out his schedule; the usual routes he took. Not that Sungmin was purposely allusive. But even the best professionals couldn't stay completely off his radar.
He recalled with a wry smile the day when he had forced himself not to appear at the usual cafe, but still found himself there, struggling to stay hidden as Sungmin advised his friend about relationships.
"Never be with someone whose job comes before you." He heard Sungmin said, his tone wavering. "Never stay with someone who enjoys taking constant risks. Who doesn't understand that you're constantly afraid because of his lifestyle."
Donghae turned his head, staring at Sungmin who gave a false smile that easily fooled his friend.
"Stay away from that type of person. Because it becomes difficult to move on... If at all."
Donghae remained seated at the same spot even after the duo left, leaving him behind with a defeated expression.
He wished he could tell Sungmin he had long left that life behind. In fact he did, recalling the moment he cornered him outside his apartment. But Sungmin was indifferent to his eager words, simply stating he had to go to work, leaving him without another glance.
He thought that maybe that was the only obstacle. That if he left his job, that was it. Sungmin would somehow run back to him. Forgive him. Be his as before.
He was hopeful for such a reunion. Instead, he could only look at those closed curtains, feeling daggers stabbed at his chest when he thought about their circumstances because it wasn't as he had hoped. With clenched fists that laid on the glass, he could only shut his eyes, remembering the earlier stages of their relationship. When Sungmin welcomed him every time with a warm smile, laughing happily and spending the best of times with him.
He opened his eyes as his memory led him to the other little details he also noticed. The ones he often chose not to remember.
The times he noticed Sungmin with reddened eyes, constantly gripping the tables until they had left marks, greeting him with tight hugs. The huge sighs of relief. The dried tears left behind on his cheeks that he failed to hide. Afraid and reassured. A constant cycle that left him battered.
He didn't have that right.
He never deserved it in the first place. But his stubborn side couldn't help but think, and hoped differently.
-
"I knew you couldn't stop."
Donghae silently agreed as he spoke with Yesung over the phone. "And you?"
"I have no loved ones. Makes the job easier on me." Donghae smiled. "You were an idiot for falling in love during an assignment. Undercover isn't a dating service."
"And since when are you so talkative about the work I do?" Donghae asked, instinctively taking precaution.
"The same reason we're both talking on prepaid cell phones. The only one who even knows your name is that guy. Which, shouldn't you be worried that he'll notice you stalking him?"
Donghae laughed as he easily dodged a rushing crowd, keeping his eyes trained on the man who remained a distance away. "He hadn't noticed me and won't."
"You gave yourself up before-"
"That was willingly." He reminded, his eyes looking up at that very moment as he recalled the only exception he ever made to the rule. The moment Sungmin turned his head midway, he felt his chest tightened. No matter the distance, the very sight of him was still able to cause the same reaction.
His eyes darted to someone closer, one who was also following the same man and while he failed to mask himself, Sungmin took no notice. They slowly broke away from the crowd and walked towards a corner that the crowd didn't follow.
"I have some business to take care of." Donghae said quickly as he threw it into the nearest trash bin. He rushed through the crowd, pushing himself through rather swiftly, losing some of the precision he would have usually used.
The second he turned around the corner, he heard grunts and bits of the commotion. He ran forward and stopped in his tracks.
Only to be utterly surprised to find Sungmin twisting the man's arm, leaving him yelling for mercy. He hid himself behind one of the trash bins, watching as Sungmin easily subdued the attacker and dropped him harshly onto the ground.
Sungmin walked past him without noticing his presence.
"I've forgotten how strong you can be." Donghae murmured casually. Yet, his smile wavered.
He had hoped this would create a opportunity, but instead he was left disappointed that his chance was ruined.
He sighed as he stepped back into his apartment later that night, slowly walking towards the double glass doors, stepping casually onto the balcony.
He was used to the lack of neighbors around him. The quiet sounds and the occasional stare from the passive traffic below him. He lowered his guard completely as he laid his head against the cool feeling of the cemented wall.
When he heard the sounds of doors opening, he thought nothing of it. It was only when he opened his eyes that he was surprised to see someone occupying the space beside him. He instantly straightened up, staring, completely dumbfounded as the man met his astonished gaze.
Donghae gave a modest smile. His heart beat was increasing rapidly. His shoulders tensed. Somehow, he was more confident on the field; in life and death situations. It was only around Sungmin did he feel this apprehensive. Completely out of his comfort zone; at a lost of what to say or do.
"Did you really quit?"
He raised his eyes. Sungmin placed his hands on the surface of the wall, staring at the few cars that roamed by.
"You heard me?" He had thought that Sungmin had either not bothered to listen or repressed it entirely.
"Of course I did." Sungmin replied quietly. His tone wasn't as cold or callous, but Donghae still studied his body language. A force of habit he tried to ignore.
"But are you returning?" He asked. "Are you going back at all?"
"No." Donghae quickly said.
Sungmin nodded, his eyes focused on the streets below. He gulped slightly, clearing his parched throat. "Is there anything they can offer you that would make you go back? Anything at all?"
Donghae thought this over, knowing that there was one. "Yes."
Sungmin instantly clenched his fists, as if he had expected it, but also disappointed that he was proven right.
Donghae carefully balanced himself over the barrier without his legs leaving the floor, reaching out as he laid his hands over those clenched fists. Sungmin opened his eyes to see him standing awkwardly over the barrier between them.
"If they said you would consider me again." Donghae said. "Then I would gladly go back."
Sungmin narrowed his eyes. "Don't joke about such things." He said irritably, earning a smile his way. Yet the man still seemed worried, bothered by some thought he hadn't yet voiced. And as Sungmin's eyes focused on the hands laid over his, he seemed to find the nerve to do so.
"You could easily step over here; force me to do whatever you want." He said calmly.
"I know."
"Why aren't you then?" He asked, almost cautiously. "Back then when you pursued me, you went through almost everything to try. Using any method you could use. Whether it was underhanded or not." He gave a reminiscent yet awkward smile. "But why aren't you doing all you can now? Why did you stop because I asked you to?"
Donghae was confused. "Did you not want me to stop?"
"I did." Sungmin said honestly. "I wanted you to stop... but I didn't expect for you to give in so easily. Without fighting back. Without trying..."
Donghae chuckled. "Do you honestly think I haven't fought?"
He received a questioning glance. Apparently the man hadn't. He propped himself up on his elbow as he replied.
"I fought with myself everyday not to come running back after all this time. Not to break through those doors to hold you. Not to potentially earn a restraining order in the process. Doing everything I can not to do what I usually do. It's a fight in itself."
Sungmin still looked as if he didn't completely believe him. Donghae tightened his hold on his hands.
"I'll admit. Everything I've done in the past two years alone has shown that I'm losing that fight." He then gestured at the barrier between them. "These adjacent apartments we're sharing should show how I'm failing at trying to completely stay out of your life."
This earned a chuckle out of the man. At the hint of a smile, he felt his gaze soften.
"It's been too long." He whispered. Sungmin tilted his head when he didn't hear him. He simply shook his head.
He knew it would take much longer than this one night for Sungmin to believe him. He had hurt the man enough to know he needed time to heal. He'd stay patient for however long as it took. The man had given him the same courtesy. He felt it was only fair to do the same.
His friend had wondered if it was for a lost cause. But at the very moment when Sungmin willingly kissed him on the cheek, without his prompting, it had made him feel as if his patience and fight were worth it. He'd push his limits to the farthest he could for this person alone.
Long into nights like these, he still refused to part ways when they met on either side of the barrier. He kept Sungmin up as long as he could, restraining himself from moving physically closer, as they both sat on either side of the wall.
Their hands stayed interlocked as they were both lulled to sleep beside the walls. The early morning light strayed across their hands that hadn't once let go.
The same morning light that strayed across the glass doors, reflecting off a framed photo that stayed beside the bed. Revealing the two figures within the photo and a brand new camera beside it. A scene that was finally caught and realized.
A bounded photo, lasting far longer than a moment.
☆ rssj1314's Haemin ☆
- ILC13 [ Yemin] ☆ ILC15 [ Kangteuk] -
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A/N: I technically wrote this on time... but had no internet when I moved again to another place and finally got it a few minutes ago ^^.
Now lately been writing drama!fics, but hoping to get back into the fluff mood, although the next line for Kangteuk is sightly... coughs* Just to clarify (especially to a certain someone :) ) I don't write anything beyond PG-15 ^^ At least....not yet...
Comms: Suju Rare Pairsmy-prection | Donghae/Sungmin haemin-nook ^^