Finding Purpose (14/?)
Title: Finding Purpose (14/?)
Author: Nytel
Rating: R (eventually)
Spoilers: Up to 213 (Epiphanies)
Pairing: Kara/Lee
Genre: Angst/Romance
Summary: When your whole life gets flipped upside down, you need to find a reason to go on.
Word Count: 3,062
Beta:
i_am_girlfriday
Disclaimer: I am merely borrowing them. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: This fic is AU after Epiphanies.
Chapter 14
Kara’s neck and shoulders ached, but she refused to move. She had been anchored to the same chair for the last four days, and left only if either Lee or the Old Man were there, and then only to make a quick trip to the head.
She still couldn’t believe that Zak was alive. For some reason the Gods were giving her a second chance, and she was not going to screw it up.
For what seemed like the millionth time since the mission, Kara reached with one hand and traced her fingers lightly over the curves of Zak’s face. She needed reassurance that he was actually there, especially when she’d spent over two years thinking that he was dead.
Kara hadn’t been there to witness the viper crash, but she’d seen both the wreckage and what she’d thought was Zak’s body before it was buried. It had all seemed so real, enough so that it had haunted her dreams for two years. She didn’t know how the cylons had managed to fake his death, and she didn’t know why, but at the moment she didn’t care. All that mattered to her was that Zak was alive. Her fingers rose once again to caress the side of his face.
She looked at him carefully and thought that maybe there was more color in his cheeks than there had been the day before, but she had been staring at his unconscious form for so long she couldn’t be sure. It could be though-Cottle had said that he could wake up at any moment.
Her stomach began to knot, nervousness hitting her full force. She wanted Zak to wake up. She even needed him to wake up, but she dreaded having to tell Zak that she’d passed him from basic flight when he should have failed. She was scared of how he was going to react. His mediocre flying skills had been the one sore spot between them in their relationship, and it was the last thing she wanted to bring up. Once things had turned serious between them, Zak lost his ability to accept any advice she gave him about flying. Whenever she suggested a way for him to improve he would get angry with her. She had hated it so much that eventually she just stopped her suggestions altogether.
Gritting her teeth, she firmed her resolve. She would tell Zak the truth. Keeping a secret like that was only going to jeopardize her second chance, and that wasn’t something she was willing to risk.
Kara took a deep breath as she threaded her fingers through Zak’s. He loved her, and she just hoped that would be enough to allow him to forgive her.
***
The past four days had been exhausting, both physically and emotionally, though more so the latter. Almost every moment that Lee wasn’t on duty he sat with Kara, waiting for Zak to wake up. And when it was one of those rare times when he tried to catch some rack time, he could never sleep. Instead he would lie awake, tortured by the feelings he had for Kara. It certainly didn’t help that her knee was still injured. It left Lee sleeping in her bunk so that she could have his bottom one.
Even though he’d had four days to come to terms with his revelation about Kara, the whole thing wasn’t any clearer in his head than it had been originally. He loved Kara, that much was glaringly obvious; past that he didn’t know anything…
Lee ran his hand wearily over his face and leaned back in his desk chair. He was well and truly frakked. He’d fallen in love with his dead brother’s girl, and only realized it after his brother was alive.
He’d known that he wanted her, but he was hardly alone in that-half the men and even some of the women on Galactica wanted Kara. It was the deeper feelings that had blindsided him with brutal force.
Lee had no idea how he was going to deal with it, but he did know one thing-Kara could never find out. His newly realized feelings didn’t change the fact that she was his best friend. He’d never had a relationship like that before. Kara was the only person who understood him. She accepted him for who he was, faults and all. And Lee knew that if he ever needed anything she would be there for him. She was the one and only constant in his life; he couldn’t live without that. If preserving their friendship meant denying his other feelings, then he would-it was a price he was willing to pay.
Just after the midday shift change Lee found himself in the mess, grabbing a mug of coffee. He didn’t want any, but he knew that Kara was probably running on nothing again, and she would want some. As he screwed the lid on he sensed someone walk up beside him. When he turned to look he was more than a little surprised to see his father.
“Lee,” his father acknowledged him as he reached for the coffee pot.
“Dad, what are you doing here? I thought that you had a meeting with the President right now.”
Bill nodded. “I do, but an important call came through from one of the Quorum members, and she had to take it.” A half smile crossed his face. “I thought I’d use the opportunity to grab some more coffee.”
Lee nodded and watched as his dad added both sugar and cream before stirring the coffee absentmindedly with a spoon. “How are things going?” Lee inquired.
Bill looked at him closely for a second before pointing to an empty table nearby. “Sit,” he ordered. “I have time.”
Both men sat down, and Bill started to talk. “How much do you know already?”
Lee sighed. “The last I heard three out of the six people we rescued had died, and you’d found one cylon hiding within the fleet.”
“Add one more cylon to that. We found another; he called himself Brother Cavil. He was masquerading as a priest on one of the passenger liners until someone recognized the picture we sent out of his human counterpart and turned him in.”
Lee’s hands tightened on the mug he was holding. He wasn’t a religious man, but it still made him angry to know that the cylons would stoop to impersonate a religious figure. “Him and D’anna, the reporter from the fleet news service, that’s all the cylons we’ve found?”
“We sent out pictures of the six people we rescued. All the captains in the fleet have checked their passenger manifests and circulated the pictures around their ships. There were only the two.”
“So there were none that looked like Zak?” The words felt odd passing from his lips, but he thought that he might one day be able to get used to the fact that his brother had been used as the genetic base for a cylon model.
Bill shook his head slightly. “None. And we’d already encountered cylon copies of the other three people that you brought back.”
Lee nodded. “Shelly Godfrey, Boomer and the doctor Kara described in her mission report from Caprica.” Lee hadn’t expected that they’d find any of those models, especially since they’d already searched the fleet for them earlier.
So they’d found only two cylons within the fleet. It wasn’t a large number, but it was still two less times the cylons could screw them over, and for that Lee was grateful. “Which of the people survived? Other than Zak.”
His dad took a sip of his coffee before answering. “The woman who the reporter was modeled after, and the man who Simon was modeled after. Cottle says that they’re strong enough to pull through.”
Suddenly catching the worried look on his father’s face, Lee focused his attention on him. “Dad, what’s wrong?”
Bill looked at Lee intently. “Don’t you wonder how they did it, and why? We believed Zak was dead for years. We were there at his funeral, Lee.”
“I know,” Lee replied, his throat suddenly tight as he remembered the awful day in is past. “And yeah, I wonder. But we aren’t going to know anything until Zak wakes up. He’s the only one who can tell us.”
Bill nodded. “I just hate thinking of what he must have gone through.”
Lee could only nod.
Bill took another drink of his coffee. “Kara thinks they faked his death.”
“I know,” Lee replied sadly. “I hope she’s right.”
Bill sighed. “So do I son.” He paused for a second. “I can’t stand the thought of any other possibility.”
Lee nodded, not knowing how else to respond. There was another possibility, even if neither of them wanted to say it aloud. They didn’t want to acknowledge that there was a chance that Zak had been cloned and then replaced by a cylon copy, before his supposed death.
***
It wasn’t much longer until his dad excused himself to return to the President, and Lee found himself walking through the corridors of Galactica, heading for sickbay. His mind was crammed full with thoughts of both Kara and Zak, and it didn’t register that someone was calling his name until the third time he heard it.
“Apollo!”
He stopped and turned around in time to see someone in a flight suit running to catch up with him… Racetrack? He thought that she’d been temporarily transferred to Pegasus. It was only for a few days, but she still shouldn’t be aboard.
“Sir,” she said as she caught up and stood directly in front of him.
“Racetrack.” He tried his best to keep the puzzlement out of his voice.
“Was one of the people you rescued from the cylon ship your brother?”
Lee did a double take. “What?” He asked, now genuinely confused.
“I asked you if your brother was one of the people the cylons were holding prisoner.”
Lee could only stand there and stare down at the anxious and hopeful look on Racetrack’s face. It wasn’t purposely being kept a secret, but as far as Lee knew, only Kara, his father and the Tighs knew about Zak’s discovery.
“Was Zak Adama one of the people you rescued?” She asked sharply, nearly out of breath.
“Yes.” He didn’t know what else to say.
Suddenly Racetrack seemed to lose some of her physical presence as she let out a sigh of relief. For a second Lee could have sworn he saw tears in her eyes. The next thing he knew she was taking off down the hall.
***
It was only when Kara felt a warm hand on her shoulder shaking her awake, that she realized she’d dozed off in the first place. Her head instantly snapped up off the bed and she looked at Zak. She let out a breath of anticipation she hadn’t been aware she was holding-he was still unconscious.
Wincing, she sat up in the chair. She looked to her right and saw Lee sitting in a chair beside her. “Sorry,” he said quietly. “But I figured you’d hate me if I let you sleep like that.”
She smiled at him, still drowsy. “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” She wasn’t sure how long she’d been sleeping like that, her head resting on the bed beside Zak’s hand, but her muscles groaned in protest. “Cottle said he should wake up soon.”
Lee nodded, but he didn’t look happy.
“You okay?” She asked, suddenly concerned.
Startled, he looked up at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Not giving her time to respond he passed her a coffee mug. “Here.” He gave her a small smile and pressed it into her hand, the one that wasn’t holding Zak’s.
Unconsciously her fingers slipped free from Zak’s as she remembered all the other times Lee had been there for her in the past few days. He constantly made sure that she was okay, bringing her food, trying to convince her to get some rest, even bringing her a blanket when she refused to sleep in her rack.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “For everything.”
Lee nodded; a look that she couldn’t read covered his face. “No problem.”
She smiled at him tentatively before tucking her legs underneath her on the chair, effectively ignoring the protests of her knee. As they sat in silence, Kara couldn’t help but think about the man sitting beside her.
During their time together on Galactica Lee had come to mean a lot to her. He was Lee, and that said it all. He was her wingman, best friend, one of the few people she trusted; there were times when she thought he was everything that mattered. But now Zak was alive …
She sighed and leaned her head back to rest on the back of the chair. …And what?
Kara snuck a sideways look at Lee. Her heart clenched and her stomach did this weird thing. It was like she was making a mistake.
She closed her eyes. She was not making a mistake. The Gods had given her a second chance with Zak and she was going to take it. She loved Zak. Lee was her friend. It was as simple as that.
It would have been easier to believe had she not needed to reach forward and hold Zak’s hand in order to reassure herself.
***
Jealousy flared up as Lee saw Kara slip her hand into Zak’s. He pushed it aside, both ashamed and disgusted with himself. What kind of person did it make him if he was jealous of his unconscious brother who had been held as a prisoner of the cylons? He almost felt sick to his stomach.
But at the same time, he’d give anything to have Kara look at him like that.
An hour or so later his father walked in. He didn’t say anything, just acknowledged Lee and Kara with a look before taking his place in the chair on the opposite side of Zak’s bed.
Lee turned his gaze to Kara. He watched as her eyes began to fall closed, but only until she forced them back open. When it happened again and again, Lee wished that she’d taken his advice and gotten at least some rack time. Unfortunately his suggestion had fallen on deaf ears-nothing was taking Kara away from Zak’s side. He blinked back bitter tears before they had the chance to completely form.
Unable to watch her anymore, Lee looked across the bed at his father. He looked just as tired as Kara, but he was sitting perched on the edge of his chair, also just like her.
It wasn’t much longer until Lee found himself looking at Kara once more. He tried to fight the pull, but either he was too tired or deep down he didn’t want to. Either way he found himself staring at her, specifically her right hand which was holding Zak’s.
The slight movement of his brother’s hand against Kara’s was so subtle that Lee wasn’t sure if it was real or if he’d imagined it. When it happened a second time he knew.
Lee’s entire body tensed with anticipation, and his heart began to beat quickly, pounding against his ribcage. All of his exhaustion faded away as adrenaline coursed through his body. Zak was waking up.
At first it was only slight twitches of movement, but now Lee could see his brother stirring in the hospital bed.
Lee looked sideways at Kara, and his heart filled with conflicting emotions. Seeing her happy made him happy, but knowing that he wasn’t the reason weighed heavily against his chest. He swallowed forcefully and turned his attention back to Zak. Lee would be happy for Kara, for both of them.
A quiet moan broke through his thoughts, and his attention returned to Zak. He moaned again, and Lee thought he could hear Kara murmuring a prayer under her breath.
Zak’s eyes fluttered open. Lee exhaled deeply, and relief flooded his body.
Before either Lee or his dad could say anything, Kara was leaning over Zak and kissing his forehead. Lee could see a few stray tears that escaped and trailed their way down her cheeks.
“It’s okay Zak, I’m here,” she said softly, her voice clogged with emotion.
When Zak’s eyes darted around the room uneasily, Lee knew something was wrong.
“Lee?” He questioned, before turning his head. “Dad?”
Bill nodded, tears in his eyes as well. “Yes, son. We’re here.”
“What’s going on?”
It was Kara who answered. “It’s okay, Zak. You’re on Galactica. We rescued you from the cylons.” She smoothed his overgrown hair out of his face. “You’re safe.”
Zak’s body tensed and he pulled away from Kara, putting as much distance between them as he could without falling off the bed. “Who are you?” His voice was deep and threatening.
Lee turned to look at Kara and he felt his heart breaking for her. She looked so lost. “It’s… it’s me Zak. Kara.” Lee could see the slight tremor in her shoulders before the shaking spread through her entire body.
Zak continued to look at her warily. “I don’t know you.”
“It’s me,” she said, her voice breaking over the words. Then she turned to Lee, looking at him for support, pain evident in her eyes.
“Wait,” Zak said, not giving Lee a chance to do anything to comfort her. “I do know you.” He paused and Lee just caught the look of relief on Kara’s face. “Aren’t you Lieutenant Thrace?” He turned to look first at Bill and then Lee. “She was my flight instructor.”
Lee suddenly felt sick. No, Kara did not need this. She’d been through too much; she did not deserve this.
“Kara,” he said softly, hoping that he could do anything to soften the blow, but the look on her face told him she already knew. Everything clicked into place, and she knew just as well as he did-the cylons hadn’t faked Zak’s death, they’d replaced him with a cylon copy.
Before Lee could do anything, Kara was out of her chair and running as fast as she could for the exit from sickbay.
Standing up he called after her, “Kara!” It was too late-she was already gone.
TBC
Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12
Chapter 13