Visiting A Triad On A Tropical Island
I had an expectation that I would enter into at least one more relationship. Afterall, moving to a tropical island with three polyamorous people, it seemed likely.
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But now I can see that is likely to not happen. We're all getting along, but Farm Ox definitely isn't for me in that way, and Papaya and Oryx... Well, time will tell.
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I thought I was, at least in part, coming here to be close to the ocean. That's all well and good in theory, but getting to a beach is a bit of an adventure, and it has only happened twice in the three weeks I've been here.
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Prior to coming to this island, my mind was lingering on the ten days I spent in Florida. I was teaching a couple about raw food while living in their beach house. I went swimming in the ocean once or twice a day while I was there. I felt so alive and happy. I was imagining I would manage to get to the beach at least three times a week here, but that is not the case thus far.
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Those are just two examples of how my expectations failed.
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The humidity is wonderful; the weather isn't a let-down in any way.
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I thought I wanted to run a farm. Now I'm seeing the logistics of running the kind of farm that I thought I wanted... Now I know that I'm a gardener, not a farmer. There is a difference.
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A gardener produces enough food for their own immediate family and maybe some friends and neighbors too (assuming they produce food at all, but in this case, since we're talking about me, then, yes, there is food production involved).
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A farmer, on the other hand, makes their living from growing food and selling it, so they have to grow a lot of food, and they have to grow it to standards of the public, not their own personal standards.
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I now realize I have no interest in being a farmer whatsoever. I don't need as much land as I thought I did, and having a lot of land may actually be annoying if it is anything like Farm Ox's and Papaya's land.
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(Farm Ox, Papaya and Oryx, by the way, are a polyamorous triad. Farm Ox is a strong, healthy man in his fifties with beautiful blue eyes and long white hair. Papaya, his wife, is a petite woman with rock-hard abs. She's a frutarian in her fifties. Oryx doesn't live on the tropical island with them full time, but I met her because she is currently staying with them. She's also very fit, and in her forties. While I'm mentioning ages, I'm in my twenties and my husband Paladin is in his thirties.)
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I realize that if I don't live in a beach house, being "close" to the ocean isn't that much of a benefit. The two just aren't comparable. One is life-altering, one is a small benefit that is similar to taking a single yoga or dance class per week.
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So I have a new perspective on the whole "oh, I love the ocean and want to be near it..." thing.
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I also see a lot more pros and cons to living somewhere as tropical as this is...
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The bugs I can get used to. I'm glad I'm facing my fear of creepy crawlies. For the first time in my life I don't mind if there is ant crawling on me or my laptop. The ants seem so harmless when I compare them to foot-long centipedes.
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The fresh fruit is a huge benefit, but it isn't much more of a benefit to being here than it is in Georgia, Florida or California. The fruits are different and exotic, but there isn't really any more affability. (Weeks after this was written we transferred to a different location where we had access to fig trees, breadfruit trees, mountain-apple trees, mango trees, papaya trees, banana trees, kale plants, cucumber plants and tomato plants and we nearly lived off the land. So while the farmer's markets are not any more affordable, the land itself has the potential to produce a ton of food in a small area.)
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A woman who was born here told me one could live in Florida and get most of the same experiences for a lot less money.
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I'm not sure what the key points here are, but I'm being given a lot to think about. I'm also learning more about what polyamory means to me, and how it applies to what I want in life. I don't resonate with monogamy at all anymore, and am finding it more and more laughable in the novels I read. And yet I still have a long way to go to figuring out how to be close to multiple people at once.
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I'm realizing I've never even maintained a close friendship and a close partnership before, at least, not in person. I want to change that. I want community, but I also want most of my time to myself. I'm learning the limits of how long I can be under public view all the time.
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I'm handling it pretty well, but I'm currently sleeping on a living room floor. It means I'm staying awake until the last person goes to bed and waking up with the first people to awaken.
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In a better situation, everyone would have their own private room, even if it is small one, to retreat to when they need quiet/private time. Papaya and Oryx were already struggling with the lack of private space before we arrived. We expected to be on the farm, and Papaya expected that too, but Oryx and Farm Ox were both able to see the reality that the farm isn't at all livable 24-7 at this point in time. (There isn't a fridge there, or a place for me to use my laptop and work, which I have to do in order to earn the money I need. I'm not getting paid for the farm work, not even in food.)
.If I don't have any better ideas before December, I think I'm going to visit Florida again. I really enjoyed my time there and have been invited back.