Dear Hibiscus's Mother
Dear Hibiscus's Mother,
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It was good meeting you and Hibiscus's father in October. I sincerely apologize for my reclusiveness. I often isolate myself because I find it easier to hide than to ask others to alter their lifestyle in ways that may be inconvenient or uncomfortable.
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I have multiple chemical sensitivities, smoke allergies and food addictions. I seek to avoid making others uncomfortable - while simultaneously keeping myself safe - by spending a lot of time in my room with my air filter, humidifier and fifteen house-plants.
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I believe it would be more mature of me to communicate my needs upfront and to ask others to communicate theirs. Through discussion, it is often possible to find a resolution that works for everyone.
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But . . . I tend to shy away from discussion about it - becoming incredibly anxious. I've lost many friends through authentic expression of my oddities. I've grown increasingly timid, preferring to avoid talking about food - and my sensitivities - completely.
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I am glad that Hibiscus was able to spend Christmas with you. I admit to missing him terribly, especially with so many work trips since then. Still, it pleases me that Hibiscus had the freedom to travel, and that he sees so much of the world so frequently. I enjoy his worldly, educated perspective. Right now, Hibiscus is in Sunnyland, and it is snowing here.
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The weather was mild for the Silverstag Values & Visions Retreat. It was wonderful to get to know everyone in the community better. I share many dreams and values with the community at large - dreams that include horses and goats.
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I look forward to gardening here. I enjoy creating rambling, beautiful gardens that produce food and attract butterflies. I have much more space here for permaculture than I did in Snowland.
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I feel incredibly blessed to be welcomed here by such lovely people - Hibiscus especially. Hibiscus has made me happier than I've been in many years. Otter tells me that he has never seen Hibiscus so happy before.
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Hibiscus and I have been encouraging each other to do more of the things that feel truly in alignment with our greatest visions. For him that includes blacksmithing and playing the fiddle and flute. For me that includes painting and tap dancing.
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(Several days later.)
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The sun is shining today. Yesterday it was so beautiful out that Hibiscus added a row of wooden shingles to the roof of the shed he is building. We also moved the siding from where it was dropped off to within the shed.
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We also took advantage of the good weather for a long walk around the property. It is so beautiful here at Silverstag. I noticed many buckets hanging from trees in the woods. I look forward to adding buckets of our own. I adore fresh maple water from the tree!
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I hope this letter finds you well and in good humor. I look forward to seeing you and Hibiscus's father at our Commitment Ceremony on May 1st, 2016. Wish us mild weather for that day!
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Much love and many blessings,
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Nuria
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P.S. Besides gardening, what else do you enjoy? Do you do crafts, games, sewing or other hobbies?
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. . .
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I spent a fair bit of time drafting on scrap paper, practicing my hand-writing even as I worked on the wording. I had Paladin look over my draft to Hibiscus's mother on Friday - the day before my birthday. Hibiscus read my revised draft on Sunday, the day after my birthday.
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Finally, on February 1st, I transcribed my letter onto cream stationary with a beautiful brown swirling pattern at the top of the page. My hand-writing wasn't amazing, but at least it seemed quite readable.
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Hopefully it was enough to repair some of the damage. Hibiscus had told me of his mother's ongoing disapproval. She wasn't comfortable with polyamory, or with the twenty-year age difference between Hibiscus and I. She wasn't comfortable with my sensitivities and my isolating myself, or my raw food diet.
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It is probably a good thing she has not seen my dreadlocks yet, I thought. It had been about month after Hibiscus's parents visited that I dreadlocked my hair.