Midnight land 1
Title: Midnight land (1/5)
Author:
alles_luege
Pairing: Gerard/Ryan, Panic GSF (heavy on the Ryan/Brendon)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Everything starts with ‘there is too much Panic in this town’ and Frank, but it’s not Frank’s fault. Gerard is to blame for this mess he finds himself in, because Gerard’s obsessions are his own. And that Panic kid, that guitar player. That Ross kid.
Warning(s): Vampires, blood play, Panic GSF, angst, violence, sex, emotional waycest (that totally is a valuable warning!) and threesome, also not a 16 candles AU.
Author’s Notes: I blame tygermine for this because she encourages me to write,
schoko_dei because she watched vampire movies with me before I started this and EMPIRES for writing, recording and releasing their album ‘Howl’ where I stole the title and the quotes from. (Go, download now!) Also, this might be not your typical vampire story I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless.
Word Count: 12.232
Beta: tygermine (She made this make sense.)
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real.
~1~
Oh, he’s been watching, watching idly. Why you were shaking in despair.
“There is too much Panic in this town...”
“What?”
“That’s what he said,” says Brendon who can see the pissed off vibes coming from Spencer as he sinks into the couch.
“That, doesn’t need to mean anything,” Jon throws in; he’s lying on the couch next to Spencer, just being Jon. Also a little stoned.
“I can hear the capital P.” Ryan says, crossing his arms. He’s pissed too, because isn’t he supposed to save lives?! He’s definitely playing with his.
“Isn’t he supposed to save goddamned lives?!” Spencer says angrily - they aren’t best friends forever for nothing. Ryan likes to call this Spencer’s ‘annoyed voice’.
“Yeah. But not ours.” That is Jon, he isn’t even looking up from whatever he finds interesting on the floor. He’s high. Ryan wishes he were too. A bit.
“We don’t need saving.” Ryan says firmly.
“Ryan’s right,” Brendon isn’t usually pissed over something like this. (He tends to get more worked up over Bambie.) But really, it’s enough. He can’t just do that and think they will keep quiet.
‘We aren’t that kind of band…’ Spencer says with his eyebrows to Ryan.
‘We are those kind of boys, for god’s sake!’ Ryan answers eyebrows wiggling fiercely.
“Could you two please use WORDS when you’re talking?” Brendon wants to know.
“No.” Ryan glares at him.
“We can’t…” Spencer says and that isn’t for Brendon, he’s still arguing with Ryan.
“We should! A song, a video…something. I have had enough. What does he even want?!” He asks frustrated.
“Attention?” Brendon says and Ryan actually looks at him, for the first time since the whole conversation has started.
“Attention?”
“Yeah, like, you know being mean to a girl you like?”
“That…” Ryan falls into his thoughts.
“…makes sense.” Spencer finishes. Ryan nods.
“Oh my god.” Jon says facepalming himself.
~+~
“It’s common knowledge that we don’t like their music much,” Frank says. He doesn’t see a problem here. Mikey glares, well he looks at Frank with one raised eyebrow, which is Mikey’s version of a glare.
“But that was just mean. It’s one thing to not like their music and another to attack them as artists. Gerard.” The last word is said particularly hard.
“It wasn’t like that…” his brother answers, waving his cigarette.
“No?” And this one word says it all, years of living together. Everything in one word.
“Damn…sometimes I hate that you are my brother,” Gerard says with a smile. “You don’t want me to apologize or something, do you?”
“Mom would…but we are grown ups now.” That’s not a ‘no’.
“I’m sure they didn’t even catch it.” Frank says. Gerard knows exactly what he’s implying here. He isn’t so sure the boys are actually stupid. He is pretty sure they aren’t.
“Maybe…maybe they did.”
Gerard has the feeling Mikey knows something he doesn’t want to say, but he isn’t too keen to know it, so he doesn’t ask. Even if he knows that Mikey wants him to ask.
“I will be good….” he says instead.
“Okay,” Mikey answers with a sigh.
The thing is that he can’t stop thinking about it. He isn’t even sure why he said it. Well, Frank was rambling on about the boys, so that made him think. And Frank really doesn’t like the music at all, so it was easy to get into the mood and say something biting, slightly sarcastic, mocking. Still…
“They are just kids, you know?” Mikey says softly. He’s standing in the doorway of the back lounge, looking at Gerard who is smoking again.
“I know.”
“And they…they aren’t that bad.”
“You just say that because you were hanging out with Pete again.” Gerard teases, Mikey smiles.
“No. I’m not,” he answers. They stay silent for a while, Gerard isn’t sure he wants to know what Mikey wants to tell him, and he knows Mikey isn’t so sure if Gerard should know just now.
“I’m not going to ask,” Gerard says exhaling smoke from his lungs.
“Okay.”
“Not now.”
“Okay,” Mikey says again. “Have you eaten?”
“Not today,” Gerard answers.
“You look pale.”
“I always do. I’m bringing paleness back…”
“Gerard…” Mikey sounds amused.
“You know I do.”
“As long as you’re not writing a song about it.”
“I might.”
“Please don’t,” Mikey replies with a soft smile. Gerard laughs.
~+~
“You’re not still planning revenge, are you?” Spencer asks from the kitchen door.
“I…”
“He totally is,” Brendon says with a grin.
“I…yeah,” Ryan replies defiant.
“Let it be.” Jon is always the voice of reason.
“I can’t,” Ryan says, Brendon steps behind him and wraps his arms around Ryan’s slight form. Ryan sighs and leans in. Just a bit. He can’t not. Brendon has worn him down, every last defence.
“They are just words.” Jon again. Spencer sits down across from Ryan at the table.
“Jon’s right. They are just words and they mean nothing,” he says looking at Ryan. Even with his eyes closed, Ryan knows when Spencer looks at him. He leans closer into Brendon, soaking in his body heat. It’s nice.
“I can’t…” he says again.
“Just because he was something of a hero for you…”
“Spencer!” Ryan says his eyes flying open and glaring fiercely at his childhood friend.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but…”
Ryan interrupts him again. “You’re right, I don’t.” And that’s the end of the discussion for him. Spencer sighs.
“Don’t do something you will regret.”
“He…it’s his fault if I do. I mean, he could just stop with ‘Die. Slow’.”
Brendon sniggers behind him and Ryan wants to half shrug him off, but he holds on.
“Come on…it was funny.” He says softly, his breath ghosts over Ryan’s ear shell.
“It wasn’t.”
“Have you eaten?” Spencer asks.
“No.” Damn Spencer for catching him off guard.
“You need to take better care of yourself, Ryan.” Brendon says firmly, hugging him harder. Brendon smells nice, Ryan thinks and sighs.
“Come on,” Spencer says and grabs Ryan’s hand.
“But Brendon smells good today…” Ryan answers.
“I always smell good.”
“It’s all the chocolate he eats.” Jon laughs.
“Ryan,” Spencer says, mouth in a firm line.
“I don’t mind,” Brendon whispers letting go, so Ryan can get up.
“But I do,” Spencer says.
“Okay.” And that’s it, even if Jon is the voice of reason, you just don’t argue with Spencer.
~+~
“God! What’s wrong with you?” Mikey says; he’s disappointed. Frank is laughing so hard on the couch he has tears in his eyes.
“I…” he gasps for air and tries again, “I don’t know. It’s just funny, I just can’t. Did you see Spencer’s face?!” he shrieks and collapses again.
“And you,” Mikey turns to his brother and looks him in the eye.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You didn’t stop Frank either,” Mikey answers.
“I couldn’t stop him, you know how he is…besides did you see Spencer’s face?” he asks biting back a giggle.
“Have you seen Ryan’s?” Mikey wants to know. He sounds serious. Gerard looks at him, Mikey sighs. “You haven’t, have you?”
“No…”
“Good for you. Would’ve haunted you for the rest of your life.” Mikey leans against the door frame and sighs. Gerard takes out a cigarette, everything is too loud in the suddenly eerie quiet room. Even Frank looks a bit sheepish.
“It was just a joke. For fun, you know?” he says.
“I know, but…Frank. That was just mean. Why do you have such a problem with them?”
Frank shrugs. “I don’t.”
“Right.”
“Mikey…”
“I would make you apologize if I thought it would be a good idea, but I don’t and you…you two! Honestly!” He throws his hands up in frustration.
“Mikey.”
“You said you would be good,” Mikey says.
“He didn’t promise…” Frank throws in. It doesn’t help Gerard’s case at all.
“That doesn’t matter.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You always are,” Mikey sounds tired.
Gerard feels like the worst big brother ever. He let Mikey down more than once and he should know better than that.
“I’ll try to be good, I promise.”
It’s a compromise at best, but Mikey nods.
~+~
Ryan tore everything apart when he got home. Everything he could tear apart - and it was a lot. With the remnants of his hurricane impersonation scattered around the room, he sat down on the floor and just stared at the wall across from him, watching the light play on the raised blue surface. It was time for another colour, he mused.
Spencer shows up two hours later and Ryan is still sitting on the floor. Unmoving like a statue made of marble. It’s kinda creepy.
“Ryan?”
“You know, I can’t remember the last time I was so…”
“Angry?”
“Wrathful.” Ryan finishes.
“Ryan…” Spencer sighs hopelessly.
“You know he deserves everything he gets now. You know that Spencer.” Ryan says quietly.
“It was a joke…”
“I saw your face; you wanted to rip his throat out.” Ryan answers calmly. It’s not a good sign when Ryan is that calm, but on the other side he just tore his apartment apart.
“Yes,” Spencer says, stepping closer. Wanting to offer some comfort.
“Don’t…”
“Ryan?”
“I’m feeling violent.”
“I can see that.”
“I mean it. I really…I could hurt you. Just stay where you are.”
“Do you need something?”
“I want him to suffer…”
“It’s just your rage talking.”
“My pride.” Ryan wasn’t above sulking too.
“Your ego too…”
“Maybe that too,” he answers laughing, but it sounds bitter. “Coffee,” he adds.
“Okay,” Spencer answers with a nod and turns to go into the kitchen.
“Spencer?”
“Yeah…”
“I don’t think I have any mugs left.” Ryan says, he doesn’t sound particularly sorry. Well, he is a rock star and he can do what he wants with his crockery.
“Okay.” Spencer says turning again, he’ll just get something at the nearest Starbucks. No problem at all.
“Spencer?”
“Yeah?” he asks turning to look at Ryan again.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I mean…”
“For wanting to kill him, I know, Ryan.”
“Yeah…” Ryan says with a small smile.
“So…Starbucks?”
“Chai, please.” Ryan answers, watching Spencer leave.
two
Author:
alles_luege
Pairing: Gerard/Ryan, Panic GSF (heavy on the Ryan/Brendon)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Everything starts with ‘there is too much Panic in this town’ and Frank, but it’s not Frank’s fault. Gerard is to blame for this mess he finds himself in, because Gerard’s obsessions are his own. And that Panic kid, that guitar player. That Ross kid.
Warning(s): Vampires, blood play, Panic GSF, angst, violence, sex, emotional waycest (that totally is a valuable warning!) and threesome, also not a 16 candles AU.
Author’s Notes: I blame tygermine for this because she encourages me to write,
schoko_dei because she watched vampire movies with me before I started this and EMPIRES for writing, recording and releasing their album ‘Howl’ where I stole the title and the quotes from. (Go, download now!) Also, this might be not your typical vampire story I hope you will enjoy it nevertheless.
Word Count: 12.232
Beta: tygermine (She made this make sense.)
Disclaimer: Don’t know, don’t own, not real.
~1~
Oh, he’s been watching, watching idly. Why you were shaking in despair.
“There is too much Panic in this town...”
“What?”
“That’s what he said,” says Brendon who can see the pissed off vibes coming from Spencer as he sinks into the couch.
“That, doesn’t need to mean anything,” Jon throws in; he’s lying on the couch next to Spencer, just being Jon. Also a little stoned.
“I can hear the capital P.” Ryan says, crossing his arms. He’s pissed too, because isn’t he supposed to save lives?! He’s definitely playing with his.
“Isn’t he supposed to save goddamned lives?!” Spencer says angrily - they aren’t best friends forever for nothing. Ryan likes to call this Spencer’s ‘annoyed voice’.
“Yeah. But not ours.” That is Jon, he isn’t even looking up from whatever he finds interesting on the floor. He’s high. Ryan wishes he were too. A bit.
“We don’t need saving.” Ryan says firmly.
“Ryan’s right,” Brendon isn’t usually pissed over something like this. (He tends to get more worked up over Bambie.) But really, it’s enough. He can’t just do that and think they will keep quiet.
‘We aren’t that kind of band…’ Spencer says with his eyebrows to Ryan.
‘We are those kind of boys, for god’s sake!’ Ryan answers eyebrows wiggling fiercely.
“Could you two please use WORDS when you’re talking?” Brendon wants to know.
“No.” Ryan glares at him.
“We can’t…” Spencer says and that isn’t for Brendon, he’s still arguing with Ryan.
“We should! A song, a video…something. I have had enough. What does he even want?!” He asks frustrated.
“Attention?” Brendon says and Ryan actually looks at him, for the first time since the whole conversation has started.
“Attention?”
“Yeah, like, you know being mean to a girl you like?”
“That…” Ryan falls into his thoughts.
“…makes sense.” Spencer finishes. Ryan nods.
“Oh my god.” Jon says facepalming himself.
~+~
“It’s common knowledge that we don’t like their music much,” Frank says. He doesn’t see a problem here. Mikey glares, well he looks at Frank with one raised eyebrow, which is Mikey’s version of a glare.
“But that was just mean. It’s one thing to not like their music and another to attack them as artists. Gerard.” The last word is said particularly hard.
“It wasn’t like that…” his brother answers, waving his cigarette.
“No?” And this one word says it all, years of living together. Everything in one word.
“Damn…sometimes I hate that you are my brother,” Gerard says with a smile. “You don’t want me to apologize or something, do you?”
“Mom would…but we are grown ups now.” That’s not a ‘no’.
“I’m sure they didn’t even catch it.” Frank says. Gerard knows exactly what he’s implying here. He isn’t so sure the boys are actually stupid. He is pretty sure they aren’t.
“Maybe…maybe they did.”
Gerard has the feeling Mikey knows something he doesn’t want to say, but he isn’t too keen to know it, so he doesn’t ask. Even if he knows that Mikey wants him to ask.
“I will be good….” he says instead.
“Okay,” Mikey answers with a sigh.
The thing is that he can’t stop thinking about it. He isn’t even sure why he said it. Well, Frank was rambling on about the boys, so that made him think. And Frank really doesn’t like the music at all, so it was easy to get into the mood and say something biting, slightly sarcastic, mocking. Still…
“They are just kids, you know?” Mikey says softly. He’s standing in the doorway of the back lounge, looking at Gerard who is smoking again.
“I know.”
“And they…they aren’t that bad.”
“You just say that because you were hanging out with Pete again.” Gerard teases, Mikey smiles.
“No. I’m not,” he answers. They stay silent for a while, Gerard isn’t sure he wants to know what Mikey wants to tell him, and he knows Mikey isn’t so sure if Gerard should know just now.
“I’m not going to ask,” Gerard says exhaling smoke from his lungs.
“Okay.”
“Not now.”
“Okay,” Mikey says again. “Have you eaten?”
“Not today,” Gerard answers.
“You look pale.”
“I always do. I’m bringing paleness back…”
“Gerard…” Mikey sounds amused.
“You know I do.”
“As long as you’re not writing a song about it.”
“I might.”
“Please don’t,” Mikey replies with a soft smile. Gerard laughs.
~+~
“You’re not still planning revenge, are you?” Spencer asks from the kitchen door.
“I…”
“He totally is,” Brendon says with a grin.
“I…yeah,” Ryan replies defiant.
“Let it be.” Jon is always the voice of reason.
“I can’t,” Ryan says, Brendon steps behind him and wraps his arms around Ryan’s slight form. Ryan sighs and leans in. Just a bit. He can’t not. Brendon has worn him down, every last defence.
“They are just words.” Jon again. Spencer sits down across from Ryan at the table.
“Jon’s right. They are just words and they mean nothing,” he says looking at Ryan. Even with his eyes closed, Ryan knows when Spencer looks at him. He leans closer into Brendon, soaking in his body heat. It’s nice.
“I can’t…” he says again.
“Just because he was something of a hero for you…”
“Spencer!” Ryan says his eyes flying open and glaring fiercely at his childhood friend.
“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but…”
Ryan interrupts him again. “You’re right, I don’t.” And that’s the end of the discussion for him. Spencer sighs.
“Don’t do something you will regret.”
“He…it’s his fault if I do. I mean, he could just stop with ‘Die. Slow’.”
Brendon sniggers behind him and Ryan wants to half shrug him off, but he holds on.
“Come on…it was funny.” He says softly, his breath ghosts over Ryan’s ear shell.
“It wasn’t.”
“Have you eaten?” Spencer asks.
“No.” Damn Spencer for catching him off guard.
“You need to take better care of yourself, Ryan.” Brendon says firmly, hugging him harder. Brendon smells nice, Ryan thinks and sighs.
“Come on,” Spencer says and grabs Ryan’s hand.
“But Brendon smells good today…” Ryan answers.
“I always smell good.”
“It’s all the chocolate he eats.” Jon laughs.
“Ryan,” Spencer says, mouth in a firm line.
“I don’t mind,” Brendon whispers letting go, so Ryan can get up.
“But I do,” Spencer says.
“Okay.” And that’s it, even if Jon is the voice of reason, you just don’t argue with Spencer.
~+~
“God! What’s wrong with you?” Mikey says; he’s disappointed. Frank is laughing so hard on the couch he has tears in his eyes.
“I…” he gasps for air and tries again, “I don’t know. It’s just funny, I just can’t. Did you see Spencer’s face?!” he shrieks and collapses again.
“And you,” Mikey turns to his brother and looks him in the eye.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You didn’t stop Frank either,” Mikey answers.
“I couldn’t stop him, you know how he is…besides did you see Spencer’s face?” he asks biting back a giggle.
“Have you seen Ryan’s?” Mikey wants to know. He sounds serious. Gerard looks at him, Mikey sighs. “You haven’t, have you?”
“No…”
“Good for you. Would’ve haunted you for the rest of your life.” Mikey leans against the door frame and sighs. Gerard takes out a cigarette, everything is too loud in the suddenly eerie quiet room. Even Frank looks a bit sheepish.
“It was just a joke. For fun, you know?” he says.
“I know, but…Frank. That was just mean. Why do you have such a problem with them?”
Frank shrugs. “I don’t.”
“Right.”
“Mikey…”
“I would make you apologize if I thought it would be a good idea, but I don’t and you…you two! Honestly!” He throws his hands up in frustration.
“Mikey.”
“You said you would be good,” Mikey says.
“He didn’t promise…” Frank throws in. It doesn’t help Gerard’s case at all.
“That doesn’t matter.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You always are,” Mikey sounds tired.
Gerard feels like the worst big brother ever. He let Mikey down more than once and he should know better than that.
“I’ll try to be good, I promise.”
It’s a compromise at best, but Mikey nods.
~+~
Ryan tore everything apart when he got home. Everything he could tear apart - and it was a lot. With the remnants of his hurricane impersonation scattered around the room, he sat down on the floor and just stared at the wall across from him, watching the light play on the raised blue surface. It was time for another colour, he mused.
Spencer shows up two hours later and Ryan is still sitting on the floor. Unmoving like a statue made of marble. It’s kinda creepy.
“Ryan?”
“You know, I can’t remember the last time I was so…”
“Angry?”
“Wrathful.” Ryan finishes.
“Ryan…” Spencer sighs hopelessly.
“You know he deserves everything he gets now. You know that Spencer.” Ryan says quietly.
“It was a joke…”
“I saw your face; you wanted to rip his throat out.” Ryan answers calmly. It’s not a good sign when Ryan is that calm, but on the other side he just tore his apartment apart.
“Yes,” Spencer says, stepping closer. Wanting to offer some comfort.
“Don’t…”
“Ryan?”
“I’m feeling violent.”
“I can see that.”
“I mean it. I really…I could hurt you. Just stay where you are.”
“Do you need something?”
“I want him to suffer…”
“It’s just your rage talking.”
“My pride.” Ryan wasn’t above sulking too.
“Your ego too…”
“Maybe that too,” he answers laughing, but it sounds bitter. “Coffee,” he adds.
“Okay,” Spencer answers with a nod and turns to go into the kitchen.
“Spencer?”
“Yeah…”
“I don’t think I have any mugs left.” Ryan says, he doesn’t sound particularly sorry. Well, he is a rock star and he can do what he wants with his crockery.
“Okay.” Spencer says turning again, he’ll just get something at the nearest Starbucks. No problem at all.
“Spencer?”
“Yeah?” he asks turning to look at Ryan again.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I mean…”
“For wanting to kill him, I know, Ryan.”
“Yeah…” Ryan says with a small smile.
“So…Starbucks?”
“Chai, please.” Ryan answers, watching Spencer leave.
two